Guest Post at Traci Sanders Place

March 4, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 6 Comments

I am also posting today on A Word with Traci the blog of author Traci Sanders. I put up a short story that was published in the Paper Book Collective titled The World Darkly and thought Traci’s readers would like it. I didn’t think I could do an adequate job of trying to explain Frank, Billy, and Ms. Sutter but still wanted a story day.

Jump over and read the story. You will also find a very nice place to visit frequently.

Here is the link and Traci’s bio. She is quite a person.

Bio

Author and mother of three, Traci Sanders has been composing poetry, songs, and children’s stories since the young age of ten. In 2003, she opened her home to young children in her community offering “beyond the basics” teachings. In 2008, she was recognized by the Child Care Resource and Referral Agency as Family Childcare Provider of the Year and was featured in two local newspapers.

In 2010, she furthered her education by earning her Child Development Associates degree and was a recipient of the FIRST (First Incentive for Raising Standards among Teachers) Award presented by the Child Care Commissioner of her state. She continues to shape the young minds of the future through her home-based childcare program. Her daily interactions with these children provide constant inspiration for her writing and she plans to continue on this path until her story has reached “The End.”

Her first book was published in January 2013 titled ‘Welcome to “Poop Camp”: The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Nothing but the Truth about Potty Training’. She released her first children’s book about family child care in May 2013.

To date, Traci has published five books, including her latest foray into adult fiction titled, ‘When Darkness Breaks’. She is an avid reader and writer, and finds inspiration all around her.

Currently Traci is writing her second adult novel, a light paranormal romance, titled ‘UNSEVERED’.

When Darkness Breaks!

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

March 4, 2015March 2, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

Wednesday story day again. Last week Frank had decided to release some of the hostages in hopes the police will give him a car to make a getaway. Frank told Ms. Sutter she would not be released since she was the only one who could figure out how to handle the situation. Ms. Sutter was understandably upset that Frank would still be thinking she was going to help him. That is where we left it so let’s return.

“Ms. Sutter. Don’t you see what a pickle I’m in here?”

“Sure Frank I see the pickle as you call it you are in.”

“So if I let the hostages go let me ask again do you think the police will meet my demands?”

“They did say they would talk if you released the hostages.”

“That doesn’t answer my question. Will they meet my demands?”

“Sure Frank. That’s what you want to hear isn’t it?”

“Yeah, that’s what I want to hear but is it the truth?”

“How should I know? I’m not the police.”

“No need to yell Ms. Sutter I’m just trying to weigh the odds is all. Okay, Billy tell all of them to go out the back. Ms. Sutter come with me to the window.”

“This has been done before Frank.”

“I’m going to show you to the cops. HEY COPPERS. I STILL HAVE ONE HOSTAGE SEE? SO GET ME A CAR AND NO ONE GETS HURT.”

“Okay, Frank they get the idea. You can let go.”

“Oh sorry. I guess I was holding your arm a little too tight.”

“So what’s next?”

“We wait. Hey, Billy you let ’em all go? Billy? Answer me. Where are you?”

WE HAVE YOUR ACCOMPLICE AND WILL GIVE YOU TWO MINUTES TO PUT DOWN YOUR WEAPON AND COME OUT

“How did that happen? Damn Billy is dumber than a stump.”

“I guess I could have warned you about the possibility of Billy getting nabbed.”

“Well, thanks for not helping. I wouldn’t want you to get into trouble.”

“Frank I think it’s over. Why not put down the gun and let’s walk out together.”

“You mean it? You would face those cops with me?”

“Yeah sure.”

“Does this mean anything?”

“Like what Frank?”

“Well, like you think I’m okay.”

“Shut up Frank.”

It’s Reining Men Tour – Day Two

March 3, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 6 Comments

Today is the second day of Traci Sanders’ It’s Reining Men Tour. It would be nice if you could jump over there and have a look at her blog. The post today is a little about me and my blog. While there look around and tell her I sent you and who knows, you may hit it off.

http://awordwithtraci.com/guest-author-john-howell-2

Traci is the author of When Darkness Breaks

Local news anchor, Amber Woods, seemed to have it all – a thriving career, two beautiful children, and a doting husband named Drake. Life was perfect…until her world was turned upside down in one fateful night. While the incident causes Amber to renew her priorities; unable to deal with what happened, Drake begins sinking into a deep depression laced with infidelity and alcohol.

Hoping a change of scenery will salvage her quickly deteriorating marriage, Amber agrees that a move to New York may be just what they need. Unfortunately, she quickly discovers that you can’t outrun your problems, and the past is not always left in the past.

