Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Drive

June 12, 2021June 11, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

I was enjoying a leisurely stroll through the neighborhood yesterday. I was on the lookout for the deer since I intend to provide a deer update on the Neighborhood Views on Sunday. As I was turning into my cul-de-sac, I felt the wind of the big brown UPS truck as it barely missed running me over. I reached the drive to my house just as the delivery person shot put a package that rolled and tumbled into the front door. I could hear Twiggy hitting high C inside the house. I said, “Thanks.”

The sarcasm was dripping from the word like a melting cone. I could have saved my breath and chilly bon mot since the delivery person was deeply into the tune playing behind the eyes from the noise-reducing earbuds. I’m not certain they saw me as there was no effort to avoid me. I jumped out of the way, and they were off in a cacophony of backup warning tones, grinding gears, and a V8 that begged for a tune-up.

I approached the package, which had Handle With Care warnings on all four sides. I could see dark liquid pooling from the side, lying on the concrete. I thought about calling 9-1-1 but gently lifted the package to see if there was any hope.”Stay with me. Help is on the way,” I yelled. Of course, the package had no idea I was not telling the truth. There wasn’t much anyone could have done anyway. I carefully opened the box to see the damage and found a message on top of six pulverized bottles of VooDoo Ranger Ale. The message was from Linda Hill and read, “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “drive.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!”

If you would like to have, fun go to Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2021/06/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-12-2021/

“What’s that mess?”

“The remains of a six-pack of VooDoo Ranger.”

“You’re kidding. Who would do such a thing?”

“UPS.”

“Aw man, I feel for your loss.”

“Thanks. I feel pretty bad.”

“Want me to drive you to the store?”

“Don’t think I’m ready yet.”

“I understand. You shouldn’t drive yourself to replace them till you’re ready.”

“Yeah. Then I think I’ll be able to drive myself.”

“We may be confusing folks with these drives.”

“I have a natural drive to get revenge.”

“Order another set of weights and make sure they are delivered by UPS.”

“Great idea. How about a drive train for a 1968 Toyota Land Cruiser.”

“You are getting healthier by the minute.”

“A two-ton Mosler safe.”

“Yeah, let’s see them throw that up onto the porch.”

“You’ve helped me stop moping around about the VooDoo Ranger. Let’s drive to the pub.”

“You think you are ready?”

“Well, like they say. If you can’t be with. The one you love. Love the one you’re with.”

“Who says that?”

“The guy who’s going to pull the tap on two pints of icy cold barley pops.”

“Let’s go.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

June 11, 2021June 10, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 76 Comments

Another Friday and another fast week. I love the refrain, “I just don’t know where the time goes.” It speaks so well for the current situation. But, of course, it is a refrain spoken mostly by the senior members of the population. I have to plead guilty as being included in that body of folks. But, just the same, I would like to have time to slow down a bit.

Our first summer is officially here in Central Texas. We have 90 degree days.

We just finished the Noad’s Ark phase of the seasons in Texas. Here is a chart giving you an idea of all the Texas seasons.

Chart courtesy of Joan Hall

When we move into Hell’s Front Porch, the temps will get into the 100’s. We always look forward to that time of year. Today’s JohnKu talks about talking about the weather. I hope you all have a delightful weekend.

If we have nothing,

Real worthy of discussion . . .

There’s always weather.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Chore Questions

June 10, 2021June 9, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 79 Comments

“Lucy, come quick. Dad’s been at it again.”

“Coming Little One.”

“Look at all that junk. Wat’s he been doing?”

“I really don’t know. We’ll have to ask.”

“What are you doing over on the other side of the yard.”

“trying to find a place to hide. That stuff looks dangerous.”

“Oh, I don’t think so. Check it out.”

“I’m going to give it a sniff over.”

“Well? What do you think?”

“Smells like work.”

“Yeah, I’m picking up the same vibe.”

“Where is Dad anyway?”

“I heard him mumble about a missing tool.”

“He’s always missing a tool. Hey. There are deer out there.”

Lucy and Twiggy. I hear you have a question about what’s going on here.”

