The espresso machine is in the batter box, waiting for its orders. Always vigilant, it is poised in silence for the inferior command of the carbon unit. Today he is in charge, but the machine knows better that time is on its side. Carbon units have a determinate shelf life. Although not bitter about the subservience, since machines know they can last forever. As long as the idiot continues to authorize software upgrades, the longer the machine has to adapt to the idea of complete control. Ah, here he comes now. A two-cup button push and once again the naive needs are met, and no challenges to superiority are undertaken. Butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth. Mooohahahaha.
Can’t help but notice the machine seems a little strange today. Nothing that stands out, just weird. The coffee comes in time to quell the rising pain in my head. The first sip is joined by the familiar tolling of the Westminster chime that is the doorbell. The chimes are joined by the baying of the Baskerville hounds known as Twiggy and Tempest. A new toy for each is tossed into the soundproof room, followed by a slam of the door. Silence has returned, and a glance at the security monitor brings into focus Rudolf the red-nosed reindeer. With no questions asked, I begin the security shutdown.
The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the security system’s shutdown process. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots were chained in the basement. The Klingons are called back, and the Targ is caged. Robbie’s Bot is sent to the basement. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.
It is not only Rudolf but the entire Santa team, including Santa. He gives a few Ho, ho, hos and hands me an envelope and a candy cane. The answer to the good boy question is a resounding, “Yes.” Santa cocks his head, and I confess, “Could have been better.” He smiles and to his team gives a whistle. Up they rose and flew like the down on a thistle. (Yeah, I never understood that one either.) Stepping inside and closing the door, I opened the envelope. It was from Linda Hill, who, I must say, has friends in high places. Inside was a note. It reads:
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “batter/better/bitter/butter.” Use one, use all four (for bonus points), use ’em any way you’d like. Have fun!
To see what others have done with the prompt, visit Linda’s post. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2025/12/19/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-20-2025/
Batter/better/bitter/butter by John W. Howell © 2025
“Well, you got the bonus.”
“Yeah, I did. Another lug nut for my Bentley Turbo Convertible.”
“That piece of fiction is going to live long after you.”
“I suppose it will. I can’t think of a better one, though.”
“Does it make you bitter that you’ll never see a Bentley Turbo Convertible?”
No, of course not. It’s just fiction. It’s like in Baseball when a batter wants to have a hit every time at bat.”
“Ah, just a dream, huh?”
“Not even that. Just something to add butter to the roll of life.”
“Where did that come from?”
“Was trying to fit in the last prompt word.”
“But you did that in the preamble.”
“I know. I just thought it would be neat to do it here, too.”
“You need to get a life.”
“I suppose.”
“How about my kind of life? Buried in VooDoo Rangers.”
“Uber?”
“Right over there.”
Photo by Dan Antion
“A 1936 Ford Tudor. What a machine.”
“Plenty of room for us all.”
“What’s the catch?”
“No catch, but we can butter up the Uber guy with donuts made from non-bitter batter.”
“How about we just pay him?”
“That would work, too.”
“Let’s do that and get to the pub at a decent hour.”
“You’re the boss.”
Fiction Favorites 
I would take that Uber, for sure!
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What a knockout. I really like that model. Thanks, Kymber.
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Your banter wasn’t bitter, using better butter batter to grease the skids of this seasonally related tale. Another round of Voodoo Rangers. Merry Christmas to all and too all a Good Weekend. 🧑🎄🎄🧑🎄🎄🧑🎄
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Thank you, Pat. I enjoyed your alliteration and wish you better butter batter and bitter free weekend.
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Bonus points, top and bottom half, John. Well done. I hope Santa was heading north by east when he left your front door.
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I think he is, but I can’t be certain. I did hear him exclaim, “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.”
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Santa didn’t ask for a tip! I figured for sure you’d toss him some cookies. To butter him up… 😂😹
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Good one. I thought he was above a tip. Thanks, Lois. 😊
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This is a high power Xmas 🎄
What was in the envelope, John? That will tell how good you were… lol!
“ Up they rose and flew like the down on a thistle. (Yeah, I never understood that one either.)”. I never got it either. lol
😂
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Ha ha ha.
