Author: John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Tax Protest Hearing

May 22, 2017May 21, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

Tax assessor

The inspiration for this list was a visit to the tax assessor to protest a 20% rise in my assessed valuation which is the basis for the property tax amount. (This is allowed in the Republic of Texas) I must say the meeting was cordial and we kissed goodbye, (It’s an island don’t forget), yet I have to go to the next level since there was no change in my situation. So, I did not need this list but thought I would publish it anyway. I hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Tax Protest Hearing

10 If you are protesting your assessment, do not enter the hearing with a frown on your face. If you do, at best you’ll get one back in return, At worst, the assessor will assume you are a tough customer and will guard her concessions like gold. (A smile would have put the assessor off guard, Ferd. It wouldn’t have cost you anything.)

9 If you are protesting your assessment, do not show signs of weakness at the hearing. If you do, at best the assessor will think you a push over. At worst, the assessor will discover a “mistake” in the county’s favor, and your tax bill will go up. (You see, Buster it is a zero sum game. One person’s rate goes down they must find a sapsucker (Guess who) who won’t fight an increase.)

8 If you are protesting your assessment, do not agree to anything without thinking it through. If you do, at best you might be missing further reductions. At worst, your quick agreement will come back in the form of a huge increase next year. (Thought it was too good to be true huh, Bunky? Hint: It was.)

7 If you are protesting your assessment, do not snow the assessor under with too many statistics. If you do, at best you’ll confuse the assessor. At worst, the assessor will believe you are trying to pull a fast one and shut down. (You now know property assessment is not a science right, Buford?)

6 If you are protesting your assessment, do not threaten the assessor with eternal damnation. If you do, at best your assessment will stand. At worst, Tiny the WWF champ who has just graduated from The Church of What’s Happening Now correspondence course will believe he needs to physically remove the hieratic from the facility. (That body slam to the concrete smarts doesn’t it, Roy?)

5 If you are protesting your assessment, do not bring in your pastrami sandwich with you. If you do, at best the meeting will end quickly with no resolution At worst, your assessor has not eaten since yesterday and can not function with you slowly eating your sandwich. (So you had a nice lunch, Putz. Higher taxes as your reward.)

4 If you are protesting your assessment, do not show up after building your courage attending happy hour at the Gaff. If you do, at best someone will have mercy, and you’ll be asked to leave. At worst, you’ll agree to an increased assessment as well as free cocktails to all assessor personal after the hearing. (Never knew what a soft touch you were after a few drinks did you, Bosco?)

3 If you are protesting your assessment, do not raise your voice. If you do, at best your assessor will walk away. At worst, the SWAT team will assume you are a person of interest and wrestle you into the transport waiting outside. (You can’t imagine what caused everyone to hit the floor can you, Slug?)

2 If you are protesting your assessment, do not threaten to burn your house down. If you do, at best the assessor will see no reason to reduce your assessment until after it is gone. At worst, you will be seen as a danger to society and helped to a quiet place to recover.(You can’t move your arms you say, Bunky? Must be that straight jacket that is hampering you.)

1 If you are protesting your assessment, do not insult your assessor. If you do, at best all you’ll get is a smile. At worst, your assessor has just completed a self-esteem retreat and is now in a regression mode and can’t help you. (Don’t worry, Tex. The assessor will be assigned to your case for the next ten years at which time your tax bill will closely match the amount paid for the most expensive property in the county.)

Views of the Neighborhood

May 21, 2017May 20, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

Yesterday I was in the golf cart heading into town to protest my tax appraisal (Whole other story). The reason I had to use the golf cart is my car has been held prisoner in the mechanic shop since last Wednesday. (Another whole other story.) I was going to shoot a pictorial on the High School and Middle School here in Port Aransas since that is where the protest meeting was being held. While motoring along the beach, I decided to take a shot of the crowds here for the weekend.

Go Topless event

Then I came upon something that I didn’t know about.

Well, I canceled the High School Pics and went for these instead.

Yes, by “go topless” they mean to take the top off your Jeep. This event is happening this weekend all over the US.

