Tuesday – Anything possible. Kreative Kue #63 by Keith Channing

February 9, 2016February 9, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 25 Comments

As you know, I love prompts and am fond of those by Keith Channing. His instructions, “Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t seem to be working, and I haven’t yet figured out why.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your blog or web site, next Monday.”

Here is the photo.

“I can’t explain it. No one would believe me, so I took a photo.”

“What could be all that difficult to explain that you had to take a picture?”

“Okay, smart guy. let me tell you what I saw and then you be the judge.”

“Sounds like a good idea even though they say a picture is worth a thousand words.”

“No, you wanted to know what was so difficult so here you are. There was this woman dressed in a red parka. One I had never seen before by the way.”

“Okay, go on. Pretty straightforward so far.”

“She had one of those retractable leashes in her hand. It was red as well.”

“I get the picture. Keep going.”

“She had apparently lost sight of her dog as she kept yelling,’Here boy.'”

“I think I would do the same if my dog got away. So what did you do?”

“I went up to her and asked if I could help.”

“You are a gentleman. What did she say?”

“She thanked me and said unless I could fly I would probably not be much help.”

“Fly? What the heck does flying have to do with anything.?”

“I told you it would be strange.”

“So tell me. Why did she ask it you could fly?”

“Because and get this. her dog wasn’t a dog.”

“Wasn’t a dog?”

“Nope she was walking her pet crow on a leash, and it got away. I saw it sitting in a tree and took the photo.”

“Let me see the photo.”

“Tell me that’s not unusual.”

“Okay, it does sound weird. Let me see the photo.”

“Here you go.”

“Get outa here. This picture is, of course, a photo of a woman standing and waiting for her dog.”

“What about the crow in the tree?”

“Trees have birds. So it’s a random bird. It doesn’t even look like a crow.”

“Where’s the dog?”

“How do I know?”

“Told you it was strange.”

“You are strange. You know that?”

“No dog in sight.”

“Here’s your photo. Good luck with that story.”

“Already sold it to the Enquirer.”

“What?”

“Yup. A thousand bucks.”

“You’re going to jail.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Zoo

February 8, 2016February 7, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

I know most of the US, and much of the northern hemisphere of the world is in winter conditions and would not think about going to the zoo this time of year. Since I have a deep commitment to providing only the highest quality of information *cough* designed to keep you out of trouble, this list is being proffered in the preparation of an early spring. (Guaranteed). As a plus, the title has a little alliteration which is fun.

10 At the zoo, do not tempt the Ostrich to eat the keys to your car. If you do, at best it will ignore you for the kid’s ice cream cone. At worst, you will be following the Ostrich around the enclosure with a shovel and bag hoping for efficient movement of the keys.(lucky you when it comes to the separation process as well. Ew.)

9 At the zoo, do not make fun of the huge gorilla. If you do, at best you might be the recipient of a warning from the park employee. At worst, you might be wearing some of his lunch. ( And you don’t want to know when he ate it.)

8 At the zoo, do not let your inner child join your kids on the carousel. If you do, at best you might lose your footing as you get off. At worst, you will be too dizzy to stand and find yourself on the ground. ( Did that person just call you a drunk?)

7 At the zoo, do not think it is cute to let the goat eat your hair. If you do, at best you will learn goats pull grass and hair out by the roots. At worst, you will need to get to someone who can even out what has become a bald half of your head. (Those little ones move fast don’t they?)

6 At the zoo, do not roar at the lion. If you do, at best the lion will understand you are dope. At worst, the lion will feel the need to mark you as part of his territory. (A little breezy riding home on the roof of the car isn’t it Bunky.)

5 At the zoo, do not let your kids off leash and out of your sight. If you do, at best they will only get lost and found quickly. At worst, you will be frantic and arrive at the monkey enclosure in time to see your kids trying to talk the head of the monkey clan out of his favorite banana. (That monkey looks like he may lose his temper any moment doesn’t he?)

