Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

February 11, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

Wednesday is story day again (So soon? Shut up) and as always represents a marker for mid-week. I hope yours is going well. Last week we were still in the bank with Billy, Frank and Ms. Sutter. Ms. Sutter objected to having her name connected with a note that Frank wanted to toss to the police. After some discussion, it was decided that Frank would rewrite the note. He also was accusing Ms. Sutter of trying to take over. So here is where we should join the trio.

“So were you joking when you said I should take over?”

“Not joking really. I was being sarcastic since you are quite used to getting your own way.”

“Hey Frank. Maybe she should take over.”

“Billy how many times do I have to say, ‘shut up Billy.’”

“Not too many but she is pretty smart.”

“Shut up Billy.”

“So miss smarty pants. What would you do if you were the leader here?”

“I sure wouldn’t mess around with a stupid note.”

“No. Then what would you do?”

“I would grab me by the hair, drag me over to the window and then start shouting obscenities and threaten to kill me if the cops don’t co-operate. A stupid note says you are a rational human being who can be negotiated out of this place. They need to understand you are a ravenous, wild dog who will stop at nothing including your own death to get what you want.”

“Um Ms. Sutter?”

“What?”

“I’m not like that. First of all I don’t want to die and second of all I’m not a dog.”

“So tell me who really cares. You want the cops to believe it. It doesn’t matter what you are or aren’t.”

“I’ll tell you one thing.’

“What one thing?”

“If you were in charge I’ll bet you would get away with it.”

“Damn right I would.”

“So you want to give it a try.”

“Give what a try?”

“Try grabbing me by the hair, dragging me over to that window. Then shouting obscenities telling the cops you’ll kill me if you don’t get what you want.”

“Frank you do know that I’m not the bank robber here Right?”

“Yeah, I know. I just think you would be better at the intimidation of the police part. We could trade back roles once I got what I wanted.”

“Billy?”

“Yes Ms. Sutter.”

“Can I borrow your gun or will you please just shoot me?”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

February 4, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 18 Comments

Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we left Frank, Billy and Ms. Sutter the bank manager having some dialog about how to communicate to the police the fact they are desperate bank robbers who held hostages. Ms. Sutter was not comfortable yelling out the window so it was decided to write a note to throw at the police. Billy finally found some paper and so we can join these characters now.

“Okay, here’s what I have written.” Attention police. We have hostages and we are not afraid to shoot them if our demands are not met. We want a car and safe passage. Once away, we will release Ms. Sutter. If there are any tricks we’ll shoot her. We mean it. “What do you think?”

“I think it’s fine Frank.”

“Thanks, Billy. Ms. Sutter?”

“I’m not sure I want my name in a note like that. It implies I’m part of your crowd.”

“No, it doesn’t. It says we will shoot you not that you are our friend.”

“Can we say hostage for Ms. Sutter. I just don’t want the negative press after this is all over. I can just see the papers with this note.”

“How are the papers going to get the note?”

“You have got to be kidding. You think you are going to get away with this?”

“Yes, of course. I don’t think they will allow us to shoot you or anyone else.”

“Well, if you don’t mind I still would like you to change that to hostage.’

“Okay, okay. There it is. Now hostage, not Ms. Sutter.”

“Let me see. You just crossed out my name and wrote hostage above it.’

“Yeah, so what?”

“Now not only is my name involved, it is part of a very messy note. Look at that. It looks horrible.”

“She has a point Frank.”

“Shut up Billy.”

“Alright I’ll write it over.”

“And your handwriting is awful. Did you ever take penmanship in school?”

“Okay, Ms. Sutter you write it.”

“Gladly. Billy get me another piece of paper.”

“Yes Ma’am.”

“I love how you take over. Here why not take the gun too.”

“You joking?”

“It’s called facetiousness.”

“I don’t want to touch that dirty thing.”

“Figures.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Humpday

January 28, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Wednesday Story day again. Last week we left Frank and Billy inside the bank and surrounded by police. Frank told Billy to get the manager which Billy did. The manager turned out to be Ms. Sutter and Frank told her to convince the police that are desperate and would kill her and her employees. She then asked Frank if he would, in fact, kill her. Frank has not answered her and that is where we need to join the story.

“Well, will you?”

“I said I was thinking. Would you please give me a minute Ms. Sutter?”

