Tag: author

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 38 Comments

Hump Day

 

It is Wednesday Story Day time again. Whew, last week we saw Harriet and Alice go to dinner. After the first drink, Harriet starts acting a little frisky and moves next to Alice. This after she warned Alice to knock off trying to rekindle their relationship. We better get back before the next drink is served.

“Now isn’t this cozy.”
“What happened to you not wanting to start anything between us.”
“Oh come on dear. I have a public persona and a private one.”
“So the public wants me to stay away.”
“And the private wants to ravish you.”
“You better watch those drinks. You okay?”
“Of course, I’m okay. Ah here’s the waiter with another drink. Keep these coming boy.”
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Now Alice. Let’s drink to the future.”
“Okay, that sounds good. To the future then.”
“Hear hear.”
“So Harriet.”
“Yes dear.”
“What is in the future.”
“Well, we both have each other and that wonderful boy.”
“Wonderful boy?”
“Yes. I found out his parents have been killed, so he has no one.”
“I think we all know that. Seth’s been talking about nothing else.”
“Yeah, Whatever. The point is he has nobody. A perfect opportunity for us to more or less a adopt him.”
“I may have had too much to drink, but I’m not sure I like the sounds of what you just said.”
“In what way?”
“I don’t know, but when you sat adopt, it sounds like you have some creepy plan.”
“Don’t make me laugh. you mean like holding the boy as a sex slave?”
“Well, it had crossed my mind.”
“To hold him as a sex slave?”
“No Harriet. It crossed my mind you would do that.”
“You poor thing. Don’t you know? Wait, you of all people should realize, I have given up men.”
“You could have an interest in both.”
“Please. There is nothing a man can give me that I can’t get from you.”
“You say the sweetest things.”
“Don’t pout. You know what I meant.”
“Yes, I know. Does this mean we are going to get together again?”
“Let me answer that in the morning. You are staying over right?”
“You have always know how to woo a woman. I suppose.”
“Good. It is settled then. I think we should tell the waiter we can proceed with the dinner.”
“I’ll drink to that. You excite me, Harriet.”
“You say that to all the boys. Thank you anyway.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #129 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

Let Keith explain in his own words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.ino before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #129

Talk to Me by John W. Howell © 2017

“What? Who said that?”

“You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“Where are you?”

“If you must know, I’m laying flat on my back under this stupid machine of yours.”

“Oh my gosh. Did I hit you?”

“Oh no, not at all. I was just lying here when I decided to quickly slide under your machine and make myself comfortable.”

“You’re kidding me right?”

“Get this stupid thing off me.”

“I still can’t figure out how you got under there.”

“You know what? Right now your enlightenment is not the main concern. Can you back up?”

“Oh sure. Here goes.”

“Whew. That’s better. Thank you very much.”

“I’m so sorry for hitting you. Um.”

“Um, what?”

“I can’t see you.”

“What a shock.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m invisible is what I mean.”

“Invisible? How is that possible.”

“I’m a spirit.”

“No.”

“Yes.”

“Prove it.”

“Don’t have to. You can not see it with your own eyes.”

“Um.”

“Um, what?”

“Should I be concerned?”

“About what?”

“The fact that you can communicate with me.”

“And the fact that you were driving on the highway and a big fat truck hit you, knocking you into this field where you fell right on top of me? I would say so.”

“Am I in trouble?”

“Only for the first thousand years.”

***

I’m still out of the country. I apologize in advance if my response to your comments is delayed.

Top Ten Things Not to Do Touring Overseas

~ John W. Howell ~ 50 Comments

Overseas

 

The inspiration for this list is my current tour of Scotland. I figure I will only have one chance to use this list so I’m going for it. I hope you like it.

10 If you are touring overseas, do not try to plug your phone charger into a socket without an adapter. if you do, at best it won’t work. At worst, forcing the connection may cause your phone to be damaged. (Now what are you going to do with a melted phone, Herb?)

9 If you are touring overseas, do not ignore the pedestrian crossing signs. If you do, at best all the brakes will be in good condition. At worst, you’ll end up on the hood of a cab driven by Tiny the WWF champ who has just received his license back from too many accidents. (Now, the collision didn’t kill you but there is no guarantee after Tiny is through with you, Burt. He looks pretty mad too.)

