Happy is as Happy Does

November 13, 2013November 14, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 22 Comments

4-27 006 — CoCo demands a treat BEFORE being brushed not after

001 — Lucy is thinking about maybe going for a walk if the sun is not too bright

Wednesday arrives and with it some nice news about one of my fur family members. All our pets are rescues and in one way or another found us as caregivers.

Our Boxer came to us through the Austin Boxer Rescue organization where my wife was volunteering as a foster mom. Her name is Lucy and she had been struck by a car on the streets of San Antonio. She had been pretty well cared for, but was abandoned. She has taken over our couch and bed for the last two years.

Our Silky Terrier CoCo came to us through the San Antonio Animal shelter. She had also been abandoned and left on her own for about five weeks or so. She has been with us for six years.

The good news is CoCo has had her second cancer surgery in the last twelve months. The reason this is good news; CoCo is a very happy, full of life, dog who deserves all the chances she can get for a full life. Once out of surgery, she is as normal as when she went in. Oh yes, we need to give her some medicine and remind her not to scratch, but for all intents and purposes she is the same.

Why I mention this is, if she were any different and if her quality of life no longer remained high, I would do what every responsible pet lover should do and that is cease the extraordinary measures to keep her alive. I made the decision to wait and see how she was after surgery and I am delighted that she is happy and carefree.

Should the tumors return I will do extraordinary measures until such time as it is no longer a loving act.

Some folks must wonder why people place such a premium on the health and welfare of their pets. There could be criticism by those who think animals are not worthy of our concern. I can understand how they feel, but my position is a living being can teach humans a lesson in mercy, grace, and selfless concern for others. These are all things if kept in mind, humans and animals alike would be better off.

A friend of mine who was dying of cancer said to me before he passed, “the only good thing about this is I won’t have to outlive my pets.” Sometimes I wish we could all have pets that outlived us instead of the other way around.

Happy Hump Day Y’all.

CSB Prompt is as CSB Prompt Does

November 12, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 11 Comments

English: Illustration of the pain pathway in R... — English: Illustration of the pain pathway in René Descartes’ Traite de l’homme (Treatise of Man) 1664. The long fiber running from the foot to the cavity in the head is pulled by the heat and releases a fluid that makes the muscles contract. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This is in response to the Community Story Board Prompt for this week: Tomorrow by Julian Froment. You can see Julian’s here; http://goo.gl/ujGp3c

“Okay what did you say?”

“I said I can’t believe you forgot about picking me up.”

“Aw honey I didn’t forget.”

“I don’t know what you call it then. I waited at the airport for an hour and no you.”

“I know, I know. It’s just─”

“Just what you dead beat?”

“Well it’s just I made a mistake that’s all. I thought your flight was tomorrow. ”

“Mistake. I would say leaving your wife at the airport so she has to call a cab cause your sorry ass can’t answer the phone is more than a mistake. I told you when I left when the flight was. Here’s the damn schedule right on the table where I left it.”

“I wasn’t home to answer the phone.”

“Tell me something else I don’t know. Who were you with? That slut of a sister-in-law of yours?”

“Naw I was not with Teresa. I was at the doctors.”

“The doctors? What the hell you doing at the doctors.”

“This pain in my chest is worse.”

“Pain what pain?”

“I told you I had a pain.”

“You mean that pain you mentioned a month ago?”

“Yeah that’s it.”

“You said it was cause you got hit on the job. What did the doctor say?”

“Tumor.”

“What? What ya mean tumor?”

“Yeah he said they need to operate tomorrow. If not I would have to wait a month and he thought that might be too late. I told him I couldn’t tomorrow cause you needed to be picked up from the airport.”

“No wait. Call the doctor and tell him you can do it tomorrow.”

“Too late. His office called and told me before you came in that they had another in my place.”

Top Ten No Nos is as Top Ten No Nos Does

November 11, 2013November 9, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 13 Comments

Here is the Nineteenth installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy. This list is in recognition of those who are planning to travel during the Thanksgiving holiday.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Traveling

10. If you decide to drive your car when traveling, do not pack the trunk and backseat so that all the passengers need supplemental oxygen to stay alive.

