Ten Things Not to Do If You are Asked to Go to the Grocery Store

February 10, 2020February 9, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 89 Comments

Top Ten

The inspiration for this post was an interview with Jill Weatherholt last Friday, where I admitted to being banned from the grocery store. This gave rise in the comment section an idea by Jill that I detail in a Top Ten post what not to do if one is asked to go shopping. I agreed only to discover I had done one similar in July of 2015. So, I gave that one a revision, and here it is.

Ten Things Not to Do If You are Asked to Go to the Grocery Store

10 If you are asked to shop, do not buy anything that is not on the list. If you do, at best, you will be making a return trip for the returns. At worst, you will need to attend a special class on the principle of wasting money. (Nice job, Jerren. All those necessities determined by you are now waiting with you in line while that person ahead of you pays their water bill in pennies.)

9 If you are asked to shop, do not think you are empowered to make substitutions of items on the list. If you do, at best, your substitutions will be a welcome change. At worst, you will have selected a form of something that just doesn’t make sense. (Just when do pork rinds take the place of saltines, Jasen. The fact that you like them better will not help you.)

8 If you are asked to shop, do not fail to turn in the coupons. If you do, at best you will be allowed back in the house. At worst, you and the coupons will be making another trip to the store for a refund as well as attending that special class on listening and memory enhancement. (So, you had the coupons in your pocket, Javan. We all know the out of sight out of mind principle, but you would think the risk of life might offset it)

7 If you are asked to shop, do not go to a different store without permission. If you do, at best, some of the items will be unavailable. At worst, there will be a big difference in the prices, and your bill will be above the all-time high ever for the same items ( That will not be a good thing, Jayce. It’s going to be a long time till the $8.00 a pound grapes are forgotten.)

6 If you are asked to shop, do not think you can ignore the recyclable bags just this once. If you do, at best, you will be able to stuff the plastic into the trash without being caught. At worst, you will be subjected to another long class dealing with the evils of the plastic bag and its effect on the environment. (You have to remember, Jaye. Those cloth bags were an investment in the children’s futures. What is wrong with you? Don’t you care about the future?)

5 If you are asked to shop, do not think your newness will excuse you from checking out in the express lane when clearly you have more than the required items. If you do, at best, a few people will glower and may even say something. At worst, the manager will call your spouse and request a lifting of your shopping privileges. (Imagine the humiliation, Jayron. This one is not going to go away. It has the half-life of a thousand years.)

4 If you asked to shop do not think, you can pack bags like the store personnel. If you do, at best you will have overstuffed bags. At worst, you might have several bags break in the parking lot, creating a puddle of mayonnaise paired with orange juice, pickles, and Black Butte Porter. (No, Jayvee. You cannot go back into the store and ask for a refund. You bought it, you own it.)

3 If you are asked to shop, do not go to the store hungry. If you do at best, you will only buy one or two extra things. At worst, you will have to explain the extra bags of groceries, including what will look like a year’s supply of beef jerky. (I have to admit, Jazmina the beef jerky did look good. That hickory-smoked variety looked especially delicious. No, I don’t want to buy it from you.)

2 If you are asked to shop, do not take Tiny the WWF champ with you. If you do, at best you will have unexplained extra stuff in your order. At worst, Tiny will insist you host a poker game this week, and require you to buy all the snacks and beer. (Explaining what happened, Jedi might be a best selling novel. Also telling Tiny no, especially after he has skipped his self-image group session might get you a free helicopter ride.)

1 If you are asked to shop, do not offer to take the kids with you. If you do, at best, you will learn the meaning of the phrase “no good deed goes unpunished.” At worst, you will have forgotten half the items on the list in addition to buying several impulsive things that the kids will be forbidden to eat. (That big box of chocolate marshmallow Trix might be difficult to explain, Jedrik. I certainly hope you enjoy it.)