8 If you are touring overseas, do not ask the local restaurant if they have Big Macs. If you do, at best they may not understand you. At worst, they will serve you yesterday’s food rescued from the can out back. (You tipped your hand on your gastronomical sophistication huh, Bosco?)

7 If you are touring overseas, do not try to pay with American money. If you do, at best you get an exchange rate of 30%. At worst, you will not find anyone to take the money and the police will be called as you try to leave the establishment. (You should have checked before ordering that big dinner, Putz)

6 If you are touring overseas, do not expect everyone to speak and understand English. If you do, at best you will be doing without a lot. At worst, in trying to communicate you may inadvertently use a phrase who’s essence is perceived to put a curse on the person. (I guess you are wondering why the formally calm person is running at you with a large sword huh, Buford? Don’t worry you have your NIKE’s on but I would get moving.)

5 If you are touring overseas, do not take a picture of anyone without asking permission. If you do, at best they won’t notice. At worst, you’ll snap a picture of a major political figure who doesn’t want anyone to know he is where you captured the photo and who he is with. (Yes, Ferd. It is complicated and now your camera is gone. Those guys were big.)

4 If you are touring overseas, pay attention and heed warning signs. If you don’t, at best you’ll survive the day. At worst, the sign that asked you to mind the path is but a memory as you are being chased by the queen’s security force.(Good thing you have those Nikes huh, Bunky? Of course, that stun dart is starting to slow you down as you  can’t feel your feet.)

3 If you are touring overseas, do not litter. If you do, at best a gentle person will remind you. At worst, you just threw down a paper in front of the leader of the Militant Litterer Crushers. (Sadly the paper isn’t that tasty is it, Bud?)

2 If you are touring overseas, do not ignore the local rules of tipping. If you do, at best you’ll get away with one faux pas. At worst, you may have lost luggage, poor service, and soup that is only 89 % spit-free.(You may have saved a little in the short run huh, Leroy?)

1 If you are touring overseas, do not try to navigate the cities and countryside without a map. If you do, at best you’ll be able to ask directions. At worst, you may end up hopelessly lost and a perfect candidate for the pirate press gangs roaming the land. (Okay so there are no press gangs Stew. It sure is dark in this ally though, isn’t it?)

***

I am still overseas and will try to keep up with comments but apologies if I get behind.

Views of the Neighborhood – Edinburgh Neighborhood

~ John W. Howell ~ 77 Comments

Today’s views are of the neighborhood that I have been in since Monday.  There have been so many things to see and here is a sample of the city.

Edinburgh

The requisite view of the surrounding countryside as we come in for a landing.

Edinburgh

This is a shot of street where the apartment we stayed is located. The entrance is below grade through the gate which is just after the stairs.

Edinburgh

This is a view of Edinburgh taken from Calton Hill. It was taken at 9:45 pm and the sun was just beginning to set.

Edinburgh

This is a photo taken at Edinburg Castle. The young, serious, well dressed, military man is in charge of shooting the 1:00 cannon (which is done daily) which you can see in the background. The other guy looks like a writer or homeless person to me.

Edinburgh

This is a shot of the castle. The day was spectacular.

Edinburgh

A view of Edinburgh from the castle. The Firth (inlet of the sea)  of Forth is in the background

Edinburgh

The botanical gardens in Edinburgh are vast and interesting. Here is a photo of giant lily pads.

Edinburgh

This is Hoyroodhouse, the ceremonial palace of Queen Elizabeth.

Edinburgh

The Holyroodhuse Abby ruins. This Catholic church was destroyed in 1133.

Edinburgh

This is my attempt at art. A shot of the Edinburgh Castle taken at night with a view of an old town street.

Edinburgh

St Giles Church which is the home church of Scotland.

Edinburgh

An inside photo of St. Giles.

Edinburgh

The National Gallery of Scotland.

Edinburgh

A shot of a typical street.

Edinburgh

The Lord Nelson memorial.

Edinburgh

The National Monument. (which was never finished)

I hope you enjoyed the tour.

 

 

 

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – rain/rein/reign.

~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

SOCS

 

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This weeks prompt is rain/rein/reign. Linda Hill says we can use all the words or just one or two and can use them any way we want. If you would like to join in, visit Linda’s blog. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS June 24/17

Rain/Rein/Reign by John W. Howell © 2017

“Rain, rain go away. Come again another day.”

“Hey rein yourself in Buster. We need the rain.”

“Oh come on, these rhymes never work.”

