Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Battle of Waterloo

October 15, 2018October 14, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 77 Comments

The Battle of Waterloo by Clément-Auguste Andrieux

This post continues the historical tableaux for the Top Ten Lists. As always I hope you enjoy it.

10 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not volunteer to carry the French Eagle battle standard. If you do, at best your application will be lost. At worst, every British and Prussian soldier will be trying to take it from you. (So how does it feel, Flannery, having 15,000 swords all waving at you?)

9 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not continue to try to meet Emperor Napoleon if Tiny the WWF champ tells you to go away. If you do at best, you may get thrown out. At worst, Tiny who just finished his last group session on self-esteem may think you don’t respect him. (Uh oh. Looks like Tiny is priming that musket, Floinn. Might be a good time to try out the Air Jordans.)

8 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not order Napoleon Brandy as an after-dinner drink while dining with the British Commander the First Duke of Wellington. If you do, at best the restaurant won’t have any. At worst, the Duke’s team will think you a spy. (You just finished your last meal, Fonzie. I hope you enjoyed it.)

7 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not offer to be a Henry Kissinger-like, peace negotiator. If you do, at best you will cause uproarious laughter. At worst one side will take you up on your offer. (But the other side has decided to use you as a target for practice. Might as well put that white flag down, Forrester. It’s not going to stop 15,000 lead balls heading your way.)

6 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, as the brandy example, do not order beef Wellington at Napoleon’s staff dinner. If you do, at best they will all think they did not hear you right. At worst, someone will get the idea that it would be fun to have a dual. (Guess who has been chosen as the duelee, Fortune? Yup. Better find a second fast.)

5 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not take Emperor Napoleon’s horse for a fast getaway. If you do, at best he has a spare. At worst, the horse has been trained to return to Napoleon with a whistle. (This is a fine kettle of fish you have gotten yourself into, Francois. You can add horse thief to the charges of treason, sedition, and spy. Don’t worry though you only have one life to give.)

4 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not ask your British commander about tea time. If you do, at best he will think you are joking. At worst, he will assign you the job of going to the French lines to get a croissant to go with the tea. (I’m not surprised the French started shooting at you, Franky. Everyone knows croissants are for breakfast, not afternoon tea.)

3 If you are at the battle of Waterloo, do not try speaking French to the French to be better understood. If you do, at best you will be disappointed. At worst, your BonJour greeting will be met with a hail of bullets. (I guess it is your American accent that gets in the way, Franz. Try Spanish next time.)

2 If you are at the battle of Waterloo, do not turn your map upside down to get a different view. If you do, at best your general will get dizzy. At worst, the general will order the charge of the Scots Greys in the wrong direction. (Now you are charging alone in the right direction, Frazier. Good luck when you meet the French Chevau-légers of the line (lancers) They look pretty mean too.)

1 If you are at the Battle of Waterloo, do not keep your souvenir stand open after the first cannon salvo. If you do, at best you will have few customers. At worst, you’ll have to take cover. (The cannonballs seem to be attracted to your stand, Freeowine. Maybe cheap trashy gifts have that effect on hot, heavy, metal balls flying through the air.)

Views of the Neighborhood – 1st Annual Trash Dash

October 14, 2018October 14, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 63 Comments

Port Aransas held its First Annual Trash Dash yesterday. Although a brief downpour made everything wet, it did not dampen the enthusiasm of the participants

Here is a shot of the registration table. All participants got a T-shirt and a collection bag. The idea is to go out and for one hour collect trash on the beach. The most trash collected wins first prize.

A photo of one of the volunteers Angie Huckabay will give you an idea of the front of the shirt.

The back shows the sponsors and the plea to Keep Texas Beaches Clean.

Here is a mom and her children signing up to participate.

Here is a French Bulldog in the mud and mugging for the camera.

Here is a shot of the trophies. There are awards for the first, second, and third place.

First place

Second Place.

Third place.

Ready, set, go. And they are off

Another group.

A couple of boys headed for the dune.

A group photo of participants. Photo by Shannon Solimine

Some of the Eighty bags picked up. Photo by Shannon Solimine

First Place. Photo by Shannon Solimine

Second Place. Photo by Shannon Solimine

On the way home, we spotted that the missing sea captain (from Hurricane Harvey) is being replaced. I will bring you an after shot when he is complete.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Precious.”