Can Amber save her marriage without losing herself along the way? What will she do when darkness breaks her will to keep trying?

It’s Reining Men Tour – Traci Sanders Invited Me to Go Along

March 2, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 8 Comments

Traci Sanders has made space for me on her blog A Word with Traci. She is having an event she calls It’s Reining Men Tour. Here is a little more about the tour and the wonderful person and author. I’ll be there all week so stop by when you have a chance and check out the other tabs on her site.

Tracy says

I have a very special ♣March♣ gift for all of you!

♣ 4 WEEKS

♣ 4 INCREDIBLE MALE AUTHORS

You will be entertained and enlightened!

Stay tuned to find out who our special authors are …

All during March!

In 2010, she furthered her education by earning her Child Development Associates degree and was a recipient of the FIRST (First Incentive for Raising Standards among Teachers) Award presented by the Child Care Commissioner of her state. She continues to shape the young minds of the future through her home-based childcare program. Her daily interactions with these children provide constant inspiration for her writing, and she plans to continue on this path until her story has reached “The End.”

To date, Traci has published five books, including her latest foray into adult fiction titled, ‘When Darkness Breaks’. She is an avid reader and writer, and finds inspiration all around her.

Currently, Traci is writing her second adult novel, a light paranormal romance, titled ‘UNSEVERED’.

Click to visit her book

When Darkness Breaks!

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Doing Your Taxes

March 2, 2015February 17, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 32 Comments

Thank you, Traci for having me on your site as part of your It’s Reigning Men feature for the month of March. Since this is Monday, I thought I would share one of the titles of my blog Fiction Favorites named the Top Ten Things Not to do. The list is a tongue in cheek view of life and how to avoid some of the problems in which we all find ourselves. This list is being simupublished on my blog as well today.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Doing Your Taxes
10 When doing your taxes, do not rely on the brother-in-law advice of what is deductible. If you do, at best you may miss the audit lotto this year and be safe. At worst, you could be fielding a number of questions from several agents of the IRS and your brother-in-law has already received his whistleblower fee.

9 When doing your taxes, do not ask your spouse to find the receipts that you carefully put somewhere but can’t remember where. If you do, at best you will have to endure a lecture about organization. At worst, the ensuing argument will consume the next three days until finding the receipts in the back seat of your car.

8 When doing your taxes, do not think of waiting until the last-minute thinking there will be some miracle where the government will postpone the filing date. If you do, at best you will over stress your already limited schedule. At worst, you will be so rushed that you will leave off key required elements of the filing. For example the signature. Forgetting essential elements will place you in the IRS slush pile of, “those we want to talk to.”

7 When doing your taxes, do not have large cups of coffee or a Big Gulp near your worksheets, If you do, at best you may only have rings from the containers on your return. At worst, you will knock over the biggest cup that will inundate the work and the result will not be readable. You will be forced to start over or estimate from memory what you had calculated with the chance your $10,000 refund might cause a tax fraud charge.

6 When doing your taxes, do not think all your expenses are deductible. If you do, at best you will not be audited and have missed a chance to lose twenty pounds in sweat. At worst, your case will be turned over to an agent nicknamed “Big House Harry,” for the number of convictions sustained with his investigative prowess.

5 When doing, your taxes, do not think the extra cash you earned is not reportable income. If you do, at best if caught you can always cite your failing memory as the excuse. At worst, you and the head of a drug cartel nicknamed, “shive” will be prosecuted under the same money laundering statute. You will be encouraged to make nice as you are transported to the federal detention center on the short bus while handcuffed together.

4 When doing your taxes, do not try to find the cheapest tax preparer who claims the largest refund. If you do, at best you may be disappointed when your refund turns into an amount you owe. At worst, you are watching the evening news to see your preparer being hauled out of his office in handcuffs. The newscaster describes the largest tax fraud scheme in the history of the city including millions in refunds being redirected to his offshore account.

3 When doing your taxes, do not fill in the boxes if you do not understand what is being asked. If you do, at best you may cause your return to do just that return. At worst, you may unknowingly set up a farm or other type account. During the audit, you will be asked to produce the cattle and chickens for which you inadvertently deducted the feed and vet care. Testing the sense of humor of the agent with a picture of your dog is a bad idea.

2 When doing your taxes, do not try to write off clothing donated to a charity when you are still wearing the items deducted. If you do, at best the agent will not notice during the audit that the fuchsia sweater listed on the return is the same sweater under your raincoat (which is on the return as well). At worst, the agent doing the examination of your return used to work at Ralph Lauren as an accountant and has noticed the descriptions of a few of your donations are still on your back.

