Tag: His Revenge

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 43 Comments

Hump Day

 

Wednesday Story Day again and last week we had a revolution that Lucas says he killed his sister. He admitted this to his lawyer, and some of you wondered if he Lucas was confused and though the lawyer a priest. It seems the lawyer is committed to client privilege where the priest might be tempted to obey secular law. So let’s go back and see the reaction of the lawyer.

“Whoa, Lucas. Don’t say any more. Let me ask you a couple of questions.”
“Yeah, okay. You are going to keep my confidence right?”
“Yes, there is no issue there. I just need to get some facts before I advise you on what we are going to do. So let’s start at the beginning. What caused you to hit your sister?”
“She was all coked up and came at me with a knife.”
“A knife? Why was she coming at you with a knife?”
“She was very upset. She came into my house and was yelling something about me killing our parents.”
“Go slower Lucas. Your parents are dead?”
“Yeah, some low life came into our house and killed them. That’s when my sister showed up and was banging on my door.”
“You let her in?”
“She’s my sister uh she was my sister. Of course, I would let her in.”
“Then what happened.”
“As I said, she came at me with a knife and that’s when I hit her.”
“Before she came at you did she say anything?”
“Mmm yes, she asked me if I knew anyone who would kill our parents?”
“What did you say?”
“I told her the only people who I knew who would kill our parents were the scumbag drug dealer friends she hung around with.”
“Then she came at you?”
“No. She looked at me like maybe I was right.”
“What caused her to come at you?”
“I asked her how much money she thought she was going to get from the will?”
“That did it?”
“What did it is when I told her our parents were fed up with her and she was not sharing in the proceeds of the will. I told her the only way she would get anything is if I were dead.”
“So she came at you with the knife?”
“I might have said something else, but yes that was when she came at me.”
“What else?”
“I called her a loser.”
“I see.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #140 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

In Keith’s words

“Using this photo (Below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keith@channing.info before 6 pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #140

The Play by John W. Howell © 2017

“There are people out there.”

“So what. Just get your costume on.”

“They will see me before I’m ready.”

“Who cares? Once you get that jug on your head, no one will know it’s you.”

“Why is that curtain so darned small?”

“We are not a big budget show. Now put on the jug.”

“I never liked this jug.”

“You don’t have to like it. It is part of the character.”

“Why are we doing this play anyway?”

“We need to raise money for the order.”

“And who chose this particular play anyway?”

“You know very well it was selected by the master’s wife after her visit to America.”

“Yeah, that’s what scares me.”

“Now, now. Let us not say evil words about the master’s wife.”

“I’m not even thinking evil words about the master’s wife.”

“Good. Put on the jug.”

“I’ve never seen the characters in this play before. You say this is an American classic.”

“I’m told it is.”

“What is the name of the play in America?”

“It’s called Archie and friends.”

“Oh, so my name is Jughead, and that’s the reason for the jug.”

“That is what I’ve been told. Seems strange though doesn’t it?”

Top Ten Things Not to Do If Your Internet and Cell Service are Down

~ John W. Howell ~ 89 Comments

Top Ten Things Not to Do

 

The inspiration for this list came from living without the internet and very spotty cell service for the last two weeks. It took me a while to get used to the fact that I could not do what has become everyday activities with my devices.

10 If your internet and cell service are down, do not try to send emails. If you do, at best you’ll never get an answer. At worst, you will convince yourself that you have been cut off from the word and will start filling bottles with notes. (Forget the fact that the biggest body of water is the dog dish, Barnaby.)

9 If your internet and cell service are down, do not look for “likes” on that last selfie. If you do, at best you’ll think no one saw it. At worst, you’ll think no one actually liked your selfie and could spiral into a black hole of self-doubt. (Your raging FOMO is about to overtake you huh, Barlow?)

8 If your internet and cell service are down, do not think you can poach off your neighbor. If you do, at best they will have a secure connection. At worst, your neighbor’s brother-in-law, Tiny, the WWF champ, who just returned from survival school will notice you crouched in the bushes close to the house. (That scream you are hearing was taught to Tiny to throw off the enemy he is about to pounce upon. Guess who, Bartek?)

