Tag: fiction favorites

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Helped Found Germantown Pennslyvania in 1683.

~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

In 1683, thirteen families from Krefeld, Germany, arrived in Philadelphia to begin Germantown, one of America’s oldest settlements. Since this week marks that anniversary, the Top Ten Things Not to Do provides advice (maybe a little late) if you found yourself part of that event.

Top Ten Things Not to Do if You Helped Found Germantown Pennslyvania in 1683.

10 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not wear your “I’d Rather be in Philadelphia,” T-shirt. If you do, at best your neighbors may wonder where your loyalties lie. At worst, you just might be left behind in Philadelphia to fend for yourself. (You are years away from the invention of the Philly Cheese Steak, Farvardin so life there may be hard.)

9 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not try and tell Sehr Klein (Tiny) the GWF (German Wrestling Federation) where he can camp. If you do, at best he won’t understand your American German. At worst, you caught him just as he was released from a program of forced restraint and now wants to be free. (Looks like Sehr Klein has designs on demonstrating his Step Over Toe Hold on you, Fay. You do know how to wrestle, don’t you?)

8 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not admit you don’t like beer and would rather have a white wine. If you do, at best the rest will be grateful there is more for them. At worst, the powers that be may come to the conclusion you are  French. (Now you have to worry about being invaded, Felican. Don’t worry just surrender and all will be well.)

7 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not think clever nicknames will be appreciated by your explorers. If you do, at best no one will answer when you use them. At worst, folks will get the idea you are possessed. ( If you hold your breath long enough you may survive the witch’s dunk tank, Felton. You now regret calling the leader “Fritz,” don’t you?)

6 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not refuse to live in a cave-like dwelling. If you do, at best you’ll be able to find a tent. At worst, you will not have a place when the winter snows settle in. (The cave homes were temporary, Feri. I think you ought to change your mind before those blue feet fall off.)

5 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not suggest a night on the town in Philadelphia. If you do, at best it is a six-mile walk, and you’ll have to go alone. At worst, you’ll get some friends to join you, and they will make you the designated transport person. (Nothing like trying to carry a couple of passed out revelers, huh Finnan? Too bad horses won’t be brought to Germantown for another three years.)

4 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not suggest solving the food shortage with a delivery from Dominoes. If you do, at best your cohorts will think you crazy. At worst you will be tasked with going out foraging for nuts, berries, and squirrel. ( Looks like your nut allergy is going to sideline your efforts, Fidello. Good luck explaining what a nut allergy is to these fifteenth-century roughnecks)

3 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not complain when you get a blister on your hand from chopping down trees. If you do, at best you will become the laughing stock of the settlement. At worst, you will be assigned a new job that is even harder. (How do you like playing the Ox on the front of that plow, Fionan? That whip sure clears the sinus huh?)

2 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not try to form a football team to play Philadelphia. If you do, at best you might get one or two players. At worst, you’ll field a whole team and have to face the Phillies. (Did you think this through, Finnolaugh? Those guys are huge and don’t have to walk six miles to play.)

1 If you are part of the Germantown expedition, do not try to sell brightly colored cloth and jewelry. If you do, at best you have no buyers. At worst, since the community is made up of Mennonites, you might be the recipient of a religious intervention. (Nothing more elegant than having a group of bearded elders trying to exorcize the devil, huh Flainn? Wow that red-hot poker looks wicked.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Texas Chiefs Compete for World Food Championships

~ John W. Howell ~ 50 Comments

Port Aransas & Mustang Island was the culinary gateway for Texas chefs to compete in the World Food Championships, the largest competition in “food sport”. The inaugural event consisted of 33 top chefs competing over three nights at nine different Port Aransas restaurants. Each night a winner was chosen out of those competing. The event culminated in the Grand Tasting on October 6. Texas is the first state franchise of the WFC. Each winner of the competition moves on to the next competition in Orange Beach, Alabama in November. The competing chefs came from all over Texas to compete. Given the space limitation I can’t show you all of the venues but here is a sample of the competition which took place on Thursday. I hope you get a flavor of the event by this coverage.

