Top Ten Things Not to Do at a Realtor Open House

August 22, 2016August 21, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 45 Comments

Open house

The inspiration for this list is having attended some realtor open houses and having an active imagination of the reaction of the realtor if one of the visitors should do any of the things on the list. I am entirely innocent.

10 If you attend a realtor open house, do not make yourself at home no matter what the salesperson says when you arrive. If you do, at best you’ll be asked to take you feet off the couch. At worst, the police will ask you once to get out of the shower and get dressed. (Don’t make them use that stun gun Bunky. You’ll look ridiculous on the nightly news especially buck naked.)

9 If you attend a realtor open house, do not think that pot on the stove is hot cider. If you do, at best the potpourri won’t make you sick. At worst, you’ll find the wood chips and cinnamon sticks aren’t as fun on the revisit. (That ER ipecac treatment was a close to waterboarding as you will get for a while.)

8 If you attend a realtor open house, do not think you can test the bed. If you do, at best you’ll be shown the door. At worst, your picture ends up at the Multiple Listing Service, and this will be your last open house. (You should have set an alarm before that nap.)

7 If you attend a realtor open house, do not make jokes about the home owner’s relative photos. If you do, at best no one will hear you. At worst, the realtor will rat you out to the owner. (You didn’t know this was your bosses house until you saw his photo last did you?)

6 If you attend a realtor open house, do not help yourself to one of the cookies in the kitchen. If you do, at best that is why they are on display. At worst, you are now painfully aware the cookies were props. (How long will you have to chew that wax before it goes bye-bye?)

5 If you attend a realtor open house, do not turn on the big game. If you do, at best the broker will ask you to turn it off. At worst, you will still be watching as the owners return to their house. (Pretty uncomfortable explaining how you came to turn the thing on in the first place. Oh and that beer just magically appeared.)

4 If you attend a realtor open house, do not open drawers to have a peek. If you do, at best no one will know. At worst, you’ll go into the media room and be able to watch the security camera replay of your bathroom snooping. (Don’t even try to figure out how to erase the file. The central control is locked, and the owner is looking at your performance on a cell phone ten miles away.)

3 If you attend a realtor open house, do not be tempted to open the refrigerator. If you do open it, at best only the salesperson will know. At worst, the owners return home through the kitchen door just as you look inside the refrigerator. (Your comment about “nice looking pot roast leftovers,” does nothing to ease the tension.)

2 If you attend a realtor open house, do not be tempted to pick a flower or two no matter how lovely. If you do pick one, at best you can tell a fib about it being broken off. At worst, you have the flower in your hand and no way to hide the fact from the owner. (The owner happens to be named Tiny and stands seven feet tall and rushed out to his garden to find you with his favorite Zinnia in your hand. You should just fall down now.)

1 If you attend a realtor open house, no matter what, do not turn on the Jacuzzi. If you do, at best that broken switch will fail to operate. At worst, the broken return pipe will shoot water all over until the tub is dry. (Of course, you can’t turn it off either so you stand by helplessly watching the firefighters try to save the house from the burning lanai.)

Views of the Neighborhood

August 21, 2016August 20, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

This week I thought it would be fun to take some pictures of the signs people put on their houses. I have to give credit for this idea to my producer Molly. In fact, the first photo is one in which she is very familiar. This particular sign is on a house she did the interior design work. The owners picked up some advice that their home should be named after an animal. (Not form Molly) An animal name is not an unique concept but the result took some finesse to work into the design scheme.

Hog heaven

The next house label keeps the animal theme but seems to have a more tasteful way of display. (This is a house in my neighborhood, and you can see the effects of regulated signage)

Heron Point

The next four are in the downtown area.

House names

All of them chose to go with something other than an animal name. (Unless there is something about Tiki we don’t know)

The next three continue the no animal theme.

House names

Howes name

House name

I was quite glad to see someone had a happy place all their own. The next house took a cue from the first two and decided on an animal.

House name

Wait. We need to see what inspired these guys to name their house the Orange Flamingo (besides too many mimosa’s)

Orange flamingos

Yup and you think this is a random stuff. The next series of photos are more or less unique kinds of labels for a residence.

House names

I think the last one, “This is it!” says a lot.

Here are three more unique placgues.

House name

Have to wonder about the canoe concept. I think “Blue” fits though.

House names

This one made me laugh out loud.

House name

I think these guys were in a hurry and had just come from a visit to Disneyland. (I’m sure Edward Scissor hands would like a few minutes with this one)

The final photo pretty much sums up the island experience.