Views of the Neighborhood – StoryWalk in Lakeway

February 9, 2020February 8, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 91 Comments

StoryWalk® is an innovative and delightful way for children — and adults! — to enjoy reading and the outdoors at the same time. Laminated pages from a children’s book are attached to wooden stakes, which are installed along an outdoor path. As you stroll down the tr,ail, you’re directed to the next page in the story.
StoryWalks® have been installed in 50 states and 12 countries including, Germany, Canada, England, Bermuda, Russia, Malaysia, Pakistan and South Korea! They are always received with appreciation.

StoryWalk® was created by Anne Ferguson of Montpelier, VT
and has developed with the help of Rachel Senechal,
Kellogg-Hubbard Library.®

Lakeway has installed a StoryWalk® installation near the activity center where the Holiday light walk was during the holidays.

Views of the neighborhood

There is a sign pointing the way to the walk.

Views of the neighborhood

A sign to tell you to follow the path.

The title of the book is I Wish You More by Amy Krouse Rosenthal and Tom Lichenheld. It is a delightful book. Due to constraints on photo memory, I won’t picture each page, but if you are interested, there is a video at the end.

I wish you more ups than downs.

I wish you more tippy-toes than deep.

I wish you more hugs than ughs.

Here is a resting place.

An overall view of the trail beginning to give you an idea of the setup. I hope you enjoyed the little walk. The full story follows. Thank you

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “(Un)Pack”

February 8, 2020February 7, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this week’s prompt needs an explanation by Linda Hill. Here are her words “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “(un)pack.” Use “pack” or its opposite in your post. Have fun!” If you would like to join the merriment go to Linda’s blog and read how. It is very easy. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2020/02/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-8-2020/

“Why are all these clothes on the floor?”

“I’m unpacking.”

“And throwing them everywhere?”

“No, I have to keep them handy so I can pack.”

“Where are you going? I never heard you were taking a trip.”

“I’m not.”

“Don’t tell me this has something to do with that Consciousness group you’ve become addicted to?”

“I’m not addicted.”

“Says the word junkie while throwing clothes on the floor.”

“Seriously. I’m living out a prompt.”

“Tell me.”

“I’m packing and unpacking which is my choice for the prompt.”

“Who said you had to act it out.”

“Nobody said so. It’s my idea.”

“Now we are dealing with a genius.”

“How long have we been discussing pack and unpack.”

“A few minutes. Why?”

“There you are.”

“There I am what?”

“The prompt has been fulfilled.”

“Put that sword down and tell me what the heck you talking about.”

“You helped me with the prompt.”

“How’s that.”

“Didn’t you ask about what I was doing?”

“Yes, but—”

“No but. You were intricately involved in my prompt which heretofore you have previously mocked.”

“Heretofore and previously mean the same thing, oh redundant one.”

“Besides the fact that you added and abetted a prompt.”

“Yeah, well, just shoot me.”

“Hard to do since I’m not packing.”

“Don’t go there. This romp is over.”

“Not packing could be said as Unpacked.”

“I can’t hear you.”

“Your ears packed?”

“No. The call of the six-pack is drowning you out.”

“You sure drink a lot.”

“You might be the reason.”

“Can I help with the six-pack?”

“Best make it a twelve pack.”

“Will I need a backpack?”

“Let it go.”

“It’s unpacked.”

Guesting With Jill Weatherholt Today #wouldyourather

February 7, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 17 Comments

I am so pleased to be a guest on Jill Weatherholt’s blog today. She has a feature titled “Would You Rather.” The guest needs to choose between two challenging options and then explain the reasons. I had a fun time with my answers. Here is the link.

Jill writes for Harlequin Love Inspired and is working hard on her next release.

Jill’s bio

My name is Jill Weatherholt and I’m a writer. I have a full-time day job, but at night and on the weekend, I pursue my passion for writing. I write contemporary stories about love, friendship, and forgiveness. I started this blog as a way to share my journey toward publication and to create a community for other new writers and artists.

Raised in the suburbs of the Washington, DC area, I’ve lived in Charlotte, North Carolina since 2004, but my heart remains in Virginia. I hold a degree in Psychology from George Mason University and a Certification in Paralegal Studies from Duke University.

