Top Ten Things Not to do at a School Reunion

Unsplash photo by Baim Hanif

 

This post was originally run on July 6th, 2015. Since several reunions are going on this summer, I thought you would enjoy it again.

 

Top Ten Things Not to do at a School Reunion

10 If you attend a school reunion, do not pose for photos that you don’t know where they will be published. If you do at best, the photos will only be traded among classmates. At worst, they will end up on the “what the not to wear, eat, or drink” website. (Which will go viral, and you’ll be getting calls from the Today show to appear on their segment called EXCESS)

9 If you attend a school reunion, do not pretend to be what you are not. If you do, at best, your little fib will be seen as a joke. At worst, your profile on the class newsletter will be featured under the title Most Successful Grad. (Which will be picked up by the news services and published by your hometown newspaper. It does make your job cooking fast food burgers seem more important, though.)

8 If you attend a school reunion, do not bring a date that you do not know simply because they are beautiful. If you do, at best, your charade will be found out early with no consequences. At worst, your date will discover the true reason you brought them and make an exit and a scene remembered for the next five reunions. (Only you passing away will halt the storytelling)

7 If you attend a school reunion, do not rent an expensive car for your grand entrance. If you do, at best, you will look overly anxious to impress and get the opposite reaction. At worst, the valet will take your rental car for a spin and inadvertently leave the side chrome on the street, fleeing a hit-and-run accident. (Which you will easily be able to explain to the judge)

6 If you attend a school reunion, do not try to hide the fact that you don’t remember everyone’s name. If you do, at best, you will look like a fool trying to check name tags without being caught. At worst, you will call someone by a different name, and the name will be associated by that person to an old flame or rival. (You will have a bunch of points on that one)

5 If you attend a school reunion, do not take this time to argue fine points about your grades with your old teachers. If you do, at best, the teachers will wish they had flunked you. At worst, one of them may remember you failed to turn in that assignment in the eleventh grade that will require you to repeat the course and nullify your high school diploma. (Try explaining that to your boss)

4 If you attend a school reunion, do not think your old flame wants to begin where you left off just by smiling at you. If you do, at best, you will be embarrassed to learn they are happily married. At worst, you will be a little too forward thinking all is forgiven. The icing on the cake will be you arrested as you leave the building for assault. ( Gotta remember no means no)

3 If you attend a school reunion, do not assume the free drinks at the bar carry no consequences. If you do, at best, you may exhibit a little tipsiness that everyone will think is cute. At worst, you will have the honor and resulting infamy of passing out on top of the Congratulations Class cake. (The clothes you’re wearing belong to your roommate as well.)

2 If you go to a school reunion, do not offer to be part of the planning committee for the next one. If you do, at best everyone will forget your offer. At worst, you will be appointed chairperson with all the rights and responsibilities to make the next one the best ever. (You will also want to get a Xanax prescription)

1 If you go to a school reunion, do not tell everyone you meet that “we must get together.” If you do at best, they will all wonder if you are having a breakdown. At worst, the ones you least want to see will stay in touch long enough to cop a free overnight on their way through your town. (Plus, they have some kind of foot infection that requires you to burn your sheets when they leave)

95 comments

  1. Dear John,
    fortunately I never went to a school reunion. But if I would go, actually, I was invited to one a week ago, I know what not to do. Thanks a lot.
    Wishing you a happy week
    Klausbernd
    The Fab Four of Cley
    🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I went to my 25th college thirty years ago and that was enough for me. Thanks, Klausbernd.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. All great. Also, don´t ask when the baby is due when you meet the girl who used to be very skinny. The cold look you get with the comment, “I´m not expecting.” could kill. OOPs.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yikes, a nightmare for sure, Darlene. Thank you. 😳

      Liked by 1 person

  3. The only high school reunion I attended had the food catered by “Ralph’s” and served penitentiary cafeteria style. The food was so bad, my husband refused to eat it. I ate a Grand Union dinner roll to be polite. We got to sit with Franklin County porno shop entreprenuer Frank. His claim to fame in high school was being the biggest smarta** in the school. Ah, memories, pressed between the pages of my mind . . .

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Watercolor memories of the way we were. Good old Frank dropped the smart and went for the full a** monte. Thanks, Liz. Great story.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ha ha, good one! There is a picture of him featured in the yearbook sitting on his textbooks on the floor. He has a Bic pen sticking out of his mouth, and he’s giving the thumbs-down sign.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Look at him now.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yes, his mother would be so proud–except she’s probably dead by now.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Well, there is that.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m fully behind #1. And as to #3, I didn’t know they had free drinks at those things or I’ve would have gone to a few. Even if I hadn’t attended that particular school.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great idea. I would love to attend a reunion at a school I never attended just to see how many people I could get to say they remembered me. Thanks, Andrew.

      Like

  5. John, I’ve never gone to a class reunion. If I do, I’d go as a famous author but my charade would quickly be uncovered when they learned I have fewer followers than fingers. Another enjoyable post. #6 would be me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Steve. I’m glad you liked it. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  6. “If you go to a school reunion…” Ten good reasons to skip mine. These are great John, but I’m sure someone at that reunion will break every one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sure they will, Dan. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. I do love class reunions. Matter of fact, this year marks our 40th. I so much wanted to get something going….
    And yeah, I’m pretty sure all of the numbers on your list have been broken by different persons 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too. The only reunion I went to I witnessed most of them being broken. Thanks, Dale. (No I didn’t break any)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You didn’t get your list out of thin air 😉
        I didn’t break any, either!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I kept my eyes open. 😁

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Smart.

