Stream of Consciousness Saturday

April 25, 2015April 24, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 14 Comments

SOC Badge by: Doobster at Mindful Digressions

Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this week’s prompt is “Very/Very.” If you would like to participate in this fun, please visit http://lindaghill.com/2015/04/24/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-2515/. Here is my interpretation.

“The guy said what to you?”

“He said, ‘very very.’”

“What the hell did that mean?”

“I’m not sure, but he had a pretty big gun pointed at my face.”

“What did you do?”

“I said, ‘very very merry merry.’”

“Oh, my gosh. Then what happened?”

“Nothing.”

“Nothing? You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Well, he did mutter ‘very very merry merry carry carry.’”

“Wait, what. Why did he do that?”

“I’m not sure, but he had a little smile on his face. I think it was becoming a game, so I said, ‘very very merry merry carry carry hairy hairy.’”

“Wow, that was good. What then?”

“He told me I was disgusting and walked away.”

“Seriously.”

“I’m here aren’t I?”

The Top Ten Things Not to do at Your Annual Home Owner’s Association Meeting

March 9, 2015March 5, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

This list is a result of the last Saturdays Home Owner Association Annual meeting held in our community.

Ten Things Not to do While Attending a Home Owners Association Annual Meeting

10 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not challenge everyone who disagrees with your point to go outside and settle things. If you do, At best you will come off as a crackpot. At worst several of the bigger neighbors may take you up on your offer leading to a hurried trip to the ER.

9 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not tell a long-winded speaker to sit down and shut up. If you do, at best you will appear to be a bully. At worst the speaker may be a black belt Karate champ who will show you how he breaks cement blocks using only a head. (Yours)

8 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not ask questions just to show how smart you are about the covenants. If you do at best, your neighbors will make a note to avoid you at all costs. At worse, you may be appointed as the rule cop for the neighborhood that will endear you to everyone to whom you point out errors (not to mention the egg on your windows)

7 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not try to convince everyone your idea is the next best thing to whipped bread. If you do, at best you will delay while contributing to the boredom of the meeting. At worst, someone in the crowd will yell at you to shut up and sit down which will expose them to the remedies in item nine, and they will be waiting outside to settle the deal.

6 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not bring your Italian sub sandwich to eat during the meeting. If you do, at best everyone will move away from you. At worst, the biggest guy in the room will invite you to join the sandwich that is now in the garbage can outside.

5 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not get up and ask for donations for your book’s marketing fund. If you do, at best your neighbors will think you have lost your mind. At worst, they will discover you are an author and will warn their family members to stay away from you especially if they see you carrying books.

4 If you are attending an HOA meeting, try to find a babysitter for the kids. If you can’t at best, you will be distracted and lose sight of what is being voted. At worst your kids will see a bunch of new people and ask some potentially embarrassing questions like “why is that man wearing hair on his head that doesn’t fit?”

3 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not try to pretend you haven’t forgotten a few names. If you do, at best your charade will be transparent, and some will believe you to be shallow. At worst, you will run out of introductory statements like “Hi there.” You’ll be forced to admit you’ve forgotten the name of your next door neighbor. He is the man who was kind enough to run out in the rain to help you catch your dog with a loss of creditability that an honest admission would save.

2 If you are attending an HOA meeting, do not be the first to “second” every motion. If you do, at best your neighbors will think you have no friends. At worst you may be seconding things that will cause frictions among the neighbors, and you will be seen as in favor no matter that you didn’t even hear the motion.

1 If you are attending an HOA meeting and the President is reading the agenda, do not sigh and mumble “another long boring meeting.” If you do, at best you are quickly losing a friend in the President. At worst, your outspoken comment may be shared by others but because you said it you will be the one who the neighbors will talk about tomorrow beginning with the words, “can you believe how rude he was?”

Thursday – A Little Personal

March 5, 2015March 4, 2015 ~ John W. Howell ~ 33 Comments

Thursday is for a little something personal.

If you read my Bio you know, I live on an island in the Gulf of Mexico. It is a barrier island off the South Texas coast. The island is about fifteen miles long and has almost four thousand full-time residents. During the summer, this number grows to ten times the population, so there aren’t too many familiar faces around town.

What I thought I would do is give you a taste of what I find to be a fascinating view of the Gulf of Mexico. My wife and I are always amazed by the daily changes we see on a morning walk. (caption under the picture) Also, this post is being simu-published on Traci Sanders site at http://awordwithtraci.com/. Give her a hello from me.

