Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Meet a Neanderthal – Guest Post Jacqui Murry #New Book – Balance of Nature

~ John W. Howell

 

 

I’m so happy to have Jacqui visit once again to give you some information about her new book which is book three in the Savage Land series. So without much delay, here is Jacqui.

 

I ran into John Howell online at some point in the past because we are both besotted by our dogs. John does a great series about his two dogs called “A Little Personal” where he looks at the world through their eyes. Really, I’m telling you, blog reading doesn’t get much better.

But that’s not what inspired me for this article to launch my latest prehistoric fiction, Balance of Nature, the third book in the trilogy about Neanderthals. John also does a great series on “10 Things Not To Do” and then discusses what you shouldn’t do with your Thanksgiving turkey, when trying to get published, when signing up for online dating, and similar. I thought it would be fun to apply that to my Neanderthals. What is the best way to interact with them? I came up with a lot of good suggestions in case you end up time-traveling 40,000 years into the past:

Top Ten Things NOT to do When You Meet a Neanderthal

10 If you meet a Neanderthal, do not be surprised that they don’t speak English, Spanish, or any other modern language. If you are surprised, at best, you might try gestures. At worst, their language–like Latin–is no longer spoken, so that you might drag out your Pictionary skills

9 If you meet a Neanderthal, do not try to fix your broken store-bought spear. If you do, at best, you will be pitied, and the Neanderthal will fix it. He’ll boil up some bark over a fire. Turn it into glue and reattach the tip to your spear or create an entirely new one. At worst, he will invite you home for a nice, boiled snake dinner.

8 If you meet a Neanderthal, do not miss the chance to pick the Neanderthal for your natural navigation team. He can’t read maps or written instructions, but he reads nature like no one you’ve met. If you are lost, the Neanderthal will know how to get you back to where you need to be, even if he’s never been there before. If you do miss the chance, at best, you may wander in the wilderness forever. At worst, you’ll be eaten by a big, hungry animal.

7 If you meet a Neanderthal, do not try to hide. If you do, at best, he has a cold. At worst, he’ll sniff you out, follow your trace, and find you, and not be in the best of moods either.

6 If you meet a Neanderthal, do not tell them there’s something he can’t do that needs doing. If you do, at best, he’ll figure it out. At worst, he will now believe you are an idiot.

5 If you meet a Neanderthal, do not be surprised. Neanderthals don’t complain–not about extreme cold, debilitating hunger, dangerous predators, loneliness, or anything else. They intrinsically realize it does no good. If you are surprised, at best, you may take that attitude for yourself. At worst, your concern about having no cell service will look pathetic.

4 If you meet a Neanderthal, do not try small talk. That doesn’t exist in their world. All conversations are to convey important information. Quiet is a friend. Human voices stand out in nature. If you do try small talk, at best, the sign of the finger on the lips should be enough. At worst, you may be left tied with vines to a tree and used for bait as your reward.

3 If you meet a Neanderthal, do not try to tell him the optimal location for a hearth in a cave. He knows where that is and how to dig ditches to deliver airflow to the fire. If you do try to tell him, at best, you’ll still be allowed to stay in the cave. At worst, you will be shivering outside in a foot of snow, listening to the stomach growl of the local half-starved meat eater.

2 If you meet a Neanderthal, do not tell him that you counted his tribe and one person is missing. He doesn’t need to count. He does it by a missing smell or the smaller size of the group. If you do try, at best, you will be ignored. At worst, the leader will give you some extra things to carry that don’t smell very nice and drip.

1 If you meet a Neanderthal, do not ask a Neanderthal if his life is boring. He has no concept of what that means. If you do ask, at best you’ll get a quizzical look. At worst, as you explain boredom, the Neanderthal will decide to see if you can outrun his spear.

Virtual Book Blast For

Savage Land Book 3, Balance of Nature

Summary

A tribe haunted by the past. Lies that threaten the future. A reason to find the truth.

Savage Land is the third trilogy about prehistoric man in the series, Man. Vs. Nature. Savage Land explores how two bands of humans survived one of the worst natural disasters in Earth’s history, when volcanic eruptions darkened the sky, massive tsunamis crossed the ocean in crushing waves, and raging fires burned the land. Viral tribes of Neanderthals and early man considered themselves apex predators, but that crown belonged to Nature, and she was intent on washing the two-legged blight from her lands. In Balance of Nature, Book Three of the trilogy, Yu’ung’s Neanderthal tribe hopes to settle at Gibraltar but instead finds unexpected threats and lethal challenges.

Follow the courageous Yu’ung, the determined Kazeb, the mystical Shanadar, and the pawed-and-clawed Canis as they navigate a perilous world of tribal conflict, unexplained visions, and shifting loyalties. Their journey is a testament to the resilience and strength of true leadership in a sweeping saga that ultimately leads to who we are today.

Excerpt

75,000 years ago
The area we now call Gibraltar

Shouts woke the brothers from their sleep.

“A boat—on the Endless Sea! Headed toward us!”

At night? How is that possible? But Kazeb didn’t ask because it didn’t matter. What mattered was that it was there.

He and Turk had waited long for this news, Kazeb with excitement, Turk with dread. Without discussion, they raced across the grassland, leapt over crevices, the width familiar even in the dark, and then scrambled up Big Rock’s knobby flank, grabbing tiny ledges with their fingers and toes with a speed mountain goats would envy. The behemoth’s height dwarfed all hills on the peninsula save the distant, towering range that separated it from others.