“Why tempt the fates? I mean there was a reason they made up these sayings.”

“In the days of the king’s reign, someone thought it was a good idea to make up rhymes to cover certain circumstances.”

“Okay. Give me an example that makes sense to you.”

“Well besides the rain, rain go away thing, there’s Jack Sprat could eat not fat, and his wife could eat no lean. Betwixt the two of them, they licked the platter clean.”

“So what does that have to do with anything.”

“I guess it was a warning for two people to be synergistic. You know if they ignored the warning something could happen.”

“Like what?”

“What if both could eat no lean? It would be chaos.”

“I still don’t get it.”

“There wouldn’t be enough food available, and maybe both would starve.”

“Now I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yes. You’re nuts.”

Friday – John – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

Friday here in the UK and eight hours from now it will be Saturday eve in the US. Been real busy seeing everything Edinburgh has to offer and will be moving up North to Port Soy. Port Soy is the home of my maternal grandmother and we will get an idea of where she spent her youth. Our MacKay family history on my mother’s side is steeped in tradition. Clan MacKay can trace its history back to 1210 when the first recorded chief was born. Since that time it has been a matter of clan wars, land gained, land lost, castles built, castles sacked, and service to various kings and queens once the British conquered Scotland. Here is the Tartan, Crest, and Coat of Arms

Mackay Tartan
Clan Mackay tartan

 

Clan Mackay Crest

Manu Forti means “With Strong Hand.”

 

Clan Mackay Coat of Arms

Today’s JohnKu speaks of history. I hope you have a great weekend

History by John W. Howell © 2017

We think about now,

There is a past worth finding. . .

To enrich your life.

***

I am still out of the country and apologise if I don’t get to your comment in a timely manner

Thursday – A little Personal – Stella

~ John W. Howell ~ 49 Comments

 

Stella

“Hello Reader.”

Hello, Stella. What’s up?

“You know John is out right?”

“Yes, I know. Do you need something?”

“Come in here and look at these two.”

Lucy and Bailey

“Lucy and Bailey? Looks like they are playing.”

Yeah, on my turf.”

Stella

“This is my rug and my office.”

“I thought it was John’s.”

Stella

You are joking, right? He borrows it from me.”

“Oh, I didn’t know.”

“And those two keep coming in here. Rolling around and making a mess.”

Lucy and Bailey

“It certainly looks like they are having fun.”

“I need to find someone who understands.”

Stella

“Wait, Stella. I understand your problem.”

“You do?”

Stella

“Well  then, go lay on that couch and I’ll knead your stomach”

“I really have to go.”

***

I am out of the country and will try to respond when I can.

 

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #128 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 22 Comments

Keith’s own words. “On to this week’s challenge: Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.ino before 6 pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.

The Photo.

Kreative Kue #128

Left by John W. Howell © 2017

“Sir but it looks like you missed the boat.”

“Excuse me. I was deep in thought. What about the boat?”

“It appears you’ve missed the boat.”

“Yes, sadly. I was preoccupied and did miss it.”

“Preoccupied? What were you doing?”

“Well, the ducks were having a disagreement and needed some advice.”

“And you gave them the advice.”

“I tried, but they were so headstrong in their beliefs that I found I was wasting my time.”

“So what did you do?”

“What every red-blooded Russel Terrier would do.”

“Which was?”

“I chased them into the lake.”

“Ah, and we find them there still.”

“I have been waiting for them to come back and finish the discussion but they are still out there.”

“No offense but do you blame them?”

“They owe me a trip across the lake. Because of them, I missed my boat.”

“Do you hear yourself?”

“What?”

“What self-respecting duck is going to come on shore to face an irate Russel Terrier?”

“I would think those two.”

“How can you think that way?”

“Why not. They are my brother and sister.”

“From a different mother, I would say.”

“Why would you say that?”

“I must be going. I wish you the best.”

“Know anyone with a net?”

“Bye now.”

***

I am currently out of the country so responses to your comments may be delayed.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on an Overseas Flight

~ John W. Howell ~ 60 Comments

Top Ten Thing Not to Do

 

The inspiration for this post is the fact that I am held captive on a flight to the UK. The beautiful part is I will have landed by the time it is published.

10 If you are on an overseas flight, do not wander up and down the aisles like a zombie. If you at best, everyone will be able to sleep through your wandering. At worst, Tiny the WWF champ, who just graduated from Marvel’s Zombie Hunters School (With honors)  will use you as a practice dummy.(Notice how easy your arm comes off, Dope.)

