Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Opening of the Louvre Museum in 1793

~ John W. Howell

Top Ten Things Not to do

 

This week marks the 227th anniversary of the opening of the Louvre Museum in Paris in 1793. Of course, we want to be there for all the festivities and to view the 537 paintings and 186 objects of art that made up the original collection. As always, we must take a list of things not to do so we don’t cause a tear in the time continuum. Grab the list and a box of snuff, and let’s be off.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Opening of the Louvre Museum in 1793.

10 If you go, do not ask if Louis XVI is going to cut the ribbon. If you do, at best, no one of importance will hear you. At worst, the state police captain will hear your question. (You see, Matteo, Louis XVI was imprisoned a year ago, and all the art in the royal collection was declared a national treasure. The captain thinks you might be a royalist. Why is he talking to Dr. Joseph-Ignace Guillotin, the inventor of the guillotine? Yes, they are pointing at you.)

9 if you go, do not resist Tiny the WWF champ when he offers you a glass of champaign. If you do, at best Tiny with think you are ill. At worst, Tiny just missed three weeks of group sessions on self-esteem issues and thinks you don’t like him. (Never mind that you never laid eyes on Tiny before now, Mack. He has a very fragile ego, and it looks like you may have shoved him over the edge. Don’t worry, you’ll eventually get the feeling back in your limbs. It just takes a few minutes after Tiny releases the “sleeper hold.” Yes, you have to say, “uncle.”)

8 If you go, do not ask a guard for directions to the Mona Lisa. If you do, at best, the guard will not know what you are talking about. At worst, you’ll ask a secret service member. ( The Mona Lisa was not installed in the Louvre until 1804, Mauricio. Prior to that, Francois, I displayed the Mona Lisa in a semi-public art gallery at Fontainebleau, his favorite chateau. Napoleon had the Mona Lisa hung in his bedroom from 1800 to 1804. You better think fast as to why you asked the question.)

7 If you go, do not ask to see the André-Charles Boulle collection of forty-eight drawings by Raphael. If you do, at best, the person you ask won’t know. At worst, you’ll ask the fire marshall of Paris. (It so happens, Markus that the forty-eight drawings were consumed in a fire in 1720 before the Louvre being opened to the public. Not too many people know that, and now the fire marshall wants to see how you knew. Telling him you read it on a blog isn’t going to help you.)

6 If you go, do not touch any of the paintings. If you do, at best, the guard is looking the other way. At worst, you will be caught red-handed, so to speak. (The guard has now alerted the staff, Marty. A couple of huge guys are headed in your direction. I don’t think they want to talk.)

5 If you go, do not ask for a croissant to go with your coffee. If you do, at best, someone will think you sneezed and will tell you à tes/vos souhaits (“to your wishes”). At worse, the chief baker will call the police. (The croissant was not invented until 1839 by August Zang, who founded a Viennese bakery (“Boulangerie Viennoise”) at 92, rue de Richelieu in Paris, Morton. So now how are you going to explain your request? Also, you are lucky that coffee was introduced in Paris in 1669.)

4 If you go, do not ask for the gift shop location. If you do, at best the person you ask speaks no English. At worse, you ask the museum director who immediately draws up a contract and makes you sign it. (Congratulations, Murdock. You are now the curator of the gift shop. No, you can’t introduce Slushies.)

3 If you go, do not ask a guard the time. If you do, at best you’ll get a strange look. At worst, the guard will wonder if you are suffering from some kind of mental problem. (The point is, Matianio. There are over 66 churches, 92 chapels, 13 abbeys, and 199 convents, all of which rang their bells for regular services and prayers at regular times of the day. No wonder the guard thought you had a mental problem.)

2 If you go, do not expect to buy a Croque monsieur sandwich anywhere. If you do, at best you’ll have to be satisfied with bread and cheese. At worst, you might try some sweetbreads with cheese and wine. (In 18th century Paris very few people could afford meat, Marcello. The diet was made up of mostly bread and wine. Occasionally some mutton or internal organ meat became available. Of course, you could buy some leftovers from a patrician’s table which were sold by merchants. Watch out for that leftover toothpick in the mashed potatoes.)

1 If you go, you do not buy any water from a vendor. If you do at best, it will be from a clean well. At worst, it will be pulled from the hopelessly polluted Seine. ( There are a couple of brothers named Perrier, Mikel starting a business delivering three million liters a water a day using steam-powered pumps at Chaillot and Gros-Caillou. Maybe they are on to something.)