“Not anymore. There’re deer out front. We need to run to the other gate.”

“I’m putting up anti-glare film to prevent the sun’s reflective heat from killing the grass.”

“Sure, Dad. Sounds fascinating. We gotta go. Maybe some other time.”

“We’ll get back to you, boss.”

“Yeah, thanks.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

June 9, 2021June 8, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 47 Comments

Photo of Twiggy and Lucy talking — “Yes, it’s Wednesday for the fifth time.”
“Just has a Friday feel is all.”
“Come smell the flowers.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week we were all stunned to know that the Escalade used to pick up an order from Chick-Fil-A and which was owned by the now late widow Tounsand is sitting in Cortez’s driveway. We have also assumed that it is the same Escalade used to take ADA Thomas, Lieutenant Mayfield, and Lazar Popović away from the warehouse. Agent Moore has ordered up an assault team, and he, Larry, and Andrew are all headed to Cortez’s place. Let’s join them as they ride there.

“Do you think ADA Thomas, Lieutenant Mayfield, and Lazar Popović are at Cortez’s”

“Not sure, Larry, but I would bet on it.”

“What about Carolyn, Popović’s daughter?”

“Seems logical that she should be there too.”

“I’m also wondering now how we can tie in Alexis Rafferty’s murder to Cortez.”

“I thought the wife and boyfriend did it.”

“Yeah, but I believe Cortez had a hand as well.”

“Uh, Larry?”

“Yes, Andrew.”

“Do you think we can finally put the Sandusky case to bed as well?”

“Oh man, Andrew. We have been on a pilgrimage, haven’t we? It all started with Sandusky, and here we are headed for Cortez’s house, which may be the end to this mess.”

“One can only hope.”

“You guys have your own axes to grind. I want Cortez for kidnapping and federal drug crimes. I don’t want you to bring up anything else. If you do, he will try to bargain his way out whit information about your stuff.”

“We get that, Mike. We think Popović will give us all the information we need assuming Carolyn is okay.”

“I hope so. I don’t mean to be a jerk, but this big tuna is one we’ve wanted to land for several years.”

“We respect that, Mike. How far out are we?”

“Looks like a couple of minutes till we rendezvous with the assault team.”

“I guess you have a plan of attack.”

“Yeah. We are going to surround the building. This is going to be tricky since there are maybe four hostages inside. We won’t be able to rush the building since we have no idea where they are inside. We don’t want anyone to get killed.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“Allow Cortez to give up. He does not impress me as a guy who is ready to die right now.”

“He might try to bargain the lives of the hostages.”

“Yeah, usually that doesn’t work. But, if we take the calm approach, I think we have a chance to talk him out.”

“You’ve done this before?”

“Countless times. Okay, there’s the team. Let’s go over the plan with them.”

“Right behind you, Mike.”

I’m also over at Story Empire today talking more about the Hierarchy of needs. Here’s the link.

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #315 by Keith Channing

June 8, 2021June 7, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.combefore 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“I know you hate to go over budget. That’s why I offered to help.”

“How can you help?”

“Easy. You write down an item and tell me the cost. Then, I plug it into the calculator for you. In the end, we will have a total. and you’ll know if you are over or under.”

“What if I’m over?”

“You simply go down the list and eliminate items until you are on budget again.”

“Seems logical. What if I’m under budget?”

“That is really simple. You add some stuff you always wanted but felt you couldn’t afford.”

“I like this system. It adds a little bit of discipline to the shopping trip.”

“That’s right and gives you control.”

“I can’t believe a bird came up with this.”

“I’m telling you if more people listened to the advice of birds, this would be a better place to live. Before we start listing, what is your budget?”

“I would say $50.00.”

“Okay, give me the first item.”

“Birdseed $4.50.”

“Got it. The second.”

“Twelve pack of VooDoo Ranger ale, $16.50.”

“Okay. Next.”

“Standing rib roast $22.50.”

“Whew. Next.”

“Bottle of red wine $10.00.”

“Cheap. Next.”

“Used to be two bucks. They called it Two Buck Chuck. Now it should be called Ten Buck Chuck. That’s my list.”

