Tuesday – A Little Personal -Kreative Kue #276 by Keith Channing

August 18, 2020August 17, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 65 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #276

“You aren’t going to do that now, are you?”

“No one is looking, so why not?”

“Just seems like a risk is all.”

“Okay, now that I’m halfway there, tell me about your view of the risk.”

“First off, you are not sure where you’re going to land.”

“Yeah, that’s true. I can’t see anything right now.”

“So come on back and let’s talk about it.”

“Good idea. So I’m back.”

“What makes you decide to up and dematerialize for no apparent reason. You know how dangerous it is. What if we are discovered?”

“Oh, come on. Aren’t you being a little dramatic?”

“Talk about dramatic. What if someone had seen you half here? They would have a fit. You should see yourself with one leg.”

“I’ve seen you plenty of times. It doesn’t bother me.”

“You dope. That’s because we are the same species. We are not humans.”

“Speaking of that. Did you ever see one of them without garments? Talk about a fit.”

“No, and I don’t want to. Besides that is off the subject. You know very well the rules of dematerialization require absolute privacy before engagement.”

“Look around. It’s just you and me and those young ones over there.”

“My point exactly. The young ones can see you.”

“What do they know?”

“Enough to tell their parents.”

“And we just deny the whole thing.”

“That may work, but right now, I’m tired of this discussion.”

“So, what are you going to do?”

“I think I’m going to resume my own appearance and go home.”

“Wait, I’ll come with you.”

“Suit yourself. I just think it’s time.”

“You homesick?”

“Maybe. I think when you started to dematerialize for no reason, it reminded me of how much I miss being able to do that whenever I want.”

“So what form are you.”

“Oh, that’s right, you never met the real me.”

“No. Just the human-like you.”

“Here I am.”

“A toad? You’re a toad?”

“Disappointed?”

“Well, I never expected a toad.”

“Show me you.”

“Here.”

“You are a toad as well.”

“I know, right?”

“OMG, this is amazing.”

“Maybe we were meant for each other.”

“Hold on there toady. Let’s take it slow.”

“Can I buy you a fly.”

“I would love that.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Yukon Gold Strike in 1896

August 17, 2020August 16, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 102 Comments

This week marks the anniversary of the discovery of gold in the Yukon territory in Canada in 1896. This was the last big gold strike in North America. We don’t want to miss out on the opportunity. As always, we need to take the list to ensure we don’t make any errors that could cause a time continuum tear. Grab the list and a canteen, and we’ll be off.

10 If you go, do not buy one of those mining kits called “Yukon Outfits” that are being sold everywhere. If you do, at best, maybe something will come in handy. At worst, you will have spent a pretty penny on useless equipment. (Oh look, Malachi. You have a can of beans in that kit. It might be nice to have a can opener.)

9 If you go, do not cross that line in the sand drawn by Tiny, the WWF champ. If you do, at best, you’ll have a gift for Tiny. At worst, Tiny will assume you are trying to jump his claim. (The big problem with Tiny, Mika is his inability to restrain himself once he gets agitated. Sure, you can try to talk him out of tossing you into the bottomless ravine, but history says you won’t be successful. Oh look, I think you made Tiny smile. Nope, just gas.)

8 If you go, do not think you are the only one going. If you do, at best, you may find an unclaimed spot. At worst, you’ll get there and have nowhere to mine for gold. (You see, Milan. Once the word got out, over 50,000 miners converged on the scene in the first two years. There was minimal unclaimed land)

7 If you go, do not ask the young miner Jack London how his mining is going. If you do, at best, he will think you are talking to someone else. At worst, he’ll try to sell you his claim. (Jack London was 21 and not very successful as a miner, Monte. He did write his first book in 1900. It was a collection of short stories about his mining experiences titled The Son of Wolf. You should have gotten his autograph.)

6 If you go, do not ask George Carmack how his claim is doing. If you do, at best he won’t answer. At worst, he will pull out his .44 and ask you why you want to know. (You should know Merrick that George Carmack, along with his brother in law Skookum Jim and nephew Tagish Charlie was the guy who went salmon fishing in the Yukon and first discovered nuggets of gold. He eventually pulled out over a million dollars worth. Which today would be worth $30,000,000.)

5 If you go, don’t tell anyone that you think the gold may run out. If you do, at best they won’t believe you. At worst, you might cause a panic among the miners. (In fact, Mac. several miners sold their claims to mining companies who continued to mine for gold as late as 1966. Today there are still 200 small mines operating in the area.)

