Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #215 by Keith Channing

April 30, 2019April 29, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 39 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo(below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The Photo.

“Be real quiet. We are almost there.”

“To the target?”

“Yup. It is just beyond the tree line.”

“How do you know?”

“My GPS has it pinpointed.”

“Man, this brush is so thick I can’t see a thing.”

“I know. We will need to cut through it. We risk making a lot of noise.”

“I don’t know why we didn’t just take the road.”

“And be spotted? That would have been the end of us and our mission.”

“You sure the boss said to take it right?”

“Yeah. The order was to take it not to just look at it.”

“Alright. Don’t get testy. I was just asking.”

“You know our group is counting on us right?”

“I do. Death before failure.”

“You got it. Now if my eyes don’t deceive me, there is a trail over here. Most likely made by deer.”

“Should we follow it?”

“That’s what I’m thinking. So much quieter. Follow me.”

“Oh, this is nice. Look there it is.”

“Man. Look at the size of that silo.”

“What if we take on fire.”

“You know the orders. Avoid engagement unless provoked.”

“Roger that. I’m ready.”

“Okay on my count we will rush the silo and take it.”

“Wait, a question.”

“What?”

“There must be 100 metric tons of grain in there.”

“Yeah so?”

“Don’t you think that is a lot for us two mice to carry home?”

Top Ten Things Not to Do When Applience and Furniture Shopping

April 29, 2019April 28, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

Since a better part of our time has been spent in Appliance and Furniture shopping lately, I have picked up on a few hints of things to avoid. I hope you enjoy them. Again this week there are historical events that don’t really lend themselves to humor.

10 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not try out the cooktop with your favorite pasta recipe. If you do, at best you’ll have to feed the entire store. At worst, the manager will insist that now that you’ve stained it you own it. (Sad thing, Hyatt. You don’t even like this model. Oh well, ten years from now you can change it out.)

9 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not tell Tiny the WWF champ that in spite of store policy you insist on rolling the floor sample refrigerator out the front door. If you do, at best Tiny will help. At worst, Tiny just left the store meeting where the manager underscored the need to enforce store rules. (Tiny’s way of handling conflict does not bode well for your health, Hunt. I would make sure you have your health insurance card with you.)

8 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not think you can test the mattress overnight. If you do, at best you’ll be asked to leave at closing time. At worst, you manage to avoid store folks and are locked in for the night. ( Two things wrong with this situation, Huntley. One, the restroom is locked. Two, the motion detector is connected to the alarm which is connected to the SWAT headquarters. How do you like the smell of tear gas in the morning?)

7 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not test out the couch while eating that jumbo hot dog. If you do, at best your napkin is secure. At worst, a small slip of mustard turns into a couch in your living room. (Too bad you didn’t want a white sofa with a mustard accent, Hassan. Think of what a great conversation piece it is going to be.)

6 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not mention the warranty. If you do, at best the clerk won’t follow-up. At worst, you’ll be forced to listen to an hour presentation. (Makes you not want to buy the appliance, Horus. After all, if it needs an additional warranty maybe it’s not worth it.)

5 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not sit on a chair is smaller than you. If you do, at best it is stronger than you think. At worst, your bulk caused the chair to give way. (Lucky you, Hewitt. That chair was one of a kind made in France in the 1700s by the designer to Louis XIV. Better call the bank for a loan.)

4 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not touch the blender. If you do, at best it is unplugged. At worse, you hit the puree button, and the whole thing goes airborne. (At least there was nothing in the blender, Habib. Think if there had been a tomato in the hopper ready for blending. As it is that scratch on the counter looks pretty bad.)

3 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not put your head in the oven. If you do, at best no one is looking. At worst, those coils on the underside of the top have a habit of catching hair. (So now we have the entire store over to the oven, Hadden. Not one person knows how to release you. Oh, wait here comes the fire department.)

2 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not go into the glassware section. If you do, at best you won’t move. At worst, you will turn around to leave and run into the seven-tier Waterford crystal goblet display. (That tragic sound of breaking glass announces doom, Hael.)

1 If you are shopping for furniture or appliances, do not offer advice on things you do not understand. If you do, at best you will be ignored. At worse, your suggestions will be taken, and you both will regret your decision. (Just what made you comment on that table, Hafgrim? You know your taste is in your mouth. Should be a friendly reminder to keep your opinions to yourself. Well, for the next twenty years that is.)