The brothers summited the crest and crouched behind a thick patch of scrub at the cliff’s edge. The brisk breeze atop the promontory whipped Kazeb’s hair around. He clenched his fists, gritted his teeth so tightly he should have broken a tooth, and waited for the vague elongated shadow on the water’s inky surface to reveal its intentions.

Is it them? He glanced at his brother’s square face. Turk thinks it is.

Sun’s steady arrival slowly erased the dark, made the sea shimmer in shades of blue as waves crashed against the coastline. Just below the surface, under the foam, were sharp shoals. Any boat must tediously avoid these, better yet, continue down the shore where there was no risk, unless they knew of the sole safe mooring used by natives and those they shared the location with, like they did with the Tall Ones from long ago.

Turk hissed, “It’s them, Liis.”

The Clan called him Liis, but he preferred “Kazeb,” the name awarded him when he agreed to guide the Tall One Fierce to the sea’s end. That was far beyond anywhere he had ever traveled, but Fierce claimed Kazeb’s knowledge of the area was invaluable.

“We can’t tell who is onboard, Turk,” he said, though who else knew of the hidden cove?

Kazeb rose and scanned a full circle, hoping whoever came on that craft wasn’t looking up here.

“What are you doing, Liis?”

“I need to see if they’re alone, or do more come from other directions.”

Flat grassland bordered one flank of the promontory, water the rest. Sun’s earliest rays colored the sky in pinks and blues. Birds plummeted into the crystalline water. Fish with no desire to be food dove. Farther away, pigs rooted through the stubble and a herd of deer feasted on ever-abundant fresh young shoots, protected by the range of mountains from unexpected predators.

When we finish, that’s where we will go.

Book information:

Print, digital, audio soon available: http://a-fwd.com/asin=B0G45MFBWW

Genre: Prehistoric fiction

Editor: Anneli Purchase

Author bio:

Jacqui Murray is the author of the popular prehistoric fiction saga, Man vs. Nature which explores seminal events in man’s evolution one trilogy at a time. She is also author of the Rowe-Delamagente thrillers and Building a Midshipman , the story of her daughter’s journey from high school to United States Naval Academy. Her non-fiction includes 100+ books on tech into education, and a freelance journalist on tech ed topics.

Social Media contacts:

Amazon Author Page:         https://www.amazon.com/Jacqui-Murray/e/B002E78CQQ/

Blog:                                       https://worddreams.wordpress.com

Pinterest:                                http://pinterest.com/askatechteacher

X:                                             http://twitter.com/worddreams

Website:                                 https://jacquimurray.net

 

 

 

196 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Meet a Neanderthal – Guest Post Jacqui Murry #New Book – Balance of Nature”

  2. This may perhaps be the best Top Ten List ever!! I am reading this book now and can believe each one of these. I think in all our evolution we lost some important skills. Thanks, John! Congratulations, Jacqui!!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Congratulations, Jacqui! Your latest jewel rests in my Kindle. I’m looking forward to the read. Thank you, John, for showcasing Balance of Nature.

    Liked by 3 people

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      1. When I was digging into our shared history, it was amazing to find how deep it was. Between a love of dogs and approaching life with a sense of humor. I think we’d enjoy a cuppa together.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Insane! The best-ever top10 list from John and Jacqui. And a remarkable effective way of getting readers to learn more about Neanderthals. Well done John and Jacqui!

    Only question for John – did you first publish this list in 2015?

    Liked by 2 people

    2. According to paleo-sociologists, small talk became our grooming (rather than picking through fur for bugs), but we had to first become the alpha in nature, immune from danger. Neanderthals weren’t quite there yet.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. It’s great to see Jacqui’s fascinating book in the fascinating series blogged here. It’s great of you to participate in the blog tour, John.

    If I met a Neanderthal, I wouldn’t ask a question. I’d think about calling my doctor, but not do it because I don’t want to be sent to a nursing home for the insane.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Many thanks for hosting Jacqui. Loved her Top Tens Things (what a get take off of your own Monday offerings). So clever. I LOVED #4 & 5…it almost sounds like Neanderthals were predecessors to modern Buddhism and they made me smile with peace. Happy Monday, sir.

    Liked by 2 people

  18. Very clever, Jacqui. I kept looking to see if you were going to incorporate one of John’s favorites, Tiny, the WWF wrestler. 😊 I kept wanting to ask the Neanderthals if they’ve ever appeared in a Geico commercial.

    Liked by 2 people

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  33. Ha ha “Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Meet a Neanderthal” that is great! Like Neanderthals I don’t like small talk. But that might be because I am in the 99 percentile of having a lot Neanderthal genes according to 23AndMe. However, I deleted my data from 23AndMe because I don’t want anyone to know that. Oh wait….well actually I deleted it because I am afraid my healthcare related DNA information is at risk now when 23AndMe are bankrupt.

    Liked by 2 people

  35. A Monday Mash!

    You pulled off the double dip with your typical flair, Boss. The Neanderthal list is a riot, and it also happens to be all true. While I’ve never met a Neanderthal- and no, Philadelphia Eagles fans don’t count- I’m familiar enough with them to realize you know your stuff.

    And your review of Jacqui’s book? Chef’s kiss. To both of you! Sounds like another winner!

    Liked by 3 people

  36. Okay, Jacqui and John, so this post was a highlight of my day – that top 10 list was clever and made for a wonderful read.

    And John, I also love when you chat about your pups.
    🐾🐾💜🐾🐾

    Liked by 2 people

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  42. If you Do Meet A Neanderthal was so very clever and informative. Once again, kudos Jacqui:)

    Thanks for hosting, John. Hope all is well in your corner of the world.

    Liked by 1 person

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