Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Sunday

August 2, 2021August 1, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 84 Comments

This post originally ran on August 3rd, 2015. I think there is still some good advice in here.

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The inspiration for this list came from spending over 3800 Sundays so far and not making the best decisions always on how to spend the day. Now that this is Monday, maybe there is enough time to plan for next week. Hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do on a Sunday.

10 On a Sunday, do not clean out the garage. If you do, at best, you will only rearrange the junk since trash day is at the end of the week. At worst, you will find several long-lost repair projects that you totally forgot to finish. (Hiding them again may not be practicable)

9 On a Sunday, do not use a leaf blower. If you do, at best, your neighbors will call upon the Almighty to forgive you. At worst, the person next door who you thought was a minister turns out to be a coven leader and has drawn a funny symbol on your front lawn. (You begin to notice the hair on the back of your hands getting thicker)

8 On a Sunday, do not pack up the family for a drive in the country. If you do, at best, you will be carting several sullen children with you. At worst, you will be sitting in traffic for hours. (And you have yet to enter the freeway.)

7 On a Sunday, do not go to the grocery store. If you do, at best you’ll be wondering why all these people can’t shop during the week while you are working. At worst, you will comment to someone named Brutus, who just happens to be unemployed and decides you need a lesson in manners. (You notice his fist is the size of your head just as the lights go out.)

6 On a Sunday, do not think you can go to the park for a picnic at the last minute. If you do, at best you will enjoy your lunch in the car. At worst, you will try to sneak a spot next to the Smith Family Reunion sign only to discover the Smiths have their own Hell’s Angles chapter. (And your Ralph Lauren cap is now part of a keep-away game.)

5 On a Sunday, do not think you can check out with a six-pack of beer before the lawful time. If you do, at best, you will win a bunch of friends as the line comes to a halt waiting for the manager to void the sale. At worst, the loudspeaker announcement of “Alcohol violation on register seven” will have the entire store in stitches, knowing by looking at you that you aren’t trying to pass a fake ID. (But are just plain dumb)

4 On a Sunday, do not go any distance without checking to see if your destination is open. If you do, at best, you will have given the family a ride in the country. At worst, you will have a full mutiny on your hands that will take some ice cream volleys to quell. (Not to mention the loss of leadership respect.)

3 On a Sunday, do not attempt to take a nap before you check with everyone to see if they need anything. If you do, at best, everyone will need something. At worst, they will need something, and you are the only person who knows the location of the something. ( The request will come in one at a time.)

2 On a Sunday, do not invite the whole family to your house for pot luck dinner. If you do, at best, a few will pass, and there will be enough to go around. At worst, all will attend, and most will have forgotten to bring anything other than an enormous appetite. (Not to mention a 102-degree temperature and runny noses.)

1 On a Sunday, do not try an experimental recipe that you found in the Sunday supplement. If you do, at best, you will be substituting some ingredients that you did not have on hand to mixed results. At worst, the mixed results were manifest in several of your household members rushing quickly from the table. (With the sound of large quantities of running water covering several noises)

Views of the Neighborhood – Mail Box Topper Visit

August 1, 2021August 1, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 92 Comments

Well, today, gang, we will go out into the Lakeway neighborhood to see if there are any new and different mailbox toppers. It has been over a year since we checked them out, so it is about time. We are being catered by Café No Sé in Austin. Since I still have not figured out how to post a YouTube video in the Classic editor mode of WP, our entertainment will be all of us humming Bohemian Rhapsody in five-part harmony. No, I’m not going to Block.

Menu

avocado toast

soft boiled egg, crème fraîche, arugula, aleppo carrots

smoked salmon bagel

salmon, hard-boiled egg, pickled onion, tomato, caper scallion cream cheese, everything bagel

lemon-ricotta hotcakes

apple-thyme chutney, pecan butter, maple syrup

café scramble

roasted wild mushrooms, Fresno pepper, spinach, fresh ricotta, sourdough toast

sweet potato hash

two sunny eggs, crispy pork belly, kimchi, mustard greens, jalapeño, kale

cowboy breakfast

two sunny eggs, bacon, confit pork, borracho beans, tomato, roasted jalapeño, cilantro butter

So what are we waiting for? Let’s go.