The view above is what we see at sunrise. This shot is to the right of the sun (mama said not to look directly into the sun) and is over the water.

Here is an average day. The Gulf usually has a nice wave action

Of course in life, a little rain must fall.

Then the sun comes back (thank heavens).

All good things must come to an end. The sun sets in the West but casts a glow in the East as well.

I hope you enjoyed this little tour of my environment.

My GRL Blog Tour Volunteer Recognition – Herman Kok

January 27, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 5 Comments

I want to thank Herman Kok for helping with the My GRL launch. He has a blog If All Else Fails Use a Hammer which has a sub-text of An Exercise in Percussive Maintenance. So what does all that mean? A visit to his blog quickly explains under the About Hammers tab: “Percussive maintenance is the fine art of bludgeoning an electronic device in order to encourage it to work properly (Urban Dictionary).” Herman further explains: “So this is me whacking stuff (and sometimes just myself) with a verbal hammer.”

A visit to the blog is like going to a multi-faceted, talented, and sumptuous buffet of words and ideas. More words from Herman about this: If you’re looking for a single-subject blog you’re in the wrong place. “While I aim to mostly write fiction and book-related posts, you’ll also get photography, philosophy, recipes and social commentary (which shouldn’t necessarily be taken seriously). Sometimes I just rant. Sometimes I’m silly. Sometimes I write about puppets. It’s fun, really, cause you never know what’s coming up next.”

His About tab gives even further incentives to become a regular follower of his mode of writing. Here you will find the name of his Gravatar KokkieH. It is named after his grandfather Kokkie with an H for Herman and hammer tacked on the end. The important part of the about tab is the knowledge that Herman is from South Africa and is very serious about life. Of course he hides this seriousness behind a very large sense of humor. The example here is his claim to be a Lion trainer (quickly rescinded)

His other tabs: Books 14 and Song Title Challenge show the wide range of Herman’s interest. The books tab list the books he is currently reading. The song challenge tab describes the feature where Herman writes a 300 word piece using a song title as a prompt. He also allows the readers to suggest songs and as a side challenge the genre of pieces to be written. He also encourages all of us to participate with pieces of our own. Great fun.

Thanks Herman for the help on this tour.

My GRL Blog Tour Volunteer Recognition – Bradley Corbett

January 26, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 4 Comments

Bradley Corbett tends to remind me of the line in the Three Dog Night song regarding Jeremiah Bull Frog. “He was a friend of mine. I never understood a thing he said, but I helped him drink his wine. And he always had some mighty fine wine.”

What I mean is Green Embers is the place to go for solutions.(ignore the fact that bull frogs are green) Bradley knows IT and WP and you need not always understand what he is saying, but what he tells you works. So let’s take a stroll to his place and I’ll give you an overview of the very neat things you can expect there.

The first thing you see on the left is a tab called My Blog Network which when clicked yields some really fascinating places to visit:

My review blog has a number of reviews on books, movies, music, comics, and TV shows. There is also a submission section to request a review. The review editors (5) have their special talents and will rate a work as Recommended – Something the editors liked, Found Wanting – Something they disliked or Sixes – Something the editor felt had quality, but did not care for.

My Comic Blog is where Bradley demonstrates his artistic talent in the comic genre. Definitely worth a visit. You can also look at the work for which he was commissioned.

Community Story Board where you can link directly into CSB. Bradley is an editor.

Rome Construction Crew where inspiration, goal setting and support is found

Blog Roll Update where you can catch some comment made by Bradley and highlights of recommendations.

The balance of his site gives you other tabs. The Word Press Tutorials tab is where you can learn how to manage your WP blog and add interest with media. Bradley’s novella A Lich’s Tale and Other Stories can be found under the tab Buy My Novella.

Take time to read the About tab since there you will get a view of a man who is committed to self-improvement and wants to lead in this endeavor through a positive example. Bradley Corbett is a very special person and I am so thankful he decided to volunteer for the My GRL tour. Thank you Bradley.

My GRL Blog Tour Volunteer Recognition – Helena Hann-Basquiat

January 26, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 5 Comments

A delightful site to visit belongs to author Helena Hann-Basquiat. She has named the site, Being the Memoirs of Helena Hann-Basquiat and then goes on to explain the site contains, “ A patchwork discourse on pop culture and society from the scattered mind of someone who thinks that being “random” and “unfocused” is perfectly okay.”