9 If you are on an overseas flight, do not remove your shoes if you have foot problems. If you do, at best your neighbors will think the in-flight meal is mac and cheese. At worst, the captain will be forced to land due to a perceived threat of poisoned gas attack. (Those Marshalls look a little upset, Dudley.)

8 If you are on an overseas flight, do not think alcohol will help you cope with boredom.  If you do, at best you will pass out. At worst, you might end up in chains after trying to start a karaoke competition in First Class. (Those rich folk have no sense of humor do they, Bunkey?)

7 If you are on an overseas flight, do not think you are in a five-star restaurant. If you do, at best you will learn your mistake quickly on the first bite. At worst, you will get a visit from a grumpy crew member the first time you attempt to send the entrée back for “additional finishing.” (My goodness these people are sensitive about constructive criticism aren’t they, Buford.)

6 If you are on an overseas flight, do not try to make conversation with your seatmate if they are not interested. If you do, at best it is hoped you get the hint. At worst, your seat mate will finally get tired of your interference and call the crew for relief. (You are talking fast, Tex but I don’t think these guys believe you will mind your manners. Those handcuffs they are pulling out sure look uncomfortable.)

5 If you are on an overseas flight, do not over study the emergency procedures card in the seat back pocket in front of you. If you do, at best your neighbors won’t think anything of it. At worst, you will raise suspicions that you are going to do something funny during the flight. (Do you wonder why that big guy exchanged seats with your seatmate, Doofus? I wouldn’t make any sudden moves right now.)

4 If you are on an overseas flight, remember that you can’t hear how loud you speak with your earphones on. If you forget, at best,  those around you are wearing earphones as well. At worst, you will continually wake up those around you until one decides to take your earphones. (He the biggest guy you’ve ever seen huh, Brad? Just let the earphones go.)

3 If you are on an overseas flight, do not tell your seatmate the ending of the movie that you have already seen. If you do, at best the seatmate wanted to nap anyway. At worst, you have no made an enemy of someone you will be sitting with for the next eight hours. (Don’t close your eyes, Buster. No telling what they will do.)

2 If you are on an overseas flight, do not think you are the only passenger on the plane. If you do, at best you will be set straight sooner rather than later. At worst you will have alienated enough people to get you self a deluxe seat in the hold. (Pretty cold down here huh, Putz?)

1 If you are on an overseas flight, do not tell anyone you are an author. If you do, at best you’ll be ignored. At worst, you will have to sit through an eight-hour description of the story that your seatmate is sure will make a great book. (There is a simple answer to the question, “What do you do?” Just say you are a professional car thief, Pal.)

 

Views of the Neighborhood – Pole Vaulting

~ John W. Howell ~ 52 Comments

Yes, the headline is correct. Every year Port Aransas host a major pole vaulting event. Pole vaulters come from all over Texas to spend two days here testing their skills. The event draws college athletes as well as Olympic team members. The whole idea is for the students and athletes to get together and participate in some wholesome, friendly rivalry. This event took place yesterday, and I was certainly glad I went. I hope you enjoy it.

This first photo gives you an idea of the track and the contestants lining up. Also, you can see the number of poles at the ready

Pole Vaulting in Port Aransas

Here is a shot of one of the two tracks being used. This also gives you an idea of the spectator base.

This shot was interesting to me since it shows how high the bar is in relation to the size of the athlete. She is just talking off.

Here is a different athlete going over the bar

And then the long way down.

In this shot, you can see a contestant getting ready for her vault.

Pole Vaulting in Port Aransas

This young person is an Olympian.

Her starting run shows how every muscle in her body becomes employed.

Here is a shot of the bar.

On the second track, the bar was a little lower. Here an athlete makes it over

Back to the big bar. Here is an athlete who gets tangled in the bar. It is designed, so the athlete does not get tangled.

Of course, the Hot Dog Lady would not miss this event.

I like this next shot because it shows the pole vaulting equivalent to the soccer mom. It takes a trailer to cart those poles.

I love this shot since it shows all these young people getting ready to vault. You can never doubt the future with a picture like this showing their interest.

Here is a final shot of the venue which is one of Port Aransas’ parks

***

By the time you read this, I will be on my way overseas. If my response is delayed it is because I have run into a WiFi dead spot. Otherwise, I will have pretty good connections today.