Today is National No Diet Day attempting to bring to light the unnecessary obsession with weight and diets. I thought it would be fun to explore what not to do today. I hope you enjoy the list and recognize the need of accepting who we are no matter our shape.
Top Ten Things Not to Do on National No Diet Day
10 On No Diet Day, do not order a monster burger with cheese, cheese fries, and a triple thick shake at a fast food joint. If you do at best, you’ll have help eating it all. At worst, your midnight wake up call will be disturbing. (That noise you keep hearing is your stomach, Hagley. It’s trying to figure a way to handle the over 3,000 calories that you decided to ingest.)
9 On No Diet Day, do not invite Tiny the WWF champ out for a bite to eat. If you do, at best he will have eaten at least twice today. At worst, he decided to diet on No Diet Day and is pleased that you informed him of the need to honor the designation. (Don’t worry about the bill, Hali. You can get a second job to cover it. I would not be asking Tiny to slow down his ordering if I was you. After all, you invited him and you don’t need a knuckle sandwich on the menu.)
8 On No Diet Day, do not invite your vegan co-workers to join you at the Happy Corral for the “all you can eat steak tummy buster buffet.” If you do, at best you’ll get polite declines. At worst, your co-workers will ask HR to sign you up for sensitivity sessions. (I guess you found out that the vegan path is one of sincerity huh Halbert? By the way, today’s class is on trust. Your classmates are supposed to catch you as you fall backward off a ten-foot ladder. You may want to call in sick.)
7 On No Diet Day, do not announce you are going on a diet. If you do, at best you will be ignored. At worst, you will be presented with the Buzz Kill of the year award. (You could have just kept quiet, Halen. Now your boss is calling attention to your lack of judgment as you are being called up to the podium to accept the award.)
6 On No Diet Day, do not keep looking at yourself in the mirror. If you do, at best you will keep finding things you don’t like. At worst, you’ll start to obsess about what you perceive as physical problem areas and start thinking of a diet. (Better you should worry about getting to work on time rather than how your body looks, Halian.
5 On No Diet Day, do not crack jokes about others appearances. If you do, at best you won’t be overheard. At worst, your boss will be standing behind you when you mention their weight gain. (Now you will have to figure out how to get back in good graces, Halstead. You might consider an on the knees apology. It may not work but will demonstrate a sincere desire to save your own butt.)
4 On No Diet Day, do not decide to try every one of the twenty ice cream flavors at the local store. If you do, at best your sense of taste will be frozen out. At worst, your enthusiasm for the day will have been misplaced. (Notwithstanding that you now can’t stand ice cream in any flavor, Ham the idea was acceptance of body shape not to expand it.)
3 On No Diet Day, do not continue to avoid getting into a swimsuit to have some fun. If you do, at best you’ll miss out as usual. At worst, you will continue to view yourself negatively. (Sure you have some bumps, Hamidi, but look around. Others do as well. I think though, one improvement might be a nice pair of trunks rather than that red speedo)
2 On No Diet Day, do not think about yourself for 24 hours. If you do, at best you missed the point. At worst, you’ll be back worrying about how you look again. ( You spend way to much time on the subject of you, Hamlet. How about spending a little time worrying about some of the other 7.7 Billion on the planet.)
1 On Diet Day, do not forget that the point is to eat healthily rather than trying to regulate your body with often dangerous diet measures. If you do, at best you could continue to lack self-satisfaction. At worst, you could jeopardize your health. (So you think you are overweight, Hampus. Why not try a more balanced approach with good food, exercise, and a fuggedaboudit attitude. At least for one day at a time.)