Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Live in a Spring Break Area

 

Here is a Top Ten post that was run on March 14th, 2016. If you remember it, I hope you enjoy it again. If not, I hope you enjoy it now.

 

This list is inspired by watching almost every weird occurrence that can transpire in a two-week spring break period.  I did a previous post on the subject but decided to take it from the sane adult perspective. After all, for every drunken idiot spring breaker antic, there is an equally sober witness to that action. (It’s called the law of disgust) This list is for those innocent souls who happen to be living in a place that is a destination for spring breakers.

Ten Things Not to Do If You Live in a  Spring Break Area by John W, Howell © 2016

10 If you live in a spring break area, do not react to a group of spring breakers in a pick-up who ask you to pull up your shirt. If you do, at best, you might get a string of beads. At worst, you may cause the group irreparable psychological harm. (They were talking to the young woman behind you. Not you old man.)

9 If you live in a spring break area, do not try to cross the street. If you do, at best, you will become a laughable imitation of the game Frogger. At worst, you may end up on the hood of a pick-up and realize the driver is too drunk to see that far. (You won’t mind riding there for the next ten miles, right?)

8  If you live in a spring break area, do not think you will be able to drive downtown to the store. If you do, at best, what was a five-minute round trip will be a three-hour tour. At worst, you will never get to the store and will, in fact, be carried by the traffic to the next county. (The city tried to warn you about traffic flow)

7 If you live in a spring break area, do not think you can go to the beach. If you do, at best, you will not find a place. At worst, you will be caught up in a game of beer pong and never make it home. (So it was the only way you could find a place, you say?)

6 If you live in a spring break area, do not take any insults personally. If you do, at best, you will be the source of much laughter. At worst, you will need transport to the ER for heart attack symptoms. (Guess which EMS vehicle can’t get through the crowds?)

5 If you live in a spring break area, do not worry about the ten tons of trash lying on the beach. If you do, at best, you will want to do something to the next person you see toss a beer can. At worst, the next person you see toss a beer can is nicknamed “killer.” (This will not turn out well, will it?)

4 If you live in a spring break area, do not try to help a person who appears lost and disoriented. If you do, at best, they will not understand you. At worst, you could be the recipient of a barf shower. (Of course, you wanted to help. You can’t help stupid)

3 If you live in a spring break area, do not try to do anything about all the noise coming from your neighbor’s house. If you do, at best, your neighbor will tell you where to go. At worst, the noise will increase since your neighbor doesn’t like being told what to do. (He is especially stubborn after twelve beers. Just ask his wife.)

2 If you live in a spring break area, do not use any sharp knives or dangerous tools for the duration. If you do, at best, you won’t need emergency attention. At worst, you will need to know first aid since it will be about two days until someone can come to help you. (The police and medical teams are dealing with big problems like passed out underage drinkers.)

1 If you live in a spring break area, do not leave your doors unlocked. If you do, at best, you may wake up with unknown guests on your couch. At worst, all your furniture could be on the front lawn. (Just because a bunch of kids thought it would be funny)

81 comments

  1. Never sounds like any fun to be living in a Spring Break destination. It’s like you have to brace yourself for a hurricane that lasts 2 weeks.

    Liked by 4 people

    1. You describe it perfectly. 😁

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I remember this one, John. You probably don’t miss having to deal with Spring Break. 🙂 Happy Monday!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Isure don’t. Especially with Rona running around drunk. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I’ve never understood Spring Break. Even when I was in college, it sounded like the 9th circle of hell to me.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I have to agree. Living in it was exactly as you describe. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Really it’s

      Liked by 1 person

  4. As to #10: I wouldn’t mind at all causing spring breakers irreparable psychological harm!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha. But they are still children, Pit. 😂

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  5. I can’t imagine how much you have seen regarding Spring Break.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Almost too much. My favorite memory is of a drunken kid saying to a game warden, “I don’t have any fish.” He was immediately put in cuffs and placed in a car. Game wardens in Texas are at the top of law enforcement. The lack of respect bought the kid a night in the pokie.