I didn’t see anyone taking the top off a Jeep that had a hard top, so I think the rules are pretty loose.

Families were participating

Everyone was real friendly

One club had their banner on display

I threw this one in for Charles Yallowitz. He has a thing for squirrels

Here is something you don’t often see. Jeeps parked on one another. This must be like circling the wagons

Here is another look at the same group.

There were a few custom Jeeps as well

Here is a 1976 Jeep which has been converted to a sand machine.

There were many more but time does not permit all. I hope you enjoyed the brief look at the Jeep Go Top Less Day.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “All or Nothing.”

May 20, 2017May 19, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 44 Comments

SOCS

All week I have waited for this day. It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This weeks prompt is “all or nothing.” There are bonus points for beginning and ending the post with one or both. (It is obvious I’m going for the extra.) If you would like to participate go to Linda Hill’s blog and read how. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2017/05/19/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-2017/

“So there I was on this game show.”

“What game show?”

“All or Nothing.”

“Never heard of it.”

“Oh, come on. All or Nothing. It is the number one game show on TV.”

“Okay, I’ll give it to you. What were you going to say.”

“Well, this I was on the show, and the host asks me what I want to bet on the next question.”

“You have to gamble?”

“No. You get so much money, and you can be all or nothing on each question.”

“Gee. Sounds dumb.”

“No, it’s fun. If you bet all and get the question right, you win the amount you bet.”

“What if you don’t get the question right?”

“You lose everything you bet.”

“Where does the nothing come in?”

‘You can bet nothing then if you win or lose you get nothing.’

“Nothing?”

“Yeah.”

“What’s the point?”

“Well let’s say the category is “parts of the brain,” you might want to bet nothing.”

“Why?”

“Do you know a lot about parts of the brain?”

“Yes, I do.”

“For heaven’s sake, it was an example. Name something you know absolutely nothing about.”

“This game show.”

“Swell what if the category was the game show.”

“Well, then I guess I would bet nothing.”

“Bingo. You’ve got it.”

“Would be no use in playing.”

“Well, there would be categories that you would know. Then you bet it all.”

“You seem like an expert.”

“I know my way around.”

“You were saying about the host?”

“Quite honestly I forgot.”

“How much did you win on this game show?”

“Nothing.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

May 19, 2017May 19, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 60 Comments

TGIF

Another week has flown. I mean this is getting ridiculous. Either I somehow nod off and lose a few hours here and there or time is passing way too quickly. Well, I hope you enjoyed the work week. (Excuse me. Did he just say that?) If not, I hope next week is better. If so, I hope next week is just as nice. (I should go into the diplomatic corps )

I got my Circumstances of Childhood manuscript back from the editor. I will be diving into that this weekend. I’m also continuing to work on the next. The story is coming together nicely.

I did launch a new Amazon Marketing Services ad for My GRL and this time increased the number of keywords. I’ll let you know what happens.

I read a fellow author’s post which asked a question about wasting our lives. It was posed in the context of trying to accomplish some life goals and in the process do we spend time on activities that turn out to be a waste. My point was all activities directed toward a life goal including those we feel are failures could be considered time spent learning.

This week’s JohnKu talks about what we should do in the face of failure.

It simply was wrong,

Start to finish it was doomed. . .

Now I’ve learned something.

Thursday – A Little Personal

May 18, 2017May 17, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

Lucy

“Hi, Boss.”

“Well, hello, Lucy. What can I do for you?

“Baily and I are a little worried.”

Bailey

“I see that. What’s the problem?

Empty desk

“Empty desk boss. Empty desk.”

“You know I can’t sit there 24/7.”

Lucy

“As a spokesperson for the non-humans, I want to make sure people outside the house know you write books.”

“You know last week you got several cute hits. I’m wondering if you can continue to milk it.”

“We actually have a vested interest in your success.”

“So what do you recommend?”

“Throw up a couple of cover pictures and then ask everyone to buy a copy.”

“If only it were that easy.”

“Okay I’ll put up the covers and links, but that’s it.”

