Author: John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

Cover Reveal and Volunteer Request – The Last Drive – a Sequel to Eternal Road – #newbook

November 9, 2022November 8, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 101 Comments

The Last Drive, a sequel to Eternal Road, is finally done and ready to go to print.

Here is the blurb.

In the sequel to Eternal Road, Sam and James are reunited to look for two souls, Ryan and Eddie. Ryan was killed in Afghanistan, trying to avoid a schoolyard with his crippled plane. Eddie Rickenbacker, Ryan’s hero, is to guide Ryan to his Eternal Home, and now both are missing.

The higher-ups believe that there has been some interference in Ryan and Eddie’s journey by Lucifer, so Sam and James have the task of finding Ryan and Eddie to get them back on the road despite the evil interference. Unfortunately, the machinations designed to prevent Ryan and Eddy from completing their journey takes the pair to horrifying testing grounds. The places visited represent the best work of the Devil. They are the trenches of World War I in France, gladiators at the Roman Coliseum, the sinking Titanic, Hiroshima 45 minutes before the bomb, and the Auschwitz concentration camp in 1943.

This book is for you if you like plenty of action, strong characters, time travel, and a touch of spiritual and historical fiction. So, join Sam and James as they try to find the missing souls while staying one step ahead of the Prince of Darkness, who is determined to destroy all that is good.

I want to avoid all the business and the rush of the holidays, so the release date will be in January. I plan to have a tour and if you want to help spread the word, send me an email at johnhowell(dot)wave(at)gmail.com. If you volunteer, I will provide a unique copy for each post and recognition of your site on mine. I hope to have only one tour stop a day. In your email, tell me any dates in January or early February that won’t work. I will be confirming your date within 24 hours of receiving your email.

Thanks in advance for your offer to help spread the word.

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 385 by Keith Channing

November 8, 2022November 9, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put your offering (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before Sunday evening UK time. If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here. Thank you for taking part.”

The photo.

“Aye captain. You called?”

“I did Mr. Smyth.”

“Yes, Sir.”

“Have you seen any trawls?”

“Excuse me, Sir. Trawls?”

“We have been up and down this coastline all day and not one trawl.”

“I don’t understand, Sir. What are trawls?”

“You’re kidding me, of course.”

“No Sir. I don’t know what you mean by a trawl.”

“This is your first trip, right?”

“Yes, Sir. I joined the crew last Monday.”

“And no one filled you in that we were fishing for trawls?”

“That’s correct. You’re the first to mention them.”

“That’s odd. Oh well, as you were.”

“Can I ask?”

“Sure.”

“What are they?”

“I have no idea.”

“But you said we were fishing for them.”

“We must be.”

“Why’s that?”

“What kind of boat is this?”

“A trawler. . . Oh for heaven’s sake.”

“Yup. Gotcha.”

“No such thing, right?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“So there is a thing called a trawls.”

“I have no idea.”

“Got me again, right?”

“Yup. Maybe you should go below. Don’t tell the crew.”

“I think they already know.”

“Could be.”

“You do this with the new guy.”

“Every time.”

“Trawler humor?”

“And not much to do.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Your Significant Other is Out of Town

November 7, 2022November 6, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 94 Comments

This post originally ran on October 24, 2016. Since our significant others still leave, I think it is still relevant. I hope you enjoy it.

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The inspiration for this list was a traveling Producer two weeks ago. She was visiting the youngest for an extended weekend. I say the inspiration was her visit; nothing in this list pertains to me. Ahem.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Your Significant Other is Out of Town

10 If your significant other is out of town, do not organize an all-night card party. If you do, at best, there will be minor damage that can be covered up. At worst, the guest who never gets drunk decides to have too much of a dark red Cabernet just before passing out holding a full glass on your significant other’s favorite white couch. (You might as well set fire to the house right now.)

9 If your significant other is out of town, do not decide to create and work on your own to-do list. If you do, at best, you might get one thing on the list right. At worst, you will finish the list only to discover that all the items were things your significant other wanted to do. (Well, you now have a big problem since you know everything needs to be redone.)