9. While traveling in the car, do not think your favorite onion and Limburger cheese sandwiches will go unnoticed when you go for a snack. If you do, you may find yourself on the roof with grandmother.

8. If you are the designated driver for a portion of the trip, do not think you can rest your eyes for even a moment. If you do, you may find permanent rest as well as a handsome marker on the side of the highway with your name on it.

7. If you should experience a flat tire while driving on a trip, do not attempt to instruct your spouse or traveling companion on the intricacies of changing a tire while you stand-off to the side observing. If you do, you may be wearing the spare for the rest of the journey.

6. If you decide to take an airplane when traveling, do not try to tell security why your religion forbids taking off your shoes. If you do, you may find a full body search applied as the viable alternative.

5. When on an airplane while traveling, do not call a flight attendant by repeatedly pressing the flight attendant call button. If you do, your reward may just be a visit from Mr. Coffee in your lap.

4. When on an airplane while traveling, do not complain loudly and frequently about the lack of food or water. If you do, the flight crew might insure that you may get the same experience as you would on the ground at Guantanamo.

3. When on an airplane while traveling, do not attempt to recline your seat without asking the person behind you if it is OK. If you don’t ask, the passenger behind you may choose to see you later in the terminal where no air marshals are present.

2. When getting off the airplane and you are seated in the back row, do not try to push your way forward while other people are trying to retrieve their carry-on bags. If you do, you chance being kidnapped by Somali pirates and held for ransom. (Oh, if it only worked that way.)

1. When walking as a group through the air terminal while traveling, do not walk five abreast while counting the steps to baggage claim to see who wins the bet. If you do, here’s hoping a baggage cart slides sideways trying to stop, but connects with your group like you are ten-pins in a bowling alley.

CSB Prompt is as CSB Prompt Does

November 8, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 10 Comments

This post is for the CSB’s writing prompt Childhood Memories.

“Have you made up your mind?”

“No sir I am still trying to decide.”

“Well okay you take your time. We stay open till nine.”

“Oh I can’t stay out that late. My mom says I need to be home before dark.”

“How old are you anyway?”

“Just turned ten.”

“I would say you need to be home by dark. How far away do you live.”

“We are just down the block about midway.”

“Does your dad know you are out?”

“I don’t have a dad. He went to heaven.”

“Oh geeze kid, I’m sorry.”

“Yes Sir. How many of those licorice Scotties can I get for a penny?”

“Those are two for a penny.”

“How about those wax lips and moustache.”

“Those are a penny each.”

“Those B.B.Bats there?”

“A penny each.”

“That Clark Bar?”

“Now those candy bars are five cents for any one of them. The Hershey’s, the Mounds, the Zag Nut, the Three Musketeers are all five cents.”

“Five cents is all I got.”

“Well if you don’t decide soon it will be dark and you’ll be late getting home.”

“Even if I am a little late my mom doesn’t get there until later.”

“Where’s she at?”

“She works at the Great Atlantic and Pacific Tea Company.”

“Oh A&P.”

“How about those Dots and JuJy Fruits?”

“All a nickel. If you have a nickel why can’t you decide?”

“Well. . . I need to buy some candy for my sister too. I don’t want to split hers up. I want her to have one for herself.”

“Where’s your sister?”

“She works too.”

“How old is your sister?”

“I don’t know. Not as old as my mother. Are those malted milk balls a penny?”

“No. They are two for a penny.”

“The hats?”

“Penny.”

“Those candies on paper?”

“Nickel a foot. Just a minute. I forgot about a special I am having today.”

“What’s a special?”

“Do you like Almond Joys?”

“I really do.”

“I am running a special on Almond Joys. For today only and only for kids with sisters, they are two for a nickel.”

