Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Windy Day

Photo by KhamkΓ©o Vilaysing on Unsplash6

This post was published originally on November 9th, 2015. Although the wind has not been bad this fall, it just might turn and come in handy.

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The inspiration for this list is the over twenty-five-mile-an-hour winds we have been experiencing since Thursday. Most of these warnings are a matter of common sense, but in the spirit of public service, I will state the obvious. Hope you enjoy it.

The Top Things Not to do on a Windy Day

10 On a windy day, do not think it is a good time to inspect your roof for leaks. If you do, at best, the fire department rescue team will not be happy getting you down from there. At worst, you now need the rescue team to splint and bandage the results of a three-story fall. (Recall your last words? “Honest honey, I’ll be careful.”)

9 On a windy day, do not spit, period. If you do, at best, you might catch a gust in the opposite direction. At worst, you will need to pause your busy schedule for a shower. (Too bad you were eating licorice at the time.)

8 On a windy day, do not think you can control the weed and grass killer spray. If you do, at best, you will only take out the edge of the lawn. At worst, in three days, your yard will have all the life of the Sahara Desert. (Did you not see the warning on the label? By the way, the damage is permanent)

7 On a windy day, do not think you can spray paint that swing set. If you do, at best, you will have an ongoing shadow of it on your lawn. At worst, the next-door neighbor just realizes his new yellow convertible has a light overlay of Rustoleum brown. (Is that him at the front door with the police?)

6 On a windy day, do not get up on that twenty-four-foot extension ladder. If you do, at best, you will soon be calling for help as you slowly lose your grip on the uppermost gutter. At worst, you and the ladder will end up in your living room after passing through the house’s largest and most expensive picture window. (Don’t worry,. A tourniquet properly applied will stop that gushing. You don’t know what I’m talking about, you say?)

5 On a windy day, do not be coerced into allowing the kids to fly their kites. If you do, at best, one may be dragged through Mrs. Jones’ rose bushes. At worst, the FAA will be asking tough questions about the airspace violation by your kid and his Sponge Bob Square Pant kite. (You were almost sure that tree would have stopped him)

4 On a windy day, do not think going fishing is an excellent way to spend the time. If you do, at best, you’ll end up cold and wet without any fish. At worst, your rescue will be featured on the six o’clock news with the lead in line,” Foolish tourist risks life by ignoring the small craft warnings.” (We forgot to turn on the radio, did we?)

3 On a windy day, do not think the golf game can go on as usual. If you do, at best, you will break your high score and lost ball record. At worst, the wind direction is such that you teed off, the ball comes back and knocks you off your feet, and you get an expensive airlift to the hospital. (You thought that was going to be one of your longest drives)

2 On a windy day, do not take a leisurely walk on the beach. If you do, at best, you will be covered in sand from head to foot. At worst, you will receive dermabrasion with the delightful side benefit of a bird-dropping mask. ( No. That stuff does not wash off.)

1 On a windy day, do not think it is a good time to fertilize the lawn. If you do, at best, you will waste a lot of fertilizer on your neighbor’s property and shrubs. At worst, you will end up in the pulmonology wing of the hospital as a subject of study of the after-effects of poop in the lungs. (I could have worn a mask but nooo too much trouble.)

93 comments

  1. People attempt #2 all the time here. Never got the appeal of getting pummeled by wind while being sprayed in saltwater.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Not the best way to enjoy the ocean. 😁

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  2. Hilarious, John. I mostly hide during any storm, but I confess that once or twice our pile of autumn leaves ended up flying across the neighborhood. 😳 It’s always wise to check the forecast. Have a great week!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. At least you don’t have to pick them up, so there is that. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Lols, John. Great list and timely for us right now! Have a wonderful week πŸ’•πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Harmony. Yes we are heading into more challenging weather.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. We get a lot of windy days up here. I may have a friend who tried a few of these. I hope you have a great week, John.

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  5. All reasonable, but you forgot one: on a windy day, don’t think you’re going to successfully photograph wildflowers. At best, you’ll be frustrated beyond words. At worst, replacing that camera you slammed to the ground is going to cost a pretty penny.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes a good one Linda. I can’t imagine the frustration of trying to get a shot of a beautiful flower in the wind. Thanks for the addition.

      Liked by 2 people

  6. We get some dangerous winds out here. Staying inside is a great option. I’m glad we don’t have any gigantic trees nearby.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Big trees and wind are not a good combo. Thanks, Craig.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. LOL! Number seven cracked me up!

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    1. Thanks, Jill. A past life experience, but the car was mine. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  8. haha, glad I got hurricane windows last year!

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes. I can tell you they really work. We had them in Port Aransas and the house was hit with sustained winds for over six hours and none of them broke.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Good to know!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. You’ll like them (Lets hope you never need to like them a lot)

        Liked by 1 person

  9. And for females, do not wear a dress with a full skirt on windy days. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yeah, good advice, Joan. Speaking as a bad boy I would hope no one takes it. 😁

      Liked by 2 people

    2. Wearing a wrap-around skirt on a windy day is also a bad idea.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I’m sure.(Well not from experience)

        Liked by 1 person

  10. We had some pretty windy days last week also. It usually starts up about the time I’m trying to sweep the patio.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, perfect time to start. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

  11. D.L. Finn, Author · · Reply

    All great windy advice, John πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Denise.