8 If your significant other is out of town, do not even think of not doing the dishes. If you don’t do them, at best, the homecoming will be less joyous. At worst, that heavy trash can is a hint that your dirty dishes no longer exist. (You could have saved yourself on this one, Bunkie. You were warned.)

7 If your significant other is out of town, do not take the kids or dogs for a new haircut. If you do, at best, you will have to repeat the rule on which part of parenting you are not responsible. At worst, you will end up at the hair cutter demanding another cut. (You also have orders not to pay another red cent. So, now you have to hide the payment as well.)

6 If your significant other is out of town, do not rearrange the furniture. If you do, at best, your significant other will trip and fall over the ottoman which wasn’t there before. At worst, deep relationship issues around change communication could result. (You didn’t know the depth of insecurity there, did you?)

5 If your significant other is out of town, do not think putting the spices in alphabetical order is a good idea. If you do, at best, your significant other will be confused at first but catch on. At worst, you will be asked one hundred times to locate the chili powder. (Some people just don’t get the idea of chili powder being under “C” and not “P,” no matter how many times you explain it to Tiny, who, as WWF world wrestling Champ, should get it.)

4 If your significant other is out of town, do not use treats to get the kids or pets to behave. If you do, at best, they will rat you out immediately upon the significant other’s return. At worst, you will have created a behavior modification system requiring increasing amounts of treats to sustain. (It is like being on a substance abuse treadmill, isn’t it, Grover.)

3 If your significant other is out of town, do not lock yourself out of the house. If you do, at best, you can convince one of the kids to open the door. At worst, you will become increasingly hysterical as your darling children not only refuse to open the door but decide to begin playing chef with your butane Cream Brule caramelizing torch. (Try explaining this one, Buford.)

2 If your significant other is out of town, do not forget to follow the plant watering instructions to the letter. If you do forget, at best, the droops will go away after you do remember. At worst, you spot the prize orchid taking a dive just as your significant other pulls into the driveway. (This was the orchid that would have taken first place at the flower show that your spouse has been working on for over a year. It just doesn’t get any worse.)

1 If your significant other is out of town, do not expect a souvenir. If you do, at best, your reward will be a small bottle of conditioner from Days Inn. At worst, you will get a T-shirt that reads, “My significant other went to Las Vegas, and all I got was this lousy T-shirt,” two sizes too small. (Another car polish rag, right Ralph?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Concert in the Park

November 6, 2022November 5, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 111 Comments

Today we are going to a concert in the park in Lakeway. The Band of the Hills which is a community band for all ages is having a concert in the park. We are being catered by Buffalina Due pizza of Austin. Our entertainment is Chicago.

marinara – tomato, garlic, oregano.

margherita – tomato, mozzarella, basil, parmesan.

calabrese – tomato, mozzarella, basil, salami, serrano, garlic, parm.

fresca – mozzarella, prosciutto piccante, arugula, lemon oil, parm.

taleggio – mozzarella, sausage, scallion, parmesan.

pepperoni – tomato, mozzarella, oregano, parmesan.

red pie – tomato, double garlic, double parmesan, chili flake, oregano.

vodka arrabiatta – vodka sauce, fontina, mozzarella, garlic, oregano, parmesan, chili flake, black pepper.

four cheese – mozzarella, taleggio, fontina, parmesan.

mustard greens – sausage, garlic confit, lemon oil, pecorino.

apple pie – parm cream, fontina, moss, blue cheese.

eggplant parmesan – tomato, garlic, oregano, chili flake, mozzarella, basil.

veggie supreme – tomato, sungolds, mushrooms, peppers, onions, basil, garlic, chili oil.

mushroom – mozzarella, taleggio, spiced creme fraiche, red onion, parmesan.

pickle pie – mozzarella, fontina, oregano, giardiniera, chili flake, chili oil.

So hop on the bus and let’s get rolling.

Here is a boy scout and his sister guiding in the crowds.

Lakeway Justice center is the location.