Time is as Time Does – A Haiku

November 8, 2013November 3, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 17 Comments

Friday has arrived (Ta Da) and it has been a very good week. The household managed to survive the Fall Back to standard time. We now get a lot of things done between six and seven when we used to lie around in the bed SLEEPING. The reason for this situation is, our two dogs cannot get used to the time change. I think the real issue is we never taught them how to tell time. They use little inner clues like; hungry, potty, and sunrise to let them know when it is time to alert their humans that the sleep cycle is over and it is now time to hunt.

Our boxer is used to placing her nose right under the sleeping human’s nose to detect life. (Or not) Once life is detected, the emotional glad-you-are-still-able-to-provide-kibble-and-a-walk lick is placed starting from the chin and ending at the forehead. No amount of holding breath or other forms of faking it works. When the lick is applied, the human is expected to throw back the covers and exit the sleep module. Failure to do so is challenged by a quick, but piercing bark followed by what can best be described as a butt sit. This is where all sixty pounds of the boxer is concentrated in her butt which she promptly finds a spot to perch on you. If this fails to produce the results, she then goes to the Silky Terrier to generate a response which produces a round of barking that only the dead could sleep through.

Instead of this process beginning at six-thirty it now begins at five-thirty and there is no sign that it will ever change until we go back to Daylight Savings Time again.

Here is a little Haiku in honor of Friday and Central Standard Time.

The alarm wakes some,

Dogs disturb the sleep…

Friday please have clouds.

Midweek is as Midweek Does

November 6, 2013November 3, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 22 Comments

Wednesday has arrived once again. There is only a short time left if you need to get a ton of things done by Friday. The bright side says that Friday is viewable from Wednesday. One only has to cross the wasteland known as Thursday to make the golden appointment with the entryway to the weekend. The Golden Entryway to the weekend. I like the phrase as it describes Friday pretty nicely.

Since this is only Wednesday let’s not spent too much of Wednesday’s time on the merits of Friday. Wednesday has some really good points of its own. (It just occurred to me that I am making these days sound as if they are optional occurrences and I am working as an agent in trying to convince you to select them. Even though these days arrive and we are in no position to reject their arrival, I think it is productive to have some nice things to look forward to as they show up.) So here are some nice things about my old pal Wednesday:

No one gets fired on Wednesday. A particular pleasure of management is to reserve the surprise of the pink slip to Friday so that it can be fully enjoyed over the weekend.
When national holidays occur on Wednesday you can elect to tag on two other days in the beginning or after to make the whole thing worth Five days instead of one.
Bosses day usually falls on a Wednesday and gives you the opportunity to make a number of brownie points that will serve you well for the remainder of the year.
A number of bars and clubs have drink specials on Wednesday which can be a great excuse to celebrate the middle of the work week.
Administrative Assistant Day is on a Wednesday
in April of each year and gives you the opportunity to bribe thank your boss’s administrative assistant for all the wonderful and helpful things done for you.
The most DUI arrests take place on a Friday and the least on a Monday. Wednesday is right in the middle so your odds of avoiding a DUI arrest on Wednesday is very good. Your odds are really great if you don’t drink and drive.
Valentine’s day will not be on a Wednesday until sometime after 2016. This means you are safe on Wednesday if you tend to forget.

Can you think of any other good things for a Wednesday? If so why not share them. Here is hoping you have a good balance of the week

Top Ten No No’s is as Top Ten No No’s Does

November 4, 2013November 1, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

Here is the Eighteenth installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do by Marie Ann Bailey of 1WriteWay at http://1writeway.com and John W. Howell of Fiction Favorites at http://johnwhowell.com. These lists are simu-published on our blogs each Monday. We hope you enjoy.

Top Ten Things Not to do When Commuting to Work by Car

10. When commuting to work by car, do not apply mascara while driving or use an electric razor. The former situation will have you likely wind up with a mascara brush sticking out of your eye as you slam on the brake to avoid hitting the car in front of you which decided to stop for the red light. The latter situation could cause you to shave up the side of your head, giving you a “hair style” unacceptable to your boss or to several urban gangs.