7 If your internet and cell service are down, do not think you can sneak into a coffee-house and use theirs without buying anything. If you do, at best the manager is sixteen years old and afraid of you. At worst, the manager is a retired Marine who has just been told by a twenty-year-old District Manager that they will be fired if they allow poaching of the WiFi. (Looks like you made it out of there unscathed. Too bad about that flying laptop. The landing was not pretty right, Bastian?)

6 If your internet and cell service are down, do not try to meet your book publish deadline in spite of the difficulties. If you do, at best you will be forced to set a new deadline. At worst, you will end up bald and with a bad case of PPSD. (That’s Post Publish Stress Disorder.)

5 If your internet and cell service are down, do not try to stream a movie that you have wanted to watch. If you do, at best you’ll have to watch an old Harry Potter DVD. At worst, you’ll refuse to believe that the “LOADING” sign is a lie.(So after watching the LOADING sign for two hours maybe it’s time to call it a night, Bub.)

4 If your internet and cell service are down, do not keep picking up your phone after every little noise. If you do, at best you’ll be continually reminded that it’s gone. At worst, you might develop a tick which will require long-term therapy. (Try explaining to the doctor that your illness is cell phone related, Berkley.)

3 If your internet and cell service are down, do not put your life on hold until they return. If you do, at best you’ll miss out on trying new things. At worst, your family will begin to wonder if they need to orchestrate an intervention. (Sitting in a chair all day will not bring the internet and cell service back faster, Bixby.)

2 If your internet and cell service are down, do not lay out sheets in the backyard spelling the words, “Help, I Have No Internet.” If you do, at best a passing helicopter will drop some supplies in your yard. At worst, the Channel Six news team will hover above you and broadcast a story about the shallowest individual on the planet. (You could have guessed the story would go viral right, Bojan?)

1 If your internet and cell service are down, do not think anyone will miss you on your social media accounts. If you do, at best your feeling of isolation will drive you to books. At worst, you take to standing at the traffic light with a sign that says, “Will work for Tweets.” (Notice how many drivers look away when you get near, Benny?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Harvey Update

~ John W. Howell ~ 67 Comments

I started out to capture the after photos of some of the places that I have featured on my blog. As you’ll recall, almost all of the photos shown were colorful and full of fun. After taking a number of the after shots, I simply stopped. Seeing these places as they appear now doesn’t capture the spirit of our town. The photos depict loss and sadness and are difficult to view. These are places of business and people’s homes and as such very personal spaces. I do not feel comfortable with an invasion of those private moments of challenge that a photo would represent.

Sadness is not what is left of Port Aransas. We still have the spirit to rebuild. I’m going to wait until the new, colorful, and fun Port A emerges. I’ll tell that story when available.

In the meantime, I will focus on the best we have to offer.

The Poly Anna

Here is a shot of the shrimp boat Polly Anna. The owners John and Molly rode out the storm and were able to bring her back home. She flies her flag proudly.

Texas Flag

Over the destruction in the marina flies the symbol of the spirit of our town and state. The flag stands for hope and the promise each of us must make not to give up.

Thank you for reading.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Vol”

~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

Stream of Consciousness

 

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this weeks prompt is “Vol.” Yup, that’s right. Linda Hill says to find a word with “vol” in it and construct the post. She also advises the group to have fun. If you would like to participate in the fun go to Linda’s blog and find out how. Here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2017/09/15/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-sept-1617/

Vol by John W. Howell © 2017

“So what did she say?”

“Find a word with vol in it and write the post.”

“That’s it?”

“Oh, and she said to have fun with it.”

“Ha. Easy for her to say. You and I are here on the line and she sits in that Ivory Tower handing out prompts like they are free.”

“They are.”

“Are what?”

“Free.”

“What do you mean. We have to put our very heart into this crap. We sweat bullets over these damn words. How can you say they are free?”

“You finished?”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“Okay then, Let’s put our thinking caps on and come up with a word that has vol in it.”

“I hate that.”

“What?”

“The phrase thinking cap. I don’t have a cap. It is my brain that does all the thinking.”

“Did you get your coffee this morning?”

“Had five cups. Why?”

“You seem a little wound up is all.”

“Fine. Volume, Volvo, convoluted, volleyball, benevolent, voluptuous, devolution, malevolent, and voluminous. Just to name a few.”

That’s great. On which do you want to base a post?”

“None of them.”

“None of them? Why not?”

“They have all been done before. Let’s do something original.”

“Okay like what?”

“Well there is a village in Iran named Vol. We could do a story on it.”