We are on time. Looks like a Baritone player is a little late.

Looking at the heron sculpture in the distance gave rise to an interesting view of instrument cases.

Don’t worry about donating. You’re covered.

The director is beginning the concert.

We need to find a seat.

Not here.

Maybe we can sit with the Elk.

Here we go. A nice comfortable spot with the chessplayers

I hope you had a good time. Sit back and enjoy the concert and food. Chicago wants to play one song for sure. I hope you have a great week.

Steam of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Favorite Word”

November 5, 2022November 4, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 66 Comments

Looking at the coffee machine does not help hurry the process. No matter how much caffeine is needed, the machine has its own timetable. Probably on the COVID relief suppliment plan, is my thought. Yes. Finally, the aromatic brew begins its dribble from the twin spouts. The cup is at long last filled, and a lifesaving sip is delivered.

Having a clear head allows for a detailed examination of the carnage from last week. The plywood panels are in place where the five floor to ceilng glass windows used to be. It is impossible to look out into the yard but the knowledge of the six foot wide and deep hole where the safe used to be is in need of repair also. The plan is to call a contractor and set up a meeing for an estimate of the damage. I’m sure in my current state of impecunity the amount will cause the need for a heart bipass.

As the cup is being finished, my phone alerts me to someone (or something) on the front porch. Thankfully they observe the do not ring doorbell and Twiggy and Lucy continue their nap. The unlock procedure is started. The gate is pulled back, condertina wire coiled, machine guns on standby, mote subnet lifted, Trebuchet disarmed, boiling oil shut off, bolts and locks undone and front door thrown open.

Standing there is someone who looks like Baby Faced Finster. There is a cigar clenched in his teeth and an envelope in his little hand. Baby face peaks. “Look here see. This here is an settlement check. Warner Brothers have decided to cobver the cost of removing Sam and the safe, see. So all yuse have to do is sign this here contract and the money is yours.” He then hands me the envelope and a pen. I look at the check and the contract first but notice one other piece of paper.

The check is for $30,000 and my signature hits the sign before anyone changes their mind. Baby face takes the contract and the pen and disappears down the street. I open the other piece of paper and see it is from Linda Hill. It reads.Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “your favorite word.”Decide on your favorite word and use it in your post any way you’d like. Enjoy!

If you would like to enjoy, visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link.

https://lindaghill.com/2022/11/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-5-2022/

“I missed yoyr favorite word.”

“Impecunity.”

“Huh?”

“Yeah it means having little money.”

“Small money?”

“No. Having hardly any money.”

“Ah so why is that a favorite word.”

“Hard to say. I just like it. Sounds better than ‘broke.'”

“So, you broke?”

“No but if I were I would love to use the word.”

“Better be careful what you love.”

“Yeah you’re right. I could end up broke.”

“And then your impecuniousness would prevent beer buying.”

“Look at you. Impecuniousness?”

“Not as dumb as I look. Your turn to buy.”

“I bought last time.”

“You check back on that?”

“Yup.”

“Call Uber.”

“On it.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA -TGIF -Fri-Yay/Good News

November 4, 2022November 3, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 84 Comments

Today’s Good News Story comes from The Dodo. Here it is in its entirety.

* * *

Florida Rescue Fills Bus With Lost Animals Left Behind After Hurricane

“It’s just heartbreaking on so many levels

By Maeve Dunigan

Published on 10/28/2022 at 2:49 PM

In the aftermath of Hurricane Ian late last month, families devastated by the floodwaters tried to put the pieces of their lives back together. Lost pets wandered the streets, hoping someone might help them.

Luckily, the Big Dog Ranch Rescue bus was on its way.

Flush with pet food, blankets, crates, and other supplies, the rescue bus made its way through the Florida streets, ready to help anyone in need.

Big Dog Ranch Rescue executive director Robin Friedman was heavy-hearted as she met scores of pets separated from their homes.

“It’s just heartbreaking on so many levels,” Friedman told The Dodo.