October 13, 2018October 12, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 41 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday again and this weeks prompt is “precious.” Linda Hill has advised that we can use it anyway want and has issued an order to” have fun.” In that vein, if you would like to join the fun visit Linda’s blog and read the easy instructions. Here is Linda’s link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/10/12/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-13-18/

“This lady at the supermarket called me ‘precious.”‘

“What did you do?”

“What do you mean?”

“Around here if someone calls a person your age ‘precious’ it is not necessarily a compliment.”

“Oh really. I offered to help her with her bags is all.”

“Was she in a wheelchair?”

“No.”

“A walker?”

“How old was this lady?”

“I don’t know. About my age I guess.”

“Tell me what you said and what she said?”

“I said my those bags look heavy. Can I help you out with them?”

“A lady your age.”

“Yup.”

“What was her response.”

“Thank you no, I can manage.”

“So where does ‘precious’ come in?”

“I said, “But you look too delicate to handle such a load.”

“Oh my goodness. Now the ‘precious.”‘

“Yeah.”

“Okay give it to me.”

“Well, aren’t you precious.”

“That’s all?”

“A little more.”

“Go ahead.”

“She said, ‘I’m sure there is a little ole wife at home who needs your help. Why don’t you run along and give the little woman a hand?’ or something like that?”

“She call the manager?”

“No.”

“Well, that’s a break.”

“She showed me her gun.”

“What?”

“Yup. Seems she’s a police officer.”

“What did you do?”

“Put her bag back on the counter.”

“Anyone see all this?”

“Just Mrs. Murphy.”

“Radio Free Europe Murphy? The biggest gossip in town.”

“I guess.”

“We have no choice but to move.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

October 12, 2018October 11, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

“Come on Dad. It’s Friday. Put your back into it. You can win.”

It is Friday. Our thoughts and prayers go to those affected by Hurricane Michael. Currently, there have been two deaths reported and an untold amount of damage. Power is out for over 800,000 residents. It will be a long recovery for those in the path.

Today’s JohnKu speaks of challenges. Hope you have a super weekend.

Nature or others,

Serve up the unexpected . . .

We need to be strong.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy Early Morning

October 11, 2018October 10, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 63 Comments

“Hey, Twiggy. I have your donut.”

“That’s okay. I’m waiting for the recycle pick up man.”

“The what?”

“The truck that comes around to pick up the recyclables.”

“There he is. Lucy come here quick.”

“I’m coming.”

“So what the heck are recyclables?”

“It is trash that can be used again sometime.”

“Okay, so what’s the big deal?”

“Well, it is a fine bark moment.”

“Wait a minute. I thought you aren’t allowed to bark.”

“I know that’s what makes the recyclable truck such a treat. By the time Mom and Dad get up here, I have already stopped. Let’s go back and play.”

“So Twiggy. You going to grab that rope thingy?”

“You know, Lucy I have a tummy that’s growling.”

“Call for dad.”

“Hey, Dad. Any chance for breakfast?”

“Of course. You and Lucy were in our room. I have it all ready.”

“You are the greatest, Dad. Mmmmmmmmm.”

“You are pretty swell yourself, Twiggy.”

“Brother. listen to you two. It’s not like the Boss never has breakfast ready.”

“You are just jealous, Lucy. You already ate yours. Mmmmm.”

“Punk kid.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump day

October 10, 2018October 9, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

“Lucy. You going to finish that post?
“What day is it?”
“Wednesday.”
“I’ve got till Friday. Wake me then.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, Andrew and Larry met Louis the tech. He gave them an overview of how the electronic cleaner worked and now it is time to try it out. I see they have put the anchor in the vat. We should get there to see how the thing works.

“So, I have attached the negative terminal to the anchor. The water and citric acid will act as the positive. When the forces come together, the scale should drop off.”

“How long will it take to finish?”

“Oh, I would say less than an hour.”

“Can you put more than one item in at a time?”

“Sure you can, but you have to amp up the power.”

“So a huge item will take more power?”

“Yes, Andrew. The bigger or more numerous, the more power.”

“What is the biggest thing you have ever done?”

“Probably car parts.”

“Car parts?”

“Yeah, this thing does a number on rust. You put a fender in there, and it comes out like it was just stamped out at the factory.”

“I never thought of that. So why is this place bankrupt. I would think there would be a lot of business.”

“Not sure, Andrew. All I know is the owner disappeared, and there was no one to mind the store until the bank stepped in.”

“Disappeared?”

“Yeah. He was at work one day and then gone the next.”

“No family?”

“Nope, his life was this business. That’s what makes it so odd.”

“When did this happen?”

