Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy and Lucy Figure it Out

May 4, 2023May 2, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 113 Comments

“Twiggy. Where are you?”

“Over here.”

“Over where. For heaven’s sake. You hiding?”

“No. I’m in plain sight by the couch.”

“Plain sight? You look like you are part of the porch.”

“Well, I was just mulling over the idea of a Puma being a cat.”

“Goodness. That was two weeks ago. So you still haven’t come to grips with that fact?”

“How would you like knowing your alter ego uses a litterbox.”

“That’s ridiculous. Pumas are wild. They don’t have a litter box.”

“They use the woods?”

“I don’t know about that, but I know they are wild and dangerous.”

“Okay then. You’ve helped me a lot.”

“I’m glad about that. Now do you want to play Puma and Wildebeest?”

“Let me get used to the idea that I will play a cat.”

“Oh, come on. It’s no biggie. You just start sneaking up on the Wildebeest. It’ll all come back.”

“Let me get into character for a minute.”

“This is not the Actor’s Circle. It’s our backyard. Just leap off the porch and chase me.”

“You know Lucy. I’m just not feeling it today. I think I need the dressing room for a while.”

“I don’t know, Little One. If I were the director, I would throw you off the set.”

“Yeah, and then you’ll have to deal with my agent as well as the SAG and AGFA. I’ll be in my trailer running lines.”

“Puma’s don’t have dialogue.”

“Grrrrrrrrrrrrrowl. What do you call that?”

“A sign that it is time for lunch.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Finger Point Prompt – Expression

May 2, 2023May 1, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 62 Comments

So the idea is to open a book randomly and then, without looking, point to a page. The word or words nearest the pointing figure is the prompt. Today I opened The Last Drive to page 201, and my finger landed on “expression.”

“Say that again.”

“Like a duck on a Junebug.”

“What’s that supposed to mean.”

“It’s an expression for someone leaping at opportunity quickly.”

“Where did it come from?”

“I suppose someone watched a duck go after a Junebug and put the expression together.”

“I have another question.”

“Shoot.”

“Will everyone understand the expression?”

“What do you mean?”

“Unless you saw a duck go after a Junebug, it would be hard to visualize.”

“That’s where imagination takes over.”

“You need to explain that.”

“I don’t think someone would have to have seen a duck go after a Junebug to imagine how fast it would be.”

“And the idea that the Junebug is such a tasty treat that the duck would be quick.”

“Now you got it.”

“Horse pucky.”

“Huh?”

“You ever taste a Junebug?”

“Can’t say I ever have.”

“Well, I was doing some gliding, and one hit me in the mouth. The worst thing I ever tasted.”

“So?”

“Using a duck for an expression without consulting a duck takes poetic license too far. ”

“You are now nitpicking the expression.”

“The expression has no nits cause it has no fleas.”

“You are picking fly specs out of pepper.”

“Who does that?”

“Given our conversation, you would be capable, but it’s just an expression.”

“All these expressions are not based on fact.”

“No, but imagine someone doing those things.”

“Beyond my capabilities.”

“Why?”

“Cause I’m a duck. You should know that ’cause you’re one too.”

“I keep forgetting.”

“Gotta stop reading blogs.”

“I think you’re right. So let’s hit the pond.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Bungee Jumping.

May 1, 2023April 30, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 72 Comments

This post first appeared on February 27th, 2017. Since its purpose was simple humor, I think running again is okay.

* * *

The inspiration for this list was the desire to do a top ten post that would provide no useful information but just an attempt at humor. I picked bungee jumping since most of you have never contemplated doing something that obscure. If you have, then all the better. I hope you enjoy the list, even though it may not apply to you.

Top Ten Things Not to Do While Bungee Jumping.

10 While Bungee jumping, do not attempt to light your smoke. If you do, at best, you’ll still be trying at the bottom of the jump. At worst, you’ll be successful, and between the highs and lows of the leap, your shirt is now on fire. (Tough to put out with this wind, huh, Bunky?)

9 While Bungee Jumping, do not attempt to tighten your ankle cuffs. If you do at best, you will turn the keys properly for tightening. At worst, you’ll be confused and loosen them instead. (Sure feels funny this free-flight thing, huh, Pilgrim?)

