Today, I randomly opened the second book in the Eternal Road series to page 175. With my eyes closed, I pointed to the page, and my finger fell on the word “wipes.” This is our prompt today.
The following story manifests my feelings when I visit a store and the item I need is not there. I found it satisfying to write. Perhaps by reading it, you can also find a degree of satisfaction in the fact that Mrs. Delancy speaks for all of us.
Wipes by John W. Howell © 2025
“We are out of wipes again, Jerry.”
“We are always out of wipes. We can’t keep them in stock.”
“Is there a run on those things or what?”
“I think there might be some kind of manufacturing problem.”
“You would think if we could get a bunch of celebrities into space, we could get enough wipes.”
“So what are we going to do, boss?”
“Put a sign on the shelf and let everyone know we are out.”
“They can see that for themselves.”
“Okay, then make the sign read that the warehouse is out of wipes.”
“I guess that will keep people from complaining to us.”
“Excuse me.”
“Yes, Mrs. Delancy. What can we do for you?”
“You are out of wipes.”
“Yes, we know.”
“This is the third week. Normally, I wouldn’t say anything, but it’s been three weeks.”
“Well, we did have them in on Monday.”
“I wasn’t here Monday. I shop on Thursday.”
“I know Mrs. Delancy, I just wanted you to know it hasn’t been three weeks.”
“It has been three weeks for me. Three Thursdays in a row- no wipes.”
“We are sorry. The warehouse is out of wipes.”
“The warehouse?”
“Yes, they are out of wipes.”
“And that makes it okay, how?”
“What do you mean?”
“I need my wipes. Little FiFi makes messes, and I need the wipes.”
“How about paper towels?”
“You getting smart with me?”
“No, I just was presenting an alternative.”
“Do paper towels have a lovely lavender scent?”
“No, I—”
“You’re damn right they don’t.”
“No use getting upset, Mrs Delancy. I’m just trying to help.”
“If you want to help, you would get some wipes.”
“If the warehouse is out of them, what would you have me do?”
“Call the head of your company and get him on the phone with the head of the wipe company and let them know I need my wipes of else.”
“Or else? Wait, what is that?”
“It is the actuator to the bomb I have planted in the wipes section. If you don’t do as I say, you can kiss your store goodbye.”
“You are joking, right?”
“A wipes consumer scorned never jokes. Now let’s go to the office and make the call.”
“Easy now. Don’t make a mistake.”
“We are way past that. The mistake was being out of wipes. Get moving. And you, Jerry. Don’t make any funny moves either.”
“Don’t worry, Mrs. Delancy. I’ll stay right here while you and the boss take care of the problem.”
“You are a good boy, Jerry. I would stay out of the wipes aisle if I were you.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
1. When you leave the reception, do not thank the bride and groom’s parents with a big juicy kiss
