Ten Things Not to Do at the First Academy Awards in 1929

May 13, 2019May 12, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 61 Comments

This week marks the anniversary of the first Academy Awards which were held in 1928. Time to get your time travel suit on and attend the ceremony. If you are going, here is a list of the Top Ten Things Not to Do. Hopefully, it will keep you out of trouble and prevent a tear in the time continuum. Have a good time but be careful out there.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the First Academy Awards.

10 If you are attending the first Academy Awards, do not put on makeup in preparation for the filming of the even. If you do, at best folks will think you are a part-time clown. At worst, you’ll cause the host Douglass Fairbanks to ask security to escort you out. (Since the first filming of the awards did not happen until 1930, your makeup looks so out of place, Hanes the host thought you were wearing a mask. There’s a lot of jewelry to be worried about.)

9 If you are attending the first Academy Awards, do not try to sneak in at the door guarded by Tiny the WWF champ. If you do, at best Tiny will gently bar your entrance. At worst, Tiny has been hoping to try his new clothesline punch on a live body. (Now that you feel like your head is missing, Hansel here is a ticket. Now pick yourself up and try another door.)

8 If you are attending the first Academy Awards, do not think you can arrive fashionably late. If you do, at best the hors d’oeuvres will be all gone. At worst, since the ceremony is only fifteen minutes long you may miss it. (After all the trouble to get here, Hargrove you would think you could arrive on time. Yeah sure your coordinates were off. That’s what they all say.)

7 If you are attending the first Academy Awards, do not mention to anyone that you hope Broadway Melody wins Best Picture. If you do, at best no one will listen to you. At worst, your time travel will be outed as Broadway melody was next year’s winner. (Now that you are in handcuffs, Harkin it is time to reflect on the quality of your research. BTW the winner is called Outstanding Picture. Best Picture was a change made years later.)

6 If you are attending the first Academy Awards, do not comment on the fact that there is no sound with the film clips. If you do, at best folks will think you are making a joke. At worst, people will begin to wonder why you think silent films are an oddity. (You see Warner Brothers just produced the first talkie,Harme, The Jazz Singer. No one is sure sound is here to stay. In any case time you got up to go. Here come the guards again.)

5 If you are attending the first Academy Awards, do not order Merlot with your dinner. If you do, at best the server will not understand you. At worst, the somilier will wonder how you heard of a wine that is not yet popular in the US. (You’ve done it again, Hasani. Talk fast and tell them you were clearing your throat before the guards arrive. Just ask for a glass of red wine and maybe the whole thing will blow over.)

4 If you are attending the first Academy Awards, do not ask for a doggy bag. If you do, at best the server will be confused. At worst, those around you will be so grossed out you’ll be left at the table alone. (It seems everyone misunderstood your request and thought they had been served dog food. Not sure you can correct this one in time, Hassel. Good luck. Here comes the chef. Yes, he has a fairly large knife.)

3 If you are attending the first Academy Awards, do not ask for an Irish Coffee after dinner. If you do, at best the server will ask you how to make it. At worst, along with your other strange habits, folks will believe you are from outer space. (I’m not sure, Havika. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea for you to attend. Irish coffee wasn’t invented until the 1950’s. Also wearing that Apple watch has folks a little nervious.)

2 If you are attending the first Academy Awards, do not complain about the missing red carpet. If you do, at best folks will think you’re just odd. At worst as you start to explain the antics of film stars on the red carpet there will be a recognition of your strangeness. (Since the red carpet was introduced to the Academy Awards in 1961 in Santa Monica, is it any wonder people are slowly backing away from you, Hazen?)

1 If you are attending the first Academy Awards, do not roll up to the front door of the Roosevelt Hotel in your Delorian. If you do, at best you’ll cause the valet person wet pants. At worst, you’ll cause the rest of the guests to flee in panic. (All are sure you are an alien invasion, Heaton. You need to get home quick.)

Views of the Neighborhood. Lakeway Park 25th Anniversary

May 12, 2019October 5, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

Lakeway Park is celebrating its twenty-fifth anniversary. As is fitting there was cake, kite flying, kayaking, and paddleboarding. The day was beautiful with temperatures in the high seventies. Come walk with me.

