“Come on. I have worked it hundreds of times and look at me.”
“I’m looking. What am I supposed to see.”
“A picture of health.”
“So you say you have worked these things and they are safe?”
“Yes sir. Safe as safe can be. Ypu do have to take precautions though.”
“Like what?”
“You can’t just rush in and grab the prize. You have to take your time.”
“Can you show me?”
“I suppose I could but then how are you to learn?”
“I could do the next one.”
“These things only show up once in a while. Next time may be a long time. You’re hungry aren’t you?”
“Yeah I could eat that whole thing myself.”
“You don’t want to do that. You’ll get a stomach ache.”
“Okay I do it. What’s the first thing?”
“See that bar and spring?”
“Yeah.”
“When you step on that pedal it releases that bar and a big ole metal thing is driven by that spring. If you are on the pedal the metal thing will trap you.”
“So what do I do?”
“You come in from the side and get a good grip on the cheese. Then you rip it off the pedal carefully. Done right you have the cheese and the trap is undisturbed.”
“Takes nerves of steel.”
“Yes to match that metal thing. Now go ahead and give it a try.”
This post was originally published on February 17, 2014 by Marie Bailey and me. Since this year’s income tax deadline is fast approaching, I thought it would be good to review.
Top Ten Things Not To Do While Doing Your Taxes
10. While doing your taxes, do not allow the cat to sit on your keyboard. If you do, at best, you may miss a couple of deductions. At worst, your kitty may just add a few zeroes to your tax bill.
9. While doing your taxes, do not have a hot drink sitting on some of your worksheets. If you do, at best, you could tip it over and ruin a few papers. At worst, you could tip it into your lap and jeopardize your love life till you heal.
8. While doing your taxes, do not allow your dog to play with the computer cord. If you do, at best, you may run out of battery. At worst you may need to run out to the vet to help Fido overcome his electro shock treatment
7. While doing your taxes, do not allow the family to play video games on your computer between sessions. If you do, at best, some memory may disappear. At worst, the IRS may get a Madden football game instead of your 1040.
6. While doing your taxes, do not leave your computer without saving your file. If you do, at best, you might have to remember all your half-truths all over again. At worst, you may be unable to reconstruct your perfect return and might end up owing more than you had planned.
5. While doing your taxes, do not think the IRS is okay with rough guesses or estimates of the numbers. If you do, at best, you will never hear from the IRS. At worst, you will have to explain your numbers during an audit to a disbelieving agent with a cattle prod.
4. While doing your taxes, do not forget to sign your return even if you don’t believe it to be true. If you do, At best, the return will bounce back. At worst, the lack of signature will trigger a visit from NSA who will want to know all about you.
3. While doing your taxes, do not try to get away without attaching a check if you owe money. If you do, at best, the government will send you a nasty note. At worst, you will find out how little a sense of humor the IRS really has as the gavel falls on the final auction of your house.
2. While doing your taxes, do not drink alcohol even if you think it will help. If you do, at best, you might be shocked by the amount you deducted. At worst, you may be shocked to find you have already mailed the return on which you took too many deductions.
1. While doing your taxes, do not be discouraged enough to decide not to file. If you do at best, you will never sleep again. At worst, you may get all your living expenses paid, but may have a roommate who wants to go steady.
Today we are going out and about to see if we can find signs of spring. We are catered by Eddie V’s of Austin. Our entertainment is Israel “IZ” Kamakawiwo’ole.
Menu
Chilean Sea Bass – Steamed Hong Kong Style with Light Soy Broth
Georges Bank Scallops – Seared with Citrus Fruit, Roasted Almonds, and Brown Butter
Norwegian Salmon – Mustard and Rye Whiskey Glazed with Baby Carrots and Spinach
Parmesan Sole – Parmesan Crusted with Heirloom Tomato Salad and Lemon-Garlic Butter Sauce
Jumbo Gulf Shrimp – Crab-Stuffed with herbs and garlic, Lemon Beurre Blanc
South African Lobster – Two Tails Broiled, Drawn Butter
Filet Medallions Oscar Style- Jumbo Lump Crab, Asparagus, Béarnaise
10 oz Center Cut Filet Mignon and 5oz Roasted South African Lobster Beurre Blanc
The coffee machine detects the reality of being away for a while. She asks about the nature of my coffee drinking for the past week. Hemming and hawing did not forestall the answer long. The confession of drinking coffee brewed elsewhere brings a silent rebuke from the machine. “I hope you have a doctor visit on your calendar soon,” is the message scrolling across the touch screen.
Confirming the appointment date breaks loose a cup of the heavenly brew. On the first sip, the clock comes to mind. The setting is for March 21, 1925, and the location is the state of Tennessee. The duration is one hour, and the plunger is pulled.
We arrive in Dayton, Tennessee, which will be the location of the famous Scopes trial in July 1925. For now, though, we arrive just as the Butler Act takes effect.
In the U.S. state of Tennessee, the Butler Act, prohibiting school teachers from denying the Biblical account of man’s origin, took effect as it was signed by Governor Austin Peay. The Act provided that “it shall be unlawful for any teacher in any of the Universities, Normals and all other public schools of the State which are supported in whole or in part by the public school funds of the State, to teach any theory that denies the Story of the Divine Creation of man as taught in the Bible, and to teach instead that man has descended from a lower order of animals,” had been passed by the state House of Representatives, 71 to 5 and by the Tennessee Senate, 24 to 6. The Act would remain on the books until its appeal on May 17, 1967. Maybe we’ll get back for the trial after John Scopes is indicted for teaching evolution, but the alarm goes off, and we fall flat on the couch.
There is a text from Linda Hill. It reads: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “calendar.” Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!
“I love how you sneaked calendar into the early p[art of your story.”
“I wanted to get it out of the way.”
“Well, you did that for sure. What made you pick that destination?”
“I have always been fascinated by the idea of passing a law forbidding the teaching of science. The fact that fundamental extremists could influence a state legislature to do so has amazed me since school.”
“So the fundamentalists only wanted the bible version of creation taught?”
” Well, they didn’t want evolution taught. The law didn’t say anything about the bible version.”
“I can’t believe anyone was prosecuted under such a law.”
“High school teacher John Scopes was.”
“Yeah. Did he go to jail?”
“No, he was found guilty and fined $100 by the judge, but that was set aside by a higher court ruling that judges cannot assess a fine above $50. That has to be done by the jury.
“I hope someone doesn’t decide Voo Doo Ranger needs to be outlawed.”
“So if they did.”
“Hello, hoosegow.”
“You call Uber?”
“Right over there.”
Photo by Dan Antion
“Look at that a Camero. At last, a ride in which we can be proud to be seen.”
“We can be proud to be seen. There’s only one problem.”
“What’s that?”
“No engine.”
“What?”
“The guy rebuilt the car and ran out of money.”
“So, how are we supposed to get to the pub.”
“Push.”
“Push?”
“Yup. As you know, the pub is in the valley, so well, just push the car till it gets rolling, hop in, and coast to the pub.”
“Sounds more like a you job than a me job. I’m getting in.”
In the remote mountains of northern Pakistan, four majestic snow leopards have been recorded recently moving through the snow-covered hills in a piece of footage that has ignited a flurry of excitement among conservationists.
These animals are seldom seen alone, much less in a group, and it’s being considered a sign of success for Pakistan’s conservation efforts in the animal’s habitat.
“For the past 15 days, I had been noticing leopard pawmarks. While I was on the roof of my house, I used binoculars to observe the mountains and spotted a female snow leopard along with her four cubs,” the photographer Sakhawat Ali told GNN.
“As a wildlife lover, I was extremely happy to see the snow leopards. I quickly moved closer and filmed them from a distance of about 150 meters.”
Ali lives in the remote village of Hushe and is also a gamekeeper at the Central Karakorum National Park in Pakistan’s Gilgit-Baltistan region, where the sighting was made. Snow leopards thrive here; their coats allow them to blend into the snowy mountains and remain undetected by their prey species.
That a female could have three large and healthy cubs is a sign that as much as the snow leopard population is doing well, prey populations of Siberian ibex, argali, roe deer, and Thorvold’s deer must also be thriving.
Still, the snow leopard is considered vulnerable by the IUCN Red List because of its susceptibility to habitat loss and fragmentation across the mountain ranges in which it lives.
Pakistan, and indeed all 12 of the snow leopard range countries, have made great strides in halting and reversing snow leopard declines over the last twenty years. CNN reported that local villagers celebrated Ali’s footage, even though snow leopards sometimes kill livestock.
Dr. Zakir Hussain, the Chief Conservator of Parks and Wildlife for Gilgit-Baltistan, told CNN that 80% of the region’s communities are engaged in the tracking, monitoring, and reporting snow leopard populations on a citizen science basis.
The snow leopard can be found in Russia, China, India, Nepal, Bhutan, Pakistan, Kyrgyzstan, Tajikistan, Kazakhstan, Mongolia, Uzbekistan, and Afghanistan, which together make up the Global Snow Leopard Forum, an international platform for coordinating and sharing conservation strategies to protect this borderless wanderer between state wildlife and environment ministries and NGOs like the Snow Leopard Trust.
WATCH them move across a snowy landscape…
The good news here is that conservation efforts are showing results. Today’s JohnKu talks about conservation. I hope you have a super weekend.
