Another week of hard labor has been put to bed (after the next eight or so hours) and it is time to celebrate. As you read this I am in the San Francisco area attending the Passages Book Store Mystery Writers conference. This year’s faculty is pretty impressive. There is John Lescroart, Anne Perry, Valerie Plame Isabel Allende to name a few. Of course, through the miracle of WP scheduling this Friday JohnKu (a term coined by Words4JP) is still being published as it should on Friday. This week’s JohnKu deals with the subject of learning (which I hope I will be doing).
I was going to put a title on this piece that read Sexual Discussion NSFW, Pictures Included but chickened out. The title would have been a draw but then the content would not have lived up to the expectation. Y’all would boo and hiss and call me names and I just can’t have that. So why would I even think of a title like that? Good question and I’m glad you asked. It is simple really.I always wonder if the headline really works to draw in a reader. I suppose if I really was talking sexual stuff that was not safe for work and had a bunch of really steamy pictures I would get a few readers that I normally would not get and, therefore, the headline would work.
But let’s just say every day. Does my headline “Wednesday Story Day AKA Hump Day” cause someone (not you certainly cause you are right here reading) to actually read what is written? I wonder. I know if you read this blog because of the headline would you just note that in the comments section. This is not scientific, but what the heck. Can’t hurt. Yes, there is a story here and it is prompted by a sexual discussion. The picture part needs to be in your head and I will add that this story is SFW. It is titled Drug Store. I hope you like it.
“Yes sir. I have looked all through your store and am having trouble finding a Frisbee.”
“Oh son. That’s because we keep that kind of thing behind the counter.”
“You do. That’s funny cause you can walk right into a Wall Mart and get them.”
“Please. I really doubt that.”
“It’s true. Believe me.”
“Okay, I’ll take your word for it but in this store we keep all those items behind the counter. What brand are you interested in and are you eighteen?”
“Brand? I already told you. Frisbee. It’s used in the game.”
“Even at your age I did not consider the use of a Frisbee as a game.”
“They had Frisbee’s when you were young.”
“Well, they were not as colorful as they are today, but they got the job done.”
“Job done? I’m still talking about a game.”
“Young man you may think the act of procreation is a game, but I can assure you it is very serious. How old are you?”
“I’m seventeen why?”
“I’m not allowed to sell you a prophylactic unless you are eighteen. Of course, if you have your parent come in I can certainly help you.”
So happy to be part of the Love: Lost and Found Tour. Pamela is such a talented poet who can inspire all of us.
Alone (double cinquain)
Alone
So incomplete
Gazing at the moonlight
Wondering just when you’ll be here
Nearby
With me
To start our lives
Never to leave again
Becoming whole and not just half
As one
Pamela has written a second collection of love poems. Poetry is an expression from deep within the soul. It can be therapeutic and healing. It can bring out all the best or the worst in life. Her poetry comes from the heart, not the head. It is an outpouring of emotion and she exposes it to the reader in the pages. Love: Lost and Found contains over 90 poems representing over a dozen different forms of poetry. The poems span the angst and despair of love lost to the exhilaration and ecstasy of a deep abiding love.
Love: Lost and Found has already received a five-star review that says
“Pamela Beckford writes with her heart as much as her mind. She makes me feel things when I read her work that usually stay buried beneath the surface. Her way of expressing emotions that usually aren’t captured for later evaluation is amazing.
I also enjoy that she uses a lot of different styles and forms of poetry in her collections, making the book varied and interesting. Some are shorter and some longer, but all of them carefully constructed. Her ability to say so much in so few words is an indication of her talent as a writer.
If you are looking for an excellent poetry book, look no further.”
Pamela’s other books have also garnered some great reviews and both are available on Kindle or paperback as well.
Season of Love (tanka)
First there is summer,
Followed by fall, winter, spring
But lest we forget
The season of love appears
Bringing hope for all lost souls
Here is the 55th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. I decided to publish this list in case anyone wants to do a Top Ten you will at least know some thought has been put in how to behave. Of course, the person who needs to behave is ME. If you would like to guest post a list of your own, contact me at johnhowell.wave@gmail.com
Top Ten Things Not to Do While Trying to Lure Attract Other Authors to do a Top Ten List
10. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not make them believe they will become rich and famous. If you do, at best they will overlook the one “like” and still speak to you. At worst, they could find a way to troll your blog for the rest of your life.
9. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not try to write a top ten list for them. If you do, at best you will probably include information which makes no sense. At worst, you might unintentionally include embarrassing information which the author had no idea you knew and which will put you on the author’s hate list for all time.
8. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not lead them to believe it is easy. If you do, at best you may never get the author to guest blog again. At worst, you may find some unpleasant e-mails from your previous colleague requesting you to place your list where the sun doesn’t shine.
7. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not think you won’t need a post for that day. If you do, at best you will be scrambling to put together something at the last minute. At worst, you will publish an incoherent post that is so off the mark you’ll want to enroll in a witness protection program and will be willing to commit a crime to do so.
6. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not force the subject. If you do at best you may end up with a top ten list of nothing. At worst you will no doubt antagonize your readers with the crap produced and will have made an enemy for life of the author.
5. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not insist on running your own media. If you do, at best your media will have absolutely no tie in to the list. At worst you will have the pleasure of enjoying your media selection alone which is a state that may turn out to be permanent.
4. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not set up a set of pre-publish rules that may be impossible to follow. If you do, at best you may find yourself listless on Monday. At worst, you may cause what has been a lovely relationship with the author to degenerate into twelve paces at dawn and you don’t know how to fire a flintlock pistol.
3. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not promise food or money for participation. If you do, at best you will need to figure out a way to select the best lists. At worst, you may be put in a position of turning down beautiful lists due to the fact that you have run out of money and food turning those you don’t accept into lifelong Voo Doo practitioners.
2. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not offer to guest post on their blog in return. If you do, at best you might get a nibble or two. At worst, you will be listening to the crickets for a long time since none of those offered really want you to guest post.
1. If you are trying to attract other authors for a top ten-guest appearance, do not plead, beg, cry, or kick your feet. If you do, at best your fellow bloggers will find a way to unfollow you. At worst, you will broadcast your desperation which in the jungle as well as in the blogosphere can lead to being pounced upon by hungry lions..
Looks like Friday has hit us once again. It is a very good thing to be smacked by good ol Friday since the weekend is to follow shortly. I guess the best part of Friday is the realization that within a few hours the choices of what to do are right in your hands. During the work week, many of the choices we have are regulated by what needs to be done at work. The weekend gives us a little more freedom, but yet choices may be limited by other factors. The list of things that have to be done around the house is one thing that limits our ability to choose to do something more pleasant. The end result of working is certain neglected jobs at home that need to be done. Some of these jobs include the laundry, the garden, the lawn, the kids events, the visit of the parents, the pet walk, the cooking, the painting, the windows, the cleaning and on and on. It is a wonder we can get any relaxing done. Todays JohnKu (a term coined by Words4jp) talks about our two priorities work and life. I hope you like it.
Wednesday story day again. This week’s story is based on some of my experiences in writing query letters to agents. I have to admit for the most part the responses I had from agents were cordial and for the most part to the point, although one hundred percent of the letters I sent out were not answered. Of those that were answered one hundred percent were rejections. I thought it would be fun to create a situation where a writer wanted to be represented by an agent and would go to extraordinary means. Here is the story titled Query.
“So you might as well have a seat. We don’t normally see people, but since you have been sitting in the lobby for three days we thought we would make an exception in your case.”
“I really appreciate it. I am anxious to get representation and didn’t think my query letter was actually reviewed.”
“Did you get an answer?”
“Yes. Here it is.”
“Let me look. I see I responded to your query and let you know your story was not one which we wanted to represent.”
“That’s what the letter says and why I’m here. Here is a copy of the query I sent.”
“ Let me review it for a moment. Okay, I am ready. So what do you want to know?”
“Why was my story not worth representation?”
“Well, you see that’s the tough part. Some in the firm actually liked your story as you described it.”
“Why reject it then?
“If you look at the first line of your letter you’ll see the word capitulate is misspelled.”
“Yes I see that now. How does that matter.”
“Believe me with the number of queries we get even one misspelled word is enough to say to us that you are not very particular about your work. Also look at the second line. There is a comma missing between two separate thoughts in a sentence.”
“Let me guess. Not very particular about my work. Right?”
“Yes. I have to say also although some of my colleagues liked your query, I personally don’t like these kinds of stories so I would find it hard to sell a publisher on your book.”
“You need to like something in order to sell it? Do you like all your client’s books?”
“Well to be honest No. I am partial to some though.”
“So how do you sell the books you don’t like?”
“They are usually by best-selling authors so it is a no-brainer.”
“I am beginning to understand. You take sure things. You take no risks. An unknown like me would certainly be a risk.”
“Well, that about sums it up.”
“Okay, I think I have taken enough of your time. Thank you Frank.”
“You are welcome Mr. Vonnegut. I certainly hope you don’t give up on your quest to be published. I wish you the best of luck.”
Please welcome Rhani D, Chae to Fiction Favorites. She is here to discuss her book Shadow of the Drill and give some insights on her character Decker. Rhani you have the floor.
The character of Decker came about in a sort of left-handed way. I was working on a different novel (I can’t remember a thing about it now), and I called a friend for help with a character’s name. I wanted a one-word name that readers would associate with that character, kind of like when people hear the name ‘Rambo,’ a specific image comes to mind. I told her that the character was very tough, very macho, and I wanted the name to somehow reflect that. She gave me a couple that just didn’t click with me, and I think it frustrated her that her suggestions didn’t work with what I was trying to do. She finally shouted ‘Black & Decker’, and that was pretty much the end of the call.
