“Lucy you are it. Come chase me.” “Hold on, Little One. I think I hear the roar of a cheese package.” “I don’t hear it.” “Maybe I’m having auditory hallucinations. Okay, start running.”
Here we are on Friday again. I guess we all are glad the weekend is here. I have to join Twiggy in her celebrations since every day is pretty much like the other. (being retired and all.)
Not much excitement around here. I have noticed on the news there is a little more action on the bar scene due to the state authorizing bars to open. The city of Austin is continuing the mandatory mask regulations, which I think is good. Unfortunately, the State is not so inclined, and the State Attorney General has issued a cease and desist order. I think the mayor of Austin will ignore it, so there will be some laughable legal maneuvers ahead. The governor and mayor do not see eye to eye on many matters.
We will probably see a percentage increase in Covid cases like other states who have opened up. The fact that 9% of Texans are fully vaccinated compared to 12% of the US population does not add comfort to a potential increase in cases. The next three weeks will tell the tale.
One more thing. Eternal Road – The final stop US Kindle edition will be on sale starting Sunday, March 21st at 3:00 AM Eastern time until Wednesday, March 24 at midnight. There are 26 lovely reviews for a 4.8 rating. If you have been waiting for the right price. This will be the time.
Today’s JohnKu looks forward to spring. I hope you have a lovely weekend.
“Dad. Can you level with me?” “Sure Little One. What’s the question?” “Why does Wednesday come before Friday?” “Makes you appreciate Friday more that’s why.” “I knew there was a reason. Thanks.”
Happy St. Patrick’s Day. It is Wednesday Story Day time again. Last week we were surprised by the fact that the agents called up by Agent Moore turned out to be working for Cortez. They took Pricilla and intend to force her to trade Lazar for his daughter, Carolyn. The agents left Larry and Andrew in restraints on the floor. We really should follow Pricilla to see what goes down at the Highway patrol headquarters when Pricilla asks Lieutenant Mayfield to turn over Lazar. Let’s not forget the fact that this little story involves Larry and Andrew. Let’s go there first and see how the boys are doing. (man, this is becoming a nightmare to stage a scene.)
“How you. doing?”
“I’m an old man. I really don’t do well laying on my stomach with my hands behind my back. This floor dust is killing my asthma.”
“Roll over then.”
“Easier said than done. I have no leverage since these guys pulled my arms up high.”
“Let me scoot over to you. Hold on. Okay, use me to lean against and roll yourself over.”
“Whoa. That worked. Man, clean, fresh air.”
“I feel bad taking an old codger like you on this trip.”
“Never mind the codger stuff. Start thinking of a way to get free. How about since you are close? Try to feel the restraints on my wrists. Here I’ll turn on my side.”
“Okay, I’ll turn on my side and come closer to you. Okay, here I am. I can feel the restraints, and it is not good.”
“Why not.”
“These are standard issue heavy duty and will need to be cut off.”
“Could we manage it with a knife?”
“I think even if we had our hands free, it would be tricky to cut through these. We really need a pair of wire cutters.”
“But these are plastic.”
“trust me, they might as well be made of steel.”
“I have a penknife in my pocket. You want to at least try?”
“Why is it you old guys always have a penknife? Quills have been obsolete for centuries.”
“The fact that I have one may help us get out of this mess so you can mock it all you want. Besides, it is a Swiss Army penknife and has a right handy nail file.”
“The visual of you filing your nails has me ready to barf. Hold on. Someone’s coming.”
“What the hell are you two doing?”
“Ah, our old buddy Agent Moore the turncoat.”
“Turncoat? What are you talking about?”
“You called agents to come to guard Pricilla, right?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Well, they arrived and took her to the Highway Patrol Headquarters to get Lazar released to trade for Carolyn. By the way, could you possibly find something and cut us free?”
“The agents I called haven’t arrived yet. They called and said they were twenty minutes out. That’s why I came in here to tell you. I have a release right here. There you are free, Larry. Here you go, Andrew.”
“Damn, so how did these guys know to pretend to be the protection detail?”