“Ho hum.”

“There is Vol Dooley a former sheriff Louisiana. We could do his story.”

“Ugh.”

“How about the computer command Vol?”

“Wait a minute. You went on-line and looked this stuff up, right?”

“Well, yeah. So what?”

“So what? Do you know how frivolous this makes you look?”

“I think I’m a revolutionist.”

“I think you show the voluminousness of the empty space where your brian should be.”

“I’m thinking you border on the revolting.”

“Says the man with the vole sized brain.”

“You better vol.”

“Huh? What does that mean?”

“It’s French for flight and you should take the hint.”

Friday John Ku – AKA – TGIF

~ John W. Howell ~ 37 Comments

TGIF

 

Another Friday has rolled around. I hope you are ready for the weekend. Maybe I should say I hope the weekend is coming at a good time.

I have been waiting for my proof of Circumstances of Childhood that shipped on September 4th. I found out UPS is having service issues and sent it back to Amazon. It will be reshipped to arrive by the 18th. Once I the proof is in my hand it takes me several hours to review The setup. If there are any changes, then Amazon takes 24 hours to check to make sure the book is printable. The second proof takes five days to reach me.

So, now I have to do the math to see if I can make an October 1 launch for the print version. I can certainly do Kindle. Let’s see. The proof reaches me on the 18th. I submit changes on the 18th. Amazon takes until the 19th to verify the changes can work. I order the second proof which arrives on the 25th. Assuming no changes, I can hit publish and make it. YAY.  I cannot have any further delays though. Today’s John Ku talks about best-laid plans.

Best Laid Plans By John W. Howell

The well thought out plans,

Always finish perfectly. . .

Unless they go wrong.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Morning with Stella

~ John W. Howell ~ 73 Comments

 

Stella

“Okay, John. I know you are getting your coffee but I wonder if we could chat.”

“Of course, Stella. What would you like to chat about?

“Well, it’s a little personal.”

“Go ahead. I can keep a secret.”

“It’s about those two canines.”

“What a shock Stella. What about them?”

Lucy and Bailey

“Haven’t you noticed how they lay around.”

“To be honest I think all three of you lay around.”

“But sometimes it can be disgusting.”

Bailey

“I can see what you mean. How about some nice half and half?”

“I would like that but you have to stand guard.”

“Stand guard. Why?”

Stella, Lucy. Bailey

“Why? Just look at these monsters.”

“Aw you poor thing. I’ll Call them. Lucy and Bailey.”

Stella, Lucy, Bailey

“Not now Boss. We are on the hunt for some half and half leavings.”

“You girls are making Stella nervous.”

“Give me a break, Boss. You ever check out those claws? That is one serious fighten’ machine. If anybody should be nervous it’s us.”

“Okay girls go get the leavings.”

 

 

 

 

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

~ John W. Howell ~ 47 Comments

Hump Day

It is Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we left as Seth Gibson huffed out the door after Jason McDonnell the lawyer, hired by Harriet Murphy, laid down the rules of engagement with his client Lucas. So, let’s get back to Antion Illinois and see what the lawyer and Lucas are discussing.

“Lucas now that we are alone I need to give you some advice that should be followed to the letter.”
“Y-yes sir.”
“You need not sir me, Lucas since in effect I work for you. Speaking of that I need you to declare that you want me as your lawyer.”
“But why do I need a lawyer?”
“Did you see that big hulk that just left. He is trying to build a murder case on you, and it isn’t even in his jurisdiction. I don’t know what you did to make him launch his vendetta, but he sure has one going.”
“I haven’t done anything to get the sheriff on my back.”
“All The more reason for having someone look after your interests. Now, do you want me to represent you or not?”
“I guess so.”
“Not good enough. You need to tell me I’m hired to be your attorney.”
“Okay, you are hired to be my attorney.”
“Good. Give me a dollar.”
“A dollar?”
“Yup. I need a retainer.”
“Uh. Look in the drawer there and see if my wallet is in there.”
“Okay, here it is.”
“Pull out what you need and then put it back please.”
“Alright. I have my retainer. Now going forward anything you and I discuss is privileged information and not to be shared with anyone. Also, no one has the right to ask you about our conversations, and certainly no one has the right to question you without me being present. Understand?”
“I-I think so. Does it mean whatever I say to you no one else will ever know.”
“Not unless you tell them.”
“Oh, thank God. I need to tell you something.”
“Is it about the sheriff?”
“No, it’s about my sister.”
“Your sister. What about your sister.?”
“I killed her.”
“What do you mean you killed her?”
“What does killed mean? I hit her, and she died.”

