Top Ten List of What Not to do When Creating a Top Ten List

Here is the 54th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. I decided to publish this list in case anyone wants to do a Top Ten. If so, contact me at johnhowell.wave@gmail.com

 

 

Top Ten Things Not To Do While Creating Top Ten Lists

10. If you are creating a top ten list, do not wait until the last-minute before publication. If you do, at best you may have to go with nine. At worst, you might get stuck after two items which will lead to severe writer’s block which might transfer to your latest novel.

9. If you are creating a top ten list, do not ask your significant other how they like it. If you do, at best you might get an honest answer. At worst, you may find out your significant other and you have nothing what so ever in common and finally decide to part.

8. If you are creating a top ten list, do not choose a subject which is limited.( like creating top ten lists) If you do, at best you will be hard pressed to think of ten items, At worst, you will make your vulnerability on the subject transparent to everyone and you will be the laughing-stock of the blogosphere.

7. If you are creating top ten list, do not think you are in line for a Pulitzer prize. If you think you are, at best you will have a very bad day when the Pulitzers are announced. At worst you will set yourself up for a monumental disappointment that might cripple you for life.

6. If you are creating a top ten list, do not start if you can’t count to ten. If you do you, at best you may be asking others for help. At worst, you will muddle on with no hope of completing the task and no knowledge of why you will not do so.

5. If you are creating a top ten list, do not start a list at the number one. If you do, at best your readers will not understand the arrangement and complain since everyone knows you count down from ten. At worst, your action could force some fragile individuals to become wards of the state for the next twenty years since you have altered what they perceive as the universal normalcy.

4. If you are creating a top ten list, do not try to fit in some political rhetoric. If you do, at best you may get some opposing comments that are not very pleasing. At worst, you’ll have political trolls after you for the rest of your natural life and the only way to escape is to write under a nom de guerre.

3. If you are creating a top ten list, do not get wrapped up in the serious stuff. If you do, at best you may spend more time researching than the list is worth. At worst you may not do enough research and find yourself on Wikipedia as an example of an idiot.

2. If you are creating a top ten list, try to find some humorous things to say. If you don’t, at best you will collect some mercy likes, but no comments. At worst, you will watch your followers drop like flies at a Raid convention.

1. If you are creating a top ten list, try to remember the previous ten so you don’t end up repeat-ing yourself. If you forget, at best your readers will assume you are a lousy proofreader. At worst, they will come to the conclusion that your drinking problem has gotten to the point of intervention and the sound at the door is the friendly technicians from Sleepy Time Rehab trying to get in with your Demerol shot and the white jacket.

21 comments

  1. John, this is the best top ten ever! I laughed out loud with #9. I never ever shared the lists with my husband 😉

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    1. I share little around the house. Always get the glazed over “must be a writer thing” look.

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      1. I know that look too well 😉

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  2. Reblogged this on 1WriteWay and commented:
    The is the best Top Ten List ever! Join John in the “fun” and consider trying your hand at writing a top ten list.

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  3. Oh now #5’s worst case scenario just makes me want to see what would happen. 😀

    I did expect there to be only 9 points after reading #10. Counted to be sure.

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    1. Only Charles would think of that one. LOL

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  4. Marie. Thank you for the re-blog. Was real strange doing one without you. You are nice to say the best one, but ……naw.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I really do think it’s the best one 🙂 It was my pleasure to re-blog.

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  5. I learned something. There’s such a thing as a Raid convention.

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    1. Fiction writer remember?

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  6. I loved the Raid Convention line! Very funny, and I suppose so true among you writers!! I show my husband my paintings though and it was just recently, that I came to the realization (after TRUSTING his opinion all these years), that he knows absolutely nothing about art! 🙂

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    1. None of us know anything about what the other is doing.(if we did we would be doing it) I’m glad you finally figured it out.

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  7. This is great, John! I so agreed with #4. Political opinions are better left off top 10 lists. I make a point of leaving politics out of my blog…who needs that kind of stress? 🙂

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    1. Yes politics belongs out back somewhere. Thanks Jill.

      On Mon, Jul 14, 2014 at 5:40 PM, Fiction Favorites wrote:

      >

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  8. Ha! I violated several of these in composing mine.

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    1. I have as well.

      On Mon, Jul 14, 2014 at 10:46 PM, Fiction Favorites wrote:

      >

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    1. Thanks. I would love to have you guest post one.

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      1. I will give it some thought John!

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      2. good I think the top ten things not to do if you are not a ginger would be a hit. example:
        10. If you are not a ginger, do not try to cover up the fact. If you do, at best gingers will think you strange and you will feel further left out. At worst you will begin to think you are a ginger and there will be no way back short of red dye and a sausage hat..

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      3. Ok – leave it with me John!

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