“About six months ago, Larry. I tried to do what I could but I’m not a businessman, so it was fruitless.”

“I don’t know too many who could go from operator to company savior, Louis. Are you going to start this thing?”

“Yeah. It is just one setting and a push of the button. There you go. Underway.”

“Wow, look at that bubbling. It looks like the anchor is getting a good scrubbing.”

“Louis, one question.”

“Yes, Andrew.”

“What would happen if someone fell into the vat?”

“Odd question. But let me say for the first hour, nothing. The negative pole would have to be attached to do any immediate harm. After an hour, like I said before, the citric acid would start to react with the skin.”

“So if there was any reaction by attaching the pole what would it be?”

“I don’t get where you are going with this, Andrew. You have been all over the place with the talk of human interaction with this system. Why don’t you just come out and tell me what you want to know?”

“Very well. Can a human be destroyed with this system?”

“Yes. Completely.”

“Any way internal organs can be destroyed without harming the body?”

“I would think so. Would all depend on power level and electrode placement.”

“Electrode placement?”

“Yes, the electrode would need to be on the inside of the body.”

“That would leave evidence of the intrusion.”

“Not if the probe was fine enough. It would be a tiny hole through the epidermis and into the organ.”

“Do you have experience with this procedure.”

“No. Of course not. We are talking hypothetically.”

“Yeah, of course, we are. Very interesting Louis. How long before our anchor is done?”

“Do you really care about the anchor?”

“No. You ever heard the name, Sandusky?”

“Sandusky?”

“Yeah.”

“I met him about ten years ago.”

“Oh? Do tell?”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #195

October 9, 2018October 8, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The photo.

“Let me buy you a drink, my man.”

“That is very nice of you given the circumstances.”

“Ah what the heck. Life is too short.”

“But it seems like one would feel a little remorse.”

“Remorse? For what?”

“Well, it seems like a pretty goodly amount of money.”

“Yeah, but you know what they say, ‘easy come, easy go.”’

“I know if it were me, I don’t think I would take it so well.”

“You have to remember who suggested the wager.”

“That’s true. I guess if you hadn’t prepared yourself to lose you never would have suggested going title to title on a boat race.”

“That part is true. You see I really had not too much to lose.”

“What are you talking about? That is a gorgeous five-masted schooner.”

“You know the old saying, ‘one mans trash, another man’s treasure.”‘

“Yeah, I’ve heard that.”

“See, I have been trying to sell that tub for over two years with no takers.”

“That is surprising. It is a classic.”

“Yes, it is. Loaded with barnacles and filled with woodworms.”

“So you are saying you are glad to get rid of it.”

“You tell me. The last salvage estimate I got was over a million.”

“Someone would pay you a million?”

“No, I would have to pay a million to get rid of it. Now, how about that drink?”

“Now it is my problem.”

“Yup and at a leakage rate of one hundred gallons an hour, I think you better figure out what to do with it. Those pumps are pretty old. Maybe tow it beyond the shelf and scuttle it.”

“Gin on the rocks.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Helped Found Germantown Pennslyvania in 1683.

October 8, 2018October 7, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

In 1683, thirteen families from Krefeld, Germany, arrived in Philadelphia to begin Germantown, one of America’s oldest settlements. Since this week marks that anniversary, the Top Ten Things Not to Do provides advice (maybe a little late) if you found yourself part of that event.

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Helped Found Germantown Pennslyvania in 1683.

10 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not wear your “I’d Rather be in Philadelphia,” T-shirt. If you do, at best your neighbors may wonder where your loyalties lie. At worst, you just might be left behind in Philadelphia to fend for yourself. (You are years away from the invention of the Philly Cheese Steak, Farvardin so life there may be hard.)

9 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not try and tell Sehr Klein (Tiny) the GWF (German Wrestling Federation) where he can camp. If you do, at best he won’t understand your American German. At worst, you caught him just as he was released from a program of forced restraint and now wants to be free. (Looks like Sehr Klein has designs on demonstrating his Step Over Toe Hold on you, Fay. You do know how to wrestle, don’t you?)

8 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not admit you don’t like beer and would rather have a white wine. If you do, at best the rest will be grateful there is more for them. At worst, the powers that be may come to the conclusion you are French. (Now you have to worry about being invaded, Felican. Don’t worry just surrender and all will be well.)

7 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not think clever nicknames will be appreciated by your explorers. If you do, at best no one will answer when you use them. At worst, folks will get the idea you are possessed. ( If you hold your breath long enough you may survive the witch’s dunk tank, Felton. You now regret calling the leader “Fritz,” don’t you?)

6 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not refuse to live in a cave-like dwelling. If you do, at best you’ll be able to find a tent. At worst, you will not have a place when the winter snows settle in. (The cave homes were temporary, Feri. I think you ought to change your mind before those blue feet fall off.)

5 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not suggest a night on the town in Philadelphia. If you do, at best it is a six-mile walk, and you’ll have to go alone. At worst, you’ll get some friends to join you, and they will make you the designated transport person. (Nothing like trying to carry a couple of passed out revelers, huh Finnan? Too bad horses won’t be brought to Germantown for another three years.)

4 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not suggest solving the food shortage with a delivery from Dominoes. If you do, at best your cohorts will think you crazy. At worst you will be tasked with going out foraging for nuts, berries, and squirrel. ( Looks like your nut allergy is going to sideline your efforts, Fidello. Good luck explaining what a nut allergy is to these fifteenth-century roughnecks)

3 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not complain when you get a blister on your hand from chopping down trees. If you do, at best you will become the laughing stock of the settlement. At worst, you will be assigned a new job that is even harder. (How do you like playing the Ox on the front of that plow, Fionan? That whip sure clears the sinus huh?)

2 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not try to form a football team to play Philadelphia. If you do, at best you might get one or two players. At worst, you’ll field a whole team and have to face the Phillies. (Did you think this through, Finnolaugh? Those guys are huge and don’t have to walk six miles to play.)

1 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not try to sell brightly colored cloth and jewelry. If you do, at best you have no buyers. At worst, since the community is made up of Mennonites, you might be the recipient of a religious intervention. (Nothing more elegant than having a group of bearded elders trying to exorcize the devil, huh Flainn? Wow that red-hot poker looks wicked.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Texas Chiefs Compete for World Food Championships

October 7, 2018October 6, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 50 Comments

Port Aransas & Mustang Island was the culinary gateway for Texas chefs to compete in the World Food Championships, the largest competition in “food sport”. The inaugural event consisted of 33 top chefs competing over three nights at nine different Port Aransas restaurants. Each night a winner was chosen out of those competing. The event culminated in the Grand Tasting on October 6. Texas is the first state franchise of the WFC. Each winner of the competition moves on to the next competition in Orange Beach, Alabama in November. The competing chefs came from all over Texas to compete. Given the space limitation I can’t show you all of the venues but here is a sample of the competition which took place on Thursday. I hope you get a flavor of the event by this coverage.

The first venue I visited was Lisabellas. This shot will give you an idea of the setup. The competing chefs are on the left. Folks attending got a drink and snack and then a sample of the finished product.

Here are the three chef stations. They had thirty minutes to complete their dish. The competition was outside which made it more difficult because of hot plates etc.

The second venue was The Phoenix. Here is a shot of the BeachOctoberfest promotional sign. This is a Chamber of Commerce sponsored six weekends of events. The Chef Throwdown was one of these events.

Here is a photo of one of the chefs. Notice the building behind which is a Hurricane Harvey replacement.

This photo is of Christopher Beasley in grey to the left. He becomes the Thursday winner of the ticket to Orange Beach.

This shot gives you an idea of the number of people attending the Phoenix event.

We now move to The Black Marlin. Here we have the executive chef of The Black Marlin providing the audience with how the competition is judged and a general statement of the rules. The chefs are located to the right.

Another shot of the crowd attending.

The three chefs at their stations waiting for the start signal.

A sculpture of a Black Marlin. Notice the new palm trees which were replaced after Hurricane Harvey.

Here is a shot of Christopher Beasley accepting his ticket to Orange Beach. Christopher is the executive chef at The Bluewater Cowboy Saloon and Mercantile right here in Port Aransas.

I hope you enjoyed the event.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Card”

October 6, 2018October 5, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 38 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This weeks prompt is “card.” Linda Hill says we can use it any way we want. If you want to join in the madness go to Linda’s blog and read about how easy it is to participate. Here is the link to her post. https://lindaghill.com/2018/10/05/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-6-18/

“What are you doing?”

“Playing a card game. What does it look like?”

“But you keep going through that deck over and over. What game is that?”

“solitaire.”

“solitaire? I’ve never seen solitaire played that way.”

“Well, I admit it is a little unusual.”

“Have you won a game yet?”

“No.”

“How long have you been playing?”

“Today or lifetime?”

“Okay, both.”

“Today, three hours. Lifetime, twelve years.”