Soon, their bus was full of lost dogs who were all happy to be on their way to a safe place where they could recuperate.

bus full of crates — INSTAGRAM/BIGDOGRANCHRESCUE

The rescue’s mission is to reunite families with their pets. They don’t want anyone who’s already lost so much to have to lose their dog, too. They’ve been happy to provide temporary shelter while families figure out what to do next.

“It always feels good knowing that you’re going to be able to reunite the animals with their people,” Friedman said.

When a family with a 7-month-old baby and two bonded Labradors worried that they’d have to give up their beloved dogs, the rescue stepped up, promising to keep both dogs safe until the family was ready to care for them again.

Already, the rescue has helped many of the dogs left alone without a family find loving, permanent homes.

Though many still struggle to recover after the storm, with help from organizations like Big Dog Ranch Rescue, Florida residents and grateful pets are slowly getting back on their feet. The good news here is there are people who dedicate themselves to saving lives no matter the form.

Today’s JohnKu talks about the best of us. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

There are some good folks,

Then there are those who value . . .

Life in all aspects.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy Outside

November 3, 2022November 2, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 116 Comments

“Where you going, Little One?”

“I’m going to the wilderness.”

“The wilderness. Where’s that?”

“No dog’s land around the corner.”

“Hey, wait for me. That could be dangerous.”

“Hurry up then. An adventure awaits.”

“Okay, keep talking to me, so I know you’re safe.”

“Everything is fine. So far, so good.”

“You sure everything’s fine? You’re pretty silent.”

“Just sniffin’ the clues. Can’t talk and sniff at the same time.”

So, what did you find out here?”

“A big bunch of nothing. That’s what.”

“Looks pretty bare, I’d say. I’m leaving.”

“One more sniff over there, then I’m with you.”

“That was a pretty long sniff.”

“After the puma takes in the wild scent of the water buffalo, the stalking is on.”

“Cut that out. You look like you’re possessed.”

“The puma keeps the water buffalo in its sight, careful not to spook it.”

“Well, the water buffalo has other plans than to be jumped on by a demonic puma.”

“The puma checks the trail. Yes, the scent is fresh.”

“I’m going inside now. You can stop.”

“Step by step, the puma closes the gap. The water buffalo looks panicked.”

“Hey, mom. Open the door. It is definitely time to come in.”

“The puma has the water buffalo cornered. The time has come to spring.”

“Come on, mom. This is getting serious.”

“Oh, for heaven’s sake, you big chicken. I’m just playing.”

“Okay then. I guess that no dog’s land got me spooked.”

“The puma saves the water buffalo treat for another day.”

“Quit that.”

Guest Post – Jan Sikes – Saddled Hearts Blog Tour & Giveaway: Saddled Hearts by Jan Sikes #NewRelease #RomanticSuspense #HorseSanctuary #Rodeo @JanSikes3 @wildrosepress

November 2, 2022November 1, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

I am happy to welcome Fellow Story Empire colleague and friend Jan Sikes to Fiction Favorites. She has a new book and is here to tell us about it. So the blog is yours, Jan.

Thank you, John, for offering your blog to promote my new book, Saddled Hearts. I am excited to be here and share with your followers.

While my story is set on a horse ranch, it is also a horse rescue center. Colt Layne is dedicated to saving horses from slaughter. He had decided to turn the ranch into a sanctuary for abused and neglected animals after he inherited the ranch from his grandfather. It was a tribute to the man who raised him and provided a good life.

There is one scene in the story where Colt receives a delivery—a horse that no one can ride or control. I’ll share a snippet of that scene with you.

Excerpt:

Colt stood in front of the quarantine barn early the next morning with two of his ranch hands. He used hand signals to direct the driver of the horse trailer as he backed it up slowly.

When he came to a stop, the man jumped out of the truck cab. “You Colt Layne?”

“That’s me.” Colt extended his hand.

“Need you to sign here for the delivery.”

As he scribbled his name across the form, angry squeals and neighing from inside the trailer raised the hair on Colt’s neck.