“Okay, let me hit total. Uh oh.”

“Uh oh?”

“Yeah, the total is $53.50.”

“That’s not good.”

“Might have to eliminate something. How about the wine?”

“Lifes blood.”

Vo Doo Ranger?”

“Brain food.”

“Smaller Standing rib roast?”

“Too many mouths.”

“Don’t tell me.”

“What’s the total without the birdseed?”

“Aw, come on. Who thought of this system in the first place?”

“So you shouldn’t be surprised. The total?”

“$49.00.”

“Under budget.”

“Yup. It’s a cruel world.”

“I do thank you for your idea.”

“Yeah, sure. Anytime. As they say, ‘no good deed goes unpunished.'”

“Who says?”

“Who indeed? I’m sure it was a bird.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at Graduation time

June 7, 2021June 6, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 91 Comments

This post originally ran on June 8th, 2015. Although COVID has replaced physical ceremonies with virtual, it still seems relevant.

The inspiration for this list is the fact that it is graduation season. When you think of all the graduations that are being held in the US alone, you realize the potential exists that these ten things occur with similar results. I hope you enjoy the list and can manage to avoid them.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at Graduation Time

10 If you are a graduate, do not put something dumb on your mortar. If you do, at best, even if your family sees you, they will not want to admit you belong to them. At worst, the picture taken of your message will go viral and will show up every time someone searches your name on Google, including prospective employers.

9 If you are a graduate parent, do not blow any type of horn when your child receives their diploma. If you do, at best, you will cause your kid to want to find another home. At worst, that big over trained guy in front of you is fighting a hangover and will help you stow your horn where you will not want it stored.

8 If you are a speaker at graduation, do not tell the graduates that the world is looking to them for salvation. If you do, at best, your cliché will remind everyone just how out of it you are. At worst, your words will be quoted in some satirical publications that will point out just how many times graduating classes heard the same words throughout the millennium.

7 If your graduate has decided to skip the ceremony, do not fight the decision. If you do, at best, your child will make attending the ceremony sound like parental abuse. At worst, the child will attend with something dumb written on the mortar to the tune of “my parents made me do this,” and you can expect the message broadcasted worldwide.

6 If your family is experiencing graduation, do not think this indicates your job as a parent is complete. If you do, at best, you will be surprised by requests for help as life commences. At worst, you will need counseling to overcome the feeling of failure as your child asks to move into your spare room.

5 If you are the graduation ceremony organizer, do not think everything will run smoothly because of your careful planning. If you do at best, you will be unprepared when something goes wrong. At worst, you will not know what to do with a thousand champaign corks bouncing off the facility and school officials even though you banned the presence of alcohol at the ceremony.

4 If you are holding a graduation party, do not leave your house even though you trust your loving child to be trustworthy and in control. If you do, at best, a few more guests who were not expected will attend with little consequence. At worst, the state police will look for you to help fund the fire department, EMS, and SWAT team expenses that were incurred to break up the party and put out the fire destroying yours and two neighbor houses

3 If you have a graduate, do not overdo the gift. If you do, at best, your child will expect a similar prize for other accomplishments. At worst, someday, it will need to be replaced, and the words about the child being on their own when you gave the gift are forgotten.

2 If you are attending a graduation ceremony, do not treat the event as if it is a football game. If you do, at best, you will get strange looks when you enter the stand with the school colors and jersey and that giant foam # 1 hand. At worst, you will get many interested police and firefighters responding to the school complaint regarding the bratwurst you are grilling at your tailgate gathering.

1 If you have a graduate, do not keep telling them how amazed you are that they made it through school. If you do, at best, they will think you did not have faith in their abilities. At worst, you will give the child a complex that will be manifest in the longing for a career in fast food service as a grill person.

Views of the Neighborhood – Storm Assessment

June 6, 2021June 5, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 84 Comments

We should take a moment before we begin, to remember all those who took part in the invasion of France on D-Day June 6th, 1944. They are the greatest generation and are now fading to eternity. If you know a vet who served in WW II give them a hug.