1 When doing your taxes, do not spend your refund before you get it. If you do, at best it will be a little late, and you’ll be on the hook for interest charges on your card. At worst, the return magically turns into IOU when the government corrects all the math errors. You now have a maxed out credit card and a bill collector named “Crusher” pounding on your front door demanding the keys to your car.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday

February 28, 2015February 27, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 18 Comments

SOC Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions — SOC Badge by Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Stream of Conscious Saturday time again. This week’s prompt is Acquaint/and or Friend. The writer gets to interpret this prompt as they wish. For all the information and to join in go to http://lindaghill.com/2015/02/27/special-edition-friday-prompt-for-socs-february-2815/ Here is my contribution to the prompt.

“So which is it?”

“Which is what?”

“That guy you were talking to when I came up.”

“Yeah, he is a guy.”

“No I mean is he a friend or just an acquaint?”

“I guess he would be considered a friend.’

“Why is that?”

“An acquaint is someone you introduce to someone else. I didn’t introduce him to anyone.”

“Yes, I noticed he ran off when I came up.”

“Now that’s not true. He had to get to the store.”

“To buy what? A mask?”

“For heaven’s sake. Why are you so sensitive?”

“Sensitive? When a good friend of mine is talking to a guy, and the guy takes off before an acquaint is made I don’t think, it is sensitive to wonder what is going on.”

“Why are you using the word acquaint instead of introduce or introduction?”

“It’s in the prompt. Now who’s sensitive?”

“The prompt? You mean this is a story?”

“Yes a story.”

“A prompted story?”

“Yes.”

“Shit.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA TGIF

February 27, 2015February 24, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 18 Comments

Weather Rant or what else is new?

As I sit here writing this post, I look like a character out of Dickens. I have never been so damned cold. I have several layers of clothes and wish I had fingerless gloves. The temperature is twenty-five freaking degrees below normal for this time of year. I have lost feeling in my index finger, and it is one of two that I use to compose. Now I know what one hand clapping means. Someone needs to do something about all of this weather stuff.

Can’t we get Washington to launch some kind of initiative to warm things up a bit? Sure would be a better time spent than arguing about stupid stuff like the budget.Of course, we all know if Washington gets involved the temps will go lower. The sad thing about the weather is everyone complains, and no one does anything about it. We also don’t have any single source to blame.

I know we could have the Executive Branch come up with a plan we would call Obama Weather. It would guarantee every home in the US would have weather coverage. If you fail to sign up for our weather coverage, you will be fined on your next Tax return. The beauty of this plan, we would have someone to blame if the weather is bad. Right now, there is no one to blame but nature.

Today’s JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) is about the government. Hope you like it.

The Government sits,

Waiting for the crisis to pass . . .

Or gets up and runs.

Wednesday Story Day -AKA Hump Day

February 25, 2015February 20, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 21 Comments

Wednesday story day again. Last week we left Frank, Billy and Ms. Sutter in the bank. Frank had finally put a gun to Ms. Sutter’s head in the hope of getting a car. The police had just told Frank there would be no negotiation as long as the hostages were being held and that if he released the hostages talk was possible. It looks like our characters are going to need a miracle. Let’s rejoin the trio.

“Do you think the police will talk to us if we release the hostages?”

“Frank. Listen to yourself. If you release these, people, they will arrest you in a heartbeat.”

“Ms. Sutter I respect your opinion but why would they lie?”

“To capture you. Duh.”

“I would listen to her Frank.”

“You would listen to anyone. That’s why you are in this mess.”

“What do you mean?”

“You listened to me Billy and now you are in deep yogurt.”

“Gee Frank. You know how to hurt a guy.”

“Shut up Billy.”

“Billy, pay no attention to him. So what are you going to do Frank?”

“I’m going to release some of the hostages.”

“Oh nice. Well, it has been real. See ya.”

“Not you Ms. Sutter. You are the only one that can figure this out.”

“Frank for the last time. I’m the victim here. I’m not supposed to figure anything out for you.”

“Ha Frank. Now you know how I feel.”

“Shut up Billy. Go over there and let those people go. We’ll see what happens then.”

“Yes Frank. Okay, all you people are going out the back door. Now go.”

“Nicely done Billy.”

“Nicely done Billy. Ms Sutter you are a natural leader.”

“Shut up Frank.”

A Little Personal

February 25, 2015February 25, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

I was outside earlier in the week, and the sun was behind some clouds. In fact, it was forty degrees so I thought I would take some pictures of a couple of plants we have around the house. The only good time to take pictures is when the sun is not shining. The bright sun although lovely to live in makes big shadows in the images.
Here is some of the plants but we don’t have too many in flower right now.since they think it is still winter. (and it is)

Here is the first plant. It is a Cardboard Palm. It gets its name from the stiff cardboard-like leaves. The one pictured is quite a large example.

The plant here is a Giant White Bird of Paradise. This particular is a young plant and has not bloomed yet.

Pictured is one of my favorite succulents. If you brush it the wrong way you come away with a wound you would swear will be fatal. We are very careful around these guys. In the background, you can see a Natal Plum and an Hibiscus which will bloom all summer. Yes, we have river rock instead of grass in the yard. We are required to have zero scape in the front. We have some grass in the back yard.

The only flowering plant right now is the Birds of Paradise. They have been blooming their hearts out. In the background, you can see more Natal Plumb

These are Norfolk Pines, and we have two stands of them in the front yard

The last picture isn’t of the plants but of the Gulf that will give you an idea of the kind of day it was. Hope you enjoyed it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Oscar Ceremony

February 23, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 27 Comments

Since yesterday was Oscar Sunday I thought it would be nice to provide all you Oscar nominees (You know Best Screenplay from a novel) with a list of what not to do if you should attend the Oscar ceremonies. This list was inspired by witnessing several cringe-worthy moments during previous Oscar broadcasts. I hope you enjoy it (and heed the warnings when it is your time to accept)

Top Ten Things Not to do at the Oscar Ceremony
10 If you attend the Oscar ceremony and win an Oscar, do not look at your seat mate and mouth the words out loud that belong to the initials NFW. If you do at best, the bleep and commentators comments will stay on YouTube for half a century. At worst, the FAA will present you with a bill representing the fine for a worldwide violation of on air decency along with instructions on how to answer the charges levied by no less than thirty countries.
9 If you attend the Oscar ceremony and win an Oscar, do not rely on the tape applied to your daring dress by the designer to withstand the jumping up and down associated with the excitement of the win. If you do, at best you might have to react quickly to stay covered. At worst, you might have a wardrobe malfunction that happens so quickly the network is not able to eliminate it from the broadcast that is being viewed by your entire family including great grandpa Jerkins who has been known to use the switch on the kids when they are bad.
8 If you attend the Oscar ceremony and win an Oscar, do not carry a cheat sheet with all the names of the people you have to thank. If you do, at best you will look like someone who has no idea who to thank. At worst, you will miss someone you should have included on the list and they will hate you forever.
7 If you attend the Oscar ceremony and are to present, a category make sure you know how to pronounce everyone’s name. If you don’t at best, you will make a small mistake no one recognizes. At worst, you will mispronounce a name or two and the video will be the one chosen to be sent into space as the iconic non-verbal depiction of a buffoon on Earth.
6 If you attend the Oscar ceremony and are to walk the red carpet, do not fall down. If you do, at best you will have to answer reporter’s questions continually all night about “your accident” as if you had wet your pants. At worst, the video will be made into a gif and will loop on the Today show website for a year
5 If you attend the Oscar ceremony, do not allow anyone to over-serve you. If you do, at best you will make some small mistakes that only your mother will notice. At worst, during your big moment you will take the opportunity to explain to the audience and the rest of the world how schuper schuper happy you are ta be part of the wonder-ful Hollywoot shoe and how y’wissh ta thank allllllll the little little people who schacrificed to get you where you are now.(no typos here all intended Sally) Your performance will be nominated to be the new public service announcement for a twelve step program.
4 If you attend the Oscar ceremony, do not think Dick Pope will be at all entertained with any Dick Poop mentions. If you mention the unfortunate flub by Cheryl Boone Isaacs at best, you might just get a cold stare. At worst, you could be the recipient of a knuckle sandwich coming out of nowhere and without any mayo.
3 If you attend the Oscar ceremony, do not think you should wear anything other than formal wear. If you wear something else, At best most attendees will assume you work in the kitchen. At worst, the jokes said behind your back will end up on the David Letterman show, and you will be asked to appear in the outfit you wore Oscar night. (Believe me no one is laughing with you)
2 If you attend the Oscar ceremony, do not think wearing an experimental hair style will make you noticed in a positive way. If you do, at best your hairstyle will a topic on the next “what not to wear at the Oscars” edition of Here’s Hollywood. At worst, someone will want to touch the creation, and you will allow them to do so since you think they are a big producer only to find out later they parked the cars.
1 If you attend the Oscar ceremony, do not try to get yourself in front of every camera. If you do, at best the producer will switch cameras the minute they see you on the monitor. At worst, although you thought each shot was magnificent, it appears you had a piece of spinach from the oysters Rockefeller stuck in your front teeth that made you look like a character out of the movie Deliverance.