Here is the 54th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. I decided to publish this list in case anyone wants to do a Top Ten. If so, contact me at email@example.com
Top Ten Things Not To Do While Creating Top Ten Lists
10. If you are creating a top ten list, do not wait until the last-minute before publication. If you do, at best you may have to go with nine. At worst, you might get stuck after two items which will lead to severe writer’s block which might transfer to your latest novel.
9. If you are creating a top ten list, do not ask your significant other how they like it. If you do, at best you might get an honest answer. At worst, you may find out your significant other and you have nothing what so ever in common and finally decide to part.
8. If you are creating a top ten list, do not choose a subject which is limited.( like creating top ten lists) If you do, at best you will be hard pressed to think of ten items, At worst, you will make your vulnerability on the subject transparent to everyone and you will be the laughing-stock of the blogosphere.
7. If you are creating top ten list, do not think you are in line for a Pulitzer prize. If you think you are, at best you will have a very bad day when the Pulitzers are announced. At worst you will set yourself up for a monumental disappointment that might cripple you for life.
6. If you are creating a top ten list, do not start if you can’t count to ten. If you do you, at best you may be asking others for help. At worst, you will muddle on with no hope of completing the task and no knowledge of why you will not do so.
5. If you are creating a top ten list, do not start a list at the number one. If you do, at best your readers will not understand the arrangement and complain since everyone knows you count down from ten. At worst, your action could force some fragile individuals to become wards of the state for the next twenty years since you have altered what they perceive as the universal normalcy.
4. If you are creating a top ten list, do not try to fit in some political rhetoric. If you do, at best you may get some opposing comments that are not very pleasing. At worst, you’ll have political trolls after you for the rest of your natural life and the only way to escape is to write under a nom de guerre.
3. If you are creating a top ten list, do not get wrapped up in the serious stuff. If you do, at best you may spend more time researching than the list is worth. At worst you may not do enough research and find yourself on Wikipedia as an example of an idiot.
2. If you are creating a top ten list, try to find some humorous things to say. If you don’t, at best you will collect some mercy likes, but no comments. At worst, you will watch your followers drop like flies at a Raid convention.
1. If you are creating a top ten list, try to remember the previous ten so you don’t end up repeat-ing yourself. If you forget, at best your readers will assume you are a lousy proofreader. At worst, they will come to the conclusion that your drinking problem has gotten to the point of intervention and the sound at the door is the friendly technicians from Sleepy Time Rehab trying to get in with your Demerol shot and the white jacket.