The first aid tent which oversees the kayak and paddleboard lending.

A couple of grandparents enjoying the day.

Kites are in the air.

Getting ready to launch.

Gotta have ice cream.

Shave ice and water too.

A tent by the Colin’s Hope organization whose mission is to educate on the dangers of drowning. The organization was founded by the family of Colin Holst who tragically lost his life in a swimming pool at age four in 2007.

A beautiful American Eagle in flight

Lovely bird.

A grandmother providing coaching on aerodynamics. The tea tent is in the background.

I hope you enjoyed the tour.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Strain.”

May 11, 2019May 10, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this weeks prompt is “strain.” Here is what Linda Hill says about the prompt this week. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “strain.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!” Well you read her instructions. If you would like to participate visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS May 11/19

“You are a strain you know that?”

“Strain? What does that mean?”

“Stupid and a pain that’s what that means.”

“Aw, come on. Can’t be that bad.”

“I was just going over the checkbook and see this entry for five hundred dollars.”

“Had to replace the car tires.”

“You need to tell me before you put such a strain on the budget.”

“But the tires were bald.”

“You could have made some payments.”

“You know how much I hate debt.”

“I do. Okay. I guess you will enjoy the beans and weenies for the month.”

“Sure beats a blowout. Speaking of strain. Is your mother coming to stay this month?”

“Very funny. No she decided to put off her trip till later in the year. she has a new boyfriend.”

“A new boyfriend? What does that make? Number three already this year?”

“She is very particular about who she hangs around with unlike yours truly.”

“Cold wind over the bow. Puts a strain on the mainsail.”

“You pop another surprise like the tires and it will be a hot cannon ball over the bow. through the mainsail.”

“Oh. I love it when you talk dirty.”

“Only you could pull an innuendo out of that statement.”

“Say you love me.”

“And strain my patience further? Time for you to mow the lawn.”

“I knew it. Nothing says love like a good lawn mow.”

“To you alone.”

“Huh?”

“See you later after you love your lawn.”

“No more strain?”

“Yeah. I’m over it.”

“How about a new grill?”

“Get out.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

May 10, 2019May 9, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 66 Comments

Twiggy and Lucy — “Hey, you guys. It’s Friday. Let’s boogie.”
“They are ignoring us Little One.”

FRIDAY IS HERE. Goodness, that was my outside voice. It is good to see Friday again.

Not too much new to report. I am still experimenting with Amazon on My GRL and lost money. My keywords were right. The Ad message was right. The bids were right if slightly too high. I got an unprecedented number of clickthroughs, but the actual sales were below expectations. I redid the blurb and continued. The only thing that has not been tweaked is the cover. I may have to consider a new cover but will do further testing to see for sure.

My office bookcases and credenza has arrived and only lacks a desk. I guess soon there will be no more excuses for not jumping into the WIP with both feet. Not sure on the desk arrival but it should be soon, so I have some procrastination room left.

Our bed is supposed to arrive on Monday. Now maybe we can get the box springs off the floor and the rug properly placed. Since this has been a two month deal thee are no breaths being held.

The fence guys put us off for a few days. We have had tons of rain, so it’s not a surprise. The landscape plan is done, and now we need some bids. The patio furniture is due for delivery within the next two weeks. We have a patio already in so we don’t need landscaping. Once the fence is in it will be nice to go onto the patio knowing the dogs won’t be able to get away.

Todays JohnKu talks about working your plan through to completion. (which is an objective we are getting near.) I hope you all have a lovely weekend.

You put plans in place,

To reach the desired goal. . .

Do not stop till done.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy Jousts Another Windmill

May 9, 2019May 8, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 96 Comments

Today Twiggy decided to get involved in the cleaning process. Whether it was curiosity or a Don Quixote move I can’t tell. Let ‘s just follow her and find out.

“So there you are soul sucker.”

“I want you to know I fear no evil.”

“Yeah sure. Come at me if you dare.”

“I hope you know better than to go after my toy.”

