Friday JohnKu – AKA TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments
“We doing sun bath today, Little One?”
“Yeah until Dad starts using the ladder.”
“He doesn’t make much noise.”
“He does when he falls off.”
“Good point.”

 

Another Friday has graced us with its presence. So good to see you Friday, you looker you. Have a seat. Soon it will be the weekend,, and we thank you for leading us there.

We all have to send prayers to those affected by Hurricane Ida. Having survived Harvey, I can tell you it will be a rough road ahead for everyone. Also, our friends on the East Coast are having their challenges with the rain resulting from the storm. Our hearts go out to them as well.

The thirteen Marines killed during the withdrawal from Afghanistan landed at Dover Air Force base. We pray their families will at some point come to some element of peace knowing they are back. I also hope there will be some justice for those responsible for these deaths. I applaud both sides of the Congressional aisle who are demanding answers. Since the administration wants to move the Afghanistan story off page one as soon as possible, I hope those with conscience keep asking for a detailed account of what caused such a mess.

Some politicians are crowing that the withdrawal was a big success since over 100,000 people were evacuated. I tend to think about the 10% of American citizens who are still trapped in the country and, of course, the thirteen who gave their lives. Yeah, call me old-fashioned,, but success would have been no lives lost and 100% of our citizens saved.

Texas finished the meteorological summer with the coolest weather in 13 years. Our temperature was down for the three-month period by 0.58 degrees, and we only had four 100 degree days. So we will have to see what September has in store.

Today’s JohnKu talks about the weather (What else?) I hope you have a wonderful Weekend.

The Weather by John W. Howell © 2021

It takes one who knows,

To guide us through the weather . . .

Or just flip a coin.

 

 

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy Needs Entertainment.

~ John W. Howell ~ 111 Comments

“Hey, Lucy. Do you want to play with Eel?

“Gee, I was just getting ready for a nap.”

“Yeah, but look how much fun we can have.”

“Call the boss; maybe he’ll play with you.”

“Ah, Dad. Let’s do the tug-o-war.”

“Sure, Anything you want.”

“That’s the ticket. Now drag me.”

“You sure your teeth can stand it.”

“Hey, Lucy. Look at me. Being dragged.”

“Let me just imagine it, Little one.”

“I’m coming back by you. Want to play too.”

“Goodness. What part of nap didn’t you get?”

“Okay then. I let go.”

“Sure your teeth are okay?”

“They are fine. Why do you ask?”

“Well, being hauled around with your whole weight on them.”

“You calling me fat?”

“No, I’m not. Just concerned about your teeth. Now remove yourself from my face.”

“I think she was calling me fat.”

“Was not.”

“What do you think?”

“Who are you talking to? The boss left.”

“My friends, Lucy. My friends.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 327 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

In Keiths words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

Photo of a bottle

The Excavation by John W. Howell © 2021

“Everyone, please be careful. We have been working at this site for over a year.”

“I hear you have turned up nothing but this one artifact.”

“That is correct. It appears the civilization disappeared without a trace.”

“Except for this one artifact.”

“Quite true, Ambrose. We are almost certain others will be found, but so far, this is all the evidence we have that anyone existed here before.”

“So, how would you describe the artifact, professor.”

“You can see for yourself that it is green and make out of a substance that is hard and clear.”

“Do you have a guess as to its age?”

“It is tough to determine since we would have to take a piece of it and then do a dating process. However, given the low level of technology, I would put this object in the twenty-first century, say around 2021.”

“Wow, professor, that was five thousand years ago.”

“I know, er, what was your name again?”

“Tantius.”

“Ah, yes, Tantius, the son of Truntious. It is over five thousand years. You see, back then, humans used to walk around with sustenance in containers. These were made out of silica and were a very crude method of portability compared to our standards.”

“Why did they need to carry sustenance, Professor.”

“No one is sure Tantius. They had a term for it. They called it carry-out.”