9. When commuting to work by car, refrain from driving like James Dean in Rebel Without a Cause. At best, you’ll just wind up stopped at the next intersection while everyone behind you throws daggers at you with their eyes or maybe even for real. At worst, you’ll wind up alongside the road being attended to by a traffic officer eager to make his quota early, with everyone passing you with smiles of glee as they know you are getting your just desserts.

8. When commuting to work by car, refrain from listening to state or national news on your radio. Screaming expletives at the top of your lungs might make your fellow commuters worry that you are having a meltdown, at which point they will call the local police, who will only add to your near blood-boiling frustration by pulling you over and making you late for work, not to mention the possibility of you failing the “walk the line test” even though you haven’t been drinking.

7. When commuting to work by car, do not think you are encouraging the driver ahead of you to go faster by following them so closely that you can see yourself in their rearview mirror. Chances are they will suddenly step on the brake and cause you to read-end them which will result in (1) serious damage to your nice car that you will have to pay for because the accident was your fault (really, it was) and/or (2) serious damage to their nice car that you will have to pay for because the accident was your fault (really, it was).

6. When commuting to work by car, do not try to eat your breakfast and drive at the same time. At best, you’ll just gross people out when they see you stuff a double-Egg McMuffin in your mouth. At worst, the coffee you start to sip in order to wash down the Egg McMuffin will wind up covering your nice white shirt or blouse when you suddenly have to step on the brake to avoid hitting someone pulling out of a McDonald’s in front of you.

5. When commuting to work by car, avoid the temptation to pick your nose, pop a pimple, or check your teeth while waiting for a green light. With your luck, the other commuters viewing your activities will likely be attending the same business meeting that you have scheduled that morning, only their role will be as a grossed out customer.

4. When commuting to work by car, do not try to read The Wall Street Journal or finish that last chapter of Prodigy of Rainbow Tower (Legends of Windemere) while driving. With the former, you may wind up with a face full of newsprint when you rear-end the person in front of you and your airbag engages. At worst, you’ll never get to finish Prodigy because the traffic cop saw you reading, pulled you over, and then confiscated your book (because, of course, it had been on his to-read list).

3. When commuting to work by car, do not expect to have a smooth commute when you’re running 15 minutes late for a meeting with the CEO of your company. Do expect that the city utility vehicles will be out in full force, trimming trees and picking up yard waste on every street that is normally part of your commute, making your commute time double and your chances of being fired triple.

2. When commuting to work by car, do not expect that your fellow commuters will be understanding if you alternate between speeding and slowing down because you are trying to check your text messages before you get to your office. At best, you’ll have some near-misses as commuters try to get around you and put distance between your bad driving and theirs. At worst, the same traffic cop that pulled you over in #4 and #9 will be more than happy to pull you over again since you are single-handedly helping the officer meet a quota.

1. When commuting to work by car, do not treat your driving as a right, but rather as a privilege which can be taken away at any moment for bad behavior. At best, you’ll rack up more fines and fees in a month than you pay in car insurance in a year. At worst, well, bad driving can lead to bad things happening to other people or to you. Be mindful. Be aware. Drive safely.

The Paperbook Collective is as The Paperbook Collective Does

November 1, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

The Paperbook Collective has published its fourth issue and I am very honored to have a piece titled: The Story included. It begins on page thirteen and is a view of writing I think a few of us hold. This Issue has a number of wonderful submissions so go here http://goo.gl/gGC6Cf and have a look. Don’t forget you can also submit your writing or other art as well. Follow the directions on page forty-four

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend

Work Week is as Work Week Does

November 1, 2013October 27, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 11 Comments

The New Yorker (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Friday at last. I don’t know about you, but I have had a grueling week. I finished up a couple of short stories for submission to several magazines. Never know if they will be accepted, but since I am planning an anthology of them, nothing is ever wasted. In the anthology I don’t believe I will have to give a disclaimer that “this story was rejected by the New Yorker,” or anything like that. So it really doesn’t matter if the story gets published or not, since I will be able to use it one way or another.

I am also still working on editing my second novel. I won’t bore you with the fact that my first is still with the publisher and no date of release as yet. WTF. . . it is a good thing I made my fortune in freeze-dried tacos* because if I relied on book sales to eat I would be a very skinny guy indeed. Right now I am going through the entire text with the idea of eliminating certain words that are the hallmark of an amateur. These are the kinds of words that have the effect of slowing the action or at the least, making strong sentences very weak. So that you may benefit from my pain, here are the words that I am eliminating while choosing other ways to complete the thought that I am trying to project. The are: about, actually, almost, like, appears, approximately, basically, close to, even, eventually, exactly, finally, just, just then, kind of, nearly, practically, really, seems, simply, somehow, somewhat, sort of, suddenly, that, truly, utterly, were.

I wish I could say when I use the “find” feature on Word that the results come back with no matches. I wish I could say that, but unfortunately it just doesn’t happen. When writing sometimes we fall into the lazy mode of getting the idea down on paper (so to speak) and not looking at construction. There is really nothing wrong with that as long as we go back and make the corrections.

*Piece of fiction warning

To end the week I have a little Haiku which sums up the editing process.

Edit This by John W. Howell

Every word I wrote,

Placed carefully on the page. . .

Comes under the knife.

Have a great weekend. Oh and while you’re up,

would you get me another Margarita? Thanks.

Wednesday is as Wednesday Does

October 30, 2013October 27, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

Slow Time in Wrist Watch on Dry Leaf (Photo credit: epSos.de)

Wednesday shows up faster and faster each week. It is quite amazing how that happens. Here we are mid-week and it seems like we just left the weekend. I heard tell by some old folks one time that as you get older time moves faster. I suppose that is true when I think about being a kid waiting for baseball season to start. It looked to me as if it would never get underway when I was growing up.. As an old fart I turn around and the World Series is almost over in what appeared to be a blink of an eye from spring practice. That’s how it goes I guess. Given this train of thought I decided to list some the things that move fast in life and those that move slow. This list is very subjective and I wouldn’t mind if you wanted to take exception to what I perceive to be the timing of these events. Also you may have some of your own so feel free to use the comments section for those. Don’t forget the blog is called Fiction Favorites so don’t be afraid to make things up. I do it all the time.

Here is the list of fast and slow time movers:

Waiting in the rain for a bus, taxi, or car pool ride and you are wearing wool. – Slow Time mover
Preparing for an agent pitch that begins in a half hour and you had four days to work on – Fast Time mover
The time between the last anniversary, birthday, or mother’s day that you forgot and the next – Fast Time mover
The time that the seatbelt light goes off on a flight after you realize the BIG GULP you had with lunch needs to go somewhere. – Slow Time mover
The pay raise that you were promised shows up in your check – Slow Time mover
The extra taxes that you have taken out of your check – Fast Time mover
Time between in law visits – Fast Time mover
The amount of time on the meter where you parked your car – Fast Time mover
The time it takes to get a table after you have been seated in the bar – Slow Time mover
The time it takes to check out of the supermarket in the ten items or less lane – Slow Time mover
April 15^th(Tax day in the US) – Fast time mover
The time spent in the doctor’s office after your appointment time. – Slow Time mover.
The amount of time left for your team to catch up from behind. – Fast Time mover
The amount of time the opponent’s team has to catch up from behind – Slow Time mover
The time between when your airplane takes off after a delay and the time the pilot said you were going to take off after the delay – Slow Time mover
The time between the notification by HR that your bosses boss wants to see you and the time your boss comes into you cube. – Fast Time Mover
The time to lunch when you decided to skip breakfast. – Slow Time mover
The time to dinner when you had no time for lunch – Slow Time mover.
The effects of alcohol on your system when you skipped breakfast, lunch, and dinner. –Fast Time mover.
The trip to Disney World with three kids from the time you leave home until you get there. (hint: “are we there yet?”) – Slowest Time mover

Well you get the idea. Happy Hump Day Y’all.