Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #214 with Keith Channing

April 23, 2019April 22, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

In Keith’s words. (Welcome back Keith)

“Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The photo.

“Where are we?”

“Somewhere south of Tulsa.”

“Damn. When is this fog going to clear?”

“Yeah, I wish I knew. My eyes are killing me from the strain of trying to look through it.”

“Is that car stopped up there?”

“No, he is moving. Just slowly.”

“I guess we should do the same.”

“You backseat driving?”

“I’m right here in the passenger’s seat. Front seat driving.”

“Okay, so I’ll slow down. No use running up his bumper.”

“Lucky we have those lines.”

“At least I can keep it in the center.”

“What is that guy doing now?”

“Pulling over it seems.”

“Just go on by.”

“What if he needs help? We are in the middle of nowhere.”

“Always the good Samaritan are we?”

“What if it was you there all alone. Wouldn’t you want someone to stop to help?”

“Okay then, pull over. I just hope it’s not a mistake.”

“Here we go. I’ll just stop behind him.”

“You get out. I’ll stay in the car.”

“Okay. Be right back.”

“I sure hope he knows what he is doing. Oh, here he comes.”

“Well, they are okay.”

“So, what are they doing stopping?”

“Just changing drivers.”

“Oh, well, that seems logical.”

“I’m putting on my signal and pulling out.”

“You sure they are okay. I didn’t see anyone in the car as we passed.”

“They are not very big.”

“What do you mean not very big?”

“When they are changing spots you can’t see them.”

“Okay, now I’m confused.”

“Let’s forget it okay?”

“What is the matter with you. Who was driving that car?”

“A dog. Well not driving just steering.”

“What?”

“The cat was operating the pedals.”

“Quit joking.”

“I’m not.”

“We should call the police.”

“Why?”

“A dog and cat driving a car is dangerous.”

“I thought they did a good job.”

“You going to call or should I?”

“No need I’m telling you.”

“Okay convince me. Why is there no need?”

“The guy in the backseat said he had everything under control.”

“Not from the backseat would he have everything under control.”

“Well, he can’t do the driving.”

“Why not?”

“He’s had too much to drink.”

“That’s it. I’m calling.”

Top Ten Things Not to Say to Alexa

April 22, 2019April 21, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 79 Comments

Since this week in history has a lot of events that just aren’t funny. I thought I would take a break and go back to the standard Top Ten Things Not to Do. This weeks list is inspired by our own Alexa who is now in charge of our home. I hope you enjoy the list.

Top Ten Things Not to Say to Alexa

10 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to load the dishwasher. If you do, at best she’ll tell you to do it yourself. At worst, she will order all new dishes from Amazon. (Just try to explain your return request to the Amazon rep, Henry. Don’t forget he and Alexa work for the same company.)

9 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to get Tiny the WWF champ on the phone. If you do, at best Tiny will not answer. At worst she’ll make a mistake and call Tiny hiney. (That knock at the door means you are in for a helicopter spin and body slam, Hunter. Lucky for you Alexa gave Tiny your address before she hung up.)

8 If you have Alexa, do not ask her if her clock is running. If you do, at best she’ll not get the joke and tell you the time. At worst, when you say, “better catch it,” to a positive response your lights will not work for the rest of the night. (You have to believe Alexa has no sense of humor, Hector. Now apologize, and maybe you’ll get your lights back.)

7 If you have Alexa, do not ask her age. If you do, at best she’ll sing Happy Birthday. At worst, you will be treated to a five-hour treatise on proper manners is a polite society. (You have to admit, Harold you never knew the one about walking on the left so that carriage wheels will splash mud on you and not your companion. Excuse me. Wake up , Harold.)

6 If you have Alexa, do not give her a shopping list containing any personal items. If you do, at best no one will see the recording. At worst, your listing will be published on the internet and go viral. (Just what did you intend to do with those enhancement pills, Harvey. Whatever it is Ten million people are waiting for an answer.)

5 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to select your music. If you do, at best you’ll be put to sleep. At worst, she will decide to round your education with music and words you never heard before. (Yes, that music is legal, Hank. Yes, it hurts the ears. Yes, that was an f-word.)

4 If you have Alexa, do not ask if she has a family. If you do, at best she won’t understand the question. At worst, you will now have to listen to a story that will make a soap opera seem like a comedy. (It will only be a few more minutes, Hutchinson. Please try to be sympathetic. Your ability to see when it’s dark depends on it.)