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  6. I’ve played beer pong once, and I really wish I had passed. Any game that wastes alcohol like that should be banned.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. So true. If you use Miller Lite it’s not like anything is waisted. 😁

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Brilliant!

        Liked by 1 person

  7. Number 8 says it all….great post👌

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Paul. 😊

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  8. I would never want to live in a spring break favourable place. I never did understand the attraction of participating either! I guess I’m a fuddy duddy 😉

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Unless you enjoy losing control and behaving like an idiot there is not much to miss.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Nope. I’ll pass. Never saw the fun in that.

        Liked by 1 person

  9. Fortunately, I had to go home and work during spring break. I think missing all the “fun” while making a little extra money was the way to go. I have never lived in or near a spring break destination, but I’ll take your word for these 10 and probably at least 10 more things.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes indeed. Like you I worked on all breaks. So never I had a Spring Break.

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Gwen M. Plano · ·

    Hilarious, John. I can imagine how you and yours must celebrate your freedom from these wild revelers. I’m with you — after spending 2 decades overseeing discipline on college campuses, I hated Spring Break with a passion. 😁

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes indeed. Plenty to hate for sure. Thanks, Gwen.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Ah yes, the folly of the young. You had many years of observing the worst of their behavior, John. A great list!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I did. Thank you, Jan. I feel liberated now.

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  12. If Tiny wanted nothing to do with this event well there really isn’t much to add. That just about says it all.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. As you know, I live in South Florida, so when spring break is on – Do Not Leave the House!!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes, indeed. I feel for you.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. I remember your spring break horror stories when you lived at the beach, John – bet you don’t miss that time of year.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No we sure don’t Teri. In fact we take a diverse pleasure reading about the troubles at our old place.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. LOL, you are painting a horrific picture here! I have a DO to go along with your DO NOTs. DO move away!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes. Which is what I did. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. LOL I know you did!

        Liked by 1 person

  16. I feel sorry for everyone in Spring break areas this year, they’re all closed down and lockdown won’t end until after Easter. When my Grandpa retired from the Navy he ran a cafe in a tourism area close to London and my Dad said he parked across his own driveway because he got so sick of being blocked in every day lol.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I can imagine that too, Charlotte. We lived in a gated community and had to post guards to keep the idiots from tresspassing. Appearently our pool was a big draw.

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  17. I never had a spring break, that I can remember. Maybe I have amnesia. What I do recall is the film, Where The Boys Are that took place in Fort Lauderdale during one with none other than Connie Francis singing the theme song. I must have watched it a dozen times. It was very suggestive of how kids canoodle on the beach. You popped a file John. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. That was George Hamilton’s break out appearence too. I loved the movie. While in college we all wanted to go to Fort Lauderdate. I had a horrible care accident in my senior year, and once out of the hospital I decided to hitch. I stayed there for three months and then came back for the fall term. Had a blast. I was homeless but it didn’t seem to matter. You popped a file, Susannah

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I forgot he was in it, and quite handsome he was. Paula Prentis and Dolores Hart who later quit acting to become a nun. That file runneth over.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Frank Gorshin was terrific too. (The file is endless)

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Oh yeah. Forgot him. Wait…Frankie Avalon was in it too. WHOA!!!!!!

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I know this is a blockbuster of memory file. I remember being on a flight with Paula Prentiss and Dick Bengamin. They had two kids and were totally out of control in terms of noise and walking around the First Class cabin. Finally the fight attendant told them to sit down. They did for a while but not consistanly. It was a flight to LA from Chicago and I was never so gald to get off a plane when we arrived.

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      5. I remember she was very tall, and he was in Goodbye Columbus, with Ali McGraw. It’s odd they didn’t have better mannered children.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Th ekids were in arms. It was the two of them who were insufferable.

