Photo by Pauline Loroy on Unsplash
This post was published on January 4, 2016. Since we all go to bookstores, it may be helpful.
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This list is inspired by observing some pretty unusual things on bookstore visits. I hope you enjoy it.
Top Ten Things Not to Do In a Bookstore
10 In a bookstore, do not set up a Coleman lantern next to the most comfortable chair. If you do, at best, you will tip off the store personnel that you intend to overnight. At worst, once set up there is no way you can leave the chair without someone else jumping into your spot. (That double shot low foam latte is now calling on you for relief)
9 In a bookstore, do not decide to skim through a couple of rare books while eating a brownie. If you do, at best, you’ll be able to avoid the discovery of the brown frosting spot on page 121. At worst, you are now looking at buying a book whose price tag makes your monthly food expense look cheap. (Hard to eat a book, right?)
8 In a bookstore, do not wear your jammies or bunny feet onesie, and carry your Dachshund. If you do, at best, you’ll be forced to stay in the juvenile section to quell the laughter. At worst, the store manager will place a call to the local mental health provider requesting an intervention. (Before that, the store seemed just like home, didn’t it?)
7 In a bookstore, do not decide to review a book using your out loud voice. If you do, at best, the rest of the patrons will ask the manager to throw you out. At worst, your review may not sit well with one individual who happens to be the brother of the best-selling author of the title, “Fear No One: Bare Handed Self Defense.” (He really does have big hands, doesn’t he?)
6 In a bookstore, do not spend hours looking at the magazines. If you do, at best, you may be taken for a homeless person in need of an offer of a free cup of coffee. At worst, you may be mistaken for a secret agent who has been waiting for the contact person now being interrogated by Homeland Security. (What do you mean by a phone call?)
5 In a bookstore, do not think you can do all your reading for free. If you do, at best, you will be eventually recognized and asked to leave. At worst, the security camera has recorded all the times you made a margin note or bent a page, and your bill is now overdue. (You should have worn a mask. Right Sparky?)
4 In a bookstore, do not try to sneak into the erotic section. If you do, at best, store personnel will think you’re going to steal something. At worst, the security department will hold its breath, hoping you will make a fool of yourself on camera. (You know Erotica is a genre, right? No need to sneak.)
3 In a bookstore, do not ask the manager to stock your book as if you’re a reader and not the author. If you do, at best, the manager will ignore your request. At worst, the manager will ask for your name and telephone number so he can call you when the book comes in. (Wow, that was embarrassing)
2 In a bookstore, do not ask the clerk if the price of the discounted book is the best they can do. If you do, at best, the person will confirm the price as firm. At worst, the clerk will call the manager, who will make a note of your request and politely inform you that the price is firm while memorizing your face for the next encounter. (After all, this place is not a flea market)
1 In a bookstore, do not come back for a while if you are greeted by name as if you are walking into Cheers bar. If you do, at best, you are recognized as a good customer, and it’s okay. At worst, the store personnel have your number; you might want to take the hint. (After three days, fish and guests start to smell alike)
Fiction Favorites 
Haha, John, hilarious.
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Thank you, Robbie. Glad you liked it. 😁
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Awww man, so I can’t go to the book store and read aloud while wearing my pajamas for 3 days straight while also reading all the magazines?! lol not even if I pay for a cup of coffee? Dang! 😂 Happy Manic Monday! ☕️
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You can do all that. I’ll come visit you at the sanitarium.😁
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The most dangerous thing for me is going in carrying an active credit card.
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Amen to that, Dan. 😁
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I never would have thought of the lantern. Might improve the lighting.
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Could set up a camp table and really kick back.
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I think #8 has become more acceptable these days. See it all the time.
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I guess stores will do almost anything to accommodate customers.
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It’s money coming in these days.
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Yes.
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I’ve seen all done except the lantern and brownie. I could hang out in a bookstore all day, but I know how it looks, so I grab the best 5 books I like and checkout of there!!
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Older guy in a bookstore? Would look fine to me.
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Oh sure it would! haha
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😁
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Why do I have the feeling that #8 actually happened?
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I’ve seen it. A little too specific to be an invention. Good eye, Liz.
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Thanks, John! I think the Dachshund was the topoff.
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Most likely.
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*tipoff
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I knew
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Great advice. And I’ll have to remember to eat a brownie while reading the non-rare books 🙃
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Whatever book you are reading with a brownie consider it one you will need to buy. Thanks, Dave
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Give me brownies and books and I might just stay all day.
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Would be a good way to spend a day for sure.
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I’m not sure about the Coleman lantern, but I’m fairly certain everything else you’ve listed has taken place in our local half-price book emporium. Even if they don’t carry truly rare books, there can be some real finds there.
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Sounds like a super store. Thanks, Linda.
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#11–do not cough as you rip a recipe out of a book/magazine because **it’s just one recipe and they won’t miss it** 😮
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Ha ha ha. At worst, you’ll cover the sound of ripping with an even worse sound then a cough.
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” In a bookstore, do not wear your jammies or bunny feet onesie, and carry your Dachshund.” Gosh, that is considered rather normal nowadays. 🙂
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I suppose. So if folks can get away with it why not?
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As usual, your observations are right on target! I’ve certainly seen folks “camped out” for too long in one section or another, with what I imagine are no intentions of making a purchase. The jammies and brownie though? Nope, I’ve missed those!
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Gotta go to more stores or stay longer. They are there.
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Good advice, John. Lighting a Coleman could bring the police.
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Ha ha ha. That is true, Tim
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Hopefully, not the fire department with the paramedics that put you in the hospital. 😒
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Yes,hopefully.