4 If you go, do not forget your warm clothes. If you do, at best you can borrow some. At worst, no one will loan you anything, and it is 60 degrees below zero. (I would say you need to pull that lever marked “home,” MacGillivray. If not you are going to freeze to death.)

3 If you go by boat like most and land at Skagway Alaska, do not think you can ride to the goldfields. If you do, At best someone will set you straight. At worst, you won’t realize that it is a 550-mile walk. (Also, the Canadian government won’t let you cross the border without at least 2000 pounds of supplies. So here you are Machau. You need to figure out how to lug 2000 pounds and walk 550 miles before you can even look for gold. I think it is time to head home since the store seems to be out of mules right now.)

2 If you go, do not believe Nikola Tesla that his x-ray machine will find gold without digging. If you do, at best you still won’t buy it. At worst, you will purchase the device. (As could be expected Mackinley, the machine proved worthless unless the gold was sitting on top of the ground. Obviously, if it was on top of the ground, you wouldn’t need the machine. Now go ask Nick for your money back.)

1 If you go, do not think you are going to get rich. If you do, at best you won’t lose all the money you have. At worst, you’ll be one of those who sold everything they had to go gold mining and lost it all. (It may surprise you to know, MacLaren that of the 100,000 men who headed for the Yukon, only 50,000 made it to the goldfields. Out of that number, only 4000 actually found gold. Even so, the amount of gold discovered was over a billion dollars worth in today’s value.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Potpourri

August 16, 2020August 15, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 97 Comments

Since there are no events in Lakeway, finding things to show becomes more difficult over time. Today I thought I would just tale some random photos and label the post potpourri. Seems like an easy way out. Thanks for joining me today.

Views of the Neighborhood

A bunch of wildlife showed up on bike ride. A squirrel cut in front of me.

Same thing with a deer.

A herd getting out of the way.

Here is more deer. The deer were all over the place this weekend.

Views of the Neighborhood

One man’s trash is another man’s treasure.

Views of the Neighborhood

A possible nap spot.

I’ve taken these before, but they look like the heat got to them.

I have also taken this sculpture before but not with this obvious humor addition.

Well, thanks for taking this brief tour. I hope you have a great week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Pro/Con

August 15, 2020August 14, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday, and here comes Linda Hill with this week’s prompt. “Hey, Linda, what do we have today?”

“Thanks, John. Nice haircut by the way. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “pro/con.” Talk about the pros and cons of anything. Enjoy!”

“Thanks, Linda. The Producer did it. If you would like to join in the fun, visit Linda’s blog and read how effortless it is. Here’s the link.”

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS Aug. 15/2020

“Hmmm, that could be a pro.”

“What is the prompt this week.”

“We are to discuss the pros and cons of anything.”

“What did you pick?”

“What do you mean?”

“What item did you pick to do a pro/con analysis?”

“We supposed to pick an item?”

“Well, duh. Yes.”

“Linda said anything.”

“Yes, she meant you could select anything and discuss its pros and cons.”

“Have you ever seen Linda’s cat-o-nine?”

“can’t say I have.”

“When she says anything, it is a-n-y-t-h-i-n-g.”

“So, you are going to go with anything?”

“Yup.”

“Love to see what you come up with.”

“Okay. Anything is everything that’s a pro.”

“Go on.”

“Anything is random. That’s another pro.”

“How about a con?”

“Anything is not something.”

“I see.”

“Another con is anything could be nothing.”

“Oh, brother, where art thou?”

“Huh?”

“Just praying for someone to shoot me.”

“Why?”

“To stop this madness.”

“Anything wrong?”

“Anything, right?”

“Everything.”

“Anything you say.”

“Beer.”

Say no more.”

Friday – JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

August 14, 2020August 13, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 84 Comments

“Go ahead say it.”
“I see Friday.”
“How right you are Little One.”
“Yay.”

Another Friday. YAY, YAY, YAY. Friyay. The weeks seem to fly by. I guess I’m now used to isolation. Not sure I’ll ever go back into society again. (How’s that for a Howard Hughes imitation)

My proof copy of Eternal Road arrived, and I’m quite pleased that the formatting looks great. KDP has an annoying habit of running the proof language right through the title. I’m glad they feel good knowing I can’t sell this copy. Take a look.

