Top Ten Things Not to Do on Your Significant Other’s Birthday

September 30, 2024 · by John W. Howell · in Ten Things Not to Do · 79 Comments

Photo by Lidya Nada on Unsplash

This post ran on April 1, 2019. Since there are still birthdays to consider, I hope it is useful now.

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If your significant other is having a birthday, there are things that you should not do. Yesterday was my significant other’s birthday, except for one thing: I managed to avoid the other stuff on the list.

10 If your significant other is having a birthday, do not take a lot of time writing a Ten Things Not to Do list. If you do, at best, there is still time for other activities. At worst, you will run out of time to celebrate the birthday. (Now you are in deep yogurt, Ghoukas. What happened to the cake, presents, and good wishes? You better pray for understanding.)

9 If your significant other is having a birthday, do not go to the gym with Tiny, the WWF wrestling champ. If you do, at best, you’ll only have sore muscles from sparring with him. At worst, Tiny will show you his latest helicopter spin and drop maneuver. (Hard to celebrate from the ER, huh, Giancarlo? Don’t worry; someone will call and let your significant other know you won’t attend the party.)

8 If your significant other is having a birthday, do not think a packet of beef jerky from the convenience store is the perfect gift. If you do, at best, your significant other will take it as a joke. At worst, you’ll be dining alone tonight. (That beef jerky helps cover the taste of the crow, Gili. Better luck next year.)

7 If your significant other is having a birthday, don’t forget to cancel your participation in the weekly bowling event. If you do forget, at best, you’ll stay home. At worst, you’ll go to the event and suffer dire consequences. (Did no one ever tell you about life choices, Gilvaethwy? You now must live with the results of your neglect. Please remember it was Fido’s house before you moved in.)

6 If your significant other is having a birthday, do not think going to your favorite place is the best experience for a birthday. If you do, at best, none of the usual crowd are there. At worst, your bowling team members and the local motorcycle club are having a beer-chugging contest. (You could have made a reservation at a beautiful place, Giovany. But no, your significant other is being cheered on as she downs a quart bong. Tomorrow is not going to be a good day for you.)

5 If your significant other is having a birthday, do not expect a home-cooked meal instead of dinner out. If you do, at best, you’ll get cold cuts. At worst, your significant other will cook something and leave it with a note telling you a restaurant visit was expected. (It looks like your significant other and a bunch of friends are having more fun than you, Girvin.)

4 If your significant other is having a birthday, do not offer to bake a cake unless you know what you are doing. If you do, at best, you can still have time to call the bakery. At worst, the suggestion will be made to use your masterpiece as a doorstop. (Never knew frosting would get that hard, did you, Glaucus? Maybe NASA would like to know about your formula.)

3 If your significant other is having a birthday, do not buy a card with a message that is obviously not a natural expression of your feelings. If you do, at best, your significant other will get a chuckle. At worst, the inscription, “Roses are red, Violets are blue, I want to run away, How about you?” will be taken the wrong way. (You were talking about a trip together, Gobrwy. What the heck are you doing in court?)

2 If your significant other is having a birthday, do not give a gift you know is unsuitable. If you do, at best, you might be able to keep it. At worst, you might be wearing it. (They say to give a gift you would like to receive, Godric. I’m not sure your significant other had a cordless weed trimmer in mind as the perfect gift.)

1 If your significant other is having a birthday, do not invite guests who your significant other does not know to the celebration. If you do, at best, some new friendships will be made. At worst, you will get no kudos for the uncomfortable feeling your significant other will have in a room filled with strangers. (It seemed like a good idea at the time, Gofraidh. You better get over there. It looks like your significant other and your boss are having some kind of argument.)

Tags: author, books, Circumstances of Childhood, Detour - On the eternal Road, Eternal Road - The final stop, fiction favorites, His Revenge, John W. Howell Author, My GRL, Our Justice, The Contract with Gwen Plano, The Last Drive

79 comments

Jaye Marie and Anita Dawes · September 30, 2024 - 4:24 am ·

Thanks for the advice, John…

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 7:02 am ·
  
  A pleasure for sure.
  
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coldhandboyack · September 30, 2024 - 6:08 am ·

All well thought out.

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 7:02 am ·
  
  Ha ha ha.
  