One of the ranch hands unlatched the door, then swung it open.

“Got a mean one in there. Been on the rodeo circuit for a few years.” The driver squinted against the morning sun. “It took five guys to load him. So be careful.”

Colt strode to the back of the trailer. There was no mistaking the angry stamping of hooves against the wooden floor and the high-pitched squealing. “I’ll get that one, boys.” He turned to the driver. “What’s his name?”

The driver looked down at the paper in his hands. “Says here it’s Ghost.”

Colt waited until the other three horses were safely inside the barn before stepping up into the trailer. “Whoa, boy. Easy. Easy, Ghost.” He extended his hand toward the gray stallion.

The horse responded by rearing up on his hind legs as much as the trailer and rope holding him would allow. He tossed his head from side to side, whinnied loud and long, and pounded his hooves hard against the trailer floor.

“It’s okay, boy.” Colt approached one small step at a time. “No one’s going to hurt you. Whoa.”

The stallion laid back his ears and bucked against the rope holding him. The whites of his eyes spoke of fear, anger, and distrust.

Drawing in a slow breath, Colt took another step closer, then dodged as the horse attempted to kick him. Keeping his voice soft and steady, he extended his hand and changed position to approach from the side. “Easy, Ghost. Easy. I’m not going to hurt you.”

The horse flicked his ears and snorted.

The deep-seated distrust of humans that Colt saw in the horse’s eyes sickened him. Someone had been brutal in their treatment of this magnificent animal.

***

It breaks my heart to see any animal abused. My oldest daughter has two rescue dogs. The first one, Ginger, was so terrified of everyone, it was heartbreaking. It has taken a long time, but she’s finally decided no one is going to hurt her and has relaxed a little. I know many of you have rescue animals as well. Do you have any stories you want to share? Let’s chat.

BOOK BLURB:

Colt Layne owns the Layne Horse Sanctuary. He lives an idyllic life between caring for the animals and playing music with his band. That is, until a stranger appears with unreasonable demands. When someone murders the man, Colt is arrested. He’s been framed, but by whom and why?

He needs to talk with his deceased grandfather. But that’s impossible. Or is it?

Sage Coventry is gifted with the ability to communicate with the deceased. Skeptical but desperate, when Colt consults with her, he gets more than messages from beyond the grave as she breezes into his heart with sweet patchouli fragrance and tempting lips he longs to kiss.

The race against time to clear his name and save the ranch launches them on a mission that brings shocking revelations.

BOOK TRAILER: https://youtu.be/_MQ9fYH5PrI

UNIVERSAL PURCHASE LINK: https://linktr.ee/Rijanjks

SOCIAL MEDIA:

WEBSITE: http://www.jansikes.com

BLOG: http://www.jansikesblog.com

TWITTER: http://www.twitter.com/jansikes3

FACEBOOK: http://www.facebook.com/AuthorJanSikesBooks

PINTEREST: https://www.pinterest.com/jks0851/

GOODREADS: https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/7095856.Jan_Sikes

BOOKBUB: https://www.bookbub.com/authors/jan-sikes

INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/sikesjan/

AMAZON AUTHOR PAGE: https://www.amazon.com/Jan-Sikes/e/B00CS9K8DK

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 384

November 1, 2022October 31, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 63 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo ( below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put your offering (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before Sunday evening UK time. If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here. Thank you for taking part.

Link to Keith’s post. https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2022/10/31/kreative-kue-384/

The Photo.

“Look at the leaves.”

“Beau.”

“What are you saying? They’re gorgeous.”

“Well, besides the fact that beau in French means handsome I think that sign is rather odd.”

“Oh, I see it now.”

“Might be a fun detour. Any town that is called Beau can’t be all bad.”

“I don’t know. We are running behind already.”

“Where do we have to be?”

“If we miss the ferry at 5:00 we will have to stay the night near the ferry dock.”

“Not the biggest threat in the world.”

“Yes, but then we will be a half day behind the rest of the trip.”

“Okay, then we skip Beau. I wish we could do this at a more leisurely pace.”