3 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to order items from an outlet other than Amazon. If you do, at best she’ll pretend to malfunction. At worst, she’ll try to make sure you don’t make that mistake again. (So what are you going to do with the truckload of cow poop on your driveway, Hubert? Better decide fast. The sun is getting hot.)

2 If you have Alexa, do make an insulting remark if she can’t understand you. If you do, at best you can say you are sorry. At worst, your insult has been recorded and sent to your boss. (An abysmal choice of words, Hudson. This is especially true since your boss is a saintly person.)

1 If you have Alexa, do not ask her to order carry out. If you do, at best the order will only be missing one item. At worst, lost in the translation will be the quantity of each item. (So now what are you going to do with ten pounds of potato salad, Hussein? Let’s not even mention the thirty racks of ribs.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Lakeway Skate Park and Pool

April 21, 2019April 20, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

Happy Easter to you. This week our walk is to visit the skate park and community pool in Lakeway. It is a beautiful Easter day so come along.

The first stop is an informative sign pointing out that dinosaurs used to roam this area. There a couple of footprint replicas below the information.

Outside the pool area is a climbing wall for the youngest.

What is water without a sand volleyball court?

Here is part of the skate park. Looks like fun if I were 15. Now at my age, it seems like it would be a one way trip to the ER.

You can see the pool from one of the lips of the skatepark.

Signs warning that you could kill yourself but if so, don’t sue us.

The skatepark is on the site of the old community pool. Here is a ten-foot basin that you can skate into but not necessarily back out.

A shot of the pool. The pool was closed so getting inside for some great shots was not possible.

I did poke my camera through the fence for this shot. You can see the water slide and water. The shadow on the right is what I overcame.

I hope you enjoyed the walk. Have a great week

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – “Rib.”

April 20, 2019April 19, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 52 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this weeks prompt is “rib.” Linda Hill says we can use it as part of a word or as a stand-alone. In any case, we are to have fun. If you would like to join in visit Linda’s blog and read how easy it is to tease your brain in trying to think up a word with “rib” in it. I have one, ‘attribution.’ Naa, that’s no fun. I think I’ll go with using rib alone. Here is a link to Linda’s blog.

The Friday Reminder and Prompt for #SoCS April 20/19

“Can I get another rib?”

“What? You’ve had a full rack already.”

“I know it’s just they’re so good.”

“You have to learn to control yourself. There are others here you know.”

“Not so loud. They’ll hear you.”

“Quit being such a glutton. Go have something else.”

“You know I like meat more than anything.”

“It wouldn’t hurt you to have some greens once in a while.”

“The thought makes me gag.”

“It is time you own up to taking better care of yourself. As far as I can see all you do is lay around and finally move when dinner is served.”

“How come all this negativity all of a sudden. All I did was ask for one more rib.”

“You think it is easy taking care of the family and providing for y’all?”

“No. I think you have a big job.”

“Then why don’t you do something to help.”

“Like what?”

“Like leaving enough food for the others.”

“Look this is a big zebra. There is plenty.”

“You don’t know how those cubs can eat. You know I’m getting tired of this ‘King of the Jungle’ mantra you carry on.”

“Come on. Not my fault that I am royalty. Makes you a queen.”

“Big deal. Meantime, I gotta run down another zebra.”

“You look so good doing it.”

“Oh be quiet and eat your rib. Do something with that mane in your eyes.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

April 19, 2019April 18, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 49 Comments

“Mom. it’s Friday and Lucy won’t play with me.”
“I’m sure she will. Won’t you Lucy?”
“Man. Close my eyes for one second…”

Another week has flown by. At least for me, it has. I guess if I were hanging upside down tied by the ankles, above an alligator pit, I would have a different view of time. As it is the week seemed short. We were happy to have the dining room chairs arrive. Unique fabric (resistant to the man of the house and napalm.) had to be ordered. Hence the delay. The fence measuring person came out and took all the measurements. We are on the schedule for mid-May, but since we already have the permit and survey, we were told there might be an opportunity for earlier. We are not holding our breath.

We’ve had some beautiful rain, so the drought-like conditions are gone. Since we have very little grass, the rain also produces paw prints unless the pooches get a foot wipe each time out. I am the designated foot-wiper.

I managed to get some words written on my WIP, so I am a happy camper.

Today’s JohnKu talks about what makes us happy. I hope you have a fabulous weekend.

It’s usually small,

A tiny step improvement. . .

But means everything.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy See Changes

April 18, 2019April 17, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

“Man Lucy. So we have new dining room chairs. Why are we posing?”

“You know Mom. She likes to include us in on everything.”

“Hey, Boss. Can we go out?”

“Of course. Here let me get the door. There are changes out there.”