“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.
Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”
“Why, thank you. You mean that, or are you just saying it?”
“No, I mean it. Of course, I think it’s time you stop.”
“Why?”
“Here you are. You’ve almost circled this entire tree. I just think it is time to stop.”
“You think this nest is okay then?”
“I would say you have built the finest nest South of the equator.”
“You mean that?”
“Of course I do.”
“This brings up a problem, you know.”
“What’s that?”
“What do I do next?”
“Oh. I think I can help you with that?”
“Oh yeah? You have an idea?”
“Now that the nest is finished, we can start a family.”
“That sounds like the logical next step, I think.”
“You agree then?”
“I can see the future.”
“Which is.”
“An addition to accommodate the new family members.”
“You know most Social Weavers take a break from building.”
“Lazy Social Weavers*, I would say.”
“Shall we go in?”
“I never thought you would ask.”
*Social Weavers are birds that build huge nests in Africa. They live in colonies so my story has taken a little bit of license with a single family view.
Here is a Top Ten post that was run on March 14th, 2016. If you remember it, I hope you enjoy it again. If not, I hope you enjoy it now.
This list is inspired by watching almost every weird occurrence that can transpire in a two-week spring break period. I did a previous post on the subject but decided to take it from the sane adult perspective. After all, for every drunken idiot spring breaker antic, there is an equally sober witness to that action. (It’s called the law of disgust) This list is for those innocent souls who happen to be living in a place that is a destination for spring breakers.
10 If you live in a spring break area, do not react to a group of spring breakers in a pick-up who ask you to pull up your shirt. If you do, at best, you might get a string of beads. At worst, you may cause the group irreparable psychological harm. (They were talking to the young woman behind you. Not you old man.)
9 If you live in a spring break area, do not try to cross the street. If you do, at best, you will become a laughable imitation of the game Frogger. At worst, you may end up on the hood of a pick-up and realize the driver is too drunk to see that far. (You won’t mind riding there for the next ten miles, right?)
8 If you live in a spring break area, do not think you will be able to drive downtown to the store. If you do, at best, what was a five-minute round trip will be a three-hour tour. At worst, you will never get to the store and will, in fact, be carried by the traffic to the next county. (The city tried to warn you about traffic flow)
7 If you live in a spring break area, do not think you can go to the beach. If you do, at best, you will not find a place. At worst, you will be caught up in a game of beer pong and never make it home. (So it was the only way you could find a place, you say?)
6 If you live in a spring break area, do not take any insults personally. If you do, at best, you will be the source of much laughter. At worst, you will need transport to the ER for heart attack symptoms. (Guess which EMS vehicle can’t get through the crowds?)
5 If you live in a spring break area, do not worry about the ten tons of trash lying on the beach. If you do, at best, you will want to do something to the next person you see toss a beer can. At worst, the next person you see toss a beer can is nicknamed “killer.” (This will not turn out well, will it?)
4 If you live in a spring break area, do not try to help a person who appears lost and disoriented. If you do, at best, they will not understand you. At worst, you could be the recipient of a barf shower. (Of course, you wanted to help. You can’t help stupid)
3 If you live in a spring break area, do not try to do anything about all the noise coming from your neighbor’s house. If you do, at best, your neighbor will tell you where to go. At worst, the noise will increase since your neighbor doesn’t like being told what to do. (He is especially stubborn after twelve beers. Just ask his wife.)
2 If you live in a spring break area, do not use any sharp knives or dangerous tools for the duration. If you do, at best, you won’t need emergency attention. At worst, you will need to know first aid since it will be about two days until someone can come to help you. (The police and medical teams are dealing with big problems like passed out underage drinkers.)
1 If you live in a spring break area, do not leave your doors unlocked. If you do, at best, you may wake up with unknown guests on your couch. At worst, all your furniture could be on the front lawn. (Just because a bunch of kids thought it would be funny)
For those of you who were here last week, you will recall clue number two of the Compass Treasure Hunt was missing. If you missed last week, you could catch up HERE. I called the Parks and Recreation Department, and sure enough, the clue had been buried under some cedar stips. The director told me the clue was now visible. So we can begin again where we left off. As we know, we march on our stomach, so today, we are being catered by Juniper in Austin. Here are the choices.
ANTIPASTI
PUFFY POTATO
dijon créme, fine herbs
add White Sturgeon Caviar
KAMPACHI CRUDO
texas grapefruit, sugar snap peas
PRIMI
RISOTTO MILANESE
saffron, meyer lemon
add Maine Lobster
CACIO E PEPE
add Black Périgord Truffle
GNOCCHI SARDI
cannellini beans, brussels sprouts, brown butter
add Black Périgord Truffle
BLACK TRUFFLE AGNOLOTTI
Yukon gold, parmesan, crispy garlic, shaved truffle SECONDI
DOLCI
BLOOD ORANGE GRANITA
whipped panna cotta, fennel pollen
black pepper, pecorino, texas olive oil
AFFOGATO
hazelnut gelato
GELATO SCOOP ZEPPOLE
whipped mascarpone, caramel
Today’s wine is TERLAN PINOT BIANCO 2018 Trentino, Alto-Adige for the white, and FRESCOBALDI ‘Momoreto’ ROSSO 2014 Tuscany for the red. Our entertainment is Leonard Cohen.
Let’s get on the bus.
Here is the last clue from last week
So searching nearby trees, here it is.
So we go along the path.
Till we see a stone building
Due east and 40 paces and I see something within the trees.
Yup. There it is under the stones
The next clue.
Takes us to this bench. See the red stripe? It signals we are close.
Beneath the rock on the left edge of the ledge.
The last clue. Off we go for 65 paces in a 200-degree direction.
We come to a rock wall. The treasure is under the stones. There is a little stack of stones and a red stripe.
Sure enough, there is a treasure chest.
Pull it out.
GOLD. We have found the treasure. We will take our one coin and put it all back.
Thank you for coming along. Relax and listen to Leonard Cohan. I hop you have a great week.
It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday again, and I just got a Prime delivery. I finally got Lucy and Twiggy to calm down, so it’s time to open the box. There’s a note from Linda Hill. here’s what it says.
“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “day/week/month/year.” Use one, use them all, use them any way you’d like. Enjoy!”
If you would like to join this enjoyment, visit Linda’s blog and find out how. I have to warn you. It is very easy. Here is the link.
“Lucy, want to play with my watermelon?” “Catching 40 winks, Little one.” “It’s Friday, and you are winking?” “We have all day.” “Promise?” “Yup.”
Another Friday, and Texas is wide open. I wonder if two weeks from now, there will be a resultant spike in Rona. I guess we will see. I get my first shot today. I finally got an appointment on the Southside of Austin. A 45-minute drive. The local CVS is giving shots, but getting an appointment there is impossible. I will be getting the Pfizer two-shot dose. I keep hearing stories of line jumpers who actually lie about their eligibility. The only positive spin I can think of is that they will be protected and not infect others.
The COVID relief bill passed the house’s final vote. The President is ready to sign. Can any of us even imagine $1.9 Trillion with a T? Well, I did a little research, and if you stacked 1 trillion seven feet high, it would take up 2.2 acres or 96,768 square feet. Almost double for 1.9 Trillion. So say 14 feet high. (By the way, once you stack, it pray the wind doesn’t kick up.) Your cut will be $1,400 unless you make too much money. By too much, we are talking $75,000 for individuals and $150,000 for couples. 8% of households make at least $150,000.
I also want to discuss the fact that I am falling behind on my productivity goals for the next book and feel I have to take some action. You may be aware that my Top Ten Things Not to Do post published on Monday involves a lot of research. The length of time it takes is usually three or more hours to put it to bed. I always felt the time was well spent since the post generally delivered on humor and education. Also, a few history buffs enjoyed the post, and I saw them as muses. Well, they have stopped visiting regularly, so I take this as a hint to revise my schedule. I will be posting a Top Ten list but will pull some of the best from the past. Also, if there is a special day (Like national Pizza Day), I will create new copy since very little research is needed to be ridiculous.
I do hope you understand. Today’s JohnKu talks about keeping an even keel. I hope you have a great weekend.
“Lucy what are you. doing” “Shush. I’m tracking that stupid squirrel.” “He went the other way.” “I know but I’m memorizing his scent for the next time.”
It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, we were all amazed that Agent Moore had to take a call in private. He then arranged some 24-hour security people heading over to Ms. Thomas’s office even as we speak. At the end of the discussion, Moore mentioned a survey like he was providing cable customer service. Larry had a problem with that and the private call. Let’s head back to Thomas’s office and see where this mess is heading.
“What do you think of that survey remark, Pricilla?”
“I think he was joking. You know how everyone is nuts for surveys these days.”
“Yeah, I couldn’t imagine the FBI sending surveys.”
“Which makes it all the funnier.”
“Ms. Thomas.”
“Yes, Andrew.”
“You have to understand. Larry has no sense of humor. In fact, he has less than no sense of humor.”
“Come on, Andrew. I have a sense of humor.”
“Right.”
“In any case, you two. I think Agent Moore was making a joke. I also think he needed to call his office in private for whatever reason, and we ought to accept that fact.”
“You are the boss.”
“Hold on. The front desk is calling. Yes? Send them in. It is the two security guys.”
“Is that them knocking?”
“Come in.”
“Ms. Thomas?”
“Yes.”
“I’m agent Fuller, and this is agent Scott.”
“Welcome, gentlemen. This is Larry Dunfee and Andrew Cummings. They are from the Boston police department.”
“Pleased to meet you officers. First things first. We will be with you for twelve hours and then relieved by another team. We don’t want to hamper your lifestyle but need to stay with you. That pretty much means one of us has to be with you at all times.”
“What about the ladies’ room?”
“Of course, you can have your privacy, but we need to check it out before you enter.”
“This is going to be a challenge.”
“Don’t worry. We have provided protection to many people and pride ourselves in discretion and the ability to not be overbearing.”
“What about home.”
“We will drive you there and stay with you as well.”
“It’s going to be unusual, but as you say, you’ve done this before.”
“Agent Scott will be outside the door, and I will stay here. Any questions?”
“I have one.”
“Yes, Mr. Dunfee.”
“May we see your credentials.”
“Of course. I apologize. It is the first thing I normally do. I have them right here.”
“That looks more like a gun than a badge.”
“Shut up and turn around.”
“Gonna shoot me in the back?”
“No, I’m going to relieve you of your gun then, with all due respect, ask you to get down on the floor. You as well . . . ah . . .er.”
“Cummings. Andrew Cummings.”
“Thank you, Mr. Cummings. Get on the floor as well. Agent Scott is going to put some restraints on you. Be nice, and he won’t cut the blood flow to your hands.”
“Okay, we are down. What is this about?”
“Well, we are going to take Ms. Thomas here for a little ride.”
“I’m not going with you.”
“This Glock says something a little different. Put the restraints on her too, Scott. Now here is how this little play is going to go. Thomas will be a nice person and fetch Popović, and then we will go get Carolyn. If everyone behaves themselves, Carolyn and Thomas will find their way back to safety. We will have Popović, and you will have Carolyn. Nobody gets hurt, and we won’t have any double-dealings in the trade. We know our offer of trade probably caused some angst within your team, Thomas. Now there is no moral dilemma. Nice and clean.”
“Except you are kidnapping me and interfering in an ongoing investigation and heaven knows how many other charges.”
“Yeah, that doesn’t mean a thing to us. You boys comfy?”
“Laying on the floor with our hands behind our back. What do you think.?”
“Once we leave, you can roll around all you want. Okay, Ms. Thomas. Let’s go.”
“What if I refuse?”
“Let’s not go there. So far, everything has been civil. I would hate to be forced to get nasty.”
“How nasty?”
“Bullet in the knee nasty.”
“Okay, I get it.”
“Thank you. You can follow Scott. Ta-ta for now, gentleman.”