“You are a mensch.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

May 17, 2017May 16, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 44 Comments

Hump Day

My goodness, last week we witnessed Lucas taking a swan dive off the roof. I don’t know about you, but I had to hide my eyes on that maneuver. Mrs. Murphy was right there calling for help. Let’s hope she stopped running around like a chicken with her head cut off and got to the 911 call. We need to go back and see how it came out. I know, I know somehow we don’t want to do that but we must.
“How is he doing doctor?”
“He is in remarkable shape for falling that far. he does have a few broken bones and some internal injuries.”
“But he will pull through right?”
“My yes. He’s a strong young man.”
“Oh, my gracious that is a relief.”
“Are you his mother?”
“No doctor I’m his employer.”
“I see. Do you know if he has any family nearby.”
“He is all alone. He has no family.”
“Well, this is awkward then. He needs to have some surgery. We think there is a rupture in an artery in his gut and we need a consent form signed by a responsible person.”
“There is no one doctor. I will sign the form.”
“Well in an emergency I suppose you could take the liability.”
“What if you don’t do the surgery.”
“I’m afraid he will bleed out. We are staying ahead by giving him transfusions and keeping him drained, but we can’t do that forever.”
“I understand. Let me have the form.”
“You sure he has no one?”
“I’m positive.”
“Okay, then the nurse will be right out with the form. I will set up the surgery for today.”
“Thank you, doctor.”
“Well, well, well. Look who is hovering over Lucas.”
“Hello, Alice. What are you doing here.”
“I was talking to Seth, and he mentioned Lucas was brought in by the EMS team.”
“And so you decided to rush right over.”
“I thought I could be of some help.”
“That boy does not need your kind of help right now.”
“My, my a little possessive aren’t we?”
“Get lost, Alice.”
“Meow.”

Sally Cronin is Back!

May 16, 2017 ~ John W. Howell

Come visit Amy Reade today as she is interviewing Sally G. Cronin. Sally promotes other authors and has a new book of her own. Her interview is fascinating.

Reade and Write

For many of us in the world of authors-marketing-ourselves, we know Sally Cronin as a treasure who selflessly promotes others, spotlighting their new books, re-showcasing their old ones, and offering endless encouragement and support to artists of all stripes.

But Sally is also an author, and a prolific one at that. Not only does she write blog posts that enlighten her readers on everything from the benefits of garlic to heart health to the weather in Ireland, but she also writes short stories and books, both fiction and nonfiction. And she’s here today to tell us about her latest work, What’s In a Name.

Welcome, Sally!

Thank you so much Amy for asking me over for an interview.. It is a real pleasure.

Tell me about your new book, What’s in a Name.

The short stories in this collection are about ordinary people who in some way bring their…

View original post 1,160 more words

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #123 by Keith Channing

May 16, 2017May 15, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 28 Comments

In Keith’s words “Using this photo (Below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

Kreative Kue #123

The Sale By John W. Howell ©2107

“Look. Here he comes.”

“That horse doesn’t look fit enough for the wagon.”

“I know right?”

“He said the price included a horse, but I’m going to tell him the deal’s off.”

“Wait a minute. Maybe that nag is good enough.”

“What do you mean?”

“You pretty much stole this deal. You’ll never get a wagon at this price anywhere else.”

“Maybe he’ll throw in some kind of warranty.”

“Now you’re talking. Just bid your time. This deal may turn out okay.”

“I just thought of something.”

“What?”

“How we going to get this rig home?”

“Need to hitch up Dobbin and take it slow is how.”

“Is this wagon street legal.”

“Who cares. It’s an antique.”

“I know, but I don’t need a ticket.”

“We’ll ask him when he finally gets here.”

“Good deal here he comes. Say, buddy.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Can this be driven on the street?”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“Is it okay to drive on the street with this wagon.”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Well, there are some funny laws about vehicles.”

“I don’t know of any that would prevent you from using this wagon.”

“How about the freeways?”

“The what?”

“Freeways. You know. Seventy miles an hour speed limit.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about. Te best we do is Fifty miles in a day.”