The first visit will lead you to believe the person writing the words you find is far from random and unfocused. She has the corner on clever, thoughtful, well written and intriguing thoughts which cause the reader to pause to think. Yes thinking in today’s world is one of those activities which could be deemed random or unfocused.

A survey of her blog will give you an idea of just what goes on here.

In the about tab you will find a piece of original humor describing Helena that will have you laughing out loud while being amazed at the quality of the writing. Here is a small sample: “She’s written cookbooks, ten volumes of horrible poetry that she bound herself in leather she tanned poorly from cows she raised herself and then slaughtered because she was bored with farming.”

Under the Jessica Bell tab you will find all the information you need to catch up on the notorious nome de plume of our very own Helena. To get a taste of who Jessica is (not Helena’s real name if she even has one) let Helena describe her: “And so Jessica Bell was born (and no, it’s not my real name, either, so don’t bother looking me up). Jessica writes some pretty creepy stuff, darlings, and you may want to keep a fresh pair of pants handy if you end up reading her stuff.” Right now Helena is retelling the Bayou Bonhomme Serial so when new episodes are available the reader will be in the know about what went on before. (Helena’s like that)

The Sordid Tale so Far tab is a handy table of contents which in itself could rescue one from a snowed in boredom session in the Midwest.

Thank you Helena for the help on My GRL and I really like your writing. Also please tell me the clothes less person in the bed of roses is you. I have my fantasies to maintain.

My GRL Blog Tour Volunteer Recognition – Papi Z

January 24, 2014January 27, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 4 Comments

Papi Z could be the godfather of the writing community. He embraces the good in each and every one of the Indie authors and has set a tableau which gives exposure to one and all. I think of Papi as the matriarch holding court at the biggest literary dinner of all. He calls it the Literary Syndicate and the rest of us call it god send.

If you have not taken advantage of being listed as an artisan on Papi’s site you ought to go out in the yard and kick your own ass. He has taken the time to place in one spot not only the writers, poets and other assorted crazies who put words together, but also book reviewers, cover designers, editors, and helpful literary sites. It is all there under the Friends of the Syndicate tab. In short almost everything a struggling author might need to actually be successful.

On top of the information on the site Papi calls for submissions for collections that are to be published under the Literary Syndicate banner. The first Literary Syndicate collection has been decided upon. Monsters Under The Bed: A Horror Compendium (that is a working and not final title) has an official due date to have your stories in by March 15th, 2014. These should be stories in the 5,000 to 15,000 word range. Where to send them: theliterarysyndicate@gmail.com with Monsters Under The Bed in the subject line. For full details go HERE.

The Literary Syndicate is also accepting smaller word count stories for those authors who are challenged by the bigger count requirements. You can go HERE for the details.

His book Retail Memories: When Customers Attack updated version is now available on Amazon

Papi thank you so much for helping with the My GRL launch. You pitching in is like Payton Manning tossing the ball around with a little league receiver. This receiver really appreciates it.

My GRL Blog Tour Volunteer – Robynn Gabel for IAN

January 22, 2014 ~ John W. Howell

Ever heard of the IAN? Of course you have. IAN is Independent Authors, Editors, Graphic Artists & Publishers who’ve decided to showcase themselves and their work in one great site for their fans. You can visit the site HERE Big Thank You to Robynn Gabel for helping out with the tour. Her books:

You can also find Robynn here:
Robynn’s Musings
Robynn’s Website
Robynn’s Blog
LinkedIn
Amazon
Barnes & Noble
Smashwords
Kobo
BookRix
Goodreads
Fanstory

Some of the information about IAN is:

The authors of IAN are self-published. This means they cannot answer industry questions regarding publishing houses aside from what is common knowledge.

From time to time, there will be special giveaways or contests for the readers to receive free merchandise or books from IAN authors. However, if anyone would like to purchase any of IAN author’s books be sure to check the IAN Bookstore and specific author pages.

While the IAN community is small, specialties range from short stories to graphic design and publication. If there is something the reader doesn’t know or would like to see, please use the Contact IAN box. IAN needs to know what the reader wants to see!