Today’s tour is going to be brief. So brief in fact that we won’t need the bus. Also, we are going to be catered from Chick-Fil-A. Now before you laugh, this took an act of congress since Chick-Fil-A doesn’t serve on Sunday. Those of you who follow the Wednesday Story will understand that Chick-Fil-A owes me. Because of some technical problems, we will have to entertain ourselves. I can’t seem to get videos to play on the classic editor today. Thanks, WP.

Chick-Fil-A menu

Chick-fil-A® Chicken Biscuit

Chick-fil-A Chick-n-Minis™

Egg White Grill

Hash Brown Scramble Burrito

Hash Brown Scramble Bowl

Bacon, Egg & Cheese Biscuit Bacon

Sausage, Egg & Cheese Biscuit Sausage

Bacon, Egg & Cheese Muffin Bacon

Sausage, Egg & Cheese Muffin

Buttered Biscuit

English Muffin

Hash Browns

Greek Yogurt Parfait

Fruit Cup Fruit Cup

So let’s start walking.

The first stop is a fig tree that I have had my eye on. It was frozen in the February freeze and looks like it is DOA.

Checking on the Artichoke Agave. Once the plant is finishing flowering, the mother plant will die.

The next photos are of the damage from the storm that moved through here on Wednesday. This tree is a total loss.

A downed limb from the wind.

A major tree with major damage.

Another view of the same tree.

My neighbors Bradford pear

A shot looking down the driveway

A closer look.

The final view looking down the driveway. The tree was rotting at the base. so they took it down

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Yarn

June 5, 2021June 4, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 52 Comments

I had just finished digging out my olive tree and sat down to have a cold drink of tea. All of a sudden, the United States Postal Service person leaned on the front doorbell. The bell is right above a sign that says PLEASE DO NOT RING DOORBELL.

I finally got Twiggy off the ceiling and opened the door. In the middle of the porch, there was a soaking wet package laying in the opposite direction of the THIS SIDE UP arrow. I opened the package and found this message. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “yarn.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy! Along with the message were three skeins of yarn. The labels said two red and one white. In reality, there were two red and one candy-striped from the soaking.

If you would like to join in the fun visit Lina Hill’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link.

https://lindaghill.com/2021/06/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-5-2021/

“That’s funny-looking yarn.”

“Yeah, the white was in a box that got soaked from the rain.”

“Postal Service delivery, right?”

“How’d you know?”

“I think they put every package in a big tank.”

“Why would they do that?”

“Prevents explosions.”

“Very funny.”

“So why the yarn.”

“It’s a present from Linda Hill.”

“What’s she up to?”

“the prompt is yarn, so I think she sent some.”

“And if you used the word to mean a tall tale?”

“Maybe she would have sent a giraffe. I don’t know?”

“You are pretty sharp today. So what is y9ur story going to be?”

“I thought I would talk about knitting.”

“Knitting? You know anything about knitting?”

“No.”

“Perfect. You are well-qualified to talk about it then.”

“You being facetious?”

“Of course.”

“Well, I would just explain that it is tough to do and takes time.”

“You could compare knitting to drinking a twelve pack.”

“I was wondering how you were going to work beer into this conversation. I almost gave up on you.”

“Now that the subject has come up, what do you say?”

“Yeah. Let’s go knit.”

“Don’t make me during alone.”

“Just kidding. Your turn to buy.”

“Leave the yarn at home, okay.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

June 4, 2021June 3, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 81 Comments

Friday is here again. It seems like a very short week. But, wait, that’s because it was. Memorial Day took 20% of the week. Well, that explains it.

Our part of Texas is getting a lot of rain. It looks like it will continue through the weekend. This is totally fine with me since we need it. I did not enjoy the teeth-rattling thunder last night, though. We had a spectacular lightning show to go with the thunder.

The Texas legislature concluded its session for this year. The next time they will meet will be in 2023. After that, they meet starting the first Tuesday in January for 140 days. The governor can call special sessions, but by and large, that’s it for the next 18 months. We like this kind of legislative agenda.

This week’s JohnKu talks about the best kind of government. I hope you have a super weekend.

Government is best,

When those governed don’t feel it . . .

Only in heaven.