8 While Bungee jumping, do not try to impress your friends with too many acrobatics. If you do, at best, that Triple Lux comes off without a hitch. At worst, you have extended the Bungee cords about one foot too far. (You could have used that foot when you hit the canyon floor, Buford?)

7 While Bungee jumping, do not try to eat your leftover Pad Thai mid-air. If you do, at best, you might get a bite or two. At worst, you’ll finish the jump looking like the after photo of a food fight. (If careful, you can save some of those noodles, Buster.)

6 While Bungee jumping, do not group text your friends. If you do, At best, your text won’t be understood. At worst, the auto-correct feature will alienate every friend you have. (You thought the message, “Best of Luck to You,” would be well received, huh, Leroy?”)

5 While Bungee jumping, do not edit your latest manuscript. If you do, at best, you get one or two words covered before the first bounce. At worst, the wind will take your manuscript and spread it over several miles. (Should have numbered those pages, huh, Slick?)

4 While Bungee jumping, do not close your eyes on the way down. If you do, at best, you might miss the good parts. At worst, the ride personnel will assume you’ve passed out and throw you into an EMS vehicle despite your protestations. (Who ever heard of someone taking a nap on a bungee jump, Ferd?)

3 While Bungee jumping, do not jump before taking care of that 32 oz Big Gulp drink you just finished. If you do, at best, you’ll feel like a full watermelon when the g-forces hit you at the bottom. At worst, you treat all the bystanders to a show at your expense. (Now, where will you find some dry pants, Tex?)

2 While Bungee jumping, do not turn the GoPro camera to capture your face. If you do, at best, you forgot to turn it on. At worst, the video of you screaming like a kid will go viral. (You could have taken some beautiful shots of the valley, but no, you had to be a hero, huh, Ralph?)

1 While Bungee jumping, do not forget to tip the cuff connector guy. If you do, at best, you can take care of it after the jump is over. At worst, Tiny, the WWF champ, was highly offended you forgot him. (That ground comes up fast without those bothersome lines huh, Burt?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Mailbox Toppers

April 30, 2023April 29, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 99 Comments

Today we are going to visit some mailbox toppers. Most are new, but there are a couple of repeats. We are catered by Trulucks of Austin. Our entertainment is Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper.

Prime Seafood

AVAILABLE PAN-SEARED OR BROILED WITH EXTRA VIRGIN OLIVE OIL, FRESH LEMON, SEA SALT AND BROCCOLI
CHILEAN SEABASS MSC certified, all-natural, mild flavors with a clean finish
NORWEGIAN SALMON* all natural, well marbled with clean flavors
SUSHI GRADE TUNA* AAA sushi grade, bright red with a steak-like texture
IDAHO RAINBOW TROUT Idaho raised, tender, flaky, and mild
TEXAS REDFISH smooth textured, sweet, and firm meat

Prime Steaks

USDA PRIME HAND-CUT, AGED A MINIMUM OF 30 DAYS. ALL STEAKS ARE SEASONED AND BROILED AT 1200 DEGREES
NEW YORK STRIP* center-cut
FILET* barrel-cut
RIBEYE* center-cut boneless
STEAK FRITES* flat iron, truffle fries, tartar béarnaise

Plant-Based

MEATBALLS smoked tomato sauce | Three
BOLOGNESE Field Roast sausage, Impossible meatballs, tomato, cashew ricotta, basil, pappardelle

Picture of an old time school bus

The bus is ready.

The first is a peaceful pup without any holiday get-ups

Naked armadillo.

Mother and baby Armadillo.

Talavera pot.

Talavera frog.

Tin Gila Monster.

Butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth, cat.

Wise one.

Twiggy’s stone doppelganger.

A mockingbird interloper.

Temple guard (retired).

Just in case you promised to make something happen when pigs fly.

Big ole cement cactus.

Let’s finish with a cute bird and cat.