She also loves Hummingbirds.

Thak you Jill for having me today.

Friday John Ku – AKA – TGIF

February 7, 2020February 6, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy — “Dad will you please tell Twiggy it is Friday.”
“It’s Friday, Twiggy.”
“I think Mom should weigh in.”

Well, the week is almost over. Eight more hours, and it will be weekend eve.

Quite a week, actually. The Superbowl was an excellent game. For one who had no allegiance to either team, I certainly found the game better than the commercials. That last nine minutes was almost classic in its come from behind drama. For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, let me just say there was some exceptional teamwork displayed that allowed the losing team (Kansas City) to pass the leading organization (San Francisco) to win the game.

The Iowa Democratic caucus blew up with a new, untested app. It amazes me that no one thought to really test this app in live conditions. The voters and volunteers who worked hard on the campaigns were the losers in this fiasco. Of course, a couple of candidates said they won. The usual conspiracy theorists were also out in force, blaming everyone except maybe the Russians for the mess.

We had the State of the Union address with all the usual manure piles being thrown around. A lot of immature children were without supervision that night, and it is clear party politics will continue to throttle progress.

This week also saw Donald Trump acquitted of the two impeachment charges brought by the house. My summary of the whole thing is a partisan move by the house was offset by a partisan move by the Senate for a sum zero gain at a pretty healthy cost. Of course, the vitriol remans. I was shocked to read one blogger wish the Coronavirus on the Senate leadership and the President. Another thought payback against Democrats would be a good thing. Come on, folks. Don’t match the juvenile behavior in Washington with the same out here in real life.

It is really time for Americans to come together more than ever. Hatred should live elsewhere and not in our own town.

Today’s JohnKu talks about hatred. I hope you all have a great weekend.

It starts very small,

Then rolls on out of control . . .

To poison us all.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Cold Again

February 6, 2020February 5, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy

“So what, are we doing out here, Lucy?”

“I thought we were going to play ball.”

Lucy and Twiggy

“I think I can see my breath.”

“I don’t doubt it, Little One. I’m calling mom.”

Lucy and Twiggy

“What is taking so long? I swear it is freezing out here.”

“I’m not sure. It’s like we have been abandoned.”

Lucy and Twiggy

“Okay, you two, you are inside now. What is the big feal?”

“Exactly what is the temperature out there?”

Lucy and Twiggy

“Let’s see. Looks like 41 degrees with a high today of 42 and a low of 30 degrees.”

“Man, oh, man. And we short hairs are supposed to play ball out there?”

Lucy and Twiggy

Not me. This is more like it.”

“Yeah, I’m heading to my bed.”

Lucy and Twiggy

“You in your bed, Little one?”

“Murfff.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

February 5, 2020February 4, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

Twiggy and Lucy — “And so after a hard day at the couch, the canines decide that a proper Hump Day celebration is another nap.”
“Huh? Who said that, Lucy?”
“The narrator. Pay no attention Little One.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, we witnessed the arrival of Lake Tahoe’s finest. Yes, once again, Larry and Andrew are under suspicion of breaking the law. Jerry Foster is standing around, waiting to see what will happen. I know the officer has returned from contacting his dispatch to check on Larry and Andrew’s background. Let’s get there to be witness to the good news or bad.