Texas Chef Throwdown

The first venue I visited was Lisabellas. This shot will give you an idea of the setup. The competing chefs are on the left. Folks attending got a drink and snack and then a sample of the finished product.

Here are the three chef stations. They had thirty minutes to complete their dish. The competition was outside which made it more difficult because of hot plates etc.

The second venue was The Phoenix. Here is a shot of the BeachOctoberfest promotional sign. This is a Chamber of Commerce sponsored six weekends of events. The Chef Throwdown was one of these events.

Here is a photo of one of the chefs. Notice the building behind which is a Hurricane Harvey replacement.

This photo is of Christopher Beasley in grey to the left. He becomes the Thursday winner of the ticket to Orange Beach.

This shot gives you an idea of the number of people attending the Phoenix event.

We now move to The Black Marlin. Here we have the executive chef of The Black Marlin providing the audience with how the competition is judged and a general statement of the rules. The chefs are located to the right.

Another shot of the crowd attending.

The three chefs at their stations waiting for the start signal.

A sculpture of a Black Marlin. Notice the new palm trees which were replaced after Hurricane Harvey.

Christopher Beasley

Here is a shot of Christopher Beasley accepting his ticket to Orange Beach. Christopher is the executive chef at The Bluewater Cowboy Saloon and Mercantile right here in Port Aransas.

I hope you enjoyed the event.

 

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Card”

~ John W. Howell ~ 38 Comments

Stream of Consciousness

 

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This weeks prompt is “card.” Linda Hill says we can use it any way we want. If you want to join in the madness go to Linda’s blog and read about how easy it is to participate. Here is the link to her post. https://lindaghill.com/2018/10/05/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-6-18/

Card by John W. Howell © 2018

“What are you doing?”

“Playing a card game. What does it look like?”

“But you keep going through that deck over and over. What game is that?”

“solitaire.”

“solitaire? I’ve never seen solitaire played that way.”

“Well, I admit it is a little unusual.”

“Have you won a game yet?”

“No.”

“How long have you been playing?”

“Today or lifetime?”

“Okay, both.”

“Today, three hours. Lifetime, twelve years.”

“You’ve used the same deck of cards all this time.”

“Yes, I have.”

“And never won?”

“Nope.”

“Any idea why not?”

“It could be because I’m playing with a deck of fifty-one.”

“Could be? Are you nuts? You can’t win with a missing card.”

“It really doesn’t matter.”

“It doesn’t?”

‘Haven’t you heard the expression, ‘It’s not whether you win or lose, but how you play the game.”‘

“Yeah, but this is crazy. Where did you get this idea?”

“That song.”

‘What song?”

“Flowers on the Wall by the Statler Brothers.”

“Another earworm for sure.”

“Here take a listen.”

“Rather not.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 62 Comments

Twiggy

“I wonder if these are clean or dirty.”

Friday is here and it seems like it came around pretty fast. At least that is my opinion. This week was pretty normal. Not much going on except doing the editing on the WIP.

One exciting thing is Gwen Plano and I will be guests on the Rave Reviews Book Club, Rave Waves Blog Talk Radio show titled Behind the Pen with host Beem Weeks. The show is Saturday, October 6th at 12:00 Central time. We will be talking about The Contract. Here is the link in case you want to tune in. http://www.blogtalkradio.com/ravereviewsbookclub

Today’s JohnKu talks about a normal week. Have a great weekend.

Days pass without note,

Excitement is not present . . .

Cherish the boredom.

 

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy, Lucy, and Bailey Have a Restful Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

Lucy, Bailey, Twiggy

“How about a game of fetch, Twiggy?”

“Not so sure. Let me jump on the couch.”

“Um if Lucy will play I will play.”

“Okay. Let’s see what Lucy says.”

“Hmm. A little late I would say.”

“How about Bailey?”

“A little late there too Dad.”

“Okay no fetch. What else?”

“How about we see who can keep their eyes closed the longest.”

“Hey, that’s a trick parents play not the other way around.”

“Fraid you lose, Boss.”