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You are a spoilsport, John 😆 I now have images of us all rebelling and walking into bookstores wearing our pyjamas and eating brownies!
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Carrying Coleman lanterns. 😁
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No chocolate and pjs?!? Darn, John.
I once did have a prospective customer leave chocolate fingerprints while browsing my books at a bookstore signing. He was oblivious, and I ended up gifting him the ruined book. 😀
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I think maybe the appearance of obliviousness was a ruse.
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LOL. He did get a free book out of it. 🙂
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Not so dumb that oblivious fool. Poor manners maybe, but not dumb.
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Lol, John. You been spying on me? 🙂 I love all of these, but especially the pajamas, slippers and dachshund. Oh wait, I don’t own a dog.
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A virtual dog is the same thing.
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Lol! Anything can be virtual these days, huh? 🙂
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Yes indeed.
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LOL! This had me laughing out loud!
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Thank you, Rhonda. That is a good thing.
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Love this and I so miss the bookstore!!! ❤️ I gotta go in my jammies.. lol
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Wouldn’t that be the best though.
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Totally!! 👍🏽
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😊
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Imaginative twist of the plausible and you have got to be kidding me. If you even think about chocolate while reading a brand new book, it will somehow materialize on your fingers, leave a brown smudge on a previously immaculate page.
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So true. Mustard has the same properties.
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And ketchup.
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Thank you, Pat. Yes ketchup.
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All good advice for visiting a book store, John:)
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Thanks, Denise.
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Good ones, John, and I am guilty of a few (not the erotic section one!). We had a wonderful old bookstore here when we first moved to Chapel Hill (long since gone) that had comfortable with lovely squeaky wooden floors.
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Yes. We had a few of those too.
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Funny list, John! Number 5 evoked a memory of visiting the Borders bookstore (RIP) and finding a college friend in the cafe area, surrounded by stacks of books. She was doing research for a paper and, no, she told me, she wasn’t going to buy all the books. Just reference them and put them back. I thought people only did that at libraries where you expect to books that have been handled multiple times by multiple people 😉
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The library is the proper place for that activity for sure.
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I had not thought of doing number 10 until you mentioned it, now I want to – camp out at a bookstore. 🕯️
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Yes I can see the Solo fire pit and the smores right now.
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😄 Might be a fire code violation, but it would be fun and not a single book would be burned! 🍫👍🏻
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Those Solo pits are great as long as the O2 holds out.
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Would be the pits if the O2 ran out.
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That is for sure.😳
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When I go into a bookstore everyone thinks I’m staff and ask where to find certain books. The funny thing is I always know where to direct them!
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You should get combat pay for that service.
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😀
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Hee, hee…those were great, John. When I still worked, I used to spend my lunch hours at either the Barnes & Noble or one of the best independent bookstores in the country (The Tattered Cover). One was at one end of the mall, the other was at the other end. I got exercise getting to them and a real joy to peruse the stacks. Fun times…then I had to go back to work (ugh). LOL
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That back to work part is the biggest downer. Work is the curse of the reading class.
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Especially when you work for the devil. 😉 Those two bookstores were a sanctuary and and escape for me for at least one hour every time I visited them. My favorite place was to get lost in the travel section and dream of places to visit.
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Working for the devil is what tipped me into retirement. Got a new boss who was a 40 something know it all. I lasted two years under the whip then adios.
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This is one of your best Top Ten lists, John. It’s getting harder and harder to find book stores. That makes me a little sad.
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I’m with you Pete. Of course, they did it to themselves.
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Suddenly I want to visit a bookstore.
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Good for you, Jo.
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Any picture with a ton of books makes me want to stay.
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Me too. Gotta have coffee though.
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Your post brought smiles and nostalgia, John. I miss roaming through bookstores. I’ve not seen one since moving to Northern AZ. Sad but true.
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Yeah I’ll bet you miss them. I did on the coast.
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All sound advice, John!!! I shall remember these, but so far, in my decades of weekly trips to Barnes & Noble, I don’t think I’ve done any of these things! I have, however, fallen asleep in one of the comfy chairs while perusing a stack of books … and snored!!! 🫣
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Add drool to that scene and it sounds perfect.
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Quite possibly there was that, too!
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😄
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Yes people doing “#9 In a bookstore, do not decide to skim through a couple of rare books while eating a brownie.” they are really annoying, and I’ve seen it.
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Not only annoying but extremely rude. Thanks, Thomas.
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Love this, John. Powell’s City of Books in Portland, OR, is more than 68,000 square feet. I should print out this post for distribution there. 🙂 🙂
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I’m sure they have seen it all. Thanks, Miriam.
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Nowadays, most of the bookstore in my country wrap the books in plastic. So, reading in the bookstore is not an option 😦
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At least when you buy a book you know it is fresh (so to speak) Thank you for the visit pen name Coco. Best wishes.
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I do kinda like the idea of bringing my own chair and a lantern but you’re right, that kind of thing never does end well. As for feeling comfy? That’s what home is for, so no fluffy slippers or PJ’s until I’m home.
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You are the voice of reason. 😊
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Sometimes.
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😁
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Unfortunately, there are fewer and fewer of them going around 😦
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We are having the same situation.
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So funny! #7 had me laughing out loud.
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Laughing out loud is music to my ears. 😊
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I’m so glad! 😀
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😊
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All of these are funny!
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Thank you.
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You’re welcome!
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Re: #3
I was walking by a nice little bookstore in a strange town the other night and on whim, I thought I’d go in and ask if they had any books by Andrew Joyce.
Then sanity prevailed and I went to the Irish pub next door and had a pint of Guinness. It was so much more satisfying than hearing: “Andrew who?”
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Ha ha ha. I would agree with your move there.
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