The cover is bluer than pictured here. I think the grey shelf threw off the camera a little. You get the idea, though.

The launch plan is coming along. The e-book is waiting for the publish button to be hit. The paper just needs a few tweaks, and it is ready as well.

I am writing individual launch posts for the blog tour. There will be a different excerpt in each. I think readers will get a good idea of what the book is about as a result. I’m not going to reblog each post but will link the day’s post so everyone can find it and provide some recognition to the super folks who offered to host the introduction.

Today’s JohnKu talks about how time behaves. When I first started this book it seemed like time was an unending resource. Well, it is being consumed pretty fast. I hope you all have a healthy and happy weekend.

Time starts out slowly,

We think it’s unlimited . . .

Until it is gone.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Hot Time in the Old Town Tonight

August 13, 2020August 12, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 140 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy

“Hey, you two. Enough lazing around. Time to go out and play.”

“You are not serious, Boss. Look at your watch.”

Twiggy and Lucy

“It’s a little warm but you do need the exercise. I’m going out there.”

“Let’s do rock, scissor, paper. Little One. The loser goes out with the boss.”

“Never mind. Since my paper, rock, and scissor all look alike, I’ll just go.”

“You ready to go out, Twiggy?”

“No, Dad, I’m standing here waiting for a train. Let’s go.”

“Whoa. This air is as thick as a bowl of kibble.”

“A little, hot isn’t it?”

“Lucy. You need to come out and feel this.”

“With that door wide open, I get it, Little one.”

“Come on, will ya.”

“Hey, boss. Shut the door, please.”

“Whew, that’s better.”

“So, you aren’t going out, right?”

“Dad. It is too hot out there.”

“You are right, Twiggy. Why don’t you get a drink and cool off.”

“Nice cold floor. You know how to live, Lucy.”

“There are just some things that you pick up Twigster. I still like a rug, but knock yourself out.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump day

August 12, 2020August 11, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 55 Comments

“Don’t say it.”
“Is it …”
“I said don’t say it.”
“Friday?”
“Arrrrggg.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week, we found out the ADA was on her way to the Highway Patrol headquarters to interview Lazar. The boys also were happy to find out the DA was very interested in the fact that Rafferty worked for Cortez. This means there is a chance someone will take an interest in their case. It looks like the Assistant District Attorney has arrived, and after introductions is ready to interview Lazar.

“Right this way Ma’am.”

“Would rather you have called me Pricilla, lieutenant.”

“Certainly, Pricilla. Then call me Robert.”

“Okay, Robert. You’ve got it.”

“You can call us Larry and Andrew too.”

“Sure enough, gentlemen. So this Lazar guy is ready for a deal”

“We think so. He has his lawyer with him right now.”

“Sometimes, that makes it easier.”

“Here we are at the interrogation room. Let me put in the code, and we’ll go in.”

“Hey, Lazar. I brought some company. This is Assistant District Attorney Pricilla Thomas. Ms. Thomas, this is Jerry Stennis, Lazar’s attorney.”

“A pleasure, gentlemen.”

“No one told me I was going to be doing business with Miss America.”

“Excuse me, Lazar.”

“Look at her lieutenant. She’s gorgeous.”

“That will be enough, Lazar.”

“Thank you, lieutenant, but I can handle myself. So, Mr. Popović, I hear you have some information for me.”

“I do indeed if the terms are right.”

“And what terms would those be?”

“I’ll tell you everything about the drug operation in exchange for immunity and inclusion in a witness protection program.”

“Since I have no way to verify your information before a deal, how about I get an indictment for about 100 felony counts that will put you away until twenty-two, twenty-two.”

“Excuse me, Ms. Thomas.”

“Yes, Mr. Stennis.”

“Maybe there is a way to reach some kind of common ground.”

“I’m listening.”

“How about my client gives you the information, and then if it checks out, he gets his deal.”
“First off, let me explain how this works. Your client is already facing several charges. If he was simply a member of the gang who came forward, then a deal might be worked out quickly. Since he has committed serious crimes, any deal would be contingent on our ability to gain meaningful convictions of his cohorts. This would mean a lot of time spent in confinement supplying information. In short, counselor, the government is in charge of all deals, not your client.”

“Well, it was worth a try. I could also advise my client to say nothing.”

“In that case, he will be headed to the Federal Penitentiary in Tucson with the well-publicized thanks of the Federal Government for all the information he gave us.”