House names

I hope you enjoyed the view of the neighborhood.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Date”

August 20, 2016August 19, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

SOCS

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this week’s prompt is “Date.” Linda Hill says we can use it any way we want to use it. Which brings up the question, how many ways are there to use “date.” I can think of three right off the bat. 1. The fruit. 2. A social event where at least two people attend. 3. A specific period on the calendar. If you would like to enjoy yourself by joining in for this madness, please go to Linda’s site and read how. https://lindaghill.com/2016/08/19/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-2016/

“Where do you want to go?”

“Why do I always have to decide?”

“You don’t always have to decide. I usually decide.”

“No, you don’t. I’m the one making the decision on where to go.”

“Okay then. Where do you want to go?”

“I don’t want to decide. You decide.”

“Fine. Monster truck mash then.”

“No way.”

“I thought you didn’t want to decide.”

“I don’t, but you have to believe monster truck mash is something I wouldn’t want to do on a date.”

“I see. Okay, how about the opera?”

“Now you’re an idiot.”

“A move then.”

“What’s playing.”

“How about we just watch TV and eat popcorn.”

“We did that last week.”

“I’m going to give up in a minute.”

“Come on. You can do better.”

“Skydiving?”

“Now you’re talking.”

“You’re kidding right?”

“Yes. How about we take a picnic dinner to the park, and we just relax.”

“That sounds good. Let’s do it.”

“Told you.”

“What?”

“I always decide.”

Friday JohnKu -AKA- TGIF

August 19, 2016August 16, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

Funny Friday

We finally got a little rain early this week. Not enough to offset the two months of dryness, but as they say, “Every bit helps.” The nice thing is we are expecting a little more next Monday so maybe in combination we will be okay.

The last two days have been back to their old high humidity and high heat index selves. I guess everyone talks about the weather and today’s JohnKu is no exception. I hope you like it.

Some days blazing sun,

Others unending rainstorms. . .

Never satisfied.

The Lost Bow Blog Tour with P.H.Solomon #RRBC

August 19, 2016August 19, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

I am pleased to have P.H. Solomon author of The Bow of Destiny visit Fiction Favorites as part of his “The Lost Bow” blog tour by 4WillsPublishing

Haunted by his past. Hunted in the present. Uncertain what is real.

Athson has seen things that aren’t there and suffered fits since being tragically orphaned as a child at the hands of trolls and Corgren the wizard. When a strange will mentioning a mysterious bow comes into his possession, he’s not sure it’s real. But the trolls that soon pursue him are all too real and dangerous. And what’s worse, these raiders serve Corgren and his master, the hidden dragon, Magdronu, who are responsible for the destruction of his childhood home. Athson is drawn into a quest for the concealed Bow of Hart by the mystic Withling, Hastra, but Athson isn’t always sure what’s real and who his enemies are. With Corgren and Magdronu involved, Athson must face not only frequent danger but his grasp on reality and the reasons behind his tragic past.

The Bow of Destiny is, at its heart, an adventure quest to find a special bow. Where is it? Who has it? Why is truly special? Is the main character meant to possess it and, if so, to what end?

Few people know anything certain about the bow. The Lost Bow Tour leads you on the path to begin finding out all the secrets that lie in The Bow of Destiny. The world of Denaria is open to everyone to begin discovering answers to the questions and enjoy the adventure of this fantasy quest.

Wow, you almost got lost in that river! Good thing you brought those floaties – I think they helped. You almost took a Missoua Boat Ride!

[https://youtu.be/t-KEnU9TBmQ]

Glad you made it though – I really don’t know where that river goes. Oh yes, here’s a towel, stay down, though, you never know if there’s still a troll shooting arrows this way.

I’ll let you grab a breath for a few minutes after all that and share some different details about The Bow of Destiny. First, here’s a recent review that I liked from a reader who posted on Amazon:

Destiny can be… inconvenient, but is always unavoidable.

Without any spoilers, I can only say that the author was wise in his choices. The characters are multi-dimensional, yet true to the tone of the epic fantasy in progress. You will find yourself spending far too much time reading this one, and neglecting other things. But in the end, you’ll have had a ride in a world of magic, and more. The journey to…. but that’s a spoiler, so all I’ll say is that one can almost see the trail, and fear the Trolls.

That’s quite nice and one of the best-written reviews I’ve had. Next, here’s the trailer for The Bow of Destiny:

Here are more nice words for The Bow of Destiny which I received in email from a reader:

“I thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated the opportunity to step into the magical and special world that you have created. It is a solid and well-crafted work that you should be so thrilled with.”

