The method used is to open a book to a random page and point to a page without looking. Today’s finger-point prompt was pulled from The Last Drive on page 107. The word my finger points to is ‘wandering.’ I hope you enjoy it. (by the way, excuse the fuzzy focus on the word. The camera intended to make sure my hand was in the foreground.
“I’ve been told this building has an exclusive bar.”
“Well, this is a hotel, so your information is correct. It is not on this floor, though.”
“OMG. I don’t know how I got lost. What floor is it on?
“It’s one floor beneath you. It’s the lobby floor.”
“Is it far?”
“Heavens no. Here let me help you to the elevator.”
“Elevator? What’s that?”
“It is used to travel between floors.”
“I’ve never ridden in one.”
“You mean you used the stairs?”
“I suppose.”
“Well. Come with me. Here this is the elevator. Just get on and punch the button marked L.”
“Could you help me? I don’t see very well.”
“Certainly. I’ll come with you.”
“You are very kind.”
“Here we are. The lobby. The bar is right over there.”
“Would it be too much trouble to take me there? I’m so tired from walking.”
“Yes, hold my arm, and I’ll take you.”
“Ever so kind.”
“Here we are. Isn’t it a magnificent bar?”
“Oh, but it is. Where’s the bartender?”
“Here, I’ll call him. Oh, barkeep?”
“Yes, sir.”
This guest wants something. Go ahead, sir.”
“Where’s the bartender.”
“I’m right here, sir.”
“I know I can see you. I just need you to answer my question. You see, my jaws aren’t as strong as they used to be, so I will need some easier wood to chew.”
“You’re a termite.”
“Correct.”
“The old joke. The termite walks into a bar and asks, “Where’s the bar tender.”
“Yup. That’s the situation.”
“Never thought I would live to see it happen.”
“So?”
“I’d try next to the window. The sun keeps hitting the bar there. I’m sure it is more tender.”
“Much obliged. See you later.”
“Yeah, sure. Look forward to it. Hey, Charlie, where did that guy come from anyway.”
This was posted on March 21, 2016. I hope you enjoy it.
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If you are like me, you don’t often go to the museum, but when visiting, you like to have as little to do with other people as possible. The inspiration for this list is the sometimes annoying behavior of other visitors on these rare visit occasions. I live on an island and have visited the local museum many times, so my other museum visits involve travel and time. The trouble of getting to a museum is why I’m incredibly annoyed when others seem to believe space is theirs to do as they please.
Top Ten Things Not to Do in a Museum
10 If you are visiting a museum in the kid’s section, do not hog all the interactive displays. If you do, at best, you will upset your kids. At worst, you will give new meaning to the term bully. (Sure, the electricity display is fun, but come on, Rufus, give the kids a break)
9 If you are in a museum, do not continue walking around in your squeaky shoes. If you do, at best, you will annoy everyone you pass. At worst, your squeaks will spark an instinctive urge to kill in Tiny, the WWF ex-world champ just released from a treatment facility. (Yes, his eyes are glowing red, and he’s coming your way)
8 If you are in an Art museum, do not loudly vocalize your profound understanding of the artist’s motivation in any work. If you do, at best, those around you will have validation you don’t know anything about art. At worst, you may have to put up for the rest of your visit with a similarly-minded art aficionado who hasn’t had a bath in months. (You really have something to say about the piece titled “My Poop?)
7 If you are in a museum, do not touch a painting. If you do, at best, a kindly octogenarian guard will ask you to step away. At worst, you will have to be quick to avoid the falling gate and the tear gas before you are tackled by a SWAT Team member. (Now you know the sign “Do Not Touch The Art” is not kidding. Don’t worry. You’ll make bail.)