“That would be a death sentence.”

“As I say, the Government makes deals, not criminals.”

“I think you have us over a barrel.”

“Good to recognize that early. It makes all our jobs easier. Now we ready to start talking?’

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #275 by Keith Channing

August 11, 2020August 10, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 57 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #275

“You got to walk that lonesome valley.”

“Huh?”

“You got to walk it by yourself.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Nobody else can walk it for you.”

“Okay?”

“You got to walk it by yourself.”

“Now that the lesson is over, what are you. saying?”

“I was just prepping for our big adventure.”

“Are we really going to jump off this cliff and glide into that valley?”

“Yup. We agreed.”

“You didn’t say there was water down there.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Shouldn’t be a problem? I can’t swim.”

“Oh, stop being a cry baby. We can coast and then touch down on the shore.”

“You see those trees? How much shore is there?”

“Enough. We aren’t that big. Besides, we have landed in trees before.”

“I don’t know how I get you to talk me into this kind of thing.”

“Oh, come on. We are built for this kind of adventure.”

“Alright, I think I’m ready. No more Lonesome Vally songs, okay?”

“Okay. Just follow my lead. Spread your wings and step off.”

“You know we are only grackles. We don’t have to behave like eagles.”

“You wanna be a grackle in your heart forever, then stay here. Me, I’m going to fly like an eagle.”

“Yet another song, Roscoe? Go ahead. I’m right behind you.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Opening of the Louvre Museum in 1793

August 10, 2020August 9, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 99 Comments

Top Ten Things Not to do

This week marks the 227th anniversary of the opening of the Louvre Museum in Paris in 1793. Of course, we want to be there for all the festivities and to view the 537 paintings and 186 objects of art that made up the original collection. As always, we must take a list of things not to do so we don’t cause a tear in the time continuum. Grab the list and a box of snuff, and let’s be off.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Opening of the Louvre Museum in 1793.

10 If you go, do not ask if Louis XVI is going to cut the ribbon. If you do, at best, no one of importance will hear you. At worst, the state police captain will hear your question. (You see, Matteo, Louis XVI was imprisoned a year ago, and all the art in the royal collection was declared a national treasure. The captain thinks you might be a royalist. Why is he talking to Dr. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin, the inventor of the guillotine? Yes, they are pointing at you.)

9 if you go, do not resist Tiny the WWF champ when he offers you a glass of champaign. If you do, at best Tiny with think you are ill. At worst, Tiny just missed three weeks of group sessions on self-esteem issues and thinks you don’t like him. (Never mind that you never laid eyes on Tiny before now, Mack. He has a very fragile ego, and it looks like you may have shoved him over the edge. Don’t worry, you’ll eventually get the feeling back in your limbs. It just takes a few minutes after Tiny releases the “sleeper hold.” Yes, you have to say, “uncle.”)

8 If you go, do not ask a guard for directions to the Mona Lisa. If you do, at best, the guard will not know what you are talking about. At worst, you’ll ask a secret service member. ( The Mona Lisa was not installed in the Louvre until 1804, Mauricio. Prior to that, Francois, I displayed the Mona Lisa in a semi-public art gallery at Fontainebleau, his favorite chateau. Napoleon had the Mona Lisa hung in his bedroom from 1800 to 1804. You better think fast as to why you asked the question.)

7 If you go, do not ask to see the André-Charles Boulle collection of forty-eight drawings by Raphael. If you do, at best, the person you ask won’t know. At worst, you’ll ask the fire marshall of Paris. (It so happens, Markus that the forty-eight drawings were consumed in a fire in 1720 before the Louvre being opened to the public. Not too many people know that, and now the fire marshall wants to see how you knew. Telling him you read it on a blog isn’t going to help you.)

6 If you go, do not touch any of the paintings. If you do, at best, the guard is looking the other way. At worst, you will be caught red-handed, so to speak. (The guard has now alerted the staff, Marty. A couple of huge guys are headed in your direction. I don’t think they want to talk.)

5 If you go, do not ask for a croissant to go with your coffee. If you do, at best, someone will think you sneezed and will tell you à tes/vos souhaits (“to your wishes”). At worse, the chief baker will call the police. (The croissant was not invented until 1839 by August Zang, who founded a Viennese bakery (“Boulangerie Viennoise”) at 92, rue de Richelieu in Paris, Morton. So now how are you going to explain your request? Also, you are lucky that coffee was introduced in Paris in 1669.)