Our first is this cute smiling snail. Lots of color.

I thought this blue bowl was attractive. The sun was in the wrong place for this photo.

A colorful turtle who is not too pleased to have his photo taken.

Totally realistic-looking tortoise.

A casual frog who looks like he made friends with a tagger.

This colorful plant and blue bowl made a nice combo.

I thought a lamp with a topiary inside was a bit unusual.

A rusty bird. You have to zoom in to see the three feathers on the left side of his head. His beak is on the right.

I call this the Wimbelton frog. He’s making a fist as if he just got a match point.

A comfy bunny.

Old world pot with daisy.

Loving frogs with umbrella. Looks like the rain has stopped.

Little tiny bird with a chick.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Cute

July 31, 2021July 30, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 58 Comments

I went on a long walk today to clear my head since I knew I would be challenged to complete the Stream of Consciousness prompt later. I was in deep thought about some inconsequential matter, like should I powerwash the driveway. Then, all of a sudden, my attention was snapped to fully aware as I heard someone screaming, “Help me.”

My gaze went to a rather large brown van that was caroming off what is now a collapsed lamppost. The post altered the vector of the van so that now it was headed directly for me. As it got closer and larger, I could see a wide-eyed, uniformed driver clutching the wheel and screaming his head off. This was clearly a delivery van out of control, and not wishing to find myself the thickness of a pancake, I managed to jump to the right and grab what some would say is a sissy bar connected to the driver’s side of the van.

The three of us continued down the street, which was now taking on the topography of a soapbox racer course. I swung into the van and asked the driver if I could be of some help. “No brakes,” he yelled. For the first time since seeing this run-a-way train, I grew concerned. The law of physics dictates that the vehicle velocity will continue to increase until such time as a deceleration event occurs. The speed at the point of deceleration will mean the difference between survival or not. “We need to slow this mother down,” I yelled. The driver looked at me with an expression I have seen on countless teenagers’ faces before the “No shit” statement.

Long story short, the van did indeed slow down by jumping a curb and tearing through several layers of shrubs, fencing, and into the Donavan’s pool. As we were sinking, the driver asked me my name and then handed me an envelope. Of course, it was from Linda Hill. As the water was reaching my chest, I tore it open and read the note. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “the last photo you took.”Take the last photo you snapped. What’s the first word that comes to mind when you look at it? That word is your prompt. Enjoy!

As the water rose to my chin, I thought about that last photo and remembered it was of Twiggy and Lucy. The word “cute” went through my mind, and the darkness crept into my consciousness.

“Stand up,” I heard from the edge of eternity. I opened my eyes and did indeed stand up to find I was in water up to my waist. “We are saved,” I screamed. The driver had nothing to say.

If you would like to enjoy visit Linda Hill’s blog and read how. Here is the link.

https://lindaghill.com/2021/07/30/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-31-2021/

“What’s with all the drama?”

“I just think people ought to know where the prompts come from, is all.”

“Other participants just do the prompt without the preamble upfront.”

“Maybe you ought to go talk to other participants.”

“Cute.”

“What do you mean.”

“Your snappy comeback was cute.”

“You don’t mean that.”

“I was being sarcastic.”

“Well, that’s new.”

“Cute again. So what are you going to write about that’s cute?”

“Nothing.”

“What do you mean ‘nothing?'”

“I think you said it all.”

“You’re mad.”

“A little.”

“Why?”

“I don’t get no satisfaction.”

“Cute reference. Want to explain?”

“I kill myself thinking of the prompt, and you come along and make light of what I do.”

“How much do you get paid for this gig?”

“Nothing.”

“The prosecution rests. It is beer-thirty now. Do you want to continue this philosophical discussion or dump six into that ready-made receptacle?”

“You have a cute way of making my choice easy.”