Now let’s have some food and listen to the music. I hope yu have a great week.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Yes

April 29, 2023April 28, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 71 Comments

Yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away. (bonus points cha-ching) There’s a shadow hanging over me, and now I long for yesterday. Yes, the shadow is that statue of Roger Rabbit that is sitting on the driveway out front. A quick beating of the coffee machine produced the 10 ounces of java bean squeezen’s that will help me figure out what to do with it. The thing is in full color, and I’m sure the neighbors think I ordered it from Amazon.

A quick sip and starting the security shutdown process gave me an idea. First is the process. The claymore mines disarmed. The tower machine guns are placed on standby. The boiling oil vat is secured. The moat net retracted. The concertina wire rolled back. The trebuchet secured. The gate lifted. The locks and deadbolts reset. The front door opened.

My idea is to run an ad in the community newspaper with a “free to a good home message.” Surely someone will want a lovely likeness of Roger Rabbit for the yard or family room. Having just finished the call, a shadow falls over my phone. A look to the right causes me to cry out like a baby. Standing there is the most attractive rabbit ever witnessed by a man. “So sorry to frighten you.” The words came out dripping with honey. “My name is Jessica.”

“P-pleased to meet you, Jessica.” My face felt hot.”Is there anything you need?”

Jessica laughed and tossed her hair provocatively, letting me know my question was the dumbest thing she had heard all day. She told me she was looking for Roger Rabbit and wondered where I got the statue. My explanation that it just showed up was met with a raised eyebrow. She handed me a business card and a note. She explained that should Roger be seen to please call her. With assurances that she would be the first to know, she smiled and walked away.

I opened the note and saw that it was from Linda Hill. While reading, my thoughts went to the fact that Linda must know everyone on the planet. The note read.

Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “yes.” Find a word that starts with “yes” or use the word “yes” as is. Bonus points if you start your post with the word you choose. Enjoy!

To try these prompts, go to Linda’s blog and read how. Also, there will be others there who have written something too. Here’s the link https://lindaghill.com/2023/04/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-april-29-2023/

“So your word was Yesterday?”

“Yup.”

“Pretty common.”

“Well, I wanted to get the song in.”

“Yup, did that for sure.”

“What about this Jessica Rabbit?”

“Did you see her?”

“No, I was watching TV. What did she look like?”

“The most amazing rabbit I have ever seen.”

“So what was she doing?”

“Looking for Roger Rabbit.”

“Speaking of that, did you find a new home for that statue?”

“Only got one call.”

“And?”

“Guy wanted 100 bucks to haul it off.”

“Might be a cheap way to get rid of it.”

“It’s a work of art. It will stay there if necessary.”

“Okay then. What’s your plan for the rest of the day?”

“I thought I would go to see some art.”

“At a museum?”

“Drinkable art.”

“I get it. Texting Uber now.”

“One thing.”

“What’s that?”

“No dump trucks.”

“I didn’t know the guy hauled manure for a living. I was trying to save a buck.”

“A nice safe car, please.”

“You got it.

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay Good News

April 28, 2023April 27, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 90 Comments

Today’s good news story comes from the Good News Network.

Ex-Racehorse Destined for Kill Pen Rescued by Woman Who Helped Raise Her–WATCH

By Andy Corbley Apr 27, 2023

Meaghan Martin has seen a lot of long faces in her years as a horse trainer, and it was this history that allowed her to turn a potentially-sad story into a happy ending.

She was just a teenager when she met the young mare Saxy, a horse that was to be trained for racing. But having never made a name for herself and collecting only a few thousand dollars in winnings, Saxy was sold on as a workhorse.

Retired equine athletes in America are often sold to the Amish communities, who use them to pull plows and buggies, and it was during this activity that Saxy was involved in a collision that left her marked for slaughter.

Around this time, Martin was all grown up and worked full-time at Red Lion Farm, in Gray, Maine. She was scrolling through Facebook and saw a mare with a brand on her neck that immediately jumped out at her.

“That number is actually what saved her,” Martin told the local NBC affiliate. “I recognized that brand and said, ‘Oh, that’s one of the babies that I worked with.’”

Her friend and owner of Red Lion, Kendra Gorham, felt as Martin did that Saxy had to come home, that they couldn’t let her fall to such a tragic end. Agreeing to split the cost and raise money and supplies whenever possible, the two ladies set off to Pennsylvania to bring Saxy home.