“Wasn’t that what helped make them extinct?”

“Well done, Ambrose. Yes, their carry-out finally did them in. Unfortunately, they did not know how to dispose of these containers, so their rivers and oceans finally ran dry with the magnitude of the waste.”

“Yet this is the only artifact.”

“It is a little poetic, isn’t it? I suppose we will never know where all the dross finally went. However, we should be thankful that it is gone.”

“What are you going to do with this artifact?”

“We will wrap it and carefully transport it back to Tandox. They can study it more there and will be able to lift the traces of matter that will identify the last user of this container.”

“What then?”

“The matter can be used to replicate the user for further study.”

“I would love to see that. They say humans only had two eyes.”

“Yes, Tantis. They were definitely inferior to our race. If they hadn’t eliminated themselves, they would be no match for us. Unfortunately, we only have sketchy descriptions of them, but they seemed to be ill-equipped for survival. Well, are we ready to head back to the classroom?”

“Speaking for myself, this has been a fascinating discussion. I could really go for some lunch.”

“Lovely, Tantis, thank you. We have some fresh dung waiting for us when we get back, which I’m sure you will enjoy.”

 

 

 

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to do While Visiting a Doctor

~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments
Unsplash image by Clay Banks

 

This post was originally run on August 15, 2014. I think it remains relevant today. Also, I’m at Story Empire today discussing Lewin’s Change Process if you care to pop over there too. Here’s the link.

* * *

Here is the 60th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. The inspiration for this came from sitting in several doctor’s offices this week.

Top Ten Things Not to do While Visiting a Doctor

10. If you visit a doctor, do not listen to your tunes with earphones while in the waiting room. If you do, at best, you will miss your name and have a few more hours wait. At worst, you will start humming one of your favorites and will be asked to wait in the hallway until your name is called.

9. If you are visiting a doctor, do not smile at the old lady sitting across from you even though she is smiling at you. If you do, at best, she will think you nuts since her smile will turn out to be gas. At worst, she will think you are being fresh and give you a nice whack with her cane.

8. If you are visiting a doctor, remember to turn off your cellphone. If you don’t, at best, you will get some annoying notifications. At worst, you will get a call from another doctor’s office wanting to discuss your last test results.

7. If you are visiting a doctor, do not touch anything in the office waiting room. If you do, at best, you will only catch a cold. At worst, you will be in line for the next case of Rona since the last case finished with the magazine you are reading now.

6. If you are visiting a doctor, do not attempt any doctor humor. If you do, at best, you will bomb like Henny Youngman at an NRA convention. At worst, you will keep wondering about not being able to feel your leg after the shot from the humorless one in charge.

5. If you are visiting a doctor, do not try to get in without paying your co-payment amount. If you do, at best, you will be called back to the front to the amusement of all the patients. At worst, you will meet the biggest medical technician who will hold you upside down until you pay up.

4. If you are visiting a doctor, do not go through any of the cabinets in the examination room. If you do, at best, you will see some unusual instruments that will make you want to leave immediately. At worst, the doctor will walk in just as you come across the samples of products designed to prevent sexually transmitted disease

3. If you are visiting a doctor, do not ask questions about the degrees posted on the walls. If you do, at best, you will find they don’t belong to your doctor. At worst, you will find out your doctor went to a rival school to yours and one known for its status as a party university.

2. If you are visiting a doctor, do not ask for samples of drugs. If you do, at best, you will be given a lecture about the evils of addiction. At worst, you will be escorted to the interrogation room of the local DEA office, where there will be difficult questions about what you know and when you knew it.

1. If you are visiting a doctor, do not forget to bring your medication list. If you forget, at best, your doctor will prescribe something similar to what you already take. At worst, your doctor will prescribe drugs that have contraindications to what you take, and you will be found tomorrow wandering naked in the middle of the street babbling something about the giant pink elephant.