“I’m not afraid of no ghost. Excuse me but I need my rest.”

“Hey, Twiggy.”

“Yes, Dad.”

“Could you pick up your toys so I can get that corner?”

“Dad. Do you see an opposable thumb on these paws?”

“Uh, Twiggy. Looks like something followed you in here.”

“Yeah, ignore it. Lucy. It’s Dad doing the vacuuming.”

“I heard you talking to it in the other room.”

“Yeah, I was trying to make up an adventure. Dad spoiled it.”

“What happened?”

“Dad asked me to pick up my toys.”

“Ah. Buzzkill.”

“Well, ladies. I’m finished.”

“Not too soon either, Boss.”

“Maybe next time I can do a Man of LaMancha drama.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

May 8, 2019May 7, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 60 Comments

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week Andrew and Larry discovered two phone calls made from Ned’s cell to Janice. The calls were brief but did prove they contacted each other at the time of Rafferty’s death. Of course, evidence of a conspiracy to commit murder will take more than two brief phone calls. Larry believes the two met and probably out of town. So he and Andrew are going to start with the airlines to see if any bookings have been made. Let’s get back to Larry’s office to check on the status.

“Here is your latte. Find anything?”

“Oh, man. There have to be thousands of reservations.”

“You centered on the few days before Rafferty’s murder?”

“I am. The problem is Boston has about 16,000 flights leaving every month. Some domestic and some foreign. So far no hits on Ned or Janice.”

“Could they be using false names?”

“Yeah, of course. That only makes the job tougher.”

“How about phone numbers? Don’t you have to give your phone number when you make a reservation?”

“Most airlines require it.”

“Search by phone number then.”

“This could take a while. The ticket database is huge and slow as hell.”

“Give it a try.”

“Done.”

“What’s it doing?”

“That annoying pinwheel.”

“Well, it is processing. Did you put in a date range as another filter?”

“Yup. We need to be patient.”

“Not your finest virtue.”

“Yeah, I know. Where’d you get this Latte?”

“Around the corner. “

“Sammy’s place?”

“Yes.”

“I should have known. Sammy’s is a sandwich shop, not a coffee house.”

“What? It’s no good.”

“No, it is good.”

“What’s the beef?”

“Just thought you would work harder for the latte is all. Hold on the search is finished.”

“What’s it say?”

“No matches to your search.”

“Crap.”

“We have to think a little bit about this.”

“How about a private plane?”

“Yeah, we can check to see if Ned has one or at least can lease one. I’m thinking about a little lower tech.”

“Lower tech? what do you mean.”

“Like around South Lake Tahoe. Maybe canvass some of the hotels.”

“So you think they went to South Lake Tahoe? You think the chief can help?”

“I’m not sure but trying to find a match in all this data is almost impossible. I think we leave the chief out of this. He has a Barney Fife vibe.”

“So do a search on the private plane front first. Then if nothing it looks like a road trip.”

“What do you mean? All we have to do is call the hotels.”

“And broadcast to everyone in South Lake Tahoe that we are trying to get information of Ned and Janice.”

“Yeah, so what?”

“I think they had help in this and we ought to keep it on the down low.”

“Man, Andrew you are sounding paranoid.”

“Oh yeah. I have lived this long for a reason. Let me mention one name to you.”

“Okay shoot.”

“Cortez.

”Okay, I get it. Let me do the search then if nothing we’ll get some flights to South Lake Tahoe.”

“Reno.”

“Huh?”

“Gotta fly into Reno.”

“Okay then. Reno.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #216 by Keith Channing

May 7, 2019May 6, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 45 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“Excuse me.”

“What?”

“Where are you taking those sprouts?”

“What do you mean?”

“You just took a bucket full of my sprouts, and I want to know where you are taking them.”

“What makes you think these are your sprouts?”

“Everything here is mine.”

“I’m here, and I’m not yours.”

“How do you know?”

“The farmer tells me so.”

“Jeez, a poet. Tell me Mr. Farmer’s pet. Where are you going with those sprouts?”

“Not that it’s any of your business but I have a trough full of slop, and I thought these sprouts would add an element of crunch to a fairly bland offering.”