Views of the Neighborhood – The Hamilton Greenbelt

April 28, 2019April 27, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 73 Comments

Today our walk through the neighborhood will be spent at the Hamilton Greenbelt. I hope you brought your walking shoes and enjoy the stroll.

Here is the entrance to the Greenbelt.

The land and perpetual care for the Greenbelt was donated by Lakeway residents Jack and Myrtle Hamilton who lived in Lakeway from 1975 to 1993. The Greenbelt was opened in 1990.

A broad view of a man-made pond.

The close-up view of the same pond.

Abundant wildflowers and photo spots. Here are bluebonnets.

A sign warning of ants and snakes. Rather deal with an ant than a snake.

Lovely crushed granite paths and more flowers.

These markers are here in case you get lost or hurt you can identify to responders where you are. (Good idea to carry a phone)

I thought the sun through the trees illuminating the cactus bed was peaceful. Too bad I don’t have a $1000.00 camera with filter for a better shot.

A little wall for sitting and contemplation.

More paths and flowers.

A lovely bed of Iris.

An oak that was an acorn during the revolutionary war.

These little white flowers are also in our yard. I wonder what they are?

Here is a location map. We only walked a small portion today. We will come back for the waterfall and other features some other time. Thanks for walking with me.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “XP”

April 27, 2019April 26, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday and this weeks prompt is “xp.” Here are Linda’s words to explain. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “xp.” Use it as a word, or find a word with “xp” in it. As always, use any way you’d like. Enjoy!” If you would like a challenge like this, please visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is to give your mind away. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS April 27/19

“Whoa, that is some car.”

“Yeah, it’s my new roadster.”

“Wow. That color red almost hurts the eyes.”

“I’ve always wanted a red roadster.”

“What is the name of this thing anyway?”

“It’s a Double Double Diamond XP.”

“Sounds like a ranch.”

“Mitsubishi means three diamonds in Japanese. This was built-in Korea.”

“One more diamond?”

“I think they are competing with the Japanese.”

“Well, it sure looks swell. Is it expensive?”

“You just had to slip that xp word in there huh?”

“Well you know, I am doing a prompt.”

“No, it is not expensive. That is a pretty forward question too.”

“You know how the prompt game goes. You take em as you find em.”

“Yeah, I just didn’t expect the question.”

“So this is an inexpensive export?”

“You could explain it that way I guess. Now you have me doing it.”

“That’s to be expected. Linda Hill does that to people.”

“I want to express myself with my own words.”

“You are the expert on your own words. Go right ahead.”

“I want to expound my way.”

“You have enough exploits to carry on.”

“I feel the need to call Words Express to get rid of these xp words.”

“Won’t do any good to expel xp.”

“How about I expose the whole Stream of Conscious Saturday thingy as a plot.”

“What kind of plot? To make you an expat?”

“No. To drive the taxpayer nuts.”

“Taxpayer? How did that come into play?”

“Was the only xp word I could think of.”

“I think you are cured.”

“No more xp exploits? …….Damn.”

“Yeah damn.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

April 26, 2019April 25, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

“Is that Friday coming up the drive?”
“It sure is Little One. Not a moment too soon.”

Another quick week. I think that life speeds up as one gets older. Yeah, we have all heard that. I guess that statement is my cliché for the week.

We had some notable arrivals. Two twin headboards for the guest room came in and look great. I pictured the rug for the master bedroom yesterday. Speaking of the master bedroom, we were notified that our bed would not be available until July. It was ordered in early March, and this is the second delay. So sayonara to the bed. The producer made another choice which should be here mid-may.

The producer also made a design decision on my office which I totally love. The bookcases and cabinets will be black and positioned on the back wall. A freestanding desk will be in the center of the room. I think it’s going to look great. I know I will feel good having a dedicated space.

I was invited to an event at the Bee Cave (one town over) library this weekend. It is in conjunction with Spring Fest (A Bee Cave event) and features seven local authors. I have a two-hour slot and look forward to visiting with potential new readers. I’ll take some photos and if okay used them on a Views post.

Today’s JohnKu talks about pleasant surprises. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.

Some come as a shock,

Others are like a given . . .

But all are welcome.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Cabin Fever

April 25, 2019April 25, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

Today was a rainy day here in Lakeway. It started in the morning and lasted all day. Poor Lucy and Twiggy were pretty much housebound the whole day. They did their best to remain entertained.

“Twiggy, what are you doing?”

“Playing.”