I randomly opened Detour on the Eternal Road to page 175. With eyes closed, A finger pointed to the page, causing my finger to fall close to the word”cash.” That will be the prompt. As a reminder I will be offline March 12th through the 19th. Tempeste and Twiggy return on March 20.
Since spring is almost here and baseball will be starting soon, I thought it would be a good idea to go back to 2013 and revisit a post co-written by Marie Bailey and me. For those of you in little league, this may be useful. Hopefully, there will be a few laughs for the rest of us. I announced yesterday that I will be off-line from March 12 to the 19th. Tempeste and Twiggy will be back on March 20th.
* * *
Top Ten Things Not To Do at a Little League Game
10. When at a little league game, do not assume that your brief foray into sports during high school makes you an expert in the game your child is in. If you do at best, your advice will fall on deaf ears. At worst, that big assistant coach with the ball bat is heading your way.
9. When at a little league game, do not call out penalties as if you were the referee. If you do at best, everyone will ignore you. At worst, the crowd of child worshiping parents from the other team have plans to meet you after the game.
8. When at a little league game, do not think you can place bets on the outcomes. If you do at best, all the action will be low-key. At worst, parents of the kids you bet against will find out and toss you out of the game and split your winnings.
7. When at a little league game, do not show up wearing your uniform from high school. If you do at best, you won’t rip open your pants the first time you sit down on a bench. At worst, your kids will fumble a play from sheer embarrassment, and you’ll have to find your own way home.
6. When at a little league game, do not show up toting your own keg of beer. If you do at best, everyone will think you are a hero. At worst, the county liquor control board has seized your beer and provided you with a drafty place to spend the night.
5. When at a little league game, do not prowl the sidelines and try to make eye contact with your kid. If you do at best, your kid will be too busy playing the game and ignore you. At worst, you’ll not be warned that the ball just tossed is headed straight for a spot that will hurt.
4. When at a little league game, do not spend the whole time pretending to be videotaping the game on your smartphone when you are checking your email, the latest stock reports and weather updates. If you do at best, you can continue uninterrupted. At worst, several parents ask if they can have a copy of your video, and in the moment, with no excuse, you drop your phone into a water bucket.
3. When at a little league game, do not offer to take all the kids out for ice cream. If you do at best, they will all be lactose intolerant and forbidden to go. At worst, they all take you up on your offer and find that you forgot your wallet after ordering.
2. When at a little league game, do not attempt to join the cheerleaders at any point during the game. If you do at best, someone will stop you. At worst you’ll wind up dislocating your hips, and your kids will never speak to you again.
1. When at a little league game, do not shower insults on kids from the opposing team. If you do at best, the crowd noise will drown you out. At worst, when their parents come to silence you, no one will stand in their way because yelling at kids is just wrong.
After last week’s disaster, I’m happy to report that this week’s trip to the Lakeway City Hall Art show will be a success. The lights and art cooperated. We are catered by Stella San Jac of Austin. Our entertainment is Don McLean.
Before we go, I want you to know that I will be traveling and on a break from Wednesday March 12th until Wednesday March 19th. I will be off-line for the whole week. Tempeste and Twiggy will be back on the 20th.
Menu
All American – Scrambled Eggs, Bacon, Crispy Hash Brown, Sourdough Toast
The coffee machine leaves a message to watch the time after pressing my order. The 10 oz coffee order is pressed and the cup is filled in ten seconds. A message comes back that the machine will try for a new record tomorrow. With a shoulder shrug and a sip, the clock is the next item of concern. The setting is for Chicago on March 8th, 1925. The duration is an hour. The plunger is pulled and we find ourselves at the Chicago Department of Public Health.
Dr. Herman N. Bundesen, Commissioner of the Chicago Department of Public Health announced in an article in the Department’s weekly bulletin that the ongoing crossword puzzle fad caused no ill health effects from headaches or eye strain, as had previously been feared, and was beneficial to health in general. The Commissioner reads from the bulletin to the employees gathered in the cafeteria. In a feature titled “Cross-Worditis”, Bundesen humorously noted, “The savage little cross-word microbe may be largely explained by the fact that part of our lives and much energy must be put into amusement, to satisfy the play instinct within us. Therefore, any game with a mental ‘kick’ in it is quickly accepted and eagerly pursued. A collective sigh went up from the crowd, and all continued drinking coffee and working on their crossword puzzles.
The alarm goes off and we end up on the couch. A text has come in from Linda Hill. It reads: Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “open book, close eyes, point, write.” When you’re ready to sit down and write your SoCS post, open the closest printed matter, close your eyes, point to a word, and use it as your prompt. Use it any way you’d like. Have fun! Following directions, I open and point at a page of GQ Magazine. My finger lands on the word “watch” in a Cartier Timepiece Advertisement.
More bluebonnets.