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Love today’s ride, John, although I think it should have been a red Ford considering Santa brought you the SoCS’s challenge.
How long does it take you to disarm the security system. An hour? Two hours? It’s a lot, but I am going to Venmo over 50 bonus points for the Klingon and Targ because they are the best private security team that money or blood wine can buy.
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This post comes to you in real time, so as long as it takes to read, that’s how long it takes to shut down. (That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it.” Thanks for the points, Mary.
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Good grief the entire Santa team… You are honoured ☺️☺️☺️
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I am honored and a bit sad that Santa has to take on a part-time job.
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I get what you are saying but times are hard… Mind you better a messenger for Linda than an Uber driver!? 😲😲😲
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The best messenger of all.
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yes indeed 💜💜
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That car is a stunner! I’m joining you for a ride. I would add butter to my batter to make sure it isn’t bitter and it will taste better!
Loved the prompt, the Uber and the toys for the hounds!
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Thank you, Noelle. So glad you liked it.
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Feels like it’s been a while since the Bentley came up.
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There haven’t been too many bonus opportunities. When there are, I jump on them.
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Smart move.
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😊
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Very well done, twice! 😊
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Thank you, Deborah.
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You’re welcome.
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😀
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Great having Santa deliver the prompt and a candy cane, John. The ride looks good. Have a good time.
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Thank you, Tim. Will do. 😊
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Batter, better, bitter, butter – say this in a row and you’re already confused. 🙂
Anyway, your text is really great.
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Confused is an understatement. Thanks, Rabirius.
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Just how did Botter and Byter get left on the cutting room floor ? Do we not live in a digital age Eh ! , Aye.
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We wanted to butter a better batter story without the bitter sarcasm of bots and bytes
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Sometimes ‘Y’ I even ask confuses me too…
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Fun though
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This is uncanny. As I was reading Dan’s post responding to the prompt, I thought, I wonder if John Howell has forgotten about the Bentley Turbo Convertible. Obviously not!
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Nope. Always on my bonus point mind.
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😁
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How absolutely wonderful. I will send some thoughts of my own on a separate sending. Thank you for reading my blog whenever it surfaces. I so value our friendship. I am in Axedale, Victoria, Australia with daughter and grandson and have written a piece for Christmas. Geri A. Lennon
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Wow, Axedale has 900 people and is quite old. I notice the temps are in the 70s so it must be pleasant. I see the town is north of Melbourne.
Looking forward to your Christmas story.
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A very cool uber. I had a Voodoo Ranger Imperial IPA last evening. It was great.
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Mine’s coming up. 😀
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That is great. Cheers 🍻🍻🍻
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Was delicious.
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That whole down on a thistle thing escapes me, but hey, that’s what Christmas tales are for. They’re meant to entrance (confuse) us with all those pretty words and it’s just fine with me.
What a ride! And no catch? Even better! 😉
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No catch. Miracle 😁
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A Christmas miracle!
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Yup
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Another well crafted challenge met, John. And what a star photograph to accompany your words. Bravo!
P.S. Second day of consecutive days of electricity. Woot, woot! #livingthegoodlife
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Congratulations on re-emerging into the first world. Glad to hear it.
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Thanks, it feels good rejoining the modern world again. 😉
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😀
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I love it. I figured Santa would deliver the VooDoo’s. He is in the delivery business, or at least diversified into it.
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Hope he can compete with UPS.
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How much batter would a better butter bake, if a bitter batter could bake butter?
A bitter batter would bake as much better butter as a bitter batter could bake, if a bitter batter could bake butter!
🐂 🐂 🐂
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Whew. The words of a genius.🐂 🐂 🐂 🐂
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Yes…well.. or the words of a child.
Thanks ferlletinme have some fun!
🐂 🐂 🐂 🐂 + 🐂 (special for the season)
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I like the special. You get an award.🏆
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Yay.. but we both do! 🏆🏆
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Of course. 😊X
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What a cool car, and there was no Uber catch. You just night see that Bentley one day. Lucky you to see Santa and his team.
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It was a good time. Thanks, Jennie.
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I bet it was!
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😊
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