I opened Circumstances of Childhood randomly to page 189 and pointed at the page without looking. The word closest to my finger was “courtroom.”
Courtroom by John W. Howell © 2024
“You may call your witness counselor.”
“Thank you, Your Honor. The state calls Ms. Charlene Roste.”
“Ms. Roste, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?”
“I do.”
“Very well, Ms. Roste. Would you state your name for the record?”
“Certainly. My name is Charlene Maywood Roste. My friends call me Chuck.”
“Thank you. Now tell the jury exactly what you saw on the night of June sixteenth.”
“Well, there I was, minding my own business when a guy approached me.”
“Is that guy in the courtroom?”
“Yes, right over there.”
“Let the record show the witness has identified the defendant, Farmer Brown. What happened next?”
“He had a pail and three-legged stool, which he immediately used to assault me.”
“By assault, you mean he hit you?”
“No. He grabbed my parts and started taking my milk.”
“Before we go further, the defense insists that you were under contract, which allowed Farmer Brown to take your milk. Do you agree with that?”
“I never saw a contract, nor have I signed one.”
“So here is the paper the defense says you signed. Does this look familiar?”
“I’ve never seen it before.”
“Is that signature yours?”
“Heck no. I always sign with my right hoof. That clearly is a left-hoof forgery.”
“Objection, your honor.”
“Yes, Mr. Travis?”
“The witness is not a certified hoof analyst, so her statement is conjecture.”
“So noted. The jury will disregard Ms. Roste’s last statement.”
“But you say you did not sign the contract.”
“I did not, and that man humiliated me.”
“Thank you, Ms. Roste.”
“Mr Travis, your witness.”
“Thank you, your honor. Ms. Roste, how long have you been on Farmer Brown’s farm?”
“About four years.”
“How many times has he taken your milk?”
“Twice a day.”
“So for four years, that would be over twelve hundred times.”
“I guess. I don’t do well at math.”
“Why did you object this time?”
“To be honest, I was looking for a ‘thank you.'”
“A thank you?”
“Yes. That man has taken my milk over twelve hundred times and never said thank you.”
“I see. What if he says ‘thank you’ now?”
“That’s all I want.”
“Your honor, for a directed acquittal, I will guarantee that my client will say ‘thank you.'”
“What say you, Mr. Prosecutor.”
“Yeah, fine.”
“Ms Roste?”
“I will be good with that.”
“So directed. Yes, Mr. Brown?”
“Thank you, Ms Roste.”
” You are welcome, Mr. Brown. Also, some warm water would be nice in the winter.”
Fiction Favorites 
This case got solved great! Best wishes, Michael
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Thank you, Michael. It sure did. 😁
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:-)) xx Michael
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😁
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A little respect and courtesy and all is well. Good job, John.
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Thanks, Dan.
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A nice conclusion.
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Thanks, Charles.
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Well done, John. A little thank you can work wonders…
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It certainly can, Jaye. Thanks.
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R-E-S-P-E-C-T!!!
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There you go.
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😀
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John, you got me with her nickname , Chuck. I almost spilled my milk. And, wouldn’t it be great if all trials were this simpler😂
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I had hoped the Chuck Roste would get a laugh. Thanks, Steve.
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Left hoof forgery 😆 hahaha nice!
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Thanks, Laura.
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😂🤣 👍 👍
The Fab Four of Cley
🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
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Thank you, F4oC. 😁
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I think I served on that jury once.
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Ha ha ha. Would have been a fun one. Thanks, Craig.
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A great chuckle for a Tuesday. Hoof forgery? A new one on me!
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Thank you, Noelle. I think it is a thing. 😁
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Well done!! I suspect all workers would perform better and more agreeably if they were shown respect, huh?
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I think so. Going to Notre Dame for grad school taught me the value of human dignity. I was lucky to see it put into practice in real life.
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Indeed. Domer learned that in undergrad; I suspect grad school would reinforce the philosophy.
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Yes it does.
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Loved this. It’s amazing how healing a simple ‘thank you’ is.
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I agree. Too often we forget how easy. Thanks, Jacqui.
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‘I’m sorry’ is the same. Either one.
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Yup. Goes both ways.
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LOL – this has to be one of your best, John. Of course, I grew up on a farm and milked a few cows. I don’t think I said thank you, but I’d give the cow a few pats and tell her she was a good girl. 😂
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Well, maybe if you milk another you will say thank you. 😁
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Glad she got her thank you!
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I love a courtroom drama – but I’ve never read one like that! Great fun, John.
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I’m so glad you like it, Esther. I think you can tell I enjoyed writing it.
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You really can.
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😊
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This is so cute and laughable. I loved it Johh. Sweet cow💗
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She is a sweet cow and Farmer Brown better be more respectful.
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I should say so!!!!💓
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😂
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You sure do come up with a doozie when you want to!
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Don’t I though? I just go with the flow and that’s what comes out.
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Hahahaha, have you ever thought of checking for a brain tumor, like a funny bone?
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Had a scan and they found nothing. Of course, I thought they might have found a brain.
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👍🤣
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😁
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Ha ha ha! Other side of the coin…
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Thanks, Pam.
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And no one in the court said, “Holy cow!” during any of the testimony?
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Not once. If they had they would have been held in contempt. Thanks, Lois.
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Could you picture the judge trying to control both lawyers and saying, “Don’t have a cow, man!” 🤣 Let me know when you want to colab on more snappy dialogue, John. 😂
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🤣 It was fun for sure. Don’t have a cow… Ha ha ha
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Ha ha, John. 😃 He could have been thanking her all the time, but probably didn’t think she understood English.
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Well, he could have taken the time to learn “thank you,” in cow.
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😊
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😊
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Oh my goddess! I am laughing so hard. Brilliant, John!!
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Glad you enjoyed it Jan. Thanks for letting me know.
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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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I love that response.
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Some problems only require simple solutions.
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n this case, very simple.
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Oh gosh, if only the justice system ran that smoothly. Cute story. Glad they ‘mooed’ for a directed verdict. 😁
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Ha ha ha, Thanks, Monika.
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LOL that was a very creative and amusing story.
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Thank you, Thomas.I’m glad you liked it.
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Warm water and a simple thank you will surely make the milk sweeter. 🤍 Fine storytelling, John.
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Thank you, Michele. So glad you liked it. 😊
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You’re welcome and thank you! 🐮😊
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😊
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😆😆😆 A good lesson on politeness, with a big helping of funny.
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Thank you, Dave. 😁
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Haha!!
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“I guess. I don’t do well at math.”
LOL. That got a snort out of me, John. A risque story there until the “hoof.” A little appreciation goes a long way. I’m glad it all worked out well.
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Yes everyone is happy.
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If only we could be so easily persuaded. Thank you for the laugh today, John.
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Always good to hear you got a laugh, Audrey.
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Oh, this is so clever, John! Thanks for the laugh! 😂
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Always happy to hear that you got a laugh, Lauren. 😊
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Hahahaha!
Not for nothing Boss, but I think she really milked the process.
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Ha ha ha. Good one, Pilgrim.
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😉
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😊
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