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Published by John W. Howell

I have been working in business for over forty years and now have the time to work in special areas of interest. My passion has always been to create compelling stories of fiction. I have authored six novels and am working on my Seventh. The first novel is still in manuscript form and being utilized as a door stop in the laundry room. The second is a contemporary fiction novel of 89,000 words and is complete and I am currently seeking a publisher. I also write poetry but have not had the guts to share any with anyone. The one time I read a piece to a person their only comment was, “it doesn’t rhyme.” I will continue to write and hopefully my blog, Fiction Favorites at www.johnwhowell.com will provide some entertainment and an interesting thought or two. I live in the Austin area with my wife Molly and an assortment of loving pets.

99 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Opening of the Louvre Museum in 1793”

  3. See, this is why I stick with PBS. I’ll let Ken Burns take the time tours and give me the details after the feeling returns to his arms, and the parasites are gone from his system. I was going to ask about the Mona Lisa.

    Thanks for the history lesson, John. I hope your week is drawn from a good well.

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  9. Poor Tiny…he has so many problems or at least is blamed for many. 😀 As always, I learned a lot from your countdown. Thank you for the morning brain-teaser!

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  12. This was a fun trip, John — thank you! I can just see us all browsing through this striking building with all the fancy folks in Paris. Poor Tiny — he really needs some self-esteem-boosting sessions, doesn’t he?!

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  15. I REALLY LOVED THIS…Had no idea the Mona Lisa arrived the same year Hamilton got shot. That’s the kind of info that tickles me to death, no pun intended. And you’re right, you sure didn’t want to lose your head, by even intimating, you might be a royalist. I mean, you’d be smart not even being seen eating cake, if you know what I mean.

    This is one of your bests. 🙂

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        2. After the Reign of Terror would have been the best time. I can hardly read about that. When I think they imprisoned Lafayette, it throws me for a loop, and George W. his biggest fan, didn’t want to interfere so, he wouldn’t help him. I hope I’m wrong on that score, but it’s pretty cemented in my memory. History isn’t always pretty John, is it. sigh…however, the Louvre sure is, a great thing that she survived all she’s witnessed and gone through. If Mona could only talk.

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        3. You are so right. Lafayette was head of the National Guard who had responsibility for the protection of the king. He was seen as a royalist and when the guard opened fire on a mob that was the last straw. He fled to Austria and wanted to use his honorary American citizenship to gain passage out. The Americans did not want to get involed in European affairs especially since the French and Austrians were not getting along so there was no offical protest regarding his imprisonment. The good news is afte five years n prison Lafayette returned to French politics and served until his death in 1835 in his 70s.

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        4. I know the story well. How his wife insisted on joining him in that awful prison, with the children, and more or less, saved his life. Hers, on the other hand was shortened because of it but…but all and all, love had the last say.

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        17. I love coffee too. I have an espresso machine that makes a perfect cup of the hot, steaming stuff. One of the reasons I loved NYC was the deeply flavorable coffee that you could get almost anywhere. I lived in the mid-west for a time and folks there like their coffee very weak. It was always refreshing to get to the city for a decent cup of coffee.

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  17. Pass me the Perrier water and my snuff box! I love the detailed research you do with all of these great posts, John. (I’m sending Tiny the name of a disreputable therapist) They’ll get along just fine. 😁

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  19. “… 66 churches, 92 chapels, 13 abbeys, and 199 convents, all of which rang their bells for regular services …” I live in a town that rings a bell in the clock tower on the hour every hour. Not too bad, kinda nice. But having to listen to all those other bells would drive me to drink.

    On another note: If you were standing outside the Louvre in Paris on the morning of Aug. 21, 1911, you might have noticed three men hurrying out of the museum. The men, three Italian handymen, had just stolen the Mona Lisa. It was not returned until 28 months later.

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      1. Ooo… that’s a great idea, too! Really funny! I was thinking of ‘the best of the best’ Tiny in all your Top Ten posts, which could definitely come under the category of ‘things not to do around Tiny’.

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  22. Great history here, John! I’ve been to Louvre 3 times and still am no closer to seeing everything it holds! Just think on opening day I probably could have viewed it all in one day!

    I love bread and wine so that would suit me as long as there was some good frommage too I’d be set! 😀

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