“Hold on, brother. Don’t use the word ‘cute’ when describing my behavior.”

“Goodness. Hit a nerve, did I?”

“I have the street cred to maintain. We doing beer or not?”

“Lead on Mac Duff.”

“Cute.”

“Stop it.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

July 30, 2021July 29, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 100 Comments

“Boss. Twiggy keeps running away.”
“Isn’t that what tag is all about?”
“Not when one gets older it isn’t.”
“You’ll be fine. Go get her.”

It is Friday again and the beginning of that period of rest that we all need. I hope your week went well.

We all learned that the CDC issued some revised guidelines for mask-wearing. They advise mask-wearing even if fully vaccinated in public places, indoors in those areas where there is a high and substantial level of Covid transmission rates. This covers about 225 million Americans or about 63% of the population. So if your area has between 50 and 100 new cases per 100,000 population or a positivity testing rate of 8% to 10%, then you are in a substantial to high transmission rate area.

Also, the CDC is recommending those school-age children in grades K through 12 wear masks when they go back to school. This has caused so much confusion in the school districts here in Texas. The governor issued a directive that school districts and communities are not allowed to mandate mask-wearing, so at best, any decision on masks has to be an advisory position. Texas shares the no-mask mandate with Arkansas, Florida, Iowa, Montana, South Carolina, and Tennessee. Makes your head spin.

We also learned this week that eating foods high in flavonoids can help beat cognitive decline. To all you youngsters out there, this knowledge has little relevance. To we old codgers, what it means is all the strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, raspberries, cherries, red cabbage, onions, peppers, kale, parsley, black tea, oolong tea, green tea, wine, chocolate, soybeans, and citrus, that we have consumed is keeping our cognitive abilities from diving into the dirt. This was a study done over a 25 year period with 75,000 participants, and results were published in the American Academy of Neurology journal. So keep eating and drinking that stuff, and if you are not eating or drinking it, you should start.

Today’s JohnKu talks about cognitive decline. I hope you have a super weekend.

To protect the brain,

Flavonoids are wonderful . . .

Give me some more wine.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy in Their Backyard

July 29, 2021July 28, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 144 Comments

“What’s Mom doing?”

“Watering the roses.”

“Why do they need to be watered?”

“Everything needs water to grow, Little One.”

“Is that why Dad puts water on the new tree?”

“Yup. The very reason.”

“It looks like the tree has been watered.”

“I’m so glad you keep your eye on these things.”

“Hey, Lucy. Check out these leaves. I thought with the new turf, we wouldn’t have leaves.”

“The leaves still fall. It doesn’t matter what kind of grass they fall upon.”

“I’m going to go tell Dad he needs to get these things picked up.”

“Good thing you don’t have an opposable thumb.”

“Huh? What is good about that?”

“Dad might hand you a rake and tell you to do it.”

“Okay then. The sun’s out, and maybe I’ll just relax.”

“Better choice, Little One.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

July 28, 2021July 27, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 75 Comments

“This is as much fun as Friday, Lucy.”
“Maybe the new turf has something to do with it.”
“I think you have something there.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week Cortez indicated to Larry that he was ready to move to the cars. He instructed Larry to contact those on the outside to let them know they are coming out. As you can imagine, the vector of this story has taken a turn for the worse. Cortez indicated that if anything went wrong, Larry would be the first to get shot.

Before we join the group, we need to talk about the story for a second. As you have seen, this serial has been laid out using nothing but dialogue with no tags at all. So as a reader, you have had what all the scenes and people look like in your mind. You have been able to construct the backgrounds and sensory cues to your own liking.

This was the purpose of telling the story the way it was told. You have invested of yourself in these 88,600+ words over the last two years. I must honor that investment with the construction of an ending that is satisfactory. Yes, we are coming to an end. All the characters we have met previously are lining up backstage for the curtain call. Our MCs are getting ready for the final scene. As the author of this continuing saga, I think it would be wise to expand to a narrative plus dialogue form to catch all the action leading to the end. With your permission, here we go.