“Come on. It’s not that hard a question.”

“I know the question is not hard. The answer is pretty tough though.”

“How so?”

“You see if I say I won’t kill you then you will have a tough time convincing the police I’m serious.”

“Simple, just tell me you will kill me and my employees then.”

“Hard to do. I really don’t want to kill anyone.”

“Who cares? No one said you had to do it. Just pretend.”

“Yeah, Frank Just pretend.”

“Shut up Billy. I already know where you would come out. So Ms. Sutter are you a good liar?”

“No, not really. I am a manager here and being a liar would undermine my credibility.”

“So if I said I wasn’t going to kill you would somehow make your performance with the police not too convincing.”

“I hate to say it but yes. I’m a professional, after all.”

“Okay then. I will kill all of you if I don’t get a car and safe passage out of here.”

“You mean that Frank?”

“Shut up Billy. I have a job to do here. Now go to the window Ms. Sutter and scream my demands.”

“Uh, may I call you Frank?”

“Sure it’s my name. What’s the problem?”

“I’m not comfortable screaming out the window like fishwives. Could we just send a note instead? Screaming is just not professional.”

“I have to wonder who’s in charge here. Sure let’s make a note. Billy do you think you can find a pen and some paper?”

“I saw one on a chain when we came in. I don’t think it will reach here though Frank.”

“Shut up Billy. I have a pen. Get some paper.”

“Lined or unlined?”

“Shut up Billy.”

Wednesday Story Day- AKA Hump Day

January 14, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 31 Comments

Wednesday Story day is here. Last week we found Billy and Frank inside the bank ready to do the job. All of a sudden Billy needed to use the restroom. Obviously Frank lost it and told everyone in the bank to get on the floor totally ignoring Billy’s needs. Let’s join the pair where we left off.

“Frank I really have to go.”

“Shut up and might I remind you although it’s probably too late. No names.”

“Okay, Mr. X I really have to go.”

“Tell you what Billy, you and I can just grab the money and then you can use the restroom before we go okay?”

“I guess that will work.”

“Okay everyone listen up. We don’t have much time so I want you to remain calm and no one will get hurt.’

“You tell ’em Fr─ er Mr. X.”

“Take this bag you there on the floor. Get up and take this bag.”

“Yeah, take the bag.”

“Shut up Billy.”

“Hey no names.”

“Shut up Billy. Now put as much money as you can into the bag and be quick about it.”

“Yeah quick.”

“What’s that noise Billy? Go to the window and see what it is.”

“Oh my gosh, Fr─ er. Oh my gosh, it’s a bunch of police cars.”

“Damn I guess we will need to take a couple of hostages. You with the money come here.”

“Frank?”

“What now Billy?”

“I don’t have to use the bathroom anymore.”

“That’s just great Billy. I’m so glad to hear you are comfortable while we are about to get our asses blown off.”

“I just thought you didn’t need to worry about it anymore.”

“Thanks, Billy. It was right up at the top of my worry list.”

“See I knew it.’

“Shut up Billy.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

January 7, 2015September 20, 2021 ~ John W. Howell ~ 13 Comments

Wednesday is story day as we all know by now. Last week we left Billy and Frank outside the bank and they were just about to go in and Frank detected that Billy wasn’t fully focused on the task. This week will be different. They are actually going to go through the doors. So let’s pick it up where Frank and Bully go through the double glass doors

“Okay, Billy stay with me now. I’m going to start yelling for everyone to get down on the floor.”

“Frank?”

“What now Billy?”

“I have to use the restroom.”

“Billy WTF? Why didn’t you tell me this before we got inside?”

“I knew you would get mad.”

“Mad? I’m not mad I’m frustrated. I’m standing here with an automatic pistol under my coat and you have to go to the bathroom.”

“Can’t this just wait a minute until I get back?”

“Oh, sure Billy. You just go ahead. Don’t forget to smile nicely for the cameras, dab on some cologne and wash your hands after.”

“Well geeze Frank. You don’t have to be mean.”

“Mean? What are you talking about?”

“You didn’t have to tell me to wash my hands. I always wash my hands.”

“That’s not the point Billy. We are in the middle of a holdup. Can’t you wait?”

“My mom says you should not hold it. You could hurt something. You think they have cologne in there?”

“Please shut up Billy.”

