This post was published on June 30, 2014, by Marie Ann Bailey and me. It was the last post we co-authored.

The Top Ten Things Not to Do on Your First Anniversary

10 If it is your first wedding anniversary, do not think your spouse will find it funny if you pretend to forget your wedding date.  If you do pretend to forget, at best, your spouse will forgive you after you’ve recited a dozen mea culpas and treated your spouse to a romantic candlelit dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town.  At worst, your spouse will demand, in addition to the mea culpas and romantic dinner, that you be solely responsible for cleaning out your cat’s litter box until your second wedding anniversary.

9 If it is your first wedding anniversary, do not assume your spouse will want to celebrate the anniversary with all your family, friends, and the same people at your wedding.  If you do, at best, your spouse will grudgingly put up with a crush and the noise of partygoers.  At worst, your spouse will commit a disappearing act (sneaking out of the house to have that nice, quiet dinner your spouse really wanted), leaving you to be solo host, as well as clean-up crew after the party.

8 If it is your first work anniversary, do not expect congratulations from your boss and coworkers.  At best, you will get some recognition for having stayed in the job for a year since no one else (including your boss) has, an insight which might cause you to start looking for another job.  At worst, you try to throw your own party during lunch time in the conference room, which coincides with your boss’s own planned luncheon with the CEO, CFO, CIO, and COO, and you wind up playing caterer to them since you are now too embarrassed to admit the food was for your own party.

7 If it is your first work anniversary, do not insist on going to the most expensive restaurant to celebrate with your boss and coworkers.  If you do, at best, no one will complain that the only thing any of them (except your boss) can afford is the Caesar salad and a glass of ice water.  At worst, in honor of your anniversary, your boss will publicly suggest you pay the bill for the entire table since your anniversary grants you a 1.0% raise, which, after taxes, translates to a 0.3% raise, which, after a year, will cover the cost of the meal.

6 If it is the first anniversary of your first date, do not think your significant other will be unaware of the fact.  If you do, at best, your significant other will accept your apologies for forgetting, and you make a promise to yourself not to forget the second anniversary.  At worst, your significant other will accept your apologies and then suggest it’s time to see other people, letting you know in no uncertain terms that there will not be a second anniversary.

5 If it is the first anniversary of your first date, do not think a simple greeting card will be enough to celebrate the event.  If you do, at best, your significant other will simply sigh and make arrangements for a nice dinner at the restaurant where you had your first date.  At worst, your significant other will make reservations at a very expensive restaurant you’ve always wanted to go to but never had the money. For the cherry on top, your significant other will abruptly leave, grabbing the foil-wrapped coq au vin, but leave the check, which, of course, you cannot pay except with long hours of dishwashing.

4 If it is your first blogging anniversary, do not think that no one will care if you ignore the event.  If you do, at best, your readers will likely be confused when you start writing posts beginning “When I began blogging over a year ago ….” since it’s fairly common to celebrate such an event, and they won’t understand why you didn’t.  At worst, you’ll be spotlighted into shame by your fellow bloggers who go ahead and post about their first anniversary while you sit and watch their readership grow as yours sinks.

3 If it is your first blogging anniversary, do not think you can crowdsource your way to a fancy restaurant to celebrate.  If you do, at best you’ll gain enough for a tip, and your readers will just shake their heads over your impudence and continue reading your blog anyway.  At worst, several fellow bloggers will show up at a fancy restaurant expecting you to share your crowdsourced meal for one with all of them, forcing you to pony up for the most expensive bill you’ve ever seen.

2 If it is the first anniversary of your book, do not think it would be gauche to promote the hell out of it on your important day.  If you do, at best, an ardent fan will recognize the date and promote your book for you, giving you an uptick in sales you wouldn’t have otherwise.  At worst, you miss your window of opportunity, and your first-anniversary sale post bombs because no one understands what a year-and-a-day anniversary is all about.

1 If it is the first anniversary of your book, do not hesitate to discount the price on that important day.  If you do hesitate, at best, you’ll get lukewarm sales results from your lukewarm effort.  At worst, your promotion will be so tepid that none of your readers will understand what you are promoting and miss the opportunity to purchase your book at less than the cost of a tall skinny Vanilla latte.