“You can’t eat those.”

“Why not. They look delicious.”

“They are to be planted for this year’s crop harvest.”

“Oh, come on. There is a lot left. Duh.”

“I suppose once you have totally fattened the price for you will offset any loss on the number of crops.”

“Huh. What do you mean fattened?”

“You know what happens to pigs on a farm, don’t you?”

“I still don’t know what you are talking about.”

“Ever hear of spiral sliced ham?”

“No.”

“Bacon?”

“Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“Pork shoulder? Pork belly?”

“Wait the term pork rings a bell. When we came here the farmer remarked about a fine-looking group of porkers.”

“Did he mention you will end up in packages.”

“No, tell me.”

“You are food. Once you are big enough, you go to a place and come out in pieces.”

“Say it isn’t true.”

“Can’t do that.”

“Well, there is only one thing to do.”

“What’s that?”

“Here take these sprouts back. I’m going to spread the word that we all go on a hunger strike.”

“Thanks for the sprouts. Good luck on the protest.”

“Want to join us?”

“Not really. I’m pretty partial to sausage.”

“What’s that?”

“Oh, never mind. Not important. Good luck.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do on National No Diet Day

May 6, 2019May 5, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 52 Comments

Today is National No Diet Day attempting to bring to light the unnecessary obsession with weight and diets. I thought it would be fun to explore what not to do today. I hope you enjoy the list and recognize the need of accepting who we are no matter our shape.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on National No Diet Day

10 On No Diet Day, do not order a monster burger with cheese, cheese fries, and a triple thick shake at a fast food joint. If you do at best, you’ll have help eating it all. At worst, your midnight wake up call will be disturbing. (That noise you keep hearing is your stomach, Hagley. It’s trying to figure a way to handle the over 3,000 calories that you decided to ingest.)

9 On No Diet Day, do not invite Tiny the WWF champ out for a bite to eat. If you do, at best he will have eaten at least twice today. At worst, he decided to diet on No Diet Day and is pleased that you informed him of the need to honor the designation. (Don’t worry about the bill, Hali. You can get a second job to cover it. I would not be asking Tiny to slow down his ordering if I was you. After all, you invited him and you don’t need a knuckle sandwich on the menu.)

8 On No Diet Day, do not invite your vegan co-workers to join you at the Happy Corral for the “all you can eat steak tummy buster buffet.” If you do, at best you’ll get polite declines. At worst, your co-workers will ask HR to sign you up for sensitivity sessions. (I guess you found out that the vegan path is one of sincerity huh Halbert? By the way, today’s class is on trust. Your classmates are supposed to catch you as you fall backward off a ten-foot ladder. You may want to call in sick.)

7 On No Diet Day, do not announce you are going on a diet. If you do, at best you will be ignored. At worst, you will be presented with the Buzz Kill of the year award. (You could have just kept quiet, Halen. Now your boss is calling attention to your lack of judgment as you are being called up to the podium to accept the award.)

6 On No Diet Day, do not keep looking at yourself in the mirror. If you do, at best you will keep finding things you don’t like. At worst, you’ll start to obsess about what you perceive as physical problem areas and start thinking of a diet. (Better you should worry about getting to work on time rather than how your body looks, Halian.

5 On No Diet Day, do not crack jokes about others appearances. If you do, at best you won’t be overheard. At worst, your boss will be standing behind you when you mention their weight gain. (Now you will have to figure out how to get back in good graces, Halstead. You might consider an on the knees apology. It may not work but will demonstrate a sincere desire to save your own butt.)

4 On No Diet Day, do not decide to try every one of the twenty ice cream flavors at the local store. If you do, at best your sense of taste will be frozen out. At worst, your enthusiasm for the day will have been misplaced. (Notwithstanding that you now can’t stand ice cream in any flavor, Ham the idea was acceptance of body shape not to expand it.)