“You know we agreed on the itinerary.”

“I know but once into it the pace seems hectic.”

“I think you may be right. Let’s think about this for a minute. If we go to Beau we might miss the Ferry. If we miss the ferry we have an overnight we didn’t plan on. If we have an overnight we didn’t plan on we have extra money and time spent. If we have extra money and time spent we might fall behind and miss something. If we miss something . . .”

“Yes? If we miss something.”

“I’m coming up with so what if we miss something?”

“Bingo.”

“Let’s go to Beau and take our chances. I say we live for now.”

“You rebel you.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do on Halloween

October 31, 2022October 30, 2022 ~ John W. Howell ~ 82 Comments

This post was published on October 31st, 2016. At last, Halloween falls on a Monday, so I can post it again. I hope you like it, and Happy Halloween to you.

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I’m pretty sure I don’t have to explain the inspiration for this list. Since today is Halloween, it is pretty obvious. Yes, there are some things on this list that I have done, but I’ll let you figure out which ones.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on Halloween

10 On Halloween, do not run out of candy. If you do, at best, you will be marked as a cheapskate. At worst, the amount of soap on your windows will require a professional crew to remove. (That handing out pennies idea didn’t work so well, did it, Rube?)

9 On Halloween, do not try to hide in the basement with all the lights off. If you do, at best, you will miss out on some cute costumes. At worst, the gremlins, witches, and goblins will make it a point to discover why you are not home. (That glowing computer screen did you in Ferd.)

8 On Halloween, do not try any scare tactics on the trick-or-treaters. If you do, at best, the neighborhood watch group will be paying you a call. At worst, Child Protective Services will have your house identified as a possible child abuse location. (I know it seemed funny at the time, but think of the scarred little psyches, not to mention the accidents on your front porch.)

7 On Halloween, do not hand out homemade anything. If you do, at best, it will all be thrown away. At worst, the local health department will act on a complaint and insist on inspecting your kitchen. (That white glove sure looks terrible in the light, Bunkie.)

6 On Halloween, do not make the trick-or-treaters do anything for their treats. If you do, at best, you’ll get blank stares. At worst, you’ll get a visit from Tiny, the WFF champion wrestler who is escorting the kids, and he will insist that you dance or get his special treat. (You don’t want to see Tiny’s knuckle sandwich up close.)

5 On Halloween, do not hand out toothbrushes instead of candy. If you do, at best, you will win the “kook of the neighborhood” award. At worst, most trick-or-treaters will be polite, but Tiny’s kid will insist on a candy treat while sitting on your chest. (It is funny what is passed in the gene pool, isn’t it?)

4 On Halloween, if you insist on wearing a costume, do not make the trick-or-treaters guess what or who you are. If you do, at best, they will not have a clue. At worst, they will all guess wrong, and you will suddenly realize you have a screw loose for even trying in the first place. (Funny how some things go out of style quickly. Surprisingly, the five-year-olds couldn’t get your Tele Tubby costume. (Your favorite show as a kid, right?)

3 On Halloween, do not attempt to pass out shots of alcohol to the parents of trick-or-treaters. If you do, at best, you will be very popular until the wee hours of the morning. At worst, your neighbors will assume you have some kind of problem and will ask the police to ensure no kids get your handout. (That sure took a nasty turn, didn’t it, Beauford?)

2 On Halloween, do not leave a bowl of treats on the porch with a note to “take one on the honor system.” If you do, at best, the goodies will be gone before sundown. At worst, the trick-or-treaters will ring your bell every three seconds in pursuit of a refill. (You quickly learned that “honor” in your neighborhood means “me first.”)

1 On Halloween, do not watch Nightmare on Elm Street, Psycho, Friday the Thirteenth, Amityville Horror, The Exorcist, Rosemary’s Baby, or any other horror movie. If you do, at best, you will need the day off tomorrow. At worst, the EMS crew will find it mildly amusing that you were the cause of your own heart attack. (You could have just read a book, Bevis. At the scary part, you could have put it down.)