Within 48 hours of reaching out to their community, they had enough money and supplies to ensure Saxy had a real chance of recovering from her accident.

“People donated blankets, people donated brushes, people donated boots for her feet before we had shoes on her to keep her more comfortable,” Martin said. “People were so incredibly generous with their energy, with their money, with their things.”

News Center Maine details the moment when seeing her old trainer for the first time in years, Saxy wrapped her head around Martin after she entered her paddock, bringing immediate tears.

Once back home, it was clear that the mare would need slow and careful rehabilitation. Without shoes and with thin hooves, walking was difficult. Furthermore, she had spent her life with strict orders to run fast or pull things. Gentle but precise maneuvering was never something she had to do and must now learn.

Saxy now works for Martin as one of her horses for an equine-assisted psychotherapy program for humans suffering from trauma and PTSD. Here’s a video of the story

The good news here is life is precious and worth saving. Today’s JohnKu has more to say on this subject. I hope you have a beautiful weekend.

It takes but a spark,

A desire to keep going . . .

And a helping hand.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy Playtime.

April 27, 2023April 26, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 111 Comments

Twiggy is playing by herself today. Lucy is fine but is sleeping and needs her rest. We didn’t want to wake her just for photos.

“Why so glum, chum?”

“Having to play alone is a challenge.”

“You know Lucy needs her rest.”

“I know she needs her rest, but still, it’s more fun with her.”

“Well, you can make due. How about playing with Piggy? She’s new.”

“Yeah, well, we were playing, and all of a sudden, Piggy decided to nap too.”

“Wake her up. She doesn’t need beauty rest.”

You are pretty funny, Dad. She isn’t really asleep. I just got tired of playing with her. So I think I’ll get chuck-it.”

“Now that’s a good idea. You can chase Chuck-it around the house.”

“Humm. All of a sudden, Piggy seems like a better idea.”

“Why? You love to chase Chuck-it.”

I think it might wake Lucy.”

“Aren’t you sweet?”

“Mmmft. tay wizeit parfet.”

“What?”

“Sorry, I said I need to move it to the carpet.”

“Oh. Hard to understand when it’s in your mouth.”

“Yeah. Now that it’s here. I’m not so sure.”

“Well, you’ll have to make a choice. Want me to throw one of them?”

“Hey, that would be great. Toss Piggy, and I’ll fetch her.”

“Happy now?”

“Oh yes. Keep tossing her.”

“Wait a minute, I didn’t sign up for that.”

“But you’ll do it, right?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Finger Point Prompt – Banker

April 25, 2023April 24, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 69 Comments

So here’s how it goes. I open a book to a random page and then, without looking, point to the page. The word or words closest to the pointing finger then becomes the prompt. Today the book is The Last Drive (Of course). The page is 86, and the word is ‘banker.’

“What did he say?”

“Who?”

“The banker, for heaven’s sake.”

“Oh, he was very nice.”

“So it was a ‘no.'”

“I didn’t say that. I said he was nice.”

“Which means you didn’t have anything else to say.”

“Yeah, he turned us down.”

“So what are we going to do now?”

“Go to a different bank, I suppose.”

“This was the last one in town.”

“I don’t get it. We have the invention of the decade and can’t get any backers.”

“Maybe they don’t understand how big this could be.”

“That could be, but how do we convince them?”

“I don’t know. Maybe if we used our invention in something other than our demonstration.”

“What can be more impressive than burning down a building?”

“That’s just it. Maybe we are coming at this the wrong way.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just how many folks want to burn down a building?”

“I see what you mean. Well, at least it is good for campfires and stuff.”

“Who will pay ten cents a gallon when kindling is free.”

“I’m stymied. What can we build that will use gasoline as a fuel?”

“I think we need to study this problem. Let’s go to the library.”

“Want to take the Stanley Steamer.”

“We have enough wood for the boiler.”

“Yeah, I just bought some.”

“Good, let’s go.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at an Art Show

April 24, 2023April 23, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 78 Comments

This post ran first on July 26, 2016. I’m sure there will be some art shows you’ll want to attend so the advice will hopefully be helpful.