Now to some internet radio interviews I’ve had over the last year:

Beyond the Cover on Rave Waves

The Magic Happens

Speculative Fiction Cantina

Also here are a few recent blog appearances:

The Thursday Interview

Bookwraiths: Tuesday Teaser

And one of my favorites on C. S. Boyack’s Lisa Burton Radio (which is actually a great blog series).

And now a few last reviews:

“I’ve been waiting for this since reading the prequels, and it was well worth the wait.

The author kept enough of the story a mystery until the right time while maintaining an engrossing story full of description and heartfelt love and angst. One of the highlights for me was the way the story started off with Athson having some difficulty before gradually moving away from some of the elements. I would say more, but I don’t want to spoil it. Sorry.

The characters were well written and engaging to the point I felt for Athson and wanted him to tell off Hastra through most of the book. Lol. Even Athson’s growing relationship with Limbreth felt right and was a pleasant change from the usual “fall in love at first sight” that’s common in fantasy. Out of all of the characters, Corgren remains one of my favorites, but he was bumped down to second place by the giant Ralda. Ralda’s complexity added an element that was briefly touched on in a couple of scenes, and I’m curious to see if his character branches off in his own book or series.

Overall, this has become one of my favorite fantasy books, and I’m looking forward to the rest of the series.” CP on Amazon

“This is P. H. Solomon’s first book in the Bow of Hart Saga and in a word I found it incredible! The story is so rich with different elements that I found myself totally engrossed from the very beginning.

The opening perspective was very interesting and unexpected. I would say more, but I hate it when people give away too much of the plot in a review.

The action sequences were gripping and written in such a way as to make you feel like you are there with the main character at each twist and turn of the story.

I loved the maps of the lands, the different dialects, and races in the story, the use of magic in that it wasn’t overused but rather a wonderful seasoning to the story.

It is easy to see the time and attention to detail the author has put into this book. Give this story a try; you will not be disappointed!” Jerry Connell on Amazon

“The writing style is great, really enjoyed reading this book. Couldn’t put it down. OK…so book 2?” Malikai on Amazon

That’s all for today, get some rest and I’ll see you tomorrow. You might wear something comfortable for climbing tomorrow for our last little adventure. And, uh, make sure you’ve signed the old will and remember you’re on your own here…

Book 1 of The Bow of Hart Saga: The Bow of Destiny can be found at these online retailers: Barnes & Noble, Kobo, iBooks, Amazon – Kindle & Smashwords. See the book trailer.

About the Author

PH SOLOMON

P. H. Solomon lives in the greater Birmingham, AL area where he strongly dislikes yard work and sanding the deck rail. However, he performs these duties to maintain a nice home for his loved ones as well as the family’s German Shepherds. In his spare time, P. H. rides herd as a Computer Whisperer on large computers called servers (harmonica not required). Additionally, he enjoys reading, running, most sports and fantasy football. Having a degree in Anthropology, he also has a wide array of more “serious” interests in addition to working regularly to hone his writing. The Bow of Destiny is his first novel-length title with more soon to come.

Contact

Wattpad | Amazon Author | Email

Sign-up to receive my free ebooks today.

PH Solomon books

“The tour sponsored by 4WillsPublishing.wordpress.com.”

Thursday – A Little Personal – Kreative Kue #90

August 18, 2016August 15, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 26 Comments

I know I’m a couple of days off, but I had a post previously scheduled on Tuesday so I had to switch. Keith Channing’s words. ”

Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The photo.

Kreative Kue #90

“We having the Johnson’s over again?”

“Yes. I thought it would be nice. Why do you ask? You sound disappointed.”

“Oh, I don’t know. I just got the pool clean and you know how they are.”

“No. How are they?”

“Well, they have all those kids.”

“Our kids love to play with them.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just they don’t seem to understand that you don’t eat in the pool.”

“Oh please. That was a mistake last time. Someone pushed little Jimmy into the pool.”

“With a hamburger in his hand, I might add.”

“You know that was an accident.”

“I suppose. What about their pets. They bringing their pets as well?”

“I didn’t tell them not to if that’s what you mean.”

“Gosh. Those dogs and all that hair.”

“Please stop. It will be fine. You can just clean your precious pool after they leave.’

“Yeah, that’s just the point.”

“What’s the point?”

“Flappy never wants them to leave.”

“He’ll just have to get over it.”

“But he loves to take that little terrier and stand it on his nose.”

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about Flappy.”

“What about Flappy?”

“I don’t want you giving him a fish in the pool while we have company.”