“I wasn’t playing.”

“Go ahead and work on your post, Dad. I’ll just catch a few winks.”

“You guys need to be doing something other than sleeping.”

“How about I test this fine couch. I’ll give you a full report.”

“That is not exactly what I had in mind.”

“I can tell you this bed is first rate.”

“I’m sure Twiggy. I’m sure.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments
“You Two want to get up?
“What day is it?”
“Wednesday.”
“Come back Friday please.”

 

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week Andrew and Larry arrived at Gault Industries and met with Ned Dixon. Looking around it was obvious to our pair that the plant had seen better days. Ned explained that he worked for the bank and called Louis the tech. We learned Louis has worked for Gault for twelve years so if anything funny went on ten years ago, he should know about it or was the perpetrator of the funny business. I see Louis has arrived so let’s head back to the plant. You might want to grab a bottle of water before you go. I personally would not touch anything out of those faucets.

 

“Here’s Louis. Louis meet Larry and Andrew. They have a deep diving business and are looking for some major descaling of artifacts brought up from the sea.”

“Nice to meet you, gentlemen. I didn’t get the name of your company.”

“Ah, Neptune Enterprises. We just formed the business, so you probably never heard of us.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I never have.”

“Well anyway. Louis, these two want to see if we have the capability to handle their work.”

“You want to clean stuff from the ocean, right?”

“That’s right, Louis. Some of the items may have been below water for hundreds of years.”

“You will need a pretty strong current to get through those old layers. Yet you don’t want to damage the original piece. Am I on target uh Andrew isn’t it?”

“Yes, it’s Andrew. Nice memory Louis. You are precisely on target. These are valuable artifacts, and we need to make sure the system can clean them without damage. To use an example, it would be like removing someone’s appendix without hurting the body.”

“Yeah, that’s an interesting example. But to ease your mind we have a system that can do as you say.”

“Remove an appendix?”

“No. Cleaning the item without damage.”

“Excuse me, Louis.”

“Yes Larry.”

“I am curious as to how this equipment works.”

“I can imagine. Why don’t we go to the machine and I’ll show you? Did you bring something that needs cleaning?”

“Yes, we brought an anchor.”

“Okay. Go get it.”

“Do you have a dolly or something?”

“Is it big?”

“No just heavy.”

“For heaven’s sake, Larry. Just go get it. We are wasting time.”

“Oh yes, boss. I’ll be right back.”

“Louis maybe you could give him a hand.”

“Sorry Mr. D but I have a bad back. Besides, he has returned.”

“Okay, where to and I hope not far.”

“It is in the next room. Follow me through this door.”

“OMG want is that smell?”

“It is citric acid, Andrew. It is part of the solution to take the foreign matter off of things.”

“Smells like grapefruit.”

“Not surprised since it is made from citrus. I can’t smell it any more. Working around the stuff for a while does that. How about you Mr. D? You smell it?”

“Makes my eyes water, Louis. If you don’t mind I’m going to wait outside.”

“A question for you Louis.”

“Yes, Andrew.”

“Is this citric acid toxic to skin?”

“Well over time it would be.”

“How much time?”

“Let’s say an hour.”

“So, if someone were in this solution for an hour it would alter their skin.”

“More like a burn. Where are you going with this?”

“Just curious. I don’t want our objects ruined if the acid is too toxic. Doesn’t seem like it is.”

“You sound like a medical man with all these body questions and examples.”

“No. Just want to protect my client’s investments. So how does this work?”

“You put the item in the tank. The diodes attached to the item carries a current that begins to vibrate the material on the object until it falls off. The citric acid acts like a cleanser to get between layers.”

“Sounds like a denture bath.”

“Now that is the first example that makes any sense at all.”

“Hey, Louis.”

“Yes, Larry.”

“Can we put the anchor in there and see if it works?”

 

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #194 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 64 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (Below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or website, next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #194

Fishing by John W. Howell © 2018

“So you got me up at the crack of dawn to come with you while you fish.”

“Trust me. You are absolutely going to love it.”

“No coffee even.”