Views of the Neighborhood – New Construction – Take Two

~ John W. Howell ~ 104 Comments

Accompaniments

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – My/Yours

~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

 

A picture of a string with drops of water- the logo for SoCS

 

My day started like most. I first went to the Bentley dealer and checked out a new turbo convertible for a test ride. The dealer wanted to make the whole idea more complicated, but I convinced them that as a world-famous influencer, it would be worth their while to let me drive the car. Out I cruised in a spanking clean black Saffire convertible with a fawn interior. I decided to head for the countryside, to open this baby up to see what it could do.

I turned up the Bang & Olufsen, 1500W, 16 speakers, and 16-channel amp so that I could surround myself with concert-level music. I was living the dream with beautiful sound and the wind in my hair until I noticed a huge USPS 18 wheeler was slowly moving over into my lane. It was clear the driver did not see me. If he had seen me,, he would have known it is bad to crowd someone in a Bentley. I decided to apply the ample brakes and let him move over.

Suddenly, his right wheels hit the shoulder, spraying the Bentley with what must have been a thousand rocks. I have never seen so many spiderweb cracks in a windshield before. I was forced to pull over. The USPS driver stopped as well and came walking back to where I sat. He handed me an envelope and a card. The card had a phone number to call to place a claim. The envelope was addressed to me and was from Linda Hill. The driver mentioned I should probably take my Ford to the dealer for an estimate first before making a claim. I thanked him and got out of the Bentley. Given all the dents, the Bentley did indeed look like a Ford Galaxy 500. I sighed and thanked him and opened the envelope. Here is what was inside.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “my.” Start your post with the word “My.” Bonus points if you end your post with “yours.” Enjoy!

I think I was lucky to start the post with “my.”

If you would like to enjoy it as well, visit Linda Hill’s blog and read how. Here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2021/08/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-28-2021/

My/Yours by John W. Howell © 2021

“My brain just can’t figure out why do you go through all that introduction stuff.”

“I enjoy writing a narrative is the only reason. Talking with you all the time makes me stale.”

“Stale? Boring don’t you mean?”

“Well maybe that too.”

“What’s the prompt?”

“Weren’t you listening?”

“To be frank I think I dozed off when you brought up the sound system in the Bentley.”

“You shoulda been there. It was sweet. The prompt is ‘My/Yours.’ Start the post with ‘my,’ end with ‘yours.'”

“Okay so you nailed the ‘my’ already. Before I ask what you’re going to do with ‘yours,’ what happened when you took that Bentley back to the dealer?”

“You should have seen his face. I have to laugh every time I think of it.”

“Weren’t you nervous?”

“No, as I said while you were taking a nap I had a claim number from the USPS.”

“But still.”

“He did rant and rave a while. Threatened to put the three hundred thou on my credit card.”

“That would have been humorous.”

“Just imagine the folks at VISA when a Bentley dealer calls to charge a Bentley to my account.”

“I’m sure the decline would have burnt his ear hairs.”

“Yeah I just opened the door and walked away. I have to say, sadly that car looked like a golf ball.”

“Well alls well that ends well. How about a beer?”

“Sounds good. Who’s turn to buy?”

“I’m going to answer you with a response that you don’t dare dispute.”

“Why?”

“If you do you won’t get the bonus points.”

“How can that be. Who’s turn?”

“Wait for it. . . .Yours.

 

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments
“Hey, Dad. You need any help?”
“No thanks. I think I can handle it.”
“When’s dinner then?”

 

Another Friday is here, and we can all give thanks. We can look forward to a weekend of rest.

This was a busy week all around. I am glad to report I have made some headway on my WIP. The one additional day of not blogging has opened up some valuable time, and I have put it to good use. When my book is finished, I will be returning to Wednesday Story Day because, quite frankly, I miss the characters that come out of such an endeavor. So stand by since one day it will happen.