        Liked by 1 person

  8. This was great, John! I’m curious about that type of foot infection…lol! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha. You don’t want to know. 😁

      Like

  9. Our class never had a reunion, but I went with hubby to his and spent a miserable evening at a table with other spouses. If our class ever had one, I’d never make him go, lol.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That doesn’t sound like fun for sure.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Shortcut: Do not go to school reunion. 😁

    Liked by 2 people

    1. There you go. Perfect.

      Like

    1. Thank you, Michael

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Your are welcome, John! xx Michael

        Liked by 1 person

  11. Thank you for the great tips. As i had visited at a lot of different schools, no one had remembered on me, till today. Honestly i dont miss school reunions. You only can experience how old everyone has gotten. Lol xx Michael

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is true, Michael.

      Liked by 1 person

  12. You got me at number one since, pictures of yore are just plain scary. My hair in high school was so big and thick Cousin It had a zip next to me. It was in to have big hair so to see a photo from back then could easily make me cry. I remember using a lot of Tame Creme Rinse that made me smell like a Poodle. I’m glad I changed my name and moved away, no invite forth coming. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You are one of those, “If you know where XX is let her know about our plans to embarrass us all.” Smart, Susannah.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. A girl’s vanity after all never goes away. I’d want to be warned so I could come with a bag over my head.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Hahaha. Good one.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I’m no Henny though, my biggest aspiration.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. You will get there. Maybe a violin would help. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Making a note. VIOLIN…:)

        Liked by 1 person

      6. 😊 Can you imagine Henny’s mom thinking all those lesson would lead to her son playing in a philharmonic orchestra?

        Liked by 1 person

      7. At the Catskills. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      8. Appearing nightly at Grossingers

        Liked by 1 person

  13. I went to one, shortly after high school. It was enough. A sheet burning party could be a good event for the planner.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Reunion planners have their own special place. Haven’t figured out why they want to do that. Thanks, Craig.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Gwen M. Plano · · Reply

    Great list, John. I’ve never been to a class reunion, but my excuse is that I moved away from the area when I was 18 and when I visit, it’s to see family. Thank you for the morning smiles. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Great excuse. Mine is, “no I don’t want to go.” Thanks for the visit, Gwen. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Gwen M. Plano · ·

        😂

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Timeless Top, dear John, that hints to cancel any reunions of the kind! 😂😂😂 Thank you, dear John!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes a big hint to Cancel,Maria. Thanks. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Not a fan of school reunions, John. I attended one, just to see what all the to-do was about, and realized I’d rather remember folks the way they were rather than the “old” people who showed up. Hm, maybe I got the wrong party or something?!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahahaha. Maybe so. Thanks, Debbie.

      Like

  17. Being as I never went to any of mine, I’ll have to take ALL of the advice. (how’s THAT for a switch?)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I like the switch, GP. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  18. LOL, I would need more than Xanax!!! i’ve never gone to one of mine. I don’t think I could handle it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me either. I went to one and that was it for me.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. [Shudder]

        Liked by 1 person

  19. Now I remember why I don’t go to class reunions, John:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha. I think that is a great summary, Becky.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. petespringerauthor · · Reply

    Hilarious! Bonus points for the old flame and what not to wear references.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Pete. 😁

      Like

  21. Lol! I’ve never attended a High School Reunion, but if I ever do, I’ll remember these! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    Check out another great top ten list from John Howell via his Fiction Favorites blog titled: The TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO AT A SCHOOL REUNION

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Don. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome.

        Liked by 1 person

  23. I haven’t been to a school reunion so I’m in no danger of making any of these faux pas’. 😀

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That is a good thing. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  24. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    I’ve only been to one reunion, and found it was still like high school 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have never been to a high school reunion. Did a college 25th and it was fun.

      Like

  25. I think I already commented somewhere how much I enjoyed this. Not only is it funny, it’s appropriate. I’m going to my high school reunion (7 hours from my home – and haven’t been to one in 40 years) in early October!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well good luck with that. I hope it is fun, Pamela. Take business cards with your blog address and hand them out. Couldn’t hurt. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Good idea. I have bookmarks with my book on them. Also, I’m giving a “gift basket” (for a fundraiser) filled with my five books. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Let’s hope for a big turnout.

        Liked by 1 person

  26. Burning the sheets… I can’t stop laughing!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad, Jennie.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. You could just say you ‘consult.’ They will understand. You might also discover that you share the profession with almost everyone else.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If I add the word “technical”to consultant all questions stop. 🤣

      Like

      1. Ha ha! Perhaps even from the other technical consultants you encounter there.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I think so. No one would want to take a nap in the middle of the reunion or be bored to tears. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  28. Really nice post, and had more than a few chuckles.
    Also, people bring dates to school reunions? Huh.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sure they do.

      Like

  29. Okay, so leave the Bugatti at home and take the ‘K’ car . . . got it. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Good idea. Dump the body guards too. 🤣

      Liked by 1 person

      1. They’re always whining about a pay raise. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

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