It wasn’t remotely what I was looking for – wasn’t even a name – but the more I thought about it, the more it started to take shape. Black & Decker made power tools, including drills. An electric drill is efficient, getting the job done quickly and with no wasted effort. An enforcer who handled business the same way might be nicknamed the Drill – especially if his name happened to be Decker.
And so the character of Decker was born. A blend of the enforcers that I had known in my younger days, he’s a man who has no time for what he considers ‘high school’ methods of getting a message delivered. Instead, he primarily uses torture to gain information, make a point, or as a form of retribution. Not because he enjoys it, but because people tend to fear prolonged physical pain more than almost anything else, which makes it a highly effective tool. His way of doing things has made him a legend on the streets that he calls home, which greatly increases his value to an employer.
Of necessity, Decker keeps his heart protected behind thick walls. He loves rarely but with unconditional devotion. He would not hesitate to kill to protect someone that he loves, and he would willingly die for the same reason. He is also a man ruled by logic in a world where emotion has no place. His actions and decisions are calculated with an analytical precision that leaves little to no room for an emotional response, no matter what situation he finds himself in. As the Drill, his loyalty is to those who pay him to get his hands dirty, and to the people who make ‘his’ streets their home. Powered by his personal code of ‘right and wrong,’ he does his best to protect the vulnerable from those who prey upon them.
Though he occasionally thinks about what his life could have been had he been dealt a different set of cards, he has earned his living through violence for more than a decade and doesn’t know how to be anything other than who and what he is.
Shadow of the Drill centers around a man whose life was destroyed by violence, who then embraced violence as a means to a very brutal end. It follows Decker and Rudy as they come face to face with their oldest enemies and attempt to close that chapter of their lives. The book contains graphic violence as well as sexual situations and is notintended for young or easily offended readers. Shadow of the Drill is the first in the Drill series and the second book, Winter of the Drill, will hopefully be completed in the next month or two.
Thank you all so much for allowing me to share a bit of my journey with you today. To follow the rest of my tour, please visit 4WillsPublishing. John, you were a great host and thank you so much for having me!
BIO:
RHANI D’CHAE spent her teen years bouncing between WA, OR, and OK, but has lived her adult life in Tacoma, WA. She likes to read, though she doesn’t read as much as she used to due to diabetic vision loss and is a fan of Chelsea Quinn Yarbro, Brian Lumley, and James Clavell. She loves The Walking Dead, and any zombie film with a high-body count. Ms. D’Chae enjoys connecting with people on social networking sites and loves getting feedback from those who have read her work, so please don’t leave without sharing your comments.
Here is the 54th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. I decided to publish this list in case anyone wants to do a Top Ten. If so, contact me at johnhowell.wave@gmail.com
Top Ten Things Not To Do While Creating Top Ten Lists
10. If you are creating a top ten list, do not wait until the last-minute before publication. If you do, at best you may have to go with nine. At worst, you might get stuck after two items which will lead to severe writer’s block which might transfer to your latest novel.
9. If you are creating a top ten list, do not ask your significant other how they like it. If you do, at best you might get an honest answer. At worst, you may find out your significant other and you have nothing what so ever in common and finally decide to part.
8. If you are creating a top ten list, do not choose a subject which is limited.( like creating top ten lists) If you do, at best you will be hard pressed to think of ten items, At worst, you will make your vulnerability on the subject transparent to everyone and you will be the laughing-stock of the blogosphere.
7. If you are creating top ten list, do not think you are in line for a Pulitzer prize. If you think you are, at best you will have a very bad day when the Pulitzers are announced. At worst you will set yourself up for a monumental disappointment that might cripple you for life.
6. If you are creating a top ten list, do not start if you can’t count to ten. If you do you, at best you may be asking others for help. At worst, you will muddle on with no hope of completing the task and no knowledge of why you will not do so.
5. If you are creating a top ten list, do not start a list at the number one. If you do, at best your readers will not understand the arrangement and complain since everyone knows you count down from ten. At worst, your action could force some fragile individuals to become wards of the state for the next twenty years since you have altered what they perceive as the universal normalcy.
4. If you are creating a top ten list, do not try to fit in some political rhetoric. If you do, at best you may get some opposing comments that are not very pleasing. At worst, you’ll have political trolls after you for the rest of your natural life and the only way to escape is to write under a nom de guerre.
3. If you are creating a top ten list, do not get wrapped up in the serious stuff. If you do, at best you may spend more time researching than the list is worth. At worst you may not do enough research and find yourself on Wikipedia as an example of an idiot.
2. If you are creating a top ten list, try to find some humorous things to say. If you don’t, at best you will collect some mercy likes, but no comments. At worst, you will watch your followers drop like flies at a Raid convention.
1. If you are creating a top ten list, try to remember the previous ten so you don’t end up repeat-ing yourself. If you forget, at best your readers will assume you are a lousy proofreader. At worst, they will come to the conclusion that your drinking problem has gotten to the point of intervention and the sound at the door is the friendly technicians from Sleepy Time Rehab trying to get in with your Demerol shot and the white jacket.