“What are you talking about? You have a car don’t you?”

“Car? Now, what are you talking about? You’re not trying to back out of the deal are you?”

“Come on man. I’m not trying anything.”

“Good cause they just passed the city ordinance of 1843.”

“What the hell is that?”

“You can’t renege on a purchase unless you can prove fraud.”

” City ordinance of 1843. What year is this?”

“I think you are faking insanity to get out of the deal. Its 1843 and I’m going to go get the sheriff. You stay here.”

“Did we fall asleep or what? Am I dreaming?”

“I told you not to take that Twilight Zone sign post lightly.”

Top Ten Things Not to do When Cooking

May 15, 2017July 2, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

Top Ten things not to do

The inspiration for this list is the fact that I love to cook. I cook a lot and have made some interesting dishes that didn’t quite make the delicious category. So I hope you enjoy this batch.

Ten Things Not to do When Cooking.

10 If you are cooking, do not think you can walk away to let things “simmer.” If you do, at best the dish will burn. At worst, the fire department has opened an investigation to see if the configuration was set on purpose. (You always wondered what the chirping noise in those smoke detectors was huh, Buford. Well, seems they finally died.)

9 If you are cooking, do not think your brother-in-law, Tiny the WWF champ is going to act as your sous chef. If you do, at best there might be some yelling. At worst, Tiny just left his court ordered anger management session and is taking out his frustration on your new twelve piece setting of China. (I think asking him to make a souffle was over the top don’t you, Ferd?)

8 If you are cooking, and have a pan in the oven to finish, do not forget the oven mitt when you take it out. If you do, at best you’ll remember in a split second after you touch the handle. At worst, yo are now the proud owner of a new All-Clad brand on the palm of your hand. (Didn’t you notice the smoke, Buster?)

7 If you are cooking, do not think for every cup of wine in the recipe you need to drink a like amount. If you do, at best there is only one cup. At worst, you need to wonder how everyone liked the meal that you slept through. (You are no Julia Child, Tex. Oh, by the way, your wife’s lawyer just called.)

6 If you are cooking, don’t think you don’t need to follow a recipe. If you do, at best you are making scrambled eggs. At worst, the EMS driver has called the Center for Disease Control thinking there is a massive epidemic in your sick family. (So you didn’t understand some of the ingredients, Ralph. It still looked good enough to eat which was unfortunate for everyone.)

5 If you are cooking, do not try to call your local carry out and pass it off as yours. If you do, at best you’ll have to fess up. At worst, everyone will complement your effort as the best ever. (Sadly they even started to list some of your worst dishes huh, Pard?)

4 If you are cooking, do not invite anyone over for dinner until you have mastered the dish. If you do, at best no one will tell you that the meal was bad. At worst, each of your guests had an emergency phone call and had to leave. (Did you wonder why most only took one bite before the emergency, Putz?)

3 If you are cooking, do not do your famous garlic surprise the night before that real estate open house. If you do, at best the Fabreeze air freshener might cover it. At worst, the attendees will manage a one minute stay before needing oxygen. (Ever wonder why people never visit you, Jake?)

2 If you are cooking, do not think everyone loves their food spicy hot. If you do, at best you’ll have a ton of leftovers. At worst, you will have to put up with people running to the nearest faucet for relief. (A little embarrassing to have all your faucets covered by gulping dinner guests isn’t it, Bunky?)

1 If you are cooking, do not trust that automatic start on the oven. If you do, at best you can fill in with McDonald’s. At worst, the prospect of serving raw turkey to your boss has you frantically trying to make a reservation. (Seems all the restaurants are booked up huh, Goofus?)

Views of the Neighborhood

May 14, 2017May 13, 2017 ~ John W. Howell ~ 52 Comments

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms. Today’s view of the neighborhood takes us to Robert’s Point Park for the annual Port Aransas Art Fest. It is here where local artists display their crafts and artwork and offer them for sale. Because of the number of booths I did have to pick and choose which to feature.

This first photo is the vendor of hot dogs known in town as The Hot Dog Lady

Art Fest