IAN encourages interaction with author fans at every step of the way. Please don’t hesitate to contact IAN or any of the authors or service members. All will do their best to answer questions and bring the information readers want to know!

Thank you Robynn for the help on the tour.

Liar Is as Liar Does

December 4, 2013November 29, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 37 Comments

I read and tried to guess which was which when Aussa Lorens on 22 November 2013 posted five truths and a lie. I was wrong with my guess on which one was truth in her life. I did have to admit after the process the truth is stranger than fiction. In the course of commenting back and forth Aussa asked when I was going to do one. I told her I had to set it up and it might take months. I was lying of course since it is here today Wednesday.

Here is how it works. I will tell six stories about myself and one of them is a bald face lie. If you choose to play you can guess which one is the lie. The correct entries will be put into a giant hat and I will pull them out and publish your correctness on the results post. If no one responds I will just give the results and cry to myself in my lonely garret. I wanted to award a new car or boat, but right now I need to sell a million books to do that.

Story Number One.

As a young boy growing up in the city of Detroit I was chosen along with five of my class mates to appear on TV in a local version of Quiz Kids called . The competition was fierce, but our team did not win the event. We rang the buzzer too slowly and did not get to answer the final question which was a tiebreaker.

Story Number Two.

I earned the Eagle Scout award when I was younger than the minimum age limit. I went to scout camp in the summer after the award was finally made. One of the councilors challenged my authorization to wear the award patch on my uniform since he thought I was too young. I demonstrated my ability by organizing a raid on his bunk which resulted in him hanging, wrapped, and upside down in a large a tree. The troop settled for ice cream in exchange for cutting him down.

Story Number Three.

While in high school the family moved out of the inner city into the suburbs. As a sophomore it was difficult to make friends especially since I was more city type (black Levis, t-shirt and jacket) versus the suburban type. (Khaki slacks and button downs) There were a number of social and service clubs I was interested in joining. One after the other I was told membership was filled. Since all applications and rejections were reviewed by the school administration, I was called into the counselor’s office and asked if there were any of these applications that needed to be forced. (Laws required nondiscrimination) I told him that I really didn’t want to join these anyway. He suspected I was lying, (which I was) but could do nothing more. I figured being forced would cause more harm than good. Long story short, I founded a club that had over one hundred members and became one of the most popular. In fact it was so popular that had I not founded it I probably wouldn’t have been a member.

Story Number Four

I went off to college and believed I would make a good veterinarian. I loved animals and could not imagine a more worthy career. The first term in vet school found me up late at night babysitting a very sick goat. The goat needed surgery and the vet finished the task. My job was to walk the goat around so the anesthesia could be naturally dispersed. If the goat lay down it could ultimately suffer from a bloated condition that could be fatal. I walked the goat for more than eight hours and did some serious thinking. That night alone with the goat made me realize I was not really prepared to deal with life and death decisions over these gentle creatures. The goat did survive, but I decided to make a change. I changed majors at the end of the term.

Story Number Five

When I was getting ready to graduate from the university I began the process of interviewing for a job. A number of companies interviewed right at the school and so I signed up for about thirty or so. I was talking to a company which manufactured office furniture. All was going well until I complimented the person on the quality of their clocks. As can happen doing a number of interviews I had the wrong company. Their names were the same, but one did clocks and one did furniture. The furniture guy was not pleased to talk intelligently only to discover the person he thought would be right for the job was an idiot.

Story Number Six

I graduated from college and went to work for a famous consumer products company. (Yes I survived the interview process) My job was to introduce new products and maintain share of established brands in my assigned territory. I would visit grocery stores, drug stores, and mass merchants to represent the company brands. I worked diligently and was recruited away by another company. The observed presentation causing the recruiter to believe I was the right choice involved swallowing tic tacs telling the buyer before “if you don’t say yes to this order I have some cyanide I will need to take since my boss will kill me anyway.” It only worked from a humor point of view.

Okay which story is true and which is a lie. Let me know.

The Paperbook Collective is as The Paperbook Collective Does

November 1, 2013 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

The Paperbook Collective has published its fourth issue and I am very honored to have a piece titled: The Story included. It begins on page thirteen and is a view of writing I think a few of us hold. This Issue has a number of wonderful submissions so go here http://goo.gl/gGC6Cf and have a look. Don’t forget you can also submit your writing or other art as well. Follow the directions on page forty-four

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend