Top Ten Things Not To Do at a Little League Game

~ John W. Howell
Pixabay photo

 

Since spring is almost here and baseball will be starting soon, I thought it would be a good idea to go back to 2013 and revisit a post co-written by Marie Bailey and me. For those of you in little league, this may be useful. Hopefully, there will be a few laughs for the rest of us. I announced yesterday that I will be off-line from March 12 to the 19th. Tempeste and Twiggy will be back on March 20th.

* * *

Top Ten Things Not To Do at a Little League Game

10.  When at a little league game, do not assume that your brief foray into sports during high school makes you an expert in the game your child is in.  If you do at best, your advice will fall on deaf ears. At worst, that big assistant coach with the ball bat is heading your way.

9.  When at a little league game, do not call out penalties as if you were the referee. If you do at best, everyone will ignore you. At worst, the crowd of child worshiping parents from the other team have plans to meet you after the game.

8.  When at a little league game, do not think you can place bets on the outcomes. If you do at best, all the action will be low-key. At worst, parents of the kids you bet against will find out and toss you out of the game and split your winnings.

7.  When at a little league game, do not show up wearing your uniform from high school. If you do at best, you won’t rip open your pants the first time you sit down on a bench. At worst, your kids will fumble a play from sheer embarrassment,  and you’ll have to find your own way home.

6.  When at a little league game, do not show up toting your own keg of beer.  If you do at best, everyone will think you are a hero. At worst, the county liquor control board has seized your beer and provided you with a drafty place to spend the night.

5.  When at a little league game, do not prowl the sidelines and try to make eye contact with your kid. If you do at best, your kid will be too busy playing the game and ignore you. At worst, you’ll not be warned that the ball just tossed is headed straight for a spot that will hurt.

4.  When at a little league game, do not spend the whole time pretending to be videotaping the game on your smartphone when you are checking your email, the latest stock reports and weather updates.  If you do at best, you can continue uninterrupted. At worst, several parents ask if they can have a copy of your video, and in the moment, with no excuse, you drop your phone into a water bucket.

3.  When at a little league game, do not offer to take all the kids out for ice cream. If you do at best, they will all be lactose intolerant and forbidden to go. At worst, they all take you up on your offer and find that you forgot your wallet after ordering.

2.  When at a little league game, do not attempt to join the cheerleaders at any point during the game.  If you do at best, someone will stop you. At worst you’ll wind up dislocating your hips,  and your kids will never speak to you again.

1.  When at a little league game, do not shower insults on kids from the opposing team. If you do at best, the crowd noise will drown you out. At worst, when their parents come to silence you, no one will stand in their way because yelling at kids is just wrong.

61 thoughts on “Top Ten Things Not To Do at a Little League Game”

  8. Good stuff John. I managed, coached and even was an umpire for many years. I have many stories about those years. Maybe I’ll write a book 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Parents are probably even worse today. I remember that my dad sat in the car behind the backstop and watched. The drive home was filled with low key tips about how to swing better. He eventually convinced me that I’d be a better fisherman than ball player. Henceforth, we headed to ‘the Cape’ for striped bass and blue fish and left baseball to the fast runners and level swingers. Good post, John.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Having coached little league for two years, I enjoyed this post. The sad part is most of the kids are great; it’s some of the parents who are nearly impossible to deal with. I also get frustrated by those spectators who gripe at the umpires/referees/officials all game long. It spoils it for everyone.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. All kidding aside, the state of little league has taken a turn for the unfortunate. Umpires are leaving in droves because they don’t want to have to deal with pissed off parents and entitled kids. It’s sad.

    As for the funnier aspects, I would NEVER gamble on little leaguers. I would however, place a friendly wager with a friend as to which parents will find it a good idea to use swear words first. And umm . . never bring a keg when a flask does the job just fine.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. Good pointers, John. I haven’t been to a Little League game for quite some time, but your #5 brought back one of my peeves. I’ve always thought parents/friends should stay in the stands or on the other side of the fence — if for no other reason than they are distracting. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  29. “… do not attempt to join the cheerleaders at any point during the game …”

    Cheerleaders? Times have change since my Little League days. Our parents didn’t even come.

    Liked by 1 person

Comments are closed.