4 If you go, do not ask for the gift shop location. If you do, at best the person you ask speaks no English. At worse, you ask the museum director who immediately draws up a contract and makes you sign it. (Congratulations, Murdock. You are now the curator of the gift shop. No, you can’t introduce Slushies.)

3 If you go, do not ask a guard the time. If you do, at best you’ll get a strange look. At worst, the guard will wonder if you are suffering from some kind of mental problem. (The point is, Matianio. There are over 66 churches, 92 chapels, 13 abbeys, and 199 convents, all of which rang their bells for regular services and prayers at regular times of the day. No wonder the guard thought you had a mental problem.)

2 If you go, do not expect to buy a Croque monsieur sandwich anywhere. If you do, at best you’ll have to be satisfied with bread and cheese. At worst, you might try some sweetbreads with cheese and wine. (In 18th century Paris very few people could afford meat, Marcello. The diet was made up of mostly bread and wine. Occasionally some mutton or internal organ meat became available. Of course, you could buy some leftovers from a patrician’s table which were sold by merchants. Watch out for that leftover toothpick in the mashed potatoes.)

1 If you go, you do not buy any water from a vendor. If you do at best, it will be from a clean well. At worst, it will be pulled from the hopelessly polluted Seine. ( There are a couple of brothers named Perrier, Mikel starting a business delivering three million liters a water a day using steam-powered pumps at Chaillot and Gros-Caillou. Maybe they are on to something.)

Announcing the Launch of HMS Lanternfish by C.S. Boyack

August 10, 2020August 9, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 86 Comments

Hey everyone. I’m so glad to be able to participate in the launch of Craig Boyack’s new book. One of the reasons I’m glad is Lisa Buton, Craig’s spokesperson is here in person. So not to waste a moment here is Lisa.

Hi, John. We’ve got to stop meeting up like this, or people are going to talk. Anyhoo, I’m here to talk about Craig’s new book and offer some great deals along the way.

The new one is called HMS Lanternfish, and it’s the second book in the series. James and his pirate crew are back, and this time they’re diving into the war effort.

In Voyage of the Lanternfish, they dealt with a lot of hardships. They were short on food and water, munitions, guns, and everything else. This time, they have to deal with too much. The hold of a ship will only contain so much, and weight has to be taken into account, too.

All of your favorite characters are back, but today I want to focus on Serang. She is the former monk who turned pirate, and has appointed herself as the captain’s personal muscle.

I’m going to note right here that she has her own book, oddly enough titled Serang. It’s a supporting story to the trilogy, but it also stands on its own if you’re interested. You can check it out here.

In this story, Serang gets a bit of an upgrade and a new assignment. She also gets a new outfit that consists of this warty leather armor. I’m all about fashion, so I was kind of reserved when Craig told me I’d have to model it. Honestly, it looks better than I thought. It suits Serang’s character, and that matters, too. Here’s a copy of my poster, and your fans are welcome to use it as computer backgrounds or whatever they like.

I need to tell you about the deals, and get down to those all-important links. For a limited time, HMS Lanternfish is priced at 99¢. But wait, there’s more! I always wanted to say that.

Voyage of the Lanternfish is going to be free for the first five days. That’s all Amazon would allow for free days. By my math, this BOGO sale allows you to get two books for a grand total of 99¢, but only if you act fast. You can trust my math, I’m a robot girl.

HMS Lanternfish: 99¢ for a limited time.

Voyage of the Lanternfish: Free until Friday.

John, I really appreciate you having me back. Here’s the cover and blurb to whet your fans’ appetites.

***

HMS Lanternfish

Blurb: The Lanternfish crew completed their original mission, but got exposed to a more global problem. An entire continent is at war, headed up by a head-strong young king with dreams of power, and pushed from behind by a mysterious religious order known as the Fulminites.

Rather than let their country fall under the iron boot of conquest, James and his crew set sail once more to see what kind of muscle Lanternfish can lend to the war effort. Acting precariously under an unofficial charter as a privateer, even his allies aren’t always his friends.

HMS Lanternfish explores new worlds on its way to war, and drifts considerably off course. It features an international crew of characters, and for fans of the first book, the root monsters are back, too. Tall ships, a few con games, martial arts, and everything you loved about the original book is all returning.

Hoist the colors and wheel out the guns. Lanternfish is taking to the high seas once more.

You can contact Craig at the following locations: