Top Ten Things Not to Do While Walking a Dog

January 22, 2024 · by John W. Howell · in Ten Things Not to Do · 92 Comments

Photo by Martin Dalsgaard on Unsplash

10. If you are walking your dog, do not stop at a neighbor’s nice grassy place and let your dog do its thing. If you do, at best, your neighbor will nicely ask you not to do that again. At worst, you will wake in the morning to a load of manure on your driveway with a note, “Sorry about my elephant’s mistake. I’ll be back to pick it up later.” (Don’t hold your breath for the pickup, Buster. But do for the stink.)

9. If you are walking your dog, do not think other dogs would be fortunate to meet and play with yours without the other owner’s concurrence. If you do, at best, the other dog’s owner will be nice enough to be patient and not sock you. At worst, the other owner’s dog is a rescue from a dog fighting ring and has been in a twelve-step program designed to stop aggressive fighting behavior and, up to this moment, has been doing beautifully. (Shredded clothes are the least of your worries, Bunky.)

8. If you are walking your dog and find you do not have a litter bag at the moment of truth, do not simply leave it there. If you do, at best, someone will remind you of proper behavior. At worst, you may run into Tiny the WWF Champ, who is in a very bad mood and has just left the couples counseling session with the knowledge that he is considered a pushover and now has your dog’s mess on his shoe. (You may want to consider picking up the pooch and booking for home, Baylor.)

7. If you are walking your dog, do not think it is cute to let it run free with no leash. If you do, at best, you will get unapprovingly stern looks from other dog owners. At worst, you may lose your dog around the corner and come to realize the animal control officer pulling away has it and the lion mix it was fighting in the back of the van. (Hopefull you can cover the fine, Bosco. If not, maybe you can trade adopting the lion mix for the ticket.)

6. If you are walking your dog, do not think you can leave it tied up outside a store for long. If you do, at best, your dog will bark and draw a crowd of unappreciative animal lovers. At worst, you will need to explain to animal control why you left your dog in the sun with no water while you are swinging from a tree upside down where the crowd left you. (Calling for help is futile, Bryce. It will only bring the crowd back.)

5. If you are walking your dog, you need to remember that the pavement gets hot in the summer. If you forget, at best, your dog will get tired enough of having hot paws and will jump into your arms to be carried for the rest of the way. At worst, the dog in your arms weighs over one hundred pounds, and you will struggle to stay on your feet as you slowly return home barefooted, followed by the patrol car with the police officer who threatened to ticket you for animal cruelty unless you gave him your shoes. (How do you like the hotfoot, Brandon?)

4. If you are walking your dog, do not forget to bring water for the dog to drink. If you do forget, at best, your walk will need to be cut short. At worst, your dog will beg passersby to be adopted into foster care. (Will work for a good home is what the sign says, Buford. It is sad that your dog is smarter than you.)

3. If you are walking your dog at night, don’t think everyone can see you if you don’t have a light. If you do, at best, you may find yourself jumping into a ditch to avoid the near misses of those who can’t see you. At worst, you may find yourself riding out of town on the front of a huge truck whose driver has no idea you and your dog are there hanging on for dear life. (The noise of the engine is drowning out your pitiful cries for help, Bruce. Sit back and enjoy the ride.)

2. If you are walking your dog, don’t forget to keep an eye out for coyotes or other animals that might consider your dog a tasty treat. If you do, at best, you may have to make a run for it unexpectedly. At worst, you might be in a position of having to go to a primal position and challenge the leader of the pack to a showdown while keeping your frightened pooch safe in your pants. (your howling is very convincing, Bradly. In fact, I think the leader thinks you are cute.”

1. If you walking your dog, don’t forget all is well, and it is a beautiful day there is no more rewarding time. Keep your dog safe on a leash. If you do, at best, you will enjoy your friend for years, and there is no worse. (Nice smile, Beauregard. You are a lucky person)

Tags: author, books, Circumstances of Childhood, Eternal Road - The final stop, fiction favorites, His Revenge, John W. Howell Author, My GRL, Our Justice, The Contract with Gwen Plano, Top Ten Things Not to Do

92 comments

cazzycoop · January 22, 2024 - 4:26 am ·

Brilliant as always belly laugh central here

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:28 am ·
  
  So glad you liked it. Thanks for letting me know. 😁
  
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cazzycoop · January 22, 2024 - 4:27 am ·

What’s next 10 things not to do while traveling on a bus?

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:28 am ·
  
  A good idea. I’m going to think on it.
  
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karenringalls · January 22, 2024 - 5:57 am ·

Good advice for all 10 items.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:29 am ·
  
  Thank you, Karen. 😁
  
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Dan Antion · January 22, 2024 - 5:58 am ·

All good reminders, John. Maddie did not do well with other dogs. Every now and then we’d run into Sally Social. I’d cross the street to avoid her, and she’d follow.
“Can our dogs get to know each other?”
“No, that’s why I crossed the street.”
“I’m sure it will be okay.”

Meanwhile, Maddie is wrapping me up in her leash…

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:31 am ·
  
  We have folks like that. No clue that our dog does not want to socialize at all. Still they come over. Grrrr
  
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Dale · January 22, 2024 - 5:58 am ·

Very keen advice on this here page, John. New dog owners can learn a few important lessons!
Have a great Monday.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:32 am ·
  
  Thank you so much, Dale. 😁
  
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  1. Dale · January 22, 2024 - 7:37 am ·
    
    You are the perfect person to list these 😉
    
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    1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:38 am ·
      
      😊
      
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GP · January 22, 2024 - 6:04 am ·

All the dogs on the block stop at my grassy swale.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:33 am ·
  
  I hope the owners respect that swale as they should. 😊
  
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  1. GP · January 22, 2024 - 1:31 pm ·
    
    Mostly.
    
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    1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 2:00 pm ·
      
      The Electrified Swale Company can help.
      
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coldhandboyack · January 22, 2024 - 6:14 am ·

There are some good tips woven in here.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:34 am ·
  
  Thank you, Craig. 😊 Been walking dogs for a long time.
  
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Gwen M. Plano · January 22, 2024 - 6:27 am ·

Great list, John. In my part of the world, all dogs are leashed, but one little guy escapes his home regularly – as in every other day. We all love him, but questions abound about the owner. 😊

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:37 am ·
  
  Owners like that just drive me crazy. So many little ones are lost to cars and the elements. They are frightened and confused all because someone didn’t take precautions to keep them safe. Sorry for the rant but I’ve seen too much carelessness on this score. 😁
  
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Charles Yallowitz · January 22, 2024 - 6:31 am ·

So much more complicated than I imagined.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:37 am ·
  
  Yeah it seems that way doesn’t it.
  
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Teri Polen · January 22, 2024 - 7:42 am ·

I’ve always been a cat person, but I’ve learned dog etiquette with walking with a friend and her dog. You’re right about the socializing – some people can’t take a hint.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:44 am ·
  
  They seem to be focused on themselves rather that the dogs.
  
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Leon Stevens · January 22, 2024 - 7:44 am ·

All dogs should be leashed, but if you choose to let them run free they have to come back to you as soon as you call them. Not the second time, not the third, or after you have to yell. And don’t assume I want to have a visit from your “friendly” dog.
(I like dogs, but you don’t know that.)

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 7:47 am ·
  
  I agree on the leashed part except where off leash is allowed. You are right about the come back routine. Thanks, Leon.
  
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Jennie · January 22, 2024 - 7:49 am ·

Twiggy the Puma could keep those coyotes away. Are you sure the rescue dog wasn’t being walked by Tiny? 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:36 pm ·
  
  I think it could have been. This list was done in 2014 long before I met Tiny.
  
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  1. Jennie · January 24, 2024 - 7:00 am ·
    
    Ah ha! 🙂
    
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    1. John W. Howell · January 24, 2024 - 7:02 am ·
      
      I mean before Tiny met me. 😂
      
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    2. Jennie · January 25, 2024 - 6:40 pm ·
      
      I knew that!
      
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    3. John W. Howell · January 25, 2024 - 7:54 pm ·
      
      😁
      
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Tails Around the Ranch · January 22, 2024 - 8:32 am ·

Conversely, if I think it’s too cold to be out pounding the payment, I can guess the dogs do as well. Nothing cranks my handle worse than dog owners busy reading their social media feeds not picking up after their dog. Many folks in my neighborhood leave bags for pet owners and they still can’t pick up after Fido? #badform!