“What are you playing?”

“I have my gotcha cake and am playing birthday.”

“Check outside for me. Is it still raining?”

“Yes. Lucy. It is still raining.”

“Darn. That means you and I have to find something to do in here.”

“Well, it’s not so bad. We could play tag.”

“We just played tag. Check on the rain again.”

“Still coming down, Lucy.”

“Okay then come here. I’ve got your gotcha cake.”

“Hey. That’s mine. What are you going to do with it?”

“Humm. Maybe I’ll eat it.”

“How about I put it on your back?”

“That’s okay by me. Or you could toss it.”

“Nice toss, Lucy.”

“You toss it back.”

“No, I think I’ll just walk it over.”

“Pretty lazy. Little one.”

“This is hard work, Lucy.”

“Please. You haven’t done a thing all day.”

“I know we can check out the new rug.”

“Hey, Mom. Pretty nice.”

“I don’t know little one. This texture is different.”

“Won’t show footprints, Lucy.”

“Good point, Little Potato.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

April 24, 2019April 22, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 46 Comments

It’s Wednesday Story Day again, and last we were given a hint by Gloria that more or less confused me. I don’t know about you, but I wish she would just spit out who killed Rafferty. Well too bad for me she just didn’t. Instead, she came up with some kind of insect parable that further confounded the issue. Let’s join Larry and Andrew as they try to figure out what Gloria said.

“So, she basically told us none of our suspects killed Rafferty.”

“I don’t know, Andrew but sometimes you amaze me with your observations.”

“What I’m just trying to help.”

“Give me some help on the insect thing.”

“She was not talking about an insect. She was saying the person we are looking for is someone we would not suspect due to his or her lack of involvement in the case.”

“Ah. So my interpretation regarding someone little as having no power is really someone not involved in the case.”

“Rafferty case. Not necessarily in the Sandusky case.”

“So it could be someone who Knew Sandusky but seemingly not involved with Rafferty.”

“Bingo.”

“If I think of everyone involved one way or another in the Sandusky and Rafferty case there is only one name that jumps out as having no involvement with Rafferty.”

“Who is that?”

“Ned Dixon, the bank manager.”

“Ned Dixon? How could he be involved?”

“Think about it. Had Louis been able to prove the machine in that is to say Rafferty signed the paper saying it was good to go.”

“Yes?”

“There would be no bankrupt company.”

“How’s that help Dixon?”

“Remember when Dixon told us he authorized the payments on the loan to stop.”

“Yeah, that was six months ago.”

“He said Louis was working for Cortez but never collected on the development funds for which Louis had a signed contract.”

“So what would have happened if the contract was honored?”

“I guess the company would prosper.”

“Right, and where would that leave Dixon?”

“He would not be able to sell the company.”

“And not pocket the loan payback amount.”

“Wait. Dixon is a trustee along with the bank.”

“You believe that? I think he is skimming money off of Sandusky’s trust. He told us it was worth fifteen million. How easy would it be to take some for himself? If the company was going strong, there would be no sale and no opportunity to skim.”

“Still seems like a risk for a banker. He doesn’t seem like the skimming type.”

“Well, we need to make the connection to Rafferty.”

“That’s a no brainer if what you are thinking is true.”

“Talk to me.”

“He wanted Rafferty to falsify the engineering study to say the machine wasn’t working.”

“I thought Cortez did that.”

“So says Mrs. Rafferty.”

“Humm. She did say her husband said, Cortez. Why would she lie.”

“To cover for someone else.”

“Like Dixon?”

“OMG. I see where you are going. I wonder if they ever talked or knew each other.”

“We need the phone records of Dixon and Janice Rafferty.”

“Damn.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #214 with Keith Channing

April 23, 2019April 22, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

In Keith’s words. (Welcome back Keith)

“Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“Where are we?”

“Somewhere south of Tulsa.”

“Damn. When is this fog going to clear?”

“Yeah, I wish I knew. My eyes are killing me from the strain of trying to look through it.”

“Is that car stopped up there?”

“No, he is moving. Just slowly.”

“I guess we should do the same.”

“You backseat driving?”

“I’m right here in the passenger’s seat. Front seat driving.”

“Okay, so I’ll slow down. No use running up his bumper.”

“Lucky we have those lines.”

“At least I can keep it in the center.”

“What is that guy doing now?”

“Pulling over it seems.”

“Just go on by.”

“What if he needs help? We are in the middle of nowhere.”