 

 

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #139 By Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 27 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keith@channing.info before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #138

Not Funny by John W. Howell.

“How did my ten-year toy get in this ice water?”

“I threw it to you, and you were looking the other way.”

“So how was I to know you were going to throw it?”

“I yelled, “Here catch.”‘

“I thought you were talking about the hot dog.”

“This is my hot dog. Why would I give it to you.”

“Cause you love me?”

“I do but not enough to give up my hot dog.”

“Speaking of dog have you seen Elmer lately?”

“No. Come to think about it I haven’t.”

“When was the last time you saw him?”

“I guess it was yesterday.”

“Weren’t there six Corona’s in this bucket yesterday?”

“I don’t know I didn’t pay much attention.”

“I’m sure of it now. I counted them yesterday.”

“Why did you do that?”

“Well, Elmer has been known to imbibe now and then so I want to see how bad it was getting.”

“How bad what was getting?”

“His drinking.”

“Wait a minute. Are you saying Elmer took those beer bottles.”

“That is exactly what I’m saying.”

“I have one question super sleuth.”

“Go ahead.”

“If he took the beers.”

“Yes?”

“How did he open them. He has no opposable thumb.”

“Hmm. Let me think on that.”

“Meanwhile get your toy out of that ice bucket it looks like it is getting soggy.”

“His teeth. He used his teeth.”

“How did he hold the bottle.”

“Damn.”

“I think you need to make up another story.”

“Okay, Elmer shoots Heroin.”

“Yeah, that’s a good one.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Tailgating at a Football Game.

~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

Tailgating

The inspiration for this list is the return of the American football season. The college schedule is in full swing and here are a few things to avoid this year.

10 If you are tailgating, do not set out an overstuffed couch. If you do, at best folks will think you are so seventies. At worst, someone may get confused and believe that they are in Morgantown West Virginia and set fire to it. (You thought it was going to be a statement of elegance didn’t you, Baltizar?)

9 If you are tailgating, do not think a candelabra belongs in a stadium parking lot. If you do, at best your fellow tailgaters will take you for an effete intellectual snob. At worst, Tiny the WWF champ who has been mourning the passing of Liberace will believe you mean for him to join your party. (A sad, drunk Tiny is not a pretty picture is it, Barnaby?)

8 If you are tailgating, do not set up a beer pong table. If you do, at best you might attract the wrong crowd. At worst, that young person who has been playing so well is carded by the police. (Nice to know you are now charged with contributing to the delinquency of a minor huh, Barrington?)

7 If you are tailgating, do not think yours is going to be the best grill in the lot. If you do, at best the one next door is better. At worst, your grill does not even rank in the top one hundred. (CNN wants to interview you for a feature named “The Biggest Grill Losers.” Time to pack up, Beauregard)

6 If you are tailgating, do not think your propane tank is full without checking. If you do, at best you give new meaning to medium rare. At worst, no one in the lot will be willing to loan you their propane tank. (Everyone you ask gives you that “Get away from me look right, Bennet?)

5 If you are tailgating, do not forget your portable satellite antenna. If you do, at best you’ll have to attend the game. At worst, you may get caught trying to tap into the antenna cable next door. (You thought it would be a quick splice and done. How’s that black eye feeling, Bixby?)

4 If you are tailgating, do not run out of your favorite beverage. If you do, at best you’ll have water. At worst, trying to borrow a cup of beer from your neighbors will be met with scorn. (Who knew everyone would turn their back on you, Bronson?)

3 If you are tailgating, do not forget to wear your team colors. If you do, at best everyone will assume you are a guest. At worst, those around you who are in favor of one team will think you are in favor of the other. (No use trying to explain that you love their team, Byron.)

2 If you are tailgating, do not serve petits-fours to your guests. At best they will claim to be full. At worst, you see them at another tailgate gorging themselves on chili and polish sausage. (You have to remember where you are, Baldwin.)

1 If you are tailgating, do not over serve yourself. If you do, at best you can über home. At worst, you’ll have to ask your partner to drive home. (How many lectures will it take so you never do that again, Barnabas?)