“Okay, detective. Looks like you are well known to the department here. I’ve been instructed to give you whatever assistance you need.”
“I appreciate that, officer … uh does your nametag say, Fife?”
“I’ve heard them all, detective, so don’t even go there.”
“Well, Andrew and I appreciate the offer, but we think we have this. We just need to get back to the Hyatt and ask Wentworth a few questions. Also, we need to take Jerry here with us.”
“Okay, detective. Have it your way, but from the looks of things, you are facing some pretty mean hombres. I would think you would welcome a little protection.”
“I think the best protection would be to find out who is behind this kind of mayhem.”
“Well, I think I have an idea although t is not my place to accuse those who I can’t prove are involved.”
“Can you give me a hint, and then I can follow up unofficially.”
“Yeah, I guess that would work. Chercher Cortez.”
“There’s that name again.”
“You’ve heard it before.”
“You bet. We have been cherching Cortez since the beginning of this stupid story.”
“He’s not hard to find. Just go into the Hyatt bar, and he’s got a regular table off to the right. He does all his business from there.”
“Much obliged officer Fife. We will keep that in mind. So, Andrew, you ready?”
“Well, Larry, we have a couple of loose ends to tie up before we walk into the lion’s den.”
“Remind me.”
“We need to get some information out of Jerry, here so that we can tie Mrs. Rafferty and her boyfriend to the killing of her husband.”
“Yeah, okay. Jerry, you willing to talk?”
“Yes, sir. I’ll tell you all I know.”
“Good. What else, Andrew?”
“We need to find out why Wentworth lied to us.”
“Yes. That is a good one.”
“I can tell you that.”
“Go ahead, Jerry.”
“He’s under Cortez’s thumb.”
“Excuse me, detective.”
“Yes, Officer, Fife.”
“If you three have no more need for us, we need to ask you to leave. The crime lab guys are headed this way, and we need to secure the scene.”
“Thank you, officer. We are on our way.”
“Hey, hold on you three.”
“Ah, Mr. Landlord. What can we do for you?”
“Who’s gonna pay for the frickin door?”
“I would guess Jerry’s rental insurance.”
“Excuse me, sir, but I asked you to leave the last time you got in the way. Unless you want a citation for interfering with a criminal investigation, I would suggest you go back to your apartment.”
“Thanks, Officer Fife. On behalf of the three of us.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #248 by Keith Channing

February 4, 2020February 3, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

In Keith’s words. “On to this week’s challenge: Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #248

“I heard your phone, ding. Who is sending you a message?”

“OMG. It’s that boy I met on the bus yesterday.”

“What, boy. You never told us about a boy.”

“Well, I didn’t think it was necessary. You know how boys are. I didn’t expect to hear from him again.”

“How did he get your number?”

“We traded numbers.”

“My gosh, Aahana. Don’t you know how dangerous that is?”

“Oh, nonsense. It’s not like I gave him my home address.”

“Another ding.”

“Yes, he is sending me a picture. Oh, look.”

“Whoa. He is a handsome one, for sure. What is his name?”

“I don’t know. We didn’t trade names.”

“Well, ask him?”

“I can’t do that?”

“Why not?”

“It’s too personal. I should have asked when I was talking to him.”

“You give him your phone number, and you think asking his name is too personal?”

“Oh, wait. He is asking my name.”

“Ha.”

“Don’t ‘ha” me. That is a personal question. I don’t have to give him my name.”

“You now think he is too forward?”

“I do. I am going to ignore his texts. Look, he is now asking where I live?”

“Well, I would ignore that one for sure.”

“Here, I’ll take care of it and tell him I have no interest in him.”

“He sure is good looking.”

“So what. Probably raised in a barn. The nerve. Asking my name and where I live. Wait, he is sending me his address. Look at this.”

“Isn’t that the Prime minister’s address?”

“This might be his son.”

“Oh, Aahana. Did you send the text telling him you have no interest.”

“I did. Ours crossed. Oops. He just sent a sad emoji.”

“So tell him you didn’t mean it.”

“There is not a future anyway.”

“Why?”

“My dad voted against the prime minister and would never consent to a date.”

“You could tell him he’s a lawyer.”

“Even worse.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Spa Vacation

February 3, 2020February 9, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 75 Comments

Top Ten things not to do

Because of the Super Bowl getting in the way of my creative time, I am republishing a post from February 6th of 2017. I hope you enjoy.

***

The inspiration for this list came from looking at possible spa vacations and then deciding to pass after reviewing all the material. I hope you enjoy the list and for those who love spa vacations, I am very envious since you obviously have a good feeling about yourself.

Ten Things Not to Do on a Spa Vacation.

10 On a spa vacation, do not sign up for anything you don’t understand. If you do, at best you will learn what you don’t like at a high cost. At worst, those funny words turn out to mean “tortured until you confess.” (Sad thing is you don’t know what to admit huh, Bunky?)