“I’ll be right back. Why don’t you pretend you are filling out a deposit slip?”

“I’ll give you a deposit alright. Okay go. Don’t touch anything.”

“I have to touch things Frank.”

“I mean don’t leave your fingerprints all over the place.”

“Okay, Frank I’ll be careful.”

“Yeah, I’ll bet you will. Hurry.”

“I’ll be quick as a bunny. Frank?”

“What?”

“Where is the men’s room?”

“Shut up Billy. Alright everyone on the floor. This is a hold up.”

“Frank?”

“Pull out your gun and forget the men’s room. I’m serious. Everyone on the floor and no one gets hurt.”

“I’m hurting Frank.”

“Shut up Billy.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

December 31, 2014December 27, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 22 Comments

Wednesday story day again. Last week we left Billy and Frank out in front of the bank they were to hold up. Unfortunately, they arrived a couple of minutes after three o’clock on Christmas Eve and the bank was closed. This week picks up after Christmas is over and Frank and Billy once again decide to go for the easy money in the bank. They, of course, have planned ahead and know that the bank closes at three o’clock on New Year’s Eve. Since today is New Year’s Eve I want to wish you all a very Happy New Year. Now let’s join our hapless duo (sounds like a radio show) as they get ready to go into the bank. Hope you enjoy.

“How was your Christmas Frank?”

“Billy do you know where we are?”

“Yeah, in front of the bank that we are going to hit. Why?”

“Is this the time to talk about Christmas?”

“You against Christmas Frank?”

“Billy would you please focus. We need to go in there and get everyone on the floor.”

“I know and I have to take out the guard.”

“Okay. You ready?”

“Yes I’m ready. How was your Christmas?”

“It was great okay. Now let’s go.”

“What did you get?”

“For heaven’s sake Billy. Can’t we discuss this after while we are counting our money?”

“Give me a hint?”

“You get on my last nerve Billy but if we can get on with it here’s your hint, it’s big and bad and you can’t outrun it.”

“A dog? You got a dog?”

“No Billy. I got a new rifle now let’s go.”

“Okay Frank. You go and I’ll be right behind you. A rifle how about that?”

“Billy are you sure you have your mind on this right now?”

“I’m sure. Let’s go. Is the gun really black?”

“Damn Billy. We can’t go in there with you thinking about other things.”

“Oh okay. What do you want to do? I know how about us getting a burger?”

“Shut up Billy.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Christmas Eve

December 24, 2014December 20, 2014 ~ John W. Howell ~ 12 Comments

This Fire and bottle of Port are for Lisa A. Duke

Wednesday story day again. I hope everyone has finished up the Christmas shopping and can take some time to relax. Last week we left Billy asking Frank for a couple of bullets since he was a little squeamish about hitting someone with his gun. My favorite comments received were along the lines of “this will not be good.” Let’s pick up the story right where Billy has asked for the bullets and Frank responds.

“Billy. You are telling me you would rather shoot someone than hit them.”

“I guess so. I just can’t stand to hurt people.”

“You know shooting them hurts? Right?”

“Well, yeah but it is not the same. I don’t have to feel it.”

“Goodness a raving narcissist.”

“A what?”

“A narci─ Aw forget it. Here are the two bullets and if you shoot me with them I’ll kill ya. Also quit flashing that gun around”

“All loaded. Okay Frank. You can trust me. Thanks and Merry Christmas to you.”

“Huh? This is Christmas?”

“It’s Christmas Eve. You didn’t know that?”

“I guess it slipped my mind. Let’s go into the bank.”

“Right behind you Frank.”

“Whoa, what’s this?”

“What frank?”

“Sign says closed at three pm. What time is it?”

“Ten after three.”

“For crying out loud. Why are they closed?”

“It’s Christmas Eve Frank. Most Banks close early.”

“So while we were talking about your precious two bullets we could have been collecting the cash out of this bank?”

“I guess so. Maybe we should hit a gas station.”

“Billy. I am a finely tuned machine designed to strike terror into the hearts of bankers. Why the hell would I want to hold up a gas station?”

“Well, it is Christmas and in the holiday spirit gas stations people deserve to be terrorized too.”

“Shut up Billy.”

“Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all.”

“Shut up Billy.”