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GP · September 30, 2024 - 6:09 am ·

uh… maybe I should have re-read this list last August.. oops

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 7:03 am ·
  
  There is always next year. 😁
  
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Cindy Georgakas · September 30, 2024 - 6:36 am ·

Timely John, as my husband turns 70 next month. He’s planning his own birthday to Florida to see my son. I guess I should be grateful and stop complaining that we have too many trips right now.. lol.. Thanks!🙏🏼

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 7:04 am ·
  
  When you have a puppy that is ill, trips become more problematic. Hope it all works.
  
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  1. Cindy Georgakas · September 30, 2024 - 7:09 am ·
    
    Thanks for getting it, John. It’s so true.. Just survived a trip, John. TG he did great.. .now if I can just get him to stop eating things and let him play❣️Much as I hate it, I may try the zapper.
    
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    1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 7:18 am ·
      
      You could also keep him 100% on a leash until he gets older.
      
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Dave Williams · September 30, 2024 - 6:50 am ·

Great advice in this list 🙂 I laughed at the card’s message in item 3. Ouch!

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 7:15 am ·
  
  That would not be well received I’m thinking. 😁
  
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Charles Yallowitz · September 30, 2024 - 6:56 am ·

List makes me glad I don’t have to deal with this pressure anymore.

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 7:17 am ·
  
  One upside of ex significant other. 😁
  
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T. W. Dittmer · September 30, 2024 - 7:47 am ·

Good advice to pay attention to, John. I’ll do my best to keep in line.

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 9:01 am ·
  
  Yes, the life you save may be your own.😁
  
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  1. T. W. Dittmer · September 30, 2024 - 11:43 am ·
    
    😊
    
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Dale · September 30, 2024 - 7:53 am ·

I particularly love that you have re-shared this one today, of all days… It’s Marc’s birthday!! 😉

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 9:02 am ·
  
  Oh man. What a touch of kismet. Thanks for telling me.
  
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  1. Dale · September 30, 2024 - 9:09 am ·
    
    Perfection!! Of course. I would have found a way to tell you 😉
    
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    1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 1:56 pm ·
      
      Whenever he signs on I have to wish him a Happy Birthday.
      
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    2. Dale · September 30, 2024 - 2:05 pm ·
      
      If he does today! 😉
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    3. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 2:29 pm ·
      
      Yeah. I don’t trust that so I just sent him an e-mail.
      
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    4. Dale · September 30, 2024 - 2:30 pm ·
      
      Hahaha!! That was my not so hidden suggestion! 😉
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    5. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 2:31 pm ·
      
      See, I got it. Duh.
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    6. Dale · September 30, 2024 - 2:32 pm ·
      
      That’s coz your the Boss and a smart cookie!
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    7. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 2:44 pm ·
      
      You are the sweetest.
      
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    8. Dale · September 30, 2024 - 2:58 pm ·
      
      Takes one to know one
      
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    9. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 5:36 pm ·
      
      Sweet talker. 😁
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    10. Dale · September 30, 2024 - 6:41 pm ·
      
      My turn!!
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
    11. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 7:57 pm ·
      
      😊
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
Author Jan Sikes · September 30, 2024 - 8:28 am ·

Ha! Ha! I cracked up at #8. Beef Jerky…. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 9:03 am ·
  
  Better than a gas station sushi.
  
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  1. Author Jan Sikes · September 30, 2024 - 9:31 am ·
    
    Good point!
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 1:58 pm ·
      
      😁
      
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Gwen M. Plano · September 30, 2024 - 9:00 am ·

Thankfully, I haven’t made those mistakes, but I appreciated the morning laughter. 😄

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 9:04 am ·
  
  I can’t imagine that you would. Thanks, Gwen.
  
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Dan Antion · September 30, 2024 - 9:09 am ·

I’m pretty careful when it comes to celebrating these events, John but it’s always good to have a list. Are you sure about that beef jerky? I mean, they have some fancy flavors now.

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 1:57 pm ·
  
  Maybe I should have said Gas Station sushi
  
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  1. Dan Antion · September 30, 2024 - 5:39 pm ·
    
    🤣
    
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    1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 5:46 pm ·
      
      😂
      
      LikeLike
noelleg44 · September 30, 2024 - 9:54 am ·

Good advice, John. This year was easy since we both has Covid – no guests, no going out. I ordered dinner in (steak) and got cards from Amazon!

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 2:00 pm ·
  
  Well, that sounds easy.😊
  
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  1. noelleg44 · September 30, 2024 - 4:35 pm ·
    
    It was so easy, we might have to do it again without the Covid!
    