“Always the good Samaritan are we?”

“What if it was you there all alone. Wouldn’t you want someone to stop to help?”

“Okay then, pull over. I just hope it’s not a mistake.”

“Here we go. I’ll just stop behind him.”

“You get out. I’ll stay in the car.”

“Okay. Be right back.”

“I sure hope he knows what he is doing. Oh, here he comes.”

“Well, they are okay.”

“So, what are they doing stopping?”

“Just changing drivers.”

“Oh, well, that seems logical.”

“I’m putting on my signal and pulling out.”

“You sure they are okay. I didn’t see anyone in the car as we passed.”

“They are not very big.”

“What do you mean not very big?”

“When they are changing spots you can’t see them.”

“Okay, now I’m confused.”

“Let’s forget it okay?”

“What is the matter with you. Who was driving that car?”

“A dog. Well not driving just steering.”

“What?”

“The cat was operating the pedals.”

“Quit joking.”

“I’m not.”

“We should call the police.”

“Why?”

“A dog and cat driving a car is dangerous.”

“I thought they did a good job.”

“You going to call or should I?”

“No need I’m telling you.”

“Okay convince me. Why is there no need?”

“The guy in the backseat said he had everything under control.”

“Not from the backseat would he have everything under control.”

“Well, he can’t do the driving.”

“Why not?”

“He’s had too much to drink.”

“That’s it. I’m calling.”

Top Ten Things Not to Say to Alexa

April 22, 2019April 21, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 79 Comments

Since this week in history has a lot of events that just aren’t funny. I thought I would take a break and go back to the standard Top Ten Things Not to Do. This weeks list is inspired by our own Alexa who is now in charge of our home. I hope you enjoy the list.

Top Ten Things Not to Say to Alexa

10 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to load the dishwasher. If you do, at best she’ll tell you to do it yourself. At worst, she will order all new dishes from Amazon. (Just try to explain your return request to the Amazon rep, Henry. Don’t forget he and Alexa work for the same company.)

9 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to get Tiny the WWF champ on the phone. If you do, at best Tiny will not answer. At worst she’ll make a mistake and call Tiny hiney. (That knock at the door means you are in for a helicopter spin and body slam, Hunter. Lucky for you Alexa gave Tiny your address before she hung up.)

8 If you have Alexa, do not ask her if her clock is running. If you do, at best she’ll not get the joke and tell you the time. At worst, when you say, “better catch it,” to a positive response your lights will not work for the rest of the night. (You have to believe Alexa has no sense of humor, Hector. Now apologize, and maybe you’ll get your lights back.)

7 If you have Alexa, do not ask her age. If you do, at best she’ll sing Happy Birthday. At worst, you will be treated to a five-hour treatise on proper manners is a polite society. (You have to admit, Harold you never knew the one about walking on the left so that carriage wheels will splash mud on you and not your companion. Excuse me. Wake up , Harold.)

6 If you have Alexa, do not give her a shopping list containing any personal items. If you do, at best no one will see the recording. At worst, your listing will be published on the internet and go viral. (Just what did you intend to do with those enhancement pills, Harvey. Whatever it is Ten million people are waiting for an answer.)

5 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to select your music. If you do, at best you’ll be put to sleep. At worst, she will decide to round your education with music and words you never heard before. (Yes, that music is legal, Hank. Yes, it hurts the ears. Yes, that was an f-word.)

4 If you have Alexa, do not ask if she has a family. If you do, at best she won’t understand the question. At worst, you will now have to listen to a story that will make a soap opera seem like a comedy. (It will only be a few more minutes, Hutchinson. Please try to be sympathetic. Your ability to see when it’s dark depends on it.)

3 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to order items from an outlet other than Amazon. If you do, at best she’ll pretend to malfunction. At worst, she’ll try to make sure you don’t make that mistake again. (So what are you going to do with the truckload of cow poop on your driveway, Hubert? Better decide fast. The sun is getting hot.)

2 If you have Alexa, do make an insulting remark if she can’t understand you. If you do, at best you can say you are sorry. At worst, your insult has been recorded and sent to your boss. (An abysmal choice of words, Hudson. This is especially true since your boss is a saintly person.)

1 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to order carry out. If you do, at best the order will only be missing one item. At worst, lost in the translation will be the quantity of each item. (So now what are you going to do with ten pounds of potato salad, Hussein? Let’s not even mention the thirty racks of ribs.)