Cortez waves his gun at Larry and tells him to get on the phone. Larry gets out of the chair and holds his palms out in one last gesture of supplication. “Come on, Joachim. Just say the word, and you all can spare yourself a lot of trouble.”

Cortez wipes his face with his hand. “You know it might be easier to just shoot you now. If you don’t start listening to me, I might just do that. I’m in charge here, damn you. Now call.”

Larry holds up one hand and reaches for his phone. “Okay, you win. I’m calling.”

Larry reaches Mike. “How are you doing? Good. Listen. I have a situation here. Cortez does not want to take a deal. In fact, he wants to move right away. Hold on. Yes, Joachim.”

Cortez takes Larry’s arm. “Put it on speaker.”

Larry pulls his arm away. “Sure, Joachim. Anything you say. Hey Mike. You are on speaker. His majesty is listening.”

Cortez does not smile at Larry’s humor. Instead, he waves his gun again. “Just get on with it.”

“So, you heard that, Mike.”

“Yes, I sure did.”

Larry looks at Joachim. “Here’s the deal. Joachim is going to take this whole crowd and move them to the airport. He is warning me that if our team does anything funny, he’s going to shoot me—”

“Say again”

Larry can’t help but smile. “Yeah, that’s right, he’s going to shoot me, so I have an interest in making sure he gets in the car and gets to the airport in one piece.”

Mike is quiet

Larry shrugs his shoulders and turns more toward Cortez. Cortez frowns and waves his gun again. “Looks like the head guy is getting a little upset.”

The escape of Mike’s breath is auditable over the connection. “Yeah, okay. We’ll stand down.”

“Thanks, Mike. His Nibbs has a better look on his face. I’m not sure if we will talk again, but I appreciate anything you can do to keep this situation from getting out of control.” Larry disconnects the call. “Looks like you have a free passage to the airport, Joachim.”

Joachim calls for his right-hand man Juan and gives instruction to gather everyone in the living room. Once the guy leaves to get the hostages, Joachim tells Larry to sit. Larry immediately sits. “You know Joachim, this is not going to end here in Nevada. These guys are going to hunt you down.”

Joachim sighs. “You know as well as I that once I reach my compound, there is no one who can get me back to face charges.”

Larry smiles and crosses his arms. “Have you ever heard of a patriot missile?”

“They wouldn’t dare.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Holding an ADA hostage is not something the government soon forgets. Besides, who will ever know the source of the missile? It could be one of your rivals.”

Cortez sits across from Larry and hunches forward. “They would harm my wife and daughter?”

“How many Wives and daughters have you harmed?”

Cortez pulls on his chin. He sits in silence until Juan breaks the spell. “Yeah, Juan, what is it?”

Juan explains that everyone is in the living room and that their hands have been zip-tied. Cortez nods and dismisses Juan telling him to keep an eye on everyone. He looks Larry in the eyes. “So if I give up, you are telling me my family will be safe?”

Larry holds Cortez’s gaze. “I think we can arrange for your family to go into a program where they will be protected.”

Cortez’s eyes fill. “Their safety is the only thing that has driven me to this point. My enemies would like nothing better than to get their hands on them. So now you tell me of the possibility of assassination by the US government. You have given me enough to think about.”

Larry sits forward. “I would think it over, Joachim. There has got to be a better way than to keep fighting.”

Joachim’s shoulders slump. His complexion takes on a gray tone of weariness. “You have no idea how long I have been fighting.” He places the gun on a side table and puts his hands on his face. “I have to figure this out.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #322 by Keith Channing

July 27, 2021July 26, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 64 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“I can’t see any signs of injury.”

“That is amazing. You should have seen how these two came together.”

“Tell me what happened.”

“That big lug and Gerry went up for the coconut at the same time.”

“Yeah, and when their heads connected, the lug went down.”

“That’s him laying there.”

“Has anyone taken a look at him?”

“We all looked at him.”

“I mean, has anyone checked him out?”

“I did.”

“And what did you find.”

“He’s unconscious.”