6 If you are in a museum, do not take pictures. If you do, at best, you will be asked to stop. At worst, your camera will be confiscated, and you will be charged a royalty for each picture. (Of course, instead of paying, you could always let them keep your camera or phone)
5 If you are in a museum, do not talk back in a loud voice to the recorded tour you hear in your headphones. If you do, at best, all you’ll get are strange looks. At worst, some well-meaning person will call EMS since they are convinced you are in an overdose situation. (The tip-off for them was when you were arguing with the recording about the meaning of a black hole.)
4 If you are in a museum, do not try to help the staff by removing a dinosaur tibia bone because you thought it would fall. If you do, at best, the bone is going to fall on its own before you touch it. At worst, the bone was the cornerstone of the entire dinosaur skeleton, and although it looked like it would fall was positioned that way because it supported the whole ten thousand bone construction. (It only took museum employees four years to construct what took four seconds for you to make into a pile. Sneaking out before discovery might be a life-saving measure)
3 If you visit a primarily adult display museum, do not take kids under three years old. If you do, at best, you will be worn out trying to keep them quiet. At worst, the time of the rest of the people in the museum will be spent wishing you could keep them quiet and how to get you all to leave. (Better a trip to the park next time)
2 If you visit an art museum, do not discuss out loud your art at home as it compares to the masters. If you do, at best, others will think you are a braggart. At worst, you might be overheard by an enterprising but out-of-work youth who will surprise you in the middle of the night while helping himself to your paintings. (Now, don’t you feel foolish discussing those Wal-Mart knock-offs?)
1 If you visit an art museum, do not comment on the nude statues in your outside voice. If you do, at best, some may be offended by your observations. At worst, you may unknowingly violate some local indecency ordinance when referring to particular body parts. (Most everyone will admit after you were taken away, the way you wove Da Vinci’s David into your locker room joke was pretty funny)
Since there is not too much going on in Lakeway, I thought we would just cruise and see what turns up. We are catered by Valentina’s of Austin, and our entertainment is Kid Rock and Sheryl Crow.
Menu
So let’s go.
Our first stop is near city hall and the chess player sculpture. Looks like they are putting in a path.
It winds past the Elk sculptures.
A piece of equipment for Dan.
A new pedestrian bridge over the creek.
A final look at the site.
You don’t often see pinwheels in bags of recyclables.
A desk in pieces. Maybe work at home time is over.
A broken pot inside its identical partner. Now, this is a sad scene.
Here’s a pot on its own. Looks like plant culture didn’t go well.
The old recliner with a cup holder. This serious leisure item on the street means the tough times are back.
Box springs and door combo means someone didn’t clean their room on time. (Parent quote, “If you don’t clean up this room, I’m throwing your door and bed in the trash.”)
Well, that’s the tour. I hope you liked a little bit of nothing. Now relax have some food and enjoy the music.
The air is filled with the first signs of spring. The coffee machine has granted another hassle-free cup of life-giving elixir. The first sip jogs the memory. There is still a circus in the backyard. Avoiding the truth, my thoughts turned to the bottle of milk I emptied on a bowl of Raisin Bran Crunch. A run to the store will have to be made before another serving. Putting a reminder in my phone, my attention is shattered by the loudspeaker outside. “Ladies and Gentlemen and children of all ages. I direct your attention to the ceiling. High above the arena awaits the lovely Petunia Pig. She is the queen of the flying trapeze.” A quick entrance into the tent confirmed Petunia Pig bathed in white hot spotlights at the very top of the tent.
The music begins, and she starts swaying on the bar of a trapeze. The diamonds in her tiara reflect the spotlights, producing dancing light flashes. The crowd goes quiet as she picks up momentum and then erupts in a collective sound of surprise as she leaves the one swinging bar and catches another. She flips around and catches a third trapeze in time to prevent a bone-crushing fall. Porky hangs by his knees upside down on the fourth swing and maintains a back-and-forward swinging motion while continuing to bring his hooves together and then apart as a signal he is ready to catch the flying queen.
Petunia builds momentum on her trapeze as the music keeps time to her motion. Once she reaches the highest point of the swing arc, she lets go. Like a soaring bird, she flies toward Porky. He is ready for her, and in one heartstopping moment, he snatches her from sure death. The crowd, as one lets up a monster, cheer. The band increases the volume of the music, and Porky lifts Petunia to the still-swinging bar. He joins her, and in tandem, they acknowledge the adoration of those below.
My neck hurts from straining to see and the tension of the moment. Turning to leave, my progress is stopped by a bump into Speedy Gonzales. “Ah, senor,” he says. “I have an envelope for you.” My first thought was to run away, but that would be a hopeless gesture. Speedy hands me the envelope. Inside is the message we all expect from Linda Hill. It reads. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “the last thing you emptied.” Think of the last thing you emptied or something you empty often and use it as your prompt any way you like. Have fun!
If you want to have fun, visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link.
Europe’s love of train travel is about to transform the continent’s solar energy production as the Swiss are set to begin installing solar panels in between train tracks.
The startup called Sun-Ways is waiting for a sign-off from the Federal Office of Transport to start installing their panels between the tracks near Buttes Station in the west of the country.
With the Swiss national railway network stretching beyond 2,000 miles of track, estimates place the amount of power generation at potentially beyond 1 terawatt hour or 2% of the entire gross annual consumption.
“There are over a million kilometers of railway lines in the world,” co-founder Baptiste Danichert tells SWI Swissinfo. “We believe that 50% of the world’s railways could be equipped with our system.”
A great way to incorporate solar panels into an economy is to find a place where flat ground is used by other industries, like canals, pastures, or warehousing.
Some companies use solar panels to generate power over agriculture, a strategy called “agrivoltaics” while India and California use their massive canal networks and hot sun to generate power while saving land.
Sun-Ways via SWNS
Sun-Ways’ invention uses a specialized train car to lay down solar panels as if it were unrolling a carpet to save on labor costs.
At the moment, the idea is facing some pushback, including concern that the reflection of the sun off the panels could distract drivers, and that in areas with heavy snowfall, the panels would be a large waste of money.
Dust, debris, and damage from the vibrations of the rails could all potentially interfere the panels, but Sun-Ways have said they are taking all of this into account with the design and materials of the panels. For dust, they added that brushes could be attached to the undersides of trains to clean the panels as they drive by.
Their pilot at Buttes remains highly anticipated.
The good news here is that there are those trying unique and innovative ways to solve energy needs. Even if this system does not prove out, it is still worth pursuing. Today’s JohnKu talks about taking a chance. I hope you have a super weekend.
The terrific guys at Fresh Ink Group invited me to appear tonight on their 138th Blog Talk Radio show. That’s them above. Of course, if you invite me, I will show up. So tonight at 8:00 Eastern Time, Stephen Geez, Beem Weeks, and I will be chewing the fat about all things authorly. To listen to the broadcast, click HERE.
If you want to join the discussion, call (516) 453-9902. To prime the pump, THE FIRST PERSON TO CALL WILL RECEIVE A FREEKINDLE COPY OF THE LAST DRIVE.
Keith Channing is still off, so today’s prompt was pulled from The Last Drive. The idea is to open a book to a random spot and point. The words closest to the pointing finger become the prompt. The random page today is 129, and the words are “big disaster.”
“Huh. How could they accept? They have both passed.”
“I know that. These are guys that impersonate them.”
“You invited them to what?”
“I’m having a party for my mom, and she loved these guys.”
“Why did you invite both.”
“In case one couldn’t do it. Now it’s a big disaster.”
“You’ll have to help me since I bearly remember them. What made these guys your mom’s favorites?
“She thought they were so funny. She would watch them on TV every week.”
“How about you?”
“I was too young to remember. I do have a couple of lines from their acts, though.”
“Okay, let’s hear them.”
“Morey used to play the viola, and he had a song with a funny title.”
“Which was?”
“Mrs. Moore started to snore and blew the covers onto the floor.”
“Uh-huh. How about Jerry?”
“When I was a kid, I said to my father one afternoon, ‘Daddy, will you take me to the zoo?’ He answered, ‘If the zoo wants you, let them come and get you.’”
“Hum. So what are you going to do?”
“I can’t have both.”
“Just tell one that you already booked the other.”
“They work for charity so one would lose out.”
“Then let ’em both come.”
“Might be overkill but I’m sure mom will like them.”
“Who is coming to the party?”
“Besides mom?”
“Uh yeah.”
“Everybody. Uncles, aunts, cousins.”
“The whole circus?”
“None of the animals though.”
“That’s a relief. I think Morey and Jerry are going to have their hands full.”
“I’ll give them a big tip.”
“I wonder if they ever worked under the big top?”
“Always a first time.”
“What’s the party for?”
“Mom has decided to retire from the trapeze act.”
“Bout time. The flying grannie bit was getting old.”
Originally posted on March 16th, 2016. I thought it would be fun to revisit since it is totally fiction.
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This list was inspired by taking a moment to walk in the shoes of the one thousand or so Billionaires in this world. I wanted to imagine how hard it would be to stay on the good side of the household staff dedicated to serving day in and day out. So come with me on this fictional walk among the privileged.
Top Ten Things Not to Say to Your Household Staff
10 Do not ask your chauffeur to wash the car. If you do, at best, you’ll get a look that can’t be explained. At worst, you will be treated to a ride through the car wash while you are supposed to be headed for the airport. (Your chauffeur never left the front seat either)
9 Do not ask your butler to empty a wastebasket. If you do, at best, the basket will be there untouched. At worst, you will find the basket contents under your clothes laid out for the day. (That lint is a killer, isn’t it?)
8 Do not ask the chambermaid to get a cup of coffee. If you do, at best, you will have a very grumpy butler on your hands. At worst, the chambermaid may bring you a coffee that is only 99% spit-free. (One would hope you knew the duty roster better )
7 Do not ask the cabana person to pick some leaves out of the spa. If you do, at best, he will report you to the pool man. At worst, he will pick the leaves out, and the pool man will threaten him to the point where he is forced to leave. (This was the best cabana person of the last five who quit after picking out some leaves)
6 Do not ask the yard man to sweep the garage. If you do, at best, the yard man will tell the garage man that the garage needs cleaning. At worst, the yard man will sweep out the garage along with the twenty irreplaceable bolts required to hold your Rolls Royce transmission in place. (Don’t worry. The replacement bolts can be sent from the UK for $1000.00 each plus shipping.)
5 Do not ask the chef to run out and pick up a few things at the store. If you do, at best, they will get someone else to do it. At worst, you will still be perplexed why tonight’s dinner is Kraft Macaroni and cheese. (There is nothing wrong with a sample of proletariat cuisine even though your guest is the German ambassador. Right?)
4 Do not tell the House administrator you think there is too much spending on household items. If you do, at best, the spending will increase. At worst, you must get used to lower winter and higher summer temperatures in the house and hot dogs twice a week. (How do you feel about a foot-high lawn? Those sheep are having trouble keeping up.)
3 Do not mention to your pilot that you thought the last landing was a bit rough. If you do, at best, she will try a softer one next time. At worst, you might be treated to a few touch-and-go landings with several touches. (You never knew this plane could bounce that high, did you?)
2 Do not tell your yacht captain how to get from here to there. If you do, at best, he will avoid heavy seas even though they are on your chosen route. At worst, you will spend several agonizing hours wondering if you will survive the storm that was right in the way. (You never knew how much the body could send back till now, did you?)
1 Do not tell your personal trainer how to train you. If you do, at best, your workout will be something short of worthless. At worst, you will be hurting in all the wrong places and times. (Pretty tough picking up that pen to sign those paychecks, heh?)