4 At the zoo, do not go to the bird show and yell when the hawk swoops low. If you do, at best the bird will become frightened and give you a present before going back to its perch. At worst, the hawk will think you are prey and attempt to lift you by your head. (Those talons can hang on can’t they?)

3 At the zoo, do not try to lure an animal to the edge of its enclosure with snack bar food. If you do, at best you might get a cute picture of them eating out of your hand. At worst, you might be making a rushed trip to the ER when you realize that french fry was still attached to your finger. (That made a pretty funny photo, and a video would have gone viral.)

2 At the zoo, do not think the elephant can’t reach you with a water spray. If you do, at best you have to run fast to avoid it. At worst, you will be drenched and will have to leave early. (What made you think the elephant wanted part of your burrito anyway?)

1 At the zoo, do not volunteer at any of the wild animal shows. If you do, at best you could embarrass your family with your screams. At worst, that carrot you are holding in your mouth for the sea-lion might just be one inch too low. ( Your nose will be better in a couple of weeks)

Sunday – Fifty-Two Views of the Gulf

February 7, 2016February 6, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

This week’s photo was taken about an hour earlier than usual. The sun is right up front in the picture and no way to avoid it. The seas are calm, and the wind is down to a reasonable amount. The calm waters reflect these conditions. The temp at the time of the photo was 64 degrees. The high today is expected to be about 68 degrees or so. We had the engineer from the city out on Friday, and the go-ahead was given to start the incursion onto the beach. The walkway will at the point of entry make a turn to the left for the final switch back. I hope to see some progress and be able to take a picture of it at that point. Here is a shot of where construction stood at the close of the workday Friday.

This is at the start of the crossover and the Gulf is straight ahead beyond the dunes.

Here is last week’s photo

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt Finger

February 6, 2016February 5, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 31 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. I would never have believed the word “finger” and Linda Hill would ever be associated together. Well, this week the prompt is “Finger.” Linda says we can use it… er the prompt anyway we want. If you would like to know more about this ~~craziness~~ program you can go here and read on how you can participate. http://lindaghill.com/2016/02/05/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-feb-616/

“Is that your age or IQ?”

“It’s the number of friends you have including yourself.”

“Yeah, amusing. Why don’t you quit it.”

“Quit giving you the finger.’

“No, quit showing everyone how stupid you are.”

“Well, you’re the one who started it.”

“Started it? All I said was you shouldn’t wear that jacket.”

“And I said it’s my choice.”

“And I said you will be sorry when someone asks you if you are a Denver Broncos fan.”

“Why would I be sorry?”

“Cause you don’t know anything about the Broncos or Denver for that matter.”

“Well, I do like the jacket.”

“Yeah I know. We are going to a place where that won’t help you much.”

“I’ll just tell everyone that I like the clothes.”

“I’m sure everyone will appreciate that distinction.”

“So why are people so particular?”

“They love their teams is all.”

“Where we going again?”

“To a bar called ” The Carolina Panthers Den.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

February 5, 2016February 4, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

Ah, sweet Friday again. I’m getting to the point where I feel I’m working for someone other than myself. I don’t seem to have enough time to get everything done and it’s like being on a conveyor line and not being able to stay ahead. Words, words, words, and more words. They just keep coming and I keep trying to put them together into something that looks like a story. I string them together and carefully add the binder to make sure they stay in line. I then finish them with a fine coat of polish designed to make them stand out. The quality control department rejects a few of the constructions and then I have to re-work them. The whistle finally blows and I can take a work break. One thing about the word production line. It never stops. While I’m taking a break more words keep coming down the line. If I don’t get back to them some may get damaged or wasted. So my break is fraught with concern for those words and I don’t feel I have had a rest at all. It is good to get back to the line and continue to produce the finished product. I stand with pride as ninety thousand or so of those words are contained in one collection and the customer order is fulfilled. Okay, so I don’t work on a word production line but it was fun to write about as if I did. Today’s JohnKu is about time off. I hope you like it.

Work hard all week-long,

Finally time is for rest. . .

Still think about work.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Interview on Bee Halton #LoveIsInDaBlog

February 4, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 8 Comments

I am honored to be interviewed today by Bee Halton. Bee is a terrific writer and once you get hooked it is tough not to visit her continually. She has three blogs, and each has its special appeal. They are:

Just Fooling Around with Bee

The Bee Writes

A Spirit of Healing

She has some good questions for me on The Bee Writes and go HERE to see the answers.

You must know Bee is the genius behind the Month long celebration of love. Her feature Love is in Da Blog, and you can join in the fun. Just click on the link and check it out.

Thank you so much, Bee. I enjoyed the interview.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Watch Heron

February 4, 2016February 2, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 36 Comments

Here is a friend of mine that occasionally comes to survey what is going on from a perch on pole number 41. The entire beach has a marker every 10th of a mile, and this one is the pole near our walkover. In fact, you can see some of the construction rising out of the sand on the right side of the photo.

I like this heron since he is like a watchdog for the neighborhood. He is not easily distracted when he is sitting on pole 41. He will sit all day without complaint and pay either.

This photo was taken on Monday, Feb 1 at about 9:30 in the morning. The Gulf is to the right.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA- Hump Day

February 3, 2016February 1, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we left Mrs. Worthe contemplating hitting poor Ben on the head with a fireplace poker to simulate a hit on the head by the supposed muggers. The resulting effect was to be used with the hospital personnel and police to avoid being detected as liars in any possible investigation. Let’s head to the hospital and see how this pack of lies goes down with the professionals there.
“Thank you for not hitting me on the head Mrs. Worthe.”
“No problem Ben. Just remember to tell them you passed out from fright when the thugs jumped you. Remember also it was four of them and you can’t positively identify anyone. Got it?”
“Yes, I get it Mrs. Worthe. I still think it would be easier just to say I accidentally shot myself.”
“Oh sure Ben. Who will you explain the gun with no license. In fact, you don’t even know where that gun came from. It could have been involved in a murder. You would be up shit’s creek then.”
“I got the gun from Alexis.”
“You shut up now. Here comes the doctor.”
“Hello, Doctor. I’m Trudy Worthe mother of my dear Ben’s fiancee.”
“How do you do I’m doctor Wente. Now looking at the chart, it seems Ben here has a gunshot wound.”
“Yes sir—”
“Shush Ben. You rest I will Talk to the doctor. Yes, he was shot when a bunch of thieves jumped him.”
“Thieves you say?”
“Yes, doctor. Ben here was minding his own business when he was jumped.”
“You know I have to inform the authorities of this wound.”
“Oh, of course, you do. We want to report this as well. We think these people ought to be caught.”
“Let me look at the wound. Will you excuse us ah.”
“Mrs. Worthe. Trudy Worthe.”
“Ah yes, Mrs. Worthe. Could you excuse us please?”
“Can I stay. Ben looks upon me as his mother. Don’t you Ben.”
“Do I have to take my pants off doctor?”
“Yes, I need a good look at your foot as well as your leg.”
“Well, then Mother Worthe I’m afraid I will be too embarrassed to have you here. Why don’t you join Alexis and Dad in the waiting room.”
“I don’t think that is a good idea, Ben.”
“I’m sorry Mrs. Worthe, but my patient wishes come first.”
“Very well Doctor. You behave yourself, Ben. I’ll see you later.”
“Bye Mom. Later.”

Tuesday Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #62 – by Keith Channing

February 2, 2016February 1, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

As you know, I’m a fan of Keith Channing and his Kreative Kue prompt. Here Keith gives the direction. “Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm on Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t seem to be working, and I haven’t yet figured out why.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

Here’s the photo

Here is my interpretation.

“Zimba how many times do I have to tell you. We are pirates, not whalers.”

“I know, but I just love the book Moby Dick and every time I see a bunch of big freighters I just feel like Captain Ahab sighting the white whale.”

“You know how stupid that sounds right?”