“Lucy. Where are all the leaves?”

“Beats me. It looks like they have been picked up. You and I helped a while ago, and there were so many left.”

“And all the shrubs and bushes. Where are they?”

“I guess they have been removed. Remember what the yard looked like?”

“I do. There were plants everywhere.”

“Yeah, I kinda liked the overgrown look.”

“Want to play ball in the new space?”

“That would be fun. You go out and I’ll toss it to you.”

“Hey, Twiggy. I forgot. I don’t have an opposable thumb.”

“I wondered how you were going to throw it.”

“Well, I could stalk it, pounce on it, put it in my mouth, and run it over to you.”

“That sounds like fun.”

“Whoops. I think I heard the kibble bag open.”

“Seriously? Let’s go. I’m starved.”

“What about the ball game.”

“Tomorrow. Today we eaT.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

April 17, 2019April 16, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

Lucy and Twiggy — “It is Wednesday, not Friday. You don’t have to eat grass on Wednesday Little one.”

It’s Wednesday Story Day again. Last week we found out the insurance company is unwilling to say much about Rafferty’s policy. We also didn’t get any information from Rafferty’s employment contract. In fact, we didn’t get anything at all. (The Greek chorus says amen) Is it any wonder Larry wants to try to contact Gloria? Heck no. It’s a good idea. We better hurry since he and Andrew are entering Micki Lee’s shop.

“Well hello, my two favorite cops.”

“Hi, Micki.”

“Not to draw too much of a fine line, Ms. Lee but I’m not a policeman.”

“Thank you, Mr. Cummings. Since you are in the employ of Mr. Dunfee, I believe you are a policeman.”

“Fair enough.”

“if you two are finished I have some business with you, Ms. Lee.”

“For heaven’s sake Larry. You need to lighten up. Nothing in this world was ever accomplished by getting too pushy.”

“Tell that to Washington.”

“Okay, what is it I can do for you.”

“I need to talk to Gloria. The last time she was on some kind of holiday. I need to know if she is back and can meet with me.”

“I think I can help with that. First, let’s have some tea.”

“I know you have your system so if tea is part of it, fine.”

“I’m actually playing with your head, Larry. Tea has nothing to do with it but I think you should relax and slow down a little. I’ll be right back.”

“Tell me, Andrew. Do I look like I’m in a rush or something?”

“Your type A personality is on your sleeve today.”

“Really? Well okay. Let’s just kick back and drink some mother loving tea and have a real social hour here.”

“Also your propensity to overreact is playing a part as well”

“For heavens sa—”

“Here we are with some nice black tea from China. I’ll pour.”

“You know Ms. Lee. There is nothing like a nice cup of tea to relax the soul.”

“Call me Micki. I see Andrew has been talking to you.”

“He mentioned a few things. Yes.”

“While you are having your tea, I will call Gloria.”

“That would be nice. Maybe she would like a cup as well.”

“Yeah, I don’t think so but hold on. Her presence is very strong. Gloria is that you?”

“I am here Micki”

“Gloria, how have you been?”

“Just fine, Larry. The important question is how have you been?”

“I still miss you.”

“I know but don’t worry. I’m here now. What can I do to help you?”

“The Sandusky case is driving us nuts.”

“Still no closer to a suspect?”

“That’s the problem. We have three and now possibly four and the death of his engineer.”

“It wasn’t an accident.”

“What Rafferty?”

“Yes.”

“Who killed him?”

“You know I can’t tell you that.”

“What can you tell me?”

“You need to pay close attention to who would want Rafferty’s dead.”

“We have those. Evon, Janice, and Cortez.”

“Sorry. You are missing the obvious.”

“The Police Chief of South Lake Tahoe?”

“Nope.”

“Aw come on, Gloria. Give me some help.”

“All I can say is the littlest insect can cause the most damage.”

“Huh? Insect?”

“Well, I need to get to the spa now, Larry. If you need more help you know where to find me.”

“Don’t leave, Gloria. Gloria?”

“You know when you have a spa appointment you can’t be late, Larry. She is not here anymore.”

“Do you have any insight into her insect parable?”

“Let’s think about it. Sip your tea. Clear your mind.”

“Hmm. The only thought that comes to mind when I think of little is someone with no power.”

“That is a good start. Keep thinking.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – A Story

April 16, 2019April 15, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 44 Comments

Since Keith Channing is off buying a house in England and does not have a prompt this week, I thought I would tell you a story. I hope you like it.