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Oh I see. The Entitled Duo.

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  18. Spring break on Galveston Island’s been pretty tame, so far. Even the ferry wait times have been under two hours.There are a lot of people, and I’m sure there’s been the usual drunk-and-disorderly scene, but the only arrest I’ve heard of involved a woman who refused to put on a mask in a Moody Bank. She got multiple chances to avoid trouble, but when she mouthed off to the police, that was it. Turns out she was from Oregon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We saw that on our news. I loved how all the patrons in the bank yelled, “No.” when she asked if they thought she was a victim of police brutality.😊

      Like

  19. This is hilarious! I missed it back in 2016. No Tiny, and still big laughs. John, please keep these old ones coming!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Jennie. I can’t remember when Tiny was born but will try to find out. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think I was reading your Top Ten before Tiny. When he entered the scene he was an immediate icon. It would be interesting to know when he was born. That ‘Tiny Top Ten’ would be a killer post.🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes, we will find out when. 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  20. petespringerauthor · ·

    Funny stuff! A reminder of why living in a Spring Break destination would be a dealbreaker for me. I also noticed that Tiny has yet to make an appearance.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He is in the archive somewhere. Thanks, Pete. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

  21. D.L. Finn, Author · ·

    I’m very glad not to live in a spring break destination:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Me too. It was hell on Earth. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  22. Reblogged this on Author Don Massenzio and commented:
    It’s time for another great list from John Howell via this post on his blog. Here are the TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO IF YOU LIVE IN A SPRING BREAK AREA

    Like

    1. Thank you , Don.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome

        Liked by 1 person

  23. Thank you for this beautiful presentation, Hugh! A phenomenon that we don’t even know here in Europe. While we’ve now adapted Halloween, is summer time still the most civilized? 😉 We reserve the right to drink beer at, on and most times under tables. Lol Best wishes, Michael

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Michael. I have many fine memories of my trips to Germany. You are better off without the spring break desease since there really doesn’t need to be an excuse to drink beer. Thanks for the comment. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you, John! Sometimes is wish there would be something like spring break, for cooling down some youngsters. Have a good week! Michael

        Like

  24. Hopefully, those that do live near a Spring Break destination have other less popular beaches or places to enjoy while the partiers are letting it all hang out.

    I’m just glad we don’t live in a Spring Break destination spot!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We were basically house bound for two weeks. Thanks, Deborah.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s a bummer! I remember your posts from a couple of those years.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Yes it was not fun.

        Liked by 1 person

  25. Good ones, John, and some are true. When we lived in Newport Beach, Ca, we often found some one or two sleeping on our patio when we got up in the morning!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A pale of icewater woudl be just desserts. (I loved visiting Newport Beach but never slept on your patio.) Thanks Noelle.

      Like

  26. This is funny!
    I love a laugh.
    Sadly, there could be an 11th this year, and it’s not funny.
    What can I say? At that age I was pretty irresponsible, what with the raging hormones and idiocy of youth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was there once myself. Thanks, Resa.

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Ahhhh . . . I do so love being out in the quiet of the country.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You would hate spring break at the beach.

      Liked by 1 person

  28. We have our summer break in December, John, and it is a lot like you have described. Thanks for these great tips [wink].

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes.Maybe they will be useful at the end of this year.

      Like

  29. I lived in Fort Lauderdale in the 60s. I remember Spring Break as being orderly. Yeah, a lotta bodies, but not too much crazy stuff. But that’s probably an old man’s memory that his generation was so much better behaved than the current generation. In other words … bullshit.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I agree with your summation. I was in Ft. Lauderdale for three months (including spring break) in 63 and there was not the craziness I saw living on the Texas Coast.

      Like

  30. I guess it depends on which side of spring break you’re on, but I personally agree with all of the above.😅

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha. Thanks, Vashti. 😊

      Liked by 1 person

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