“No kidding. Is he breathing?”

“He was a minute ago.”

“Okay, I’ll have a look.”

“I have to say, Gerry must have the hardest head in the country.”

“So, doc, how’s the lug?”

“He’ll be fine. I put some ice on his lump. Let me look at Gerry again. My goodness, not even a scratch.”

“Gerry says it’s all those bananas.”

“I’m sure. It could also be that he is not a purebred monkey. I suspect somewhere along the line, his ancestors got mixed up with some humans.”

“Really, doc?”

“Yes. I would d like to do some DNA research, but I already have an opinion.”

“Do tell. Who do you think is part of his DNA?”

“With that hard head, I would guess a writer of some kind. Probably self-published.”

“Poor Gerry.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Need a Rest Area.

July 26, 2021July 25, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 88 Comments

This list first ran on July 28th in 2014. Since summer travel is going on now, I thought it would be relevant. Also, it was about a year after Top Ten things Not to Do started.

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Here is the 56th installment of Ten Top Lists of What Not to Do. So, with all the summer travels, I thought I would offer advice on what not to do when you need to stop. I hope you enjoy it.

Top Ten Things Not to Do When You Need a Rest Stop

10 If you need a rest stop, do not think you need to finish that 32-ounce Big Gulp. If you do, at best, you will reach the rest stop with no delay. At worst, the traffic pile-up on the 687 caused you to run onto the median for relief. Of course, the evening news carried the story with the enhancement of your handcuffed frame over the back of a police car.

9 If you need a rest stop, do not continue down the highway. If you do, at best, you may make it to your destination dog tired but in one piece. At worst, you will be wondering why the police wake you up with a summons and ask you to move your car off the interstate highway into the care of the friendly tow truck driver.

8 If you need a rest stop, do not speed up to get there faster. If you do, at best, you may not make it any quicker. At worst, you will be trying to explain to the friendly officer why you have a grimace on your face and why you were speeding.

7 If you need a rest stop, do not listen to others in the car who call you chicken. If you do, at best, you will be uncomfortable. At worst, you will get no credit for being brave when everyone finally gets wind of your mistake.

6 If you need a rest stop, do not assume there is one every ten miles and go flying by the last one. If you do, at best, you may get lucky, and there is one close. At worst, you have just seen the last rest area for one thousand miles, and you might as well pray for a cover of darkness which you will need in ten minutes.

5 If you need a rest stop, do not think everyone in the car needs one as well. If you do, at best, you will only hear the grumbles about stopping again. At worst, your car mates (or family) will take your frequent needs to stop as evidence you never wanted to go on this trip in the first place and may end up on the roof like granny Griswold.

4 If you need a rest stop, do not think the water found there is safe for drinking. If you do, at best you may only have a slight reaction. At worst you might be spending your entire vacation in the ER clutching a metal pan begging the attendants for painkilling drugs, or failing that, to use euthanasia as a final solution.

3 If you need a rest stop do not pull into one of those country kitchen store kind of places. If you do, at best, you will only have to shell out a small fortune for the treats everyone picked up. At worst, your family will want to stay for a nice $25.00 a plate country fried steak dinner (with all the fixin’s), and before you know it, all your vacation money has been spent.

2 If you need a rest stop, do not try to get free air for your tires. If you do, at best, it will only cost you a dollar to fill them. At worst, the machine has been programmed to actually suck the air out of your tires, and the only way to get a refill is to pay an attendant to do it for you. You will probably need to sell your car to settle up

1 If you need a rest stop, do not get off the interstate to go see a crocodile farm as a way to kill two birds with one stone. If you do, at best, the owner of the crocodile farm will not have gas and a restroom. At worst, you will be hearing the music from Deliverance as you meet the lovely down-home family who has yet to see a more beautiful car in all their born days.

Views of the Neighborhood – Lawn Ornamentation

July 25, 2021July 24, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 71 Comments

Today we are going out to view some of the lawn ornamentation that is around Lakeway. Yes, we have brunch catered by Bangers in Auston. Also, if you want, you can view a video on how they make their sausage. There is a link below. Today’s entertainment will be me playing the wax paper comb since I can’t get YouTube videos to play.