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  12. High winds make a lot of things foolish. I was installing plywood on the roof of a house outside Denver on a windy day and wondered if I could use a sheet to glide down off the roof. A gust did lift my feet off the roof for a few seconds. Thankfully, it lowered me back down. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. These are the thoughts that the ER loves to entertain. Thanks for sharing, Tim.

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      1. Yeah, I’ve done some crazy things. You’d think that after working in an ER I’d have more sense. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  13. On a windy day don’t leave the house without a hair spray that is appropriate for the wind speed. Most people don’t realize that hair sprays are rated in a similar way as a sunscreen SPF protection level. Hair spray is rated by the FDA in MPH. I use a spray that is rated 25 mph with gusts up to 30 mph. It will keep most comb-overs in place. Be sure to read the label.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 🀣 Hysterical, Dan

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  14. Great advice. #2 we should have heeded before going to the Outer Banks for a day at the beach! I might add, on a windy day do not go out if you wear a toupe, unless you lash it down with a hat.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Or have some really good duct tape. Thanks, Noelle.

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      1. πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  15. As to #9: from my sailing-days of old I still remember that there are certain things you need to do WITH the wind. 🀣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes indeed. Thanks, Pit.

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  16. Haha. Always worth a repeat, John. Even if you’re bad, bad Leroy Brown, don’t spit into the wind. πŸ˜€ Hugs on the wing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Big lesson for tobacco chewers. 🀒

      Liked by 1 person

  17. Lol! Yep! It’s best to stay inside with a good book on a windy day! And NO skirts!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes indeed, Jan. I never wear a skirt in the wind.

      Liked by 1 person

  18. #1 is my all-time windy aggravation. It never, ever fails that when I plan to put down any seed, fertilizer, etc. the global jet stream rolls right up our street and vexes me. That stuff really does need to reach the surface of the yard, not the surface of my clothing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Or the neighbors

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Very timely, John. It’s a wild wind we’re having today, causing the leaves to frolic around (and little Monkey to give chase to them!) Nothing like a stiff NW wind to strip leaves from Fall trees.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I remember the Illinois wind. Could be tough sometimes.

      Liked by 1 person

  20. I can just picture someone trying to spray paint a swing set in the wind. Not a good idea at all. Thanks for the PSA, John. I hope the winds are kind to you this fall.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Diana.

      Liked by 1 person

  21. Spray painting is such an unpredictable thing in the best conditions. It’s like when you use bleach and are super careful to the point that you cover 99 percent of your body and yes, it finds the one percent . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Usually a blue sweatshirt too.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. You understand.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Been there and got the pink dots on the sleeve

        Liked by 1 person

      3. And there’s no WAY you can pass it off as anything other than a work related accident.

        Liked by 1 person

      4. I always said it was a designer second. Got it half price.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. Ha ha ha. I also have a winter shirt with the same dots.

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Every closet has one, I think. πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      7. Remember the old battery acid on the front of the shirt days.

        Liked by 1 person

      8. We didn’t know how good we had it! πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

      9. Ha ha ha. Wouldn’t it have been great to pause on some super occasions and say I’m going to remember this forever. (not major stuff that you would normally remember but dumb stuff like eating away a sweatshirt carrying a battery.)

        Liked by 1 person

      10. Yes!

        I think about stuff like that all the time, bahahahaha!

        Liked by 1 person

      11. πŸ€”πŸ€­

        Liked by 1 person

  22. Wind might be cruel indeed! Thank you for warnings, dear John. I should as that going out with an umbrella is also risky. Moscow winds have become like hurricanes recently, so anytime you need to go out in such terrible weather with an umbrella you might end like Mary Poppins. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gotta keep a rock on your feet to stay on the ground.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I wonder how to find a rock when there is only asphalt around…That’s Moscow!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Maybe an old Putin statue.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. 😏😏😏😱😱😱 I wonder if we have at least one anywhere…yet…

        Liked by 1 person

      4. There may be one. That one on a horse with no shirt. 🀣

        Liked by 1 person

      5. πŸ™„πŸ˜¨πŸ€¨ I say! I say!

        Liked by 1 person

      6. Ha ha ha 😁

        Liked by 1 person

  23. petespringerauthor · · Reply

    Ah, the weed and grass killer on a windy day reminds me of when I tried to put some cayenne pepper on the lawn (It was tip #1843 on getting rid of gophers). The wind couldn’t have been more than five mph, but I got a faceful of pepper. I didn’t get rid of any gophers, but I had a massive sneezing fit. 🀣

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love all the gopher tips. My solution was a cat. Not many lost their lives but word did get around that my place wasn’t the best place to burrow. Thanks, Pete.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Another thank you for sharing. 😁

      Liked by 1 person

      1. My pleasure, John! xx Michael

        Liked by 1 person

  24. I hope the wind will not blow away all the good memories of last summer. At least i am sure Lucy and Twiggy are grounded by themselves, not to become the flying dogs of Lakeway. πŸ™‚ Best wishes, Michael

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They carry enough weight to stay grounded. 🀣

      Liked by 1 person

  25. And definitely make sure not to have an loose papers. If you drop them, you will never find them.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. How about a manuscript with unnumbered pages. 😳

      Liked by 1 person

  26. […] Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Windy Day […]

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  27. keep it up like your activites

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