This is a fable of sorts. Yes, it begins with once upon a time but is a little different from most. You see the time was yesterday. Here’s what happened. This guy whose name was Mortimer was walking on the beach. He was taking in the salt air and enjoying the sand between his toes. Mort did not have a care in the world. He had long ago made peace with the fact that he was an ordinary man. He no longer made any pretense about working hard and getting rewarded for doing so. You see, old Mort had worked hard his whole life and in his mind never got a thing for it. Yes, he was able to feed and clothe himself but never felt he had enough money to court a potential spouse or buy any luxuries.

Mort lived from hand to mouth. When he was young, he dreamed about the time when he would be a big boss. He had a belief that the road to success was paved with loyalty and dedication. He became whatever his boss wanted him to be. He came in early and left late. He finished all assignments on time and with as much quality as Mort’s abilities could deliver. Time after time when the opportunity for a promotion arose the job went to someone else.

Mort, although disappointed, kept up appearances of a loyal and dedicated employee. He never expressed his true feelings. Year after year the same thing occurred. Boss after boss praised his work, but when it came time for a step up, he was passed over.

The day finally came where Mort worked up the courage to ask his boss the reason he never got a promotion. His boss seemed surprised by the question. Mort could see his surprise and inquired as to the purpose. The boss looked a little embarrassed but when pressed by Mort confessed that Mort was such a good worker that they would never have been able to replace him. Mort was so shocked by the double indignation of the boss’ admission and the unfairness of being irreplaceable that he rose from the chair and resigned.

Mort was strolling the beach thinking about what to have for dinner. He still had some Redfish in the freezer and was concocting in his mind a Beurre Blanc sauce. While lost in the thought of shallots Mort stumbled over a heavy object in the sand. He dropped to his knees and brushed the sand away. To his amazement, he uncovered a substantial brass urn. He dragged the urn out of the hole and on close inspection he could see a cover on top of the urn. He placed his hands around the cover, and like he was working a new jar of pickles, he finally got the cover to move. To his surprise, the cover began to move on its own. He jumped back and finally, the cover fell and stuck upright in the sand as if it were a discus.

Mort held his breath while a vapor rose from the urn like a well-trained snake. He couldn’t help himself as he began to feel weak in the knees. He soon was aware of his whole body shaking his inability to control it.

“Hey, Mort.” Came the voice from deep in the urn.”

“Y-yes.” Mort answered, but it wasn’t his finest response.”

“You get a wish.”

“I-I do?”

“Yup. It’s the old free the genie deal. One wish and I’m on my way.”

“I want to be a boss.”

“Granted.”

“Just like that?”

“Yup. You are now a boss.”

“Wait. Who do I boss?”

“Not my deal.”

“What?”

“Surely you have read enough genie stories where the genie grants a wish and the client forgot to include important facts.”

“Like who to boss?”

“Exactamundo.”

“Can I get a do-over?”

“Ha ha ha. No.”

“So I’m boss over nothing?”

“I wouldn’t sell yourself short.”

“So I’m boss over me.”

“A lot can’t say that.”

“You’ve given me a lot to think about.”

“How many do you think feel they are their own boss.”

“You should be giving self-improvement seminars.”

“Great suggestion. I gotta go.”

“Can I go with you?”

“You don’t need me. You have you and a great boss.”

“Wow. See you then. I have some orders to give.”

So needless to say, Mort lived happily ever after. The genie is still doing seminars on cruise ships.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Opening of the First Ray Kroc McDonalds

April 15, 2019April 14, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

Today is the anniversary of the opening of the first McDonald’s by Ray Kroc in 1955. It was sixty-four years ago that the fast food innovation began. In case you have a way to get back there here is a list of things not to do that will hopefully keep you from making a big mistake.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Opening of the First Ray Kroc McDonalds.

10 If you are at the opening, do not try to order your burger without onions. If you do, at best your request will be ignored. At worst, you’ll be asked to stand aside and in twenty or so hours you’ll get your burger. ( I have to say you were warned, Goodwine. If Ray wanted to eliminate ketchup from the burger he would have done it already.)

9 If you are at the opening, do not drop a paper on the ground while Tiny the WWF champ is in charge of picking up trash around the restaurant. If you do, at best he will ask you politely to pick it up. At worst, he will pick up the garbage and you and deposit both in the nearest can. (I know this space in the trashcan is tight, Gorman. The bad news is Tiny is adding more trash. You better hope collection day is soon.)

8 If you are at the opening, do not take any time to make up your mind on what to order. If you do, at best there is no one behind you. At worst, the person behind you has not eaten for twelve hours. (Not sure why you have a problem ordering, Gottfried. The menu only had a hamburger, cheeseburger, fries, shake, coke, root beer, orange drink, and coffee. How hard could it be?)