“I’ve never done that.”

“Just don’t start. It’s bad enough letting him do those horns and ball tricks. People are going to think we are nuts.”

“For having a pet seal? Hey, at least Flappy doesn’t shed hair in the pool.”

“Oh no. But give him a fish and see what happens to your pool.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

August 17, 2016August 15, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

Funny College

Wednesday Story Day Again. Last week we left Ben saying a quick hello to Alexis as she was running to her room to pack. It looks like Trudy has put Ben’s plan to get rid of her husband and Alexis into action. If it works, Trudy and Ben will be alone, and you and I will be forced to see sights that we will regret. Let’s hope something else happens to prevent what could be a life scarring moment. Here take this blindfold and don’t take it off until I tell you. There may be sights too horrible for your tender eyes. (Wait! You are a writer, right? Aw, you can take it unless your name’s Dan. If so put it on.)
“Hello, Ben. I’m so glad you are out of that bed.”
“Hi, Trudy. What did you have to show me here in the kitchen.”
“It is not really in the kitchen. It’s in the garage.”
“The garage? What are you trying to pull now?”
“Nothing Ben dear. I have picked out a special gift for you.”
“Excuse me. When you pick out a gift, there must be a reason.”
“Ben dear. I have started your plan to have my husband and Alexis out-of-the-way for a while. At least you could recognize that I’m trying.”
“Aw, I’m sorry. I think that was rather rude of me to imply you had some agenda, and the gift was not from the heart.”
“It is from the heart. You’ll see. You can go into the garage and take a look. I need to give my husband some last-minute instructions. He and Alexis are going on a trip to the Cayman’s as you suggested.”
“Wow. I’m really surprised.”
“I don’t see why. I’m crazy about you. Now just pop in there and I’ll be right back. A taxi should be here shortly. Then you and I can get down to some serious relationship building.”
“Yes, we can. Okay, see you in a bit. Is the gift wrapped?”
“Well, it is pretty hard to cover. You’ll see what I mean.”
“I’m excited.”
“Me too dear. Bye now.”

Rave Reviews Book Club Book & Blog Party #RRBC

August 16, 2016August 16, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 152 Comments

Block Party

Welcome to my post which is coming to you from Post Aransas Texas and is only one of the 65+ posts on this year’s Rave Reviews Book Club Book & Blog Party. You can go here to see the complete lineup.

Today if you will leave a comment on this post you will be eligible to win:

A Ten Dollar Gift Card from Amazon

There will be one gift card given away, but you need to comment to be entered in the drawing. The winner will be announced tomorrow.

I would like to give you a little information about my Books.

The first book in the John J. Cannon Trilogy is My GRL

My GRL

Blurb: John J. Cannon successful San Francisco lawyer takes a leave of absence from the firm and buys a boat he names My GRL. He is unaware that his newly purchased boat had already been targeted by a terrorist group. John’s first inkling of a problem is when he wakes up in the hospital where he learns he was found unconscious next to the dead body of the attractive young woman who sold him the boat in the first place. John now stands between the terrorists and the success of their mission.

Amazon Link.

The Second book is titled His Revenge

His Revenge front final

Blurb: America loves John Cannon, its newest hero, and the President wants to present him with the highest civilian medal for bravery for saving the Annapolis midshipman from a terrorist plot to destroy them. While in Washington for the award ceremony, John unwillingly becomes an accomplice in another plan by the same group to attack the credibility of the US President and the stability of the worldwide oil market. There is no way out as John either becomes a traitor to America or causes thousands of innocent people to die if he refuses.

Amazon Link

Coming in September is the third book in the Trilogy, Our Justice

Our Justice

Blurb: The terrorist leader and financier Matt Jacobs has figured out a plan to eliminate the President. He is relying on John Cannon’s stature as a hero to help him carry it off. John finds himself walking the fine line of pretending to help Matt while trying to figure out a countermeasure to the plan. The third book in the John J. Cannon Trilogy brings together two strong wills for a showdown. The question to be answered is who will feel the satisfaction that the achievement of justice delivers? John, Matt or neither.

Top Ten Things Not to Do in the Heat

August 15, 2016August 14, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 51 Comments

Hot Earth

The inspiration for this list is the unrelenting heat here in South Texas. (And all over) We have had eight weeks of hot weather and no rain. Normally on the coast, we have the advantage of the Gulf breezes which serve to keep the daytime highs at no more than 89 degrees. Now that may seem warm but compared to the 106 degree inland temperatures 89 feels fresh. Lately, the temperatures have gone above 90 degrees and coupled with humidity; we have been looking at heat indexes of 111 to 113 degrees.

I will admit this list is by design a little overstated and the product of a fiction writer. So natural questions like, “Who would do that there thing?” (avoiding ending the sentence with a preposition) should be tempered with the fact that I MAKE THIS STUFF UP IN MY HEAD.

Ten Things Not to Do in the Heat.

10 If you are in the heat, do not decide to fire your pottery. If you do, at best the 1000 degree oven will win. At worst, you might be forced to take fluids intravenously. (Man, that drip sure gets in the way hey Bunkie?)

9 If you are in the heat, do not do the yard work promised last winter. If you do, at best you will lose intelligence points at home. At worst, that elevated heart beat is signalling you to proceed to the nearest ER. (Too bad no one is at home to drive you, Sport)

8 If you are in the heat, do not tackle that welding project. If you do, at best you may lose weight. At worst, the third-degree burns on your face are in sharp contrast to the non-burned places where your goggles were in place. (A little aloe vera gel might help cool that down.)

7 If you are in the heat, do not volunteer to help out as a crossing guard at the school. If you do, at best the soaking wet shirt makes an interesting statement which the PTA would like to discuss in person. At worst, your memory will always be kept alive in the crossing guard Hall of Fame for not dropping your stop sign as you went down. (What a great testimonial to dedication. Sorry you missed it)

6 If you are in the heat, do not think it was a good idea to carry ice cream home for a treat. If you do, at best you can still enjoy the Oreo chunks which are all that is left. At worst, tucking the ice cream into your recyclable bag along with your wallet proved to be a mistake on several levels. (Handing the police your ice cream soaked license was a big mistake. “I had to get home officer before the ice cream melted.”)

5 If you are in the heat, do not think several adult beverages will help you stay cool. If you do, at best you may be hot but can’t feel a thing. At worst, you overdo it and realize you slept in the yard all night. (Don’t worry about those mosquito bites. The swelling will go down, and you will be able to see in a day or two.)

4 If you are in the heat, do not think sitting in water all day will spare you from suffering. If you do, at best you will suffer prune body. At worst, you will need help getting out of the water since you absorbed many gallons and now weigh over three hundred pounds. (The six o’clock news has the entire rescue recorded for replay at ten o’clock as well.)

3 If you are in the heat, do not decide to take up running as an exercise. If you do, at best you will faint after two blocks. At worst, you will finish a five-mile run and have to take three weeks off work to recover. ( Who was that person who gave you a lift home anyway?)

2 If you are in the heat, do not decide to use your super big grill and smoker. If you do, at best you will choose to finish everything in the oven in the house. At worst, you will have created an environment that is hotter than the hinges on the gates to hell, and you can’t get cool. ( Chugging the five-gallon water cooler bottle might help. Maybe not.)

1 If you are in the heat, do not think your pets have some magic immunity to the high temperatures. If you do, at best you may need to cool them off quickly. At worst, you may need to get them to the nearest vet for emergency treatment. (Okay, this one is serious and all too often people forget to keep their pets (and children sorry to say) protected from the effects of high temperatures.

Views of the Neighborhood

August 14, 2016August 13, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 46 Comments

Port Aransas has a long history with a particular boat named after its designer and builder Charles Frederick Farley. The boat was initially needed to handle the choppy waters of the Gulf while fishing for Tarpon. In 1915 the Farley and Son Boat Builders company was founded with the idea of building unique boats in Port Aransas for the rough waters of the Gulf and Tarpon fishing. These boats had a large bow to break the waves and relatively low sides to make fishing easier.

Here is a famous picture of President Roosevelt catching a Tarpon from a Farley boat.

Farley boat

The Tarpon eventually ran out, and the Farley Boat Works stopped building boats.

Today Port Aransas keeps the spirit of the Farley Boat alive through the Farley Boat Works Museum (which we will visit another time) and cement Farley Boats scattered around town.

This post will give you an idea of some of the Farley boats on display.

The first shows a boat that the owner painted to match the house

Farley Boat

This next one is in front of a business which I featured a couple of Sunday’s ago. All pink indeed blocks out the boat name.

Farley Boat

I love this next one since it is in front of a person’s house. Notice the water waves at the bottom of the boat and the beware of dog sign on the fence. (I sure did) The flowers are lovely.

Farley Boat

This next one is in front of the newspaper office and has some plants as well as a partially hidden cat ready to have some fish. You can also tell by the color of the grass in these pictures that we have not had any rain since early June.

Farley Boat