“I brought a thermos. When we get settled, we’ll have some coffee.”

“It is so chilly out here.”

“I brought a blanket. We’ll be nice and comfy.”

“What is the first thing we need to do?”

“I’ll need to show you how to bait a hook.”

“Bait?”

“Yes. Here see this worm?”

“Ew, get that squirmy thing away from me.”

“Alright, I’ll bait the hook for you. You can watch.”

“What are you doing?”

“I’m putting this worm on the hook.”

“But you are hurting it.”

“Well, it is only a worm. Fish like them.”

“Do you have to stab it like that? I think I’m going to get sick.”

“It is all over. All you have to do is sit down. I’ll cast your line out to the deep.”

“What happens if I catch a fish?”

“You turn this crank and bring it in.”

“When’s coffee?”

“I’ll get it as soon as my line is in.”

“Oh wait. Something tugged on my line.”

“Quick turn the crank. That’s it, nice and steady.”

“What is that thing?”

“Looks like a nice bass. Here let me put a net under it.”

“What do I do now?”

“Take the fish off the hook.”

“Oh lord no. I can’t do that. You do it.”

“For heaven’s sake, George you have to get a grip. It is not that big a deal.”

“This thing is so slimy. I don’t want to touch it.”

“Fine. There it is off.”

“Throw it back.”

“What?”

“The poor thing. I don’t want it to suffer.”

“Of all the he-men in the world, I had to hook up with a marshmallow.”

“Oh smores. I could go for a smore right now. Where’s the coffee?”

 

 

 

Ten Things Not to Do on International Vegetarian and Older Person’s Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 62 Comments

World Vegetarian Day

 

This is another in the series of things not to do during historical occasions. Since today is the International Day of recognition for Vegetarians and Older Persons, I thought I would make fun of these occasions. Although I only do vegetarian every other day I am 100% an older person. I hope you like it.

The Top Ten Things Not to Do on the International Day of Vegetarians and Older Persons.

10 On Vegetarian’s Day, do not wear your “Vegetarians Eat What My Food Eats,” T-shirt. If you do, at best those you meet will wonder about you. At worst, that angry-looking gang at the tofu grill might decide that you need to go somewhere else. ( I’m not sure I would fool with the one swinging the nun-chucks, Faegan. He looks serious.)

9 On Vegetarian’s Day, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ about all the rabbit food on his plate. If you do, at best he’ll not hear you. At worst, since Tiny has been a vegetarian for two hours, he might take offense to your comment. (Don’t worry, Fafner, although Tiny’s looks could kill he doesn’t plan to eat you. Yet.)

8 On Vegetarian’s Day, do not go near Whole Foods if you plan to buy your normal red meat excesses. If you do, at best security will be heightened, and you’ll make it out of the store. At worst, you will come in contact with 100 of the most militant “I’d rather eat poop than meat, activists.” (You were warned, Fain. Now, I would just drop that standing rib roast and run for the exit.)

7 On Vegetarian’s Day, do not call your vegetarian neighbor and ask to borrow a cup of ground beef. If you do, at best they will hang up. At worst, they will call the police and file a hate crime complaint against you. (You should have checked out the city ordinance against mocking vegetarians before your call, Falke. Might have made a night in jail unnecessary.)

6 On Vegetarian’s Day, do not invite all your meat-eating friends over for a tofu turkey feast. If you do, at best you are going to run out of beer. At worst, your friends will believe you have lost your mind and need an intervention. (You have to wonder who ordered delivery of ten meat pizzas and buckets of Kentucky Fried Chicken, Farah. They are only trying to help.)

5 On Vegetarian’s Day, do not go door to door in your neighborhood handing out celery and carrot sticks to whoever answers the door. If you do, at best your neighbors will think you are ill. At worst, the SWAT team will respond to numerous calls. (Your story about gifting veggies is falling on deaf ears, Farley. I would just confess to being drunk. Might be more comfortable in the long run.)