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:37 pm ·
  
  The other thing that cranks my handle is those who do manage to pick up the poop in a bag and then leave it there thinking tey will pick it up on the way back. Seems they never pick up on the wat back.
  
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  1. Tails Around the Ranch · January 22, 2024 - 2:17 pm ·
    
    Ugh. You’re right, that’s insult to injury!
    
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    1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 4:55 pm ·
      
      It is.
      
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shoreacres · January 22, 2024 - 8:38 am ·

All of these tips are both humorous and useful. My memory can be poor, but I don’t think I’ve ever walked a dog. The dogs I’ve known best were country dogs, and they’d never been walked, either. But, if I’m ever called upon to do the walking, I’ll be well-armed with tips!

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:39 pm ·
  
  Yes, you will be armed, Linda. should that ever happen.
  
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lois · January 22, 2024 - 9:08 am ·

What ticks me off is the owners who do clean up after their dog, but then dump it into my trash bin–after the trash has already been picked up and now that mess is gonna lay in the trash can for another week. Dump in your trash can or else I will send Tiny over to your house!
ps: #10 was a riot!

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:45 pm ·
  
  I have been known to pick out the bag and toss it on their porch if I know where they live. Thanks, Lois
  
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  1. lois · January 22, 2024 - 2:23 pm ·
    
    haha! Brilliant, John! 😆 Who’s a good boy?!
    
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    1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 4:56 pm ·
      
      Pant pant wag wag
      
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Debbie · January 22, 2024 - 9:27 am ·

You don’t have to worry about this too much, but those in cold climates ought to realize dogs don’t particularly enjoy having icy feet. Nor is it safe to walk a short-haired dog without a sweater or coat when the temps drop. And don’t get me started on those idiots who think their dog is “the cutest thing ever” and want to let them slobber all over my Monk!

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:46 pm ·
  
  All good points, Debbie.
  
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Kymber Hawke · January 22, 2024 - 9:28 am ·

Your top 10’s are always fantastic! #4 really had me rolling. These are all good things to remember.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:47 pm ·
  
  Or just have a laugh. Thanks, Kymber
  
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Jacqui Murray · January 22, 2024 - 9:40 am ·

Ten check-offs on this one.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:48 pm ·
  
  Thanks, Jacqui.
  
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D.L. Finn, Author · January 22, 2024 - 9:58 am ·

All great advice, John 🙂 xo

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:49 pm ·
  
  Thank you, Denise.
  
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Bruce@WOTC · January 22, 2024 - 10:06 am ·

All our local doggie walkers have a “plan” to address the cautionary items on this checklist…but when a random squirrel darts in front of their path sometimes a “Plan B” is required. 🙂Good list, John.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:50 pm ·
  
  Or even plan C.
  
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  1. Bruce@WOTC · January 22, 2024 - 3:15 pm ·
    
    😂
    
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noelleg44 · January 22, 2024 - 10:35 am ·

Such good advice, John, especially the last one. I have resorted to leaves when I forgot the poop bag.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:51 pm ·
  
  Oh dear. Living on the edge.
  
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  1. noelleg44 · January 22, 2024 - 2:02 pm ·
    
    Back to nature!
    
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    1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 4:55 pm ·
      
      Yup
      
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Liz Gauffreau · January 22, 2024 - 11:33 am ·

Hurray for #1!

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:53 pm ·
  
  YAY. 😁
  
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T. W. Dittmer · January 22, 2024 - 1:13 pm ·

Good ones, John. It seems like a lot of dog walkers need to review #8 & #10, at least according to my neighbors.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 1:58 pm ·
  
  Some people just view themselves as privileged. Thanks, Tim.
  
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Sorryless · January 22, 2024 - 5:07 pm ·

I know a few people with dogs who would do well to read this.

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D. Wallace Peach · January 22, 2024 - 5:14 pm ·

These are actually great tips, John, told with your usual humor. I love #1.

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1. John W. Howell · January 22, 2024 - 5:32 pm ·
  
  Thanks you, Diana.
  
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srbottch · January 22, 2024 - 8:09 pm ·

Perfect messaging, John. I think I’ve witnessed all 10. And buy a regular leash, people, not one that allows your dog to extend out 50 feet, or so it seems😉.

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1. John W. Howell · January 23, 2024 - 7:06 am ·
  
  Those 50 footers are a pain for sure. Thanks, Steve.
  
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petespringerauthor · January 22, 2024 - 9:42 pm ·

This is one of your best Top 10s ever, John. As a fellow lifelong dog lover, I concur with your entire list. Having a pet means being responsible enough to take care of it.

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1. John W. Howell · January 23, 2024 - 7:09 am ·
  
  Responsibility is my belief as well. Also, having been exposed to rescue operations, I have a keen dislike for anyone who doesn’t take the responsibility seriously. Thanks, Pete.
  
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Author Jan Sikes · January 22, 2024 - 9:47 pm ·

A great list from a dedicated loving dog owner!

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1. John W. Howell · January 23, 2024 - 7:09 am ·
  
  Thank you, Jan.
  
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Chel Owens · January 23, 2024 - 12:08 am ·

I even had a dog who hated cold pavement! At best, I should’ve gotten her doggie boots.

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1. John W. Howell · January 23, 2024 - 7:13 am ·
  
  I’ll bet she would have hated those too. 😁
  
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  1. Chel Owens · January 23, 2024 - 9:28 am ·
    
    You’re right!
    
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    1. John W. Howell · January 23, 2024 - 3:00 pm ·
      
      😊
      
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Andrew Joyce · January 25, 2024 - 1:48 am ·

I can tell by your dos and don’ts you’re a real dog lover. Bravo.

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1. John W. Howell · January 25, 2024 - 7:03 am ·
  
  Yeah that’s true for sure. Smiles. (notice I have translated the emoji. 😊)
  
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Stevie Turner · January 25, 2024 - 7:27 am ·

Sounds like very good advice. I see dog walkers looking over their shoulders to check if anyone is about to see them leaving dog poo on the ground. My main grievance is dogs that are not on leads and therefore free to run up to people.

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1. John W. Howell · January 25, 2024 - 10:16 am ·
  
  That is against the law here. We live in a leash community.
  
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  1. Stevie Turner · January 25, 2024 - 10:25 am ·
    
    Wow. You do see poo here on the pavement sometimes. There is a fine if somebody is caught, but you don’t hear of anyone being fined. I guess nobody bothers to report anyone, or people go out at night when there’s not many others about.
    
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    1. John W. Howell · January 25, 2024 - 10:42 am ·
      
      Gotta wonder what is so hard about picking it up and putting it in a bin?
      
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    2. Stevie Turner · January 25, 2024 - 11:33 am ·
      
      They can’t be bothered, I think. I don’t have a dog, but if people do own dogs then this unpleasant task is a necessity.
      
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    3. John W. Howell · January 25, 2024 - 4:47 pm ·
      
      It absolutly is mandatory.
      
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Ps.ItsE · January 28, 2024 - 11:43 am ·

Noted ! Lol

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1. John W. Howell · January 28, 2024 - 2:00 pm ·
  
  😁
  
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Freya V. Locke · February 29, 2024 - 6:25 pm ·

Very much enjoyed this – some really good common sense among the humour. Am going to share a link to this in my newsletter to my dog training clients.

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1. John W. Howell · February 29, 2024 - 7:52 pm ·
  
  Thank you so much for sharing, Freya. Best wishes.
  
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Top Ten Things Not to Do While Walking a Dog – Smallz · March 4, 2024 - 9:28 pm ·

[…] Top Ten Things Not to Do While Walking a Dog […]

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1. John W. Howell · March 5, 2024 - 7:12 am ·
  
  Thank you for sharing my post, Michael.
  
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John Son · March 12, 2024 - 7:53 am ·

Good idea

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1. John W. Howell · March 12, 2024 - 10:32 am ·
  
  Thanks
  
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Sally · April 9, 2024 - 10:43 pm ·

I like the reverse psychology on the post title. Got me reading your article and an interesting one at the that. Thanks for sharing!!

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1. John W. Howell · April 10, 2024 - 6:54 am ·
  
  Thank you, Sally. I do run a top ten not to do list each week.Glad this one caught your eye. 😊
  
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