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    1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 5:43 pm ·
      
      That would be a plus.
      
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Debbie · September 30, 2024 - 9:56 am ·

Nicely done, John, and it’s most helpful advice. You always think you’ll get it right one year, but it’s puzzling how often we get it wrong!

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 2:01 pm ·
  
  That is for certain. Thanks, Debbie.
  
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Marcia Meara · September 30, 2024 - 10:34 am ·

Another great one, John! You always come through providing some wonderful grins and giggles!😁😂😁

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 2:01 pm ·
  
  Aw, thank you, Marcia. Such lovely words. 😊
  
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Liz Gauffreau · September 30, 2024 - 11:09 am ·

I’m seeing a lot of lonely nights on the couch for the hapless fellow who doesn’t heed your advice.

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 2:03 pm ·
  
  Yes indeed. Maybe that couch would have made a good birthday gift
  
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  1. Liz Gauffreau · September 30, 2024 - 3:48 pm ·
    
    Ha ha, good one!
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 5:41 pm ·
      
      😊
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
mihrankalaydjianblog · September 30, 2024 - 12:53 pm ·

great ideas, thoughts very creative for consideration!

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 2:06 pm ·
  
  Thank you, Mihran. 😊
  
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Pit · September 30, 2024 - 1:29 pm ·

As to #4: if I baked a cake, that would be Mary’s last birthday celebration! 😉

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 2:08 pm ·
  
  Ha ha ha. Good one, Pit.
  
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Resa · September 30, 2024 - 1:58 pm ·

Happy Birthday?

🎂𝔛 😖𝐗 😬Ẍ 😱𝟀

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 2:27 pm ·
  
  Who’s birthday is it?
  
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  1. Resa · September 30, 2024 - 3:33 pm ·
    
    Who’s on first?
    
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    1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 5:39 pm ·
      
      That’s right. And what’s on second.
      
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thomasstigwikman · September 30, 2024 - 4:01 pm ·

Those are good things to think about. #1 is especially important for me. My wife does not like big parties, especially with people she does not know. Neither do I by the way, so it is easy to remember.

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 5:41 pm ·
  
  Would not be a good surprise for either of you.
  
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Smorgasbord - Variety is the Spice of Life. · September 30, 2024 - 4:20 pm ·

Lol.. thanks for the heads up John… worth remembering hugsx

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 5:43 pm ·
  
  😁
  
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Sorryless · September 30, 2024 - 4:40 pm ·

I think anyone who would go to the gym with Tiny was probably born yesterday.

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1. John W. Howell · September 30, 2024 - 5:44 pm ·
  
  So true. Just think of having to spot for him.
  
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  1. Sorryless · October 4, 2024 - 4:54 am ·
    
    That’s a hard nope.
    
    LikeLiked by 1 person
    1. John W. Howell · October 4, 2024 - 8:57 am ·
      
      I agree.
      
      LikeLiked by 1 person
petespringerauthor · September 30, 2024 - 9:30 pm ·

Lots of good warnings, John. There are certain days we might get away with making mistakes. The significant other’s birthday is not one of them.

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1. John W. Howell · October 1, 2024 - 6:49 am ·
  
  Yes. Many brave hearts are asleep in the deep so beware. Thanks, Pete.
  
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Tails Around the Ranch · October 1, 2024 - 6:27 pm ·

Oh boy, bottom line…DO NOT FORGET YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER’S BIRTHDAY. It never ends well. 🙂

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1. John W. Howell · October 1, 2024 - 8:03 pm ·
  
  No it does not end well.
  
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Andrew Joyce · October 3, 2024 - 4:23 am ·

#1 was pure genius.

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1. John W. Howell · October 3, 2024 - 9:57 am ·
  
  Thank you Sir.
  
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Jennie · October 3, 2024 - 8:19 pm ·

Good advice, John. Going to the gym with Tiny is a guarantee in the dog house. Was your faux pas #4? Hubby did try to bake a cake one year and didn’t know the cake had to cool before adding the frosting. 😅

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1. John W. Howell · October 4, 2024 - 8:27 am ·
  
  I used to bake the cakes but had so many disasters that I finally gave up.
  
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  1. Jennie · October 4, 2024 - 7:31 pm ·
    
    You and Hubby! 🙂
    
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    1. John W. Howell · October 4, 2024 - 7:59 pm ·
      
      😁
      
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