9 On a spa vacation, do not fall asleep in the sauna. If you do, at best you will wake up before dehydration sets in. At worst, your dreams of lost in the desert will, in fact, be a reality and that oasis is a mirage. ( Being a conscript in the French Foreign Legion wasn’t on the itinerary was it, Buford?)

8 On a spa vacation, do not think the phrase “essential oils” really means not optional. If you do, at best you’ll experience a new meaning to the term, “greasy.” At worst, you cannot find a place to sit, lie, or stand where you don’t slide off and end up on the floor or ground. (So everyone thinks you are drunk huh, Bosco. You shouldn’t care until CNN shows up)

7 On a spa vacation, do not think the robes are gifts of the hotel. If you do, at best you’ll pay the $75.00 each charge without complaint. At worst, the head of security will be called over the loudspeaker to look through your bags at checkout since housekeeping reported the robes missing.(Right now Tiny the WWF champ is walking across the lobby, and the look on his face gives you the chills. You sense he has been looking forward to this all day don’t you, Buster? Can you say strip search?)

6 On a spa vacation, do not sign up for the mud baths if you are unsure of the source of the dirt. If you do, at best you will imagine all kinds of things in that mud with you. At worst, once you realize that Bayou Baths is a combination of river mud, crawfish droppings, and decayed vegetation you’ll never feel clean again regardless of the number of showers you take. (The brochure said “all-natural” so what’s the complaint, Furd? Sure you got a little in your mouth, but you’ve had worse.”)

5 On a spa vacation, do not think massage words are the same as outside life words. If you do, at best you were careful in describing the service you were expecting. At worst, the light-hearted comments about deep massage will have you begging to be saved. (Let’s not even mention how you mumbled aloud something about the ending, Tex.)

4 On a spa vacation, do not try to influence the music choice of the staff. If you do, at best you will be ignored. At worst, the esoteric music that you thought was annoying has now been replaced by heavy metal favorites played on a flute, harp, and oboe. (Makes the nails on the chalkboard analogy seem inadequate huh, Rube?)

3 On a spa vacation, do not ignore the hot stone warnings. If you do at best aloe vera will ease the pain. At worst, you will now be mistaken for an Olympic athlete who had undergone suction treatments. ( Of course, you could also be mistaken for an idiot who doesn’t pay attention to warnings, Stu. I Love that line of circles down your back.)

2 On a spa vacation, do not think a seaweed wrap is a luncheon menu item. If you do, at best your cries for rescue will be ignored. At worst, as you struggle to free yourself from the grip of the slimy seaweed you inadvertently roll into the hot tub. ( Now maybe the stuff will cook off huh, Buddy? Can you say Miso soup?)

1 On a spa vacation, do not think you can request your favorite food. If you do, at best you will get zucchini prepared like your favorite food. At worst, the staff will believe you need a “cleanse interdiction,” and you will spend the rest of your holiday fearing to be more than ten steps from a ceramic chair. (Man, that juice tasted so good going down didn’t it, Bubba? Do you think they put jalapeno peppers in there?)

Views of the Neighborhood – The Activity Center in Lakeway

February 2, 2020February 1, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 55 Comments

The Activity Center in Lakeway is a hectic place. There are events and classes every day. Today I wan,t to highlight an event that takes place during January and February. It is the brown bag music sessions held on Thursdays. There is a signpost up ahead. Let’s go investigate.

Views of the Neighborhood

As you can see, the event is free. Folks bring lunch and hear super music.

Views of the Neighborhood

Here we are at the Activities Center. Let’s go in.

Views of the Neighborhood

Oh my. The place is packed. The band is playing a catchy country tune.

The music brings back memories.

It looks like some forgot lunch. Well, maybe after.

Views of the Neighborhood

This is Frank Cavett & Friends and their honky-tonk renditions. During one introduction, Frank stated he had never played in a place with so much light. He said it was a little scary that he could see the audience. Yes, a big laugh.