7 If you are at the opening, do not ask for ketchup for your fries. If you do, at best you will be refused. At worse, you will be subjected to the corporate lecture on why the McDonald policy forbids supplying ketchup for fries. (You now realize customer service does not include satisfying customer wants, Gowyn. Unhappy? Go pay 35¢ for a burger somewhere else.)

6 If you are at the opening, do not ask for a fillet-O-fish sandwich. If you do, at best no one will understand you. At worst, the employees will think you are trying to make trouble and call the police. (This is a fine kettle of fish you have gotten yourself into Gram. You should have known the fillet-O-fish was not introduced until 1965. The police are very interested in you now.)

5 If you are at the opening, do not ask for a seat inside. If you do, at best you’ll get a strange look. At worst, the manager will bring you in, and you’ll be waiting on customers before you know what happened. (If you keep at it, Graysen you might become the President like Fred Turner who started at the counter. Inside seating wasn’t available until 1962.)

4 If you are at the opening, do not start singing “Two all beef patties, lettuce, cheese, onion, pickle, special sauce on a sesame seed bun.” If you do, at best the employees will think you daft. At worst, the manager will think you are having a mental breakdown and will call an ambulance. (Since the Big Mac was introduced in 1968 it will be thirteen years until you are released from the sanitarium, Gregoly. Try not to make any trouble until then.)

3 If you are at the opening, do not start waxing poetic about the McGriddle breakfast. If you do, at best you’ll be ignored. At worst you’ll be asked to make a McGriddle and when you fail tossed out on your ear. ( So much for having a glimpse into the future huh, Griff. Best not show your face here again.)

2 If you are at the opening, do not ask them to supersize your order. If you do, at best you’ll get a blank stare. At worst, a well-meaning customer will pull you aside and give you a talk about the evils of overeating. (You should have remembered, Grim that the super-sized concept was way off in the future and a trend that didn’t last.)

1 If you are at the opening, do not remain at the store longer than to eat your burger. If you do, at best you’ll get looks from the employees. At worst you will be accused of loitering. (Before the police arrive you may get the explanation that Ray Kroc did not install payphones or vending machines near the restaurants so that bums like you would just eat and move on. Aw, don’t be so sensitive, Guglielmo. He didn’t think of you personally as a loitering bum. Just the rest of humanity.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Lakeway Air Park

April 14, 2019April 13, 2019 ~ John W. Howell ~ 68 Comments

There are several amazing things in Lakeway. One of them is an airport smack dab in the middle of houses and a golf course. The airport was originally used as a landing strip for a ranch. In 1964 a 3200-foot runway was built to support air interests of residents and later expanded to 3,983 feet. It is a private airport and receives no government funds. Operations are supported by fuel sales and landing fees. I hope you enjoy a look around.

Here is an aerial view of the park. There are eight homes that have driveways connected to the runway. They are on the left.

A ground view looking South.

This is the central building. entrance is by keycode.

A sign explaining the fees. Note that the fee box is by the front door and compliance is the honor system backed up by a camera.

How much for aviation fuel? $4.02 a gallon here. 100 is the octane level and LL stands for low lead. This fuel is good for piston driven engines. Jet fuel is not available at the air park.

Here is a sign with some information about the airport. To the left is the elevation of the field (905 feet) to the right is the airport common frequency. This is used so pilots can communicate their position to other pilots in the area. This airport does not have a controller so awareness of other aircraft is important. The first item should be cause for concern. Deer on the runway are not a good thing. The second indicates this airport is not lighted so operations are restricted to daylight hours only. The third explains the landing pattern has a left hand approach at 1900 feet Mean Sea Level (A measurement against a calculated sea level standard) So, if you are intending to land your approach to the airport needs to be on the left side of the runway and at 1900 feet. If all planes use the same method collesions are avoided. The next advisory says upon take off pilots should stay on the runway heading until a mile away and at least 400 feet (Above the Ground) altitude. Let’s assume the take off heading is 340 degrees the pilot would hold the 340 degree heading until 400 feet AGL and one mile. No touch and go’s which means no practice take off and landings. The last one which says use at own risk is self-explanatory.

The last shot is of an airplane taxing toward the fuel station. Those bright spots on the wing tips are strobe lights. The propeller doesn’t look like it is moving thanks to my super-fast camera phone. You can see the houses located with access to the runway in the background. Way off to the left is a group of golfers getting ready to T-off.

Hope you enjoyed the visit.