It is very hard not to comment on the developments in Afghanistan. The latest polls show the President’s handling of the pullout not meeting favor with the public. I noticed the German government has promised the Taliban hundreds of millions in aid to allow its citizens to leave. This starts a journey on a very slippery slope in which the Taliban can begin to auction off groups of people that a country might see as vital. Of course, Biden was asked by the German’s to extend the date, and so far, he has refused. This sets up the possibility for the Taliban to do what it does best; hold hostages for ransom. Since I don’t want to get political, I’ll leave it there. I just believe Americans expected much more than the humiliation we see in Afghanistan. Now that there has been one bomb explosion at the Kabul airport, I hope it doesn’t get worse.

It was good to see the FDA give final approval to the Pfizer vaccine. Now maybe some holdouts will feel more comfortable getting a jab. It is hard to believe the number of cases of COVID that are being reported. School districts here in Texas are closing for up to ten days. Gotta hope for some relief.

Today’s JohnKu talks about looking on the bright side of things to cope with too much bad news. I hope you have a super weekend.

The News. by John W. Howell © 2021

When the news seems dark,

Think of the bright side of it . . .

We are all still here.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy Finds a New Playmate

~ John W. Howell ~ 90 Comments

“Hey, Lucy. I hear something over there.”

“Might be a lawnmower. Let’s go see.”

“Look at this. A little something running around here.”

“I don’t see anything.”

“Over here. Not over there. It’s over here.”

“I wouldn’t touch anything that’s on the ground running around.”

“Look, it’s the cutest. I wonder if it wants to be friends?”

“Looking at its size, I imagine it is scared to death.”

“Would you look at that. I just touched it, and it flew off.”

“I don’t think it wanted to play with you today.”

“I don’t get why not.”

“I think it left a piddle puddle. That says a lot.”

“Where are you going?”

“So hot here. I’m heading for the shade.”

“Hey, I think it’s come back.”

“Must have rabies to do something crazy like that. Stay away from it.”

“It didn’t come back. A nice layout will help me forget.”

“Forget what? You fall in love with a bug?”

“Well, it would have been fun to have a new playmate.”

“What am I? Chopped liver?”

“No, you are the best. it just would have been interesting with someone new.”

“You said that the last time a squirrel almost had a heart attack with your playing.”

“Okay, I guess I’m foolish. How about a game of ruckus?”

“Sounds good. Can we do it inside, though? This Texas summer is a killer.”

“Okay then. I’ll throw myself against the door and tell the folks we want in.”

“You are very good at that for sure.”

“I can hear mom coming. You want anything once we get inside?”

“You going to do that big eye, poor starving, almost too weak to stand, acting bit?”

“Yes.”

“Good, I’ll take a peanut butter biscuit.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue # 326 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

The Dark by John W. Howell © 2021

“So here’s the plan. We are going to try and get the tree shot before it gets fully dark.”

“I don’t understand what’s so important about the tree shot.”

“It’s not your job to wonder about anything important. You are the talent. I’m the director.”

“Well, okay. Put that way, I’ll just be quiet.”

“A welcome change of pace. Now I need you to get under the tree.”

“Ew. Things are hanging in the tree.”

“Those are the vampire bats that are going to bite you on the neck in the scene.”

“Wait a minute. SAG rules are no biting.”

“For heaven’s sake. Have you read the script?”

“No. I saw I have no dialogue, so I just skipped it. Besides, you always tell me what I’m supposed to do.”

“Too bad you don’t listen. So here’s the scene. You have run away from the pack of zombies—”

“No way.”

“No way what?”

“I don’t run. It’s in my contract.”

“I know we have a stunt double.”

“So why say I run?”

“Let me rephrase that. In the form of a stunt double, your character runs away from a pack of zombies and comes to this tree. She is all out of breath—”

“Who is out of breath?”

“The character.”

“Go on.”

“She looks up into the tree and then sees the vampires. She falls to the ground screaming, and then we cut. Any questions?”

“I don’t fall. It’s in my contract.”