“Yeah, Zimba we are a bunch of cutthroats, not fishermen.”

“Aw come on guys. You know as well as I do that it takes guts to be a whaler.”

“Oh please. You mean with those high power boats, sonar, and explosive harpoons. Those guys are wussies.”

“Maybe now but back in the day of Ahab you had to have guts to get in a little boat to battle a whale.”

“I just don’t believe we have a member of our band who reads. Talk about a wuss.”

“Just cause you can’t read doesn’t mean readers are any less manly.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want it to get around the coast that you are going around quoting Herman Melville. Oops.”

“Ah ha.You have read Moby Dick as well.”

“Uh, er, well, yes I have.”

“What the hell is this outfit coming to. A couple of readers for heaven’s sake.”

“All right you blackguards. Stow it. We need to pay attention. Which one do we take?”

“I like that pretty red one.”

“Who cares what you like Mr. Librarian.”

“My AK 47 works as well as yours.”

“Yo men. I said belay it.”

“I love it when he talks like Ahab.”

“Have you read the Scarlett Letter?”

“Oh man. That Hester had it rough.”

Ten Things Not to Do in a Fancy Coffee Chain Store

February 1, 2016January 31, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

The inspiration for this list was a visit to a very busy Coffee chain and then a need to put down in words some of the thoughts that have bothered me since.

Top Ten Things Not to Do in a Fancy Coffee Chain Store

10 Do not try to maintain your individuality by insisting your name be spelled correctly on your cup.If you do, at best your exact words will be handed back to you with your drink. (see above) At worst, the rest of the room will take notice of your insecurity and cover you with eye rolls. (You are bothered by eye rolls, or you wouldn’t have been so particular about your name. Right?)

9 Do not order a fancy drink believing it makes you a superstar. If you do, at best the drink will be wrong. At worst, the drink will be wrong, and you’ll not know it. (Exactly what that twenty-something was counting on when she handed you that regular coffee)

8 Do not look at the pastries while you are standing in the longest line ever. If you do, at best your stomach will announce to those in front and behind that you are an animal. At worst, you pick one up and suffer from calorie and budget overload. (How could something so small cost so much?)

7 Do not offer to pick up something for your co-workers. If you do, at best they’ll order strange coffees and give you money. At worst, they’ll order several breakfast sandwiches and give you enough money to cover about half. (The reaction when you ask for the rest is like you embezzled the funds)

6 Do not go to the drive through with less than a half a tank of gas. If you do, at best you will need to shut the car off several times. At worst, you will forget and run out of gas before you reach the window. (Makes you wonder why you didn’t just go in the first place.)

5 Do not attempt to strike up a conversation with the barista. If you do, at best you’ll realize you are talking to yourself. At worst, the barista will be distracted and make your drink the way the previous person ordered it. (Just try and get that corrected)

4 Do not stand in line and then start thinking what you want when you reach the point of ordering. If you do, at best the audible groan from your fellow fancy coffee drinkers will make you nervous. At worst, you will be the recipient of the kind of insults last heard during the NFL season directed at the commissioner. (You are not making the kind of money to put up with that abuse)

3 Do not pass the tip jar without making a deposit. If you do, at best you will be marked for special treatment next time. At worst, you are still waiting for your drink and everyone behind you has left. (Yes a tip is for good service, but here it is paid in advance much like a toll to the troll under the bridge)

2 Do not take more than one napkin and one stir stick from the condiment bar. If you do, at best you will be reminded to conserve paper. At worst, the environmental enforcer who looks much like the World Wrestling Federation champ will relieve you of the extra. (You hope he puts you down on your feet after he is through with holding you by the ankles and shaking the napkin free)

1 Do not try to pay for your drink with a gift card that does not have enough to cover. If you do, at best you will be delayed while the difference is figured out. At worst, you will get the feeling that the next move will be the arrival of a SWAT team to take you down for violating what the cashier is sure is a Federal offense. (You have to wonder why you don’t keep the receipt from the previous visit since it clearly states your balance. Silly you.)