* * *

Top Ten Things Not to Do at an Art Show

10 If you are attending an art show, do not touch any of the art. If you do, at best, you’ll be reprimanded by the artist. At worst, that blotch of tomato sauce from your stromboli, which now sits on the piece of art, marks it as yours. (You always wanted to own a painting with the obsessive/compulsive title “My Evil Obsession,” didn’t you, Slick?)

9 If you are attending an art show, do not ask the artist if they give a discount. If you do, at best, you will have to listen to a monologue about the value of hand-crafted art. At worst, you will be called certain names which you probably haven’t been called before. (That peyote sure gets those artist folks fired up, doesn’t it?)

8 If you are attending an art show, do not sit in a chair that is clearly a work of art. If you do, at best, you will be asked kindly to get up. At worst, you might face Tiny, the WWF ex-champ who is also a very close friend of the artist. (That crack you just heard better be a bone and not the chair.)

7 If you are attending an art show, do not interact with an exhibit that has a sign “Look but don’t touch.” If you do, at best, nothing will break, and you’ll make a clean getaway. At worst, although fun, the cost of that broken piece will keep you on peanut butter sandwiches for months. (Who ever heard of a wind-up toy that doesn’t wind up?)

6 If you are attending an art show, do not let your kids run helter-skelter through the exhibits. If you do, at best, the organizer will return them to you with a stern warning. At worst, your youngest will come screaming to you with a ransom note demanding payment before the release of the others. (A bit costly for a few minutes of entertainment, wouldn’t you say?)

5 If you are attending an art show, do not pick up objects to see how they feel. If you do, at best, you’ll be lucky and not drop one. At worst, that eagle feather that looked so light will turn out to be made of concrete that unfortunately broke in two as it took out the mirror-covered table. (A two-finger lift was not the best way.)

4 If you are attending an art show, do not try to impress the artist if you know nothing about art. If you do, at best, you will confirm you know nothing. At worst, the artist will kindly listen and then call upon the local shaman to strike you mute. (Was fun listening to yourself talk until you couldn’t anymore, right?)

3 If you are attending an art show, do not eat anything while touring the booths. If you do, at best, most of the artists will warn you away. At worst, you could be the proud owner of an unusual weaving kissed with Philly Cheesesteak juice. (Wasn’t your first choice, was it?)

2 If you are attending an art show, do not try to barter your books for a piece of art of your choice. If you do, at best, the artist will say they have already read your book. At worst, the artist will flip through your book and hand it back. (You didn’t need to hear that they don’t ever read your genre.)

1 If you are attending an art show, do not think your purchase has a money-back guarantee. If you do, at best, you will be embarrassed when you try to bring it back. At worst, the artist will be insulted that you didn’t want to keep the precious item. (That lawyer they hired just won’t go away, darn it.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Member Craft Show

April 23, 2023April 22, 2023 ~ John W. Howell ~ 94 Comments

I have been doing the Views of the Neighborhood in Lakeway for four years. The odds that each view will be spectacular become less the longer one temps the fickle finger of fate. This week the finger got me. I was excited to go and record the Member Craft Show at the local country club. It just seemed logical that wherever the elite met to play golf, there would be some outstanding results.

I have to say those who displayed their crafts and interests were gracious and lovely. The problem was only four tables were taken. Two were crafts, one a vet and one an author. We are being catered by Barlata of Austin. Our entertainment is Brad Paisley.

FIDEUA – (Pasta instead of rice) Roasted fideo paella, sepia, squid, shrimp & aioli
FIDEUA NEGRE – Roasted Fideo paella, squid ink, sepia, squid & allioli
HORTELANA – Saffron rice, mixed vegetables, currants, pine nuts & allioli vegetarian, vegan
ARROS NEGRE – Squid-inked rice, mussels, sepia, squid, and aioli
BARLATA – Our best-selling paella! Saffron rice, chicken, chorizo, shellfish & vegetables
BARCELONETA – Saffron rice, squid, shrimp, octopus & shellfish
ARROS AUSTIN – Saffron Rice, pork belly, pork ribs & Shiitake Mushrooms