4 On Vegetarian’s Day, do not demonstrate in front of McDonald’s. If you do, at best the patrons will want you to drop dead. At worst, the manager who is eighteen years old will hit you with his personal MACE spray supply. (You might have a lawsuit, Farouk but you need to stop crying first.)

3 On Older Person’s Day, do not try to help an older person across the street. If you do, at best you’ll get advice to go somewhere else. At worst, the person will think you are after their belongings and use that hickory cane very effectively. (You’ll be able to breathe and walk in a few minutes, Farran. Remember no good deed goes unpunished.)

2 On Older Person’s Day, do not bring up the subject of quitting driving. If you do, at best there will be another argument. At worst, your older person will take you fro a demonstration cruise in their 1998 Mercury. (Those white knuckles are well deserved, Farris. Those were some pretty close calls.)

1 On Older Person’s Day, do not make dinner reservations for eight o’clock. If you do, at best your older person will need a meal before the meal. At worst, your older person will have an extended cocktail hour and do you the favor of passing out in the Vichyssoise. (You better help, Farruco. We could have a drowning incident here.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Port A Music Fest

~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments

Port Aransas Music Fest was held this weekend. Since most of the performances were after my bedtime, I thought you would enjoy meeting the artists virtually and seeing the places where the artists performed. Well, that’s the hope anyway.

Port A Musicfest

Bron’s Beach Carts

Jerry WardArtist: Jerry Ward

Splendiferous & Fire Dance Performances by Stella Moon
Artist: Splendiferous & Fire Dance Performances by Stella Moon

Shorty’s

Ty Dietz Band

Artist: Ty Dietz Band

Selfie
Artist: Selfie

Bernie’s Beach House

Tumble Dry Low

Artist: Tumble Dry Low 

Giggity’s

Michael Milligan & Texiana Bluez

Treasure Island

The Jon Mikael Mrez BandArtist: The Jon Mikael Mrez Band Hyde After Nine

Artist: Hyde After Nine

The Back Porch

Chris Saucedo BandArtist: Chris Saucedo Band

Thomas Michael Riley
Artist: Thomas Michael Riley

Island Wine

Billy Joe’s Crafthouse

John Baumann

Artist: John Baumann

Pamillia Resort and Golf Club

Debra Watson and the Smokin’ Aces
Artist: Debra Watson and the Smokin’ Aces

Cinnamon Shore

Ray Johnston Band

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Dom”

~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

Stream of Consciousness

 

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this weeks prompt is “dom.” Yup that’s it, dom. Linda Hill says we can use it alone or as part of another word. If you would like to join this mayhem, visit Linda’s blog and find out how easy it is to get hooked. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/09/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-29-18/

Dom by John W. Howell © 2108

“Look at this travel guide.”

“Which travel guide.”

“The one I got for our trip to Germany.”

“Humm. Did I miss something? What trip to Germany?”

“Remember we talked about taking a trip?”

“I do remember. I thought we decided on Kansas City.”

“Maybe you decided on Kansas City, but I think we ought to see a little more of the world. We have done enough of domestic travel. I want to go overseas.”

“Okay. What is special about Germany?”

“For one thing the city of Cologne has the Dom Cathedral. ”

“And what is so special?”

“It was built over 500 years and completed in 1880 and is massive. It is one of the largest churches in the world.”

“Looking at this brochure, it says, Kölner Dom.”

“Yes, the city we call Cologne is Köln in German. Kölner Dom means Cologne Cathedral.”

“Sure looks beautiful.”

“Doesn’t it?”

“Whats this Kölsch?”

“Amazing that you would spot that. It is a beer that is made locally in Köln or no more than 30 miles from the city. They say it can’t be transported too far and must be drunk on the premise. There are a number of places that have Kölsch in the city. You can’t get it anywhere else.”

“When do we leave?”

“Do you want to hear of other things to see?”

“Nope, I’m good.”

“How about other cities?”

“I think we won’t have much time after we visit all the Kölsch breweries.”

“Why don’t you let me do the predominant itinerary and then we can see how many we can visit.”

“Okay but leave enough time for a bunch.”

“I love your indomitable, and I might add random spirit.”