“We will cut in the stunt double falling. The shot will have you screaming and then a closeup of you on the ground.”

“It’s wet.”

“What?”

“The ground.”

“Let me guess. You don’t get wet. It’s in your contract.”

“Yup.”

“Okay then. Well, put a cover on the ground and make it look like dirt. Then, you’ll be completely dry.”

“What’s the cover made of?”

“I’m not sure.”

“Can’t be latex. I’m allergic.”

“Okay, we’ll use a cotton cloth.”

“Sustainable, organic cotton.”

“It’s in your contract fight?”

“Right.”

“You know if you weren’t my daughter, I would fire you.”

“Oh, come on, Daddy, don’t be a grumpy grump.”

“And if this weren’t your drama class project worth a semester’s grade, I would fire me.”

“You going to keep grumping, or are we going to do this?”

 

Top Ten Questions You Should Never Answer

~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

 

***

question_20mark

The inspiration for this list came from observing everyday life and watching others fall into a dark pit for no other reason than attempting to answer dangerous, politically incorrect, or impossible questions.

Top Ten Questions You Should Never Answer

10 If you are asked, “How do I look?” do not answer the question. If you do, at best, you only have a 50% chance of being right which is also a 50% chance of being wrong. At worst, the person who asked the question knows they look awful and now picks a fight with you for misleading them. (Your credibility is now null and void. Good luck with the comforting an old friend excuse.)

9 If you are asked, “Have you been drinking?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your answer will not be credible. At worst, if you do answer yes, you might have some explaining to do, and if you answer no, you better be telling the truth. (So what was it that made you trip over the footstool on your way to bed?)

8 If you are asked, “Where did this new car dent come from?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your “I don’t know” will require the need to relay your exact itinerary for the day. At worst, you will be forced to endure an agonizing lecture on how to park and drive a car to prevent it from being dented. ( Lesson one: Shopping carts are car magnets)

7 If you are asked, “Would you like to donate to an organization,” do not answer. If you do, at best, you will sound mean-spirited if you say no. At worst, those around you will consider your clothes and appearance before deciding you must be the winner of the cold heart person of the year award. (They will talk out loud while they deliberate)

6 If you are asked, “Would you mind watching our dog for a few hours?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your friendship will be made or lost on the answer. At worst, little Fido happens to have a rare spastic colon that, unfortunately for you, just decided to attack the poor thing in your white living room. (Which the owners totally forgot to mention.)

5 If you are asked, “Would you like that order supersized?” do not answer. If you do, at best, you will hate yourself either way. At worst, it will be a week or two before the supersized feeling has worked its way out of your mind and onto your body. (“No” is the hardest word.)

4 If you are asked, “What size do you wear?” do not answer. If you do, at best, your underestimate will be a laughable moment for the store personnel. At worst, the continued suggestion that you try a larger size will indicate how much you have been kidding yourself on the need for reform. (A terrible realization after all.)

3 If you are asked, “Is this seat taken?” do not answer. If you do, at best, a yes answer will eventually be proven wrong, making you a petty unsociable.  At worst, the person will decide to take the seat no matter what you say and will now consider you a nut case if you said yes. (If you said no, you have invited a company who will talk your ear off for the next ten stops.)

2 If you are asked, “Where are you from?” do not answer. If you do, at best, the person asking is from the same place, and you now have a new unwanted BFF. At worst, the new BFF decides to go through the list of possible people each of you knows, and you realize that it might be hours before the list is complete. (And because you answered the question, you are too polite to tell the person to bug off.)

1 If you are asked, “Would you like to go out?” do not answer without thinking. If you do and say yes, at best, you’ll need to follow through no matter how dim the prospect. At worst, you say no, and unbeknownst to you, the person asking is a certified psychopath who decided to stop taking the medication that has helped keep the aggressive tendencies in check. (You now have a spurned, non-medicated psychopath wanting to walk you home. Good luck with that.)