House-Made Montreal style Bagel

House-made Plain or Sesame seed Bagel. Served w/ cream cheese & house-made jam.

Avocado Toast

Grilled peasant bread topped w/ fresh avocado, roasted tomatoes, sunflower sprouts & a hard-boiled egg

The Corned Beef Hash Sausage Sandwich

House-cured 6 day corned beef ground w/ potatoes. Stuffed it into a beef middle & smoked for 8 hours. Sliced, seared & put on a Martin’s potato roll. Topped w/ an egg, American cheese, sauerkraut & Russian dressing. Served w/ a side of spicy shoestring potatoes.

Want to see how it’s made?

Banger’s Bennie

English muffin topped w/ braised pork belly, poached eggs, hollandaise sauce & spicy shoestring potatoes. Vegetarian upon request

Super Deluxe Breakfast

Two over-easy eggs, house-cured bacon, miso & cola smoked beans, toast & house-made seasonal jam

So let’s get on the bus and go.

Our first stop is a couple of mariachis musicians.

Next is the sign advising of the fawns in the area. It is accompanied by a very strange lawn ornament. It looks like a weight that could be used in the water to anchor a buoy.

Here’s the place to visit to raise your spirits with sign sayings, a flag, and some kind of monster on the front porch.

A nice windmill to test the theory of perpetual motion.

A pot, a rocker, and a frog. It might be a good prompt sometime.

A galvanized woodpecker.

A blue bunny and some salvia.

Two more bunnies, salvia, vinca, and agapanthus.

Hanging baskets, wind chimes, bird feeder, rain chain, and gnomes house.

Birdbath, pink bunny, gold bunny (on the rock), vinca, and sea glass.

Solid steel birds of paradise.

What looks like a Halloween decoration is actually a football throwing target.

The motherhouse of all lawn ornamentation. Mushrooms to the left. All kinds of things to the right.

The best lawn ornaments of all. Twins waiting for their mom to come back.

I hope you enjoyed the tour and will have a super week.

Saturday Stream of Consciousness – Prompt – Color/Colour

July 24, 2021July 23, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

I was waiting in line to use the ATM machine outside my favorite Starbucks. The line was agonizingly slow, and I could feel the little caffeine-deprived miner trying to pickax his way out of the front of my skull. The little pick, pick, pick feeling got stronger as the next customer seemed to be doing a week’s worth of transactions. Only two away from getting some cash that will allow me to trade for a grande miner killer. Suddenly, the guy behind me told me not to turn around or make a sound. Something hard was poking my backbone, and it dawned on me that I was about to be relieved of my salvation cash. I use my elbow to dislodge the hard thing and spun to face my tormentor. He had a look of shock on his face and quickly shoved an envelope in my shirt pocket and ran off.

Given the current rise in COVID cases, I did not want to touch the envelope until I could get some sanitizer inside the Starbucks. Finally, I was at the ATM, got the cash, ran into Starbucks, ordered the grande, waited an hour, gulped several ounces, and killed the miner. Then I opened the envelope. There was one sheet of paper with this message from Linda Hill. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “color/colour.” Use it as a noun, a verb, or pick a color and write about it–use it any way you like. Have fun!

If you would rather have fun than be accosted in an ATM line, go to Linda Hill’s blog and read how easy it is. Here’s the link. https://lindaghill.com/2021/07/23/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-24-2021/

“It’s Saturday, so before I say more do you have the prompt?”

“I do, and it is color or as our Northern neighbors say ‘colour'”

“What do you mean, Northern neighbors. Sounds the same to me.”

“They spell it c-o-l-o-u-r.”

“So do our previous oppressors.”

“Huh?”

“The British. They spell it the same way.”

“What’s up with that?”

“Goes back aways, I think. I’m not really sure. What are you going to write about?”

“I thought I would discuss my favorite color.”

“Which is?”

“Amber.”