3 On No Diet Day, do not continue to avoid getting into a swimsuit to have some fun. If you do, at best you’ll miss out as usual. At worst, you will continue to view yourself negatively. (Sure you have some bumps, Hamidi, but look around. Others do as well. I think though, one improvement might be a nice pair of trunks rather than that red speedo)

2 On No Diet Day, do not think about yourself for 24 hours. If you do, at best you missed the point. At worst, you’ll be back worrying about how you look again. ( You spend way to much time on the subject of you, Hamlet. How about spending a little time worrying about some of the other 7.7 Billion on the planet.)

1 On Diet Day, do not forget that the point is to eat healthily rather than trying to regulate your body with often dangerous diet measures. If you do, at best you could continue to lack self-satisfaction. At worst, you could jeopardize your health. (So you think you are overweight, Hampus. Why not try a more balanced approach with good food, exercise, and a fuggedaboudit attitude. At least for one day at a time.)

Views of the Neighborhood – SpringFest in Bee Cave.

May 5, 2019May 4, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 66 Comments

I participated in a local author’s event sponsored by the Bee Cave Library. The event was part of SpringFest which was a huge festival held at the Bee Cave Galleria. (Say high-end shopping center)

Here is a shot of my table before the other author arrived. There were six authors participating and we each got a half table. That plate of squid ink pasta looking stuff is a plate of bookmark charms on grosgrain ribbon.

To give you an idea of the venue, that overhang in the distance held a band which played almost non-stop and very loud. In the foreground is a place for the kids to cool off. Water bubbles up onto the bricks.

There were many food trucks.

Here is another shot of the author booth.

I said earlier that kids cooled off on the bricks. Dogs were there too.

This tent is the current Mayor of Lakeway running for re-election.

A few boat dealers and surf shops were there. (There are several lakes close by, and the Gulf is three and a half hours away. (Surfing in the lake would be disappointing for sure.)

Here is a Madness Autoworks Custom Fiat Abarth. They are a local custom shop.

A view of more tents

Down each street were more tents.

Offering everything imaginable.

A view of the Bee Cave library.

A beautiful serene place to relax.“

This is the Bee Cave city hall. Pretty nice

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Fall From the Sky.”

May 4, 2019May 3, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 70 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this week’s prompt is “fall from the sky.” Yup this is it. To quote Linda Hill, “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “fall from the sky.” Write about anything that falls from the sky–real, imagined, or idiomatic. Have fun!” Humm I have to think about this prompt for a minute. Want to rid my mind of Chicken Little who thought the whole sky was coming down. I don’t think that’s what Linda had in mind. If you would like to deal with this kind of quandary, visit Linda’s blog and read how simple it is to fall off the end of the Earth. Here is the link.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS May 4/19

“You look confused.”

“I’m up in the air about my travel plans.”

“What are you talking about? You’ve been planning a trip to Paris for years.”

“I know. It’s not the destination that bothers me.”

“The timing then?”

“No. Spring in Paris is perfect.”

“Where to stay?”

“All set. I have reservations.”

“I give up. Can’t imagine what you are doubtful about.”

“The flight.”

“Yeah, that nine-hour stint can be boring.”

“It’s not the time in the air that has me wondering.”

“Then what is it?”

“I don’t really understand what keeps a heavy 767 300 up in the air.”

“Oh. Piece of cake. It’s lift.”

“Lift?”

“Yes, the difference in air pressure rushing across the top curve of the wing from the bottom. It’s all physics.”

“I don’t get that. I just imagine the thing falling from the sky.”

“Now why would you think that?”

“Look how big and heavy those things are.”

“Here let me make an airplane out of this paper. When I throw it the forward momentum causes the air to be displaced above the wing. Since nature abhors a vacuum the lower part of the plane rises to fill in. See it flies.”

“Yeah but that is a paper airplane. It’s light.”

“What do you think would happen if I put this paper clip on the airplane?”

“I have no idea.”

“See the plane falls from the sky so to speak.”

“Making my point exactly.”

“But what if I make the wings bigger.”

“So there is more area being displaced?”

“Yup. There you have it. The plane flies”

“So it’s the wings that keep it up in the air.”

“That’s why your Boeing 767 300 has such big wings. It is all calculated as to how much wing it takes to lift that mother.”

“So as long as the wings are there all is good.”

“You got it.”