Halloween falls on the Monday before the changing of clocks on November 6th. The post on that Monday will be devoted to Top Ten Things not to Do on Halloween. Therefore, it might be a good idea to discuss the fall back routine of Daylight Savings time. This post was first run on November 14th, 2016. I think the advice is still good.

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I dislike the time change situation and have to guard against doing some unnatural things during the “getting used to” period. I hope this list is not too late.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When the Time Changes

10 When there is a time change, do not think “fall back ” will really give you an hour of extra sleep. If you do, at best, you will be grumpy and disappointed. At worst, you will hold a grudge against the government until the “spring forward” time comes around. (Those threatening letters to the President have a way of coming back to haunt you. Don’t they felon?)

9 When there is a time change, do not expect your pets to understand the difference. If you do, at best, you will have a lot of whining around the house. At worst, those routines that are now disrupted will cause some significant animal errors. (What part of going outside by 7:00 did you miss trying to extend the visit by an hour?)

8 When there is a time change, do not expect your boss to understand your inability to adapt. If you do, at best, your boss has the same problem. At worst, the meeting called for your performance appraisal was an hour ago. (I’ll bet you are not happy with your raise this year, Ferd. Is giving back some of last year’s a thing?)

7 When there is a time change, do not think the rest of the world needs to understand your disorganization. If you do, at best, you will only miss a couple of scheduled events. At worst, your no-show profile will be noted, and the next event invitation will conveniently arrive one hour after the event is over. (There is only so much planners can take; after all, it’s been three months since the change.)

6 When there is a time change, do not forget to reset your timers. If you do forget, at best, there will be minor inconveniences until set. At worst, that oven setting will be an hour late, and you’ll be faced with raw chicken, and you invited your boss for dinner. (Lucky you, a Kentucky Fried outlet is just down the block. What you don’t know is your boss can’t eat fried food and just walked through the front door.)

5 When there is a time change, do not forget it gets dark earlier in the fall. If you do, at best, you’ll need to remember a flashlight next time. At worst, that sinkhole visible in the light somehow disappears in the dark. (That is until you manage to step in it and go up to your knees in freezing water, huh, Bunky?)

4 When there is a time change, do not take out on others the fact that you are out of sorts. If you do, at best, you will be ignored. At worst, you will insult those whose job it is to serve you. (You can’t tell, but Tiny, the WWF champ, is heading to your table to personally deliver the perfectly cooked meal you sent back. It seems that Tiny was on probation as a chef, and your meal was the test case. Hope your health insurance is in effect, Buster.)

3 When there is a time change, do not keep one clock on the previous time. If you do, at best, you might pay attention to that clock and miss something. At worst, you will keep reminding yourself of your unfortunate lack of ability to adapt and continue to measure your life in terms of what is missing as opposed to what you have. (A deep philosophical point that can be summed up with the word “stubborn.” Right, Clyde?)

2 When there is a time change, do not be concerned that you have to calculate scheduled times for your favorite shows. If you do, at best, you will miss a few shows due to your own error. At worst, you will employ a tremendous amount of effort only to discover the shows are on at the same time as usual. (Makes one feel foolish, doesn’t it, Homer)

1 When there is a time change, do not attempt to change your car clock yourself. If you do, at best, you’ll realize quickly you need help. At worst, you’ll make some adjustment that has never been seen before and will require a replacement clock to fix. (The clock reset is a little car manufacturer humor built into each car. Maybe this is the only exception to point number three.)

This post was published originally on November 9th, 2015. Although the wind has not been bad this fall, it just might turn and come in handy.

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The inspiration for this list is the over twenty-five-mile-an-hour winds we have been experiencing since Thursday. Most of these warnings are a matter of common sense, but in the spirit of public service, I will state the obvious. Hope you enjoy it.

The Top Things Not to do on a Windy Day

10 On a windy day, do not think it is a good time to inspect your roof for leaks. If you do, at best, the fire department rescue team will not be happy getting you down from there. At worst, you now need the rescue team to splint and bandage the results of a three-story fall. (Recall your last words? “Honest honey, I’ll be careful.”)

9 On a windy day, do not spit, period. If you do, at best, you might catch a gust in the opposite direction. At worst, you will need to pause your busy schedule for a shower. (Too bad you were eating licorice at the time.)

8 On a windy day, do not think you can control the weed and grass killer spray. If you do, at best, you will only take out the edge of the lawn. At worst, in three days, your yard will have all the life of the Sahara Desert. (Did you not see the warning on the label? By the way, the damage is permanent)

7 On a windy day, do not think you can spray paint that swing set. If you do, at best, you will have an ongoing shadow of it on your lawn. At worst, the next-door neighbor just realizes his new yellow convertible has a light overlay of Rustoleum brown. (Is that him at the front door with the police?)

6 On a windy day, do not get up on that twenty-four-foot extension ladder. If you do, at best, you will soon be calling for help as you slowly lose your grip on the uppermost gutter. At worst, you and the ladder will end up in your living room after passing through the house’s largest and most expensive picture window. (Don’t worry,. A tourniquet properly applied will stop that gushing. You don’t know what I’m talking about, you say?)

5 On a windy day, do not be coerced into allowing the kids to fly their kites. If you do, at best, one may be dragged through Mrs. Jones’ rose bushes. At worst, the FAA will be asking tough questions about the airspace violation by your kid and his Sponge Bob Square Pant kite. (You were almost sure that tree would have stopped him)

4 On a windy day, do not think going fishing is an excellent way to spend the time. If you do, at best, you’ll end up cold and wet without any fish. At worst, your rescue will be featured on the six o’clock news with the lead in line,” Foolish tourist risks life by ignoring the small craft warnings.” (We forgot to turn on the radio, did we?)

3 On a windy day, do not think the golf game can go on as usual. If you do, at best, you will break your high score and lost ball record. At worst, the wind direction is such that you teed off, the ball comes back and knocks you off your feet, and you get an expensive airlift to the hospital. (You thought that was going to be one of your longest drives)

2 On a windy day, do not take a leisurely walk on the beach. If you do, at best, you will be covered in sand from head to foot. At worst, you will receive dermabrasion with the delightful side benefit of a bird-dropping mask. ( No. That stuff does not wash off.)

1 On a windy day, do not think it is a good time to fertilize the lawn. If you do, at best, you will waste a lot of fertilizer on your neighbor’s property and shrubs. At worst, you will end up in the pulmonology wing of the hospital as a subject of study of the after-effects of poop in the lungs. (I could have worn a mask but nooo too much trouble.)