Wednesday AKA Hump and Story Day

December 17, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 21 Comments

Wednesday is story day again. Last week we left Frank and Billy deciding to rob a bank so that Billy could get some money together since he is broke. In fact, Billy does not have a gun or a car so Frank gives him an unloaded 9MM and will do the driving. The reason Frank unloaded the gun is he doesn’t trust Billy and thinks he could well shoot Frank by mistake. So let’s pick it up from there.

“So there is the bank Billy. This will be as easy as takin’ candy from a baby. You set?’

“What am I supposed to do Frank?”

“You and I are going to walk into the bank. We will ask loudly and with some degree of profanity to get down on the floor. We will further explain we are holding up the bank and if everyone does as they are told no one will get hurt.”

“Why are you talking funny Frank?”

“Funny?”

“Yeah, you’re acting as if I never robbed a bank before and I’m an idiot.”

“Oh, so how many bank jobs have you done?”

“One.”

“One? How did it go?”

“It was okay.”

“Just Okay? Tell me.”

“I got away with one hundred dollars.”

“A hundred dollars? You have got to be kidding me. Out of thousands you came away with one hundred dollars?”

“It was all tax-free.”

“You wonder why I talk to you as if you are an idiot?”

“Yeah why?”

“Shut up Billy.”

“That cold Frank.”

“Let’s go inside. Just do as I do and as we all know from the movies the guard will attempt to draw his gun. Just put your gun in his ribs and tell him to drop it. Got that?”

“Yeah sure. What if he doesn’t.”

“Then hit him with your gun.”

“Where?”

“On the head, arm or in the butt. I don’t care just don’t let him shoot you or me.”

“Frank?”

“What Billy?”

“I’m not comfortable hitting someone. Could I have a couple of bullets, please?”

“Shut up Billy.”

Hump day AKA Wednesday Story Day

December 10, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

It is Wednesday Story day again. So kiddies come close and Ole Uncle John will tell you a story of two idiots. These guys are continually testing the definition of sanity and intelligence. I have often wondered who is the most unintelligent and who Is the least sane. Last week we left our two boys where Billy had pushed his poor old father into the arms of the law by blaming him for the contents of the car. If you will recall he hid and AK 47 under piles of cocaine, the body of a dead guy and the carcass of road kill deer. Frank couldn’t believe Billy’s only regret he had to eat turkey instead of road kill deer. So let’s pick it up right there.

“Frank we should get a job done. I’m getting low on money.”

“That’s a problem.”

“What do you mean?”

“You have no car and no weapon either.”

“Can’t we use yours?”

“My what?”

“Car and weapon.”

“Billy I wouldn’t trust you with a baby stroller and a toy cap pistol let alone my car and a weapon which could hurt someone.’

“Aw, Frank that’s cold.”

“Maybe cold but sure is accurate.”

“Do you care that you hurt my feelings?”

“You have feelings?”

“Yes I do.”

“Okay, I’m sorry I hurt them then. Here take this nine millimeter and let’s go rob a bank.”

“You’re a real pal Frank.”

“You know it’s not loaded.”

“That’s okay. I wouldn’t want to shoot anyone anyway.”

“So we’re good?”

“We’re good.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

December 3, 2014June 26, 2024 ~ John W. Howell ~ 21 Comments

Wednesday is story day again. This week’s story takes a little of the Frank and Billy nonsense and expands it into even more. As you may recall we left Billy on Thanksgiving eve with a car trunk full of AK 47, cocaine, a dead guy, and a dead deer. The idea in Billy’s mind was to prevent the police from ever discovering the AK 47 so the rest of the items were piled on top of the AK. (let’s not even go there on the dead guy) So this week’s story picks it up after Thanksgiving.

“Hey Billy. How was the holiday?”

“Just fine. I got to see my brother and father in law.”

“Father in law? I didn’t know you were married.”

“Oh, I’m not.”

“Then how do you have a father in law?”

“He is my real dad. I just call him that since he has been in jail so many times. I guess I could call him father in trouble with the law.”

“So how did you manage to see him?”

“He was out on bail and I invited the two of them for Thanksgiving dinner. I had that deer you know.”

“Oh yes, the deer. What about all the stuff under the deer?”

“Yeah well, it was not easy.”

“What do you mean?”

“I went to pick up my dad from the jail and after he got in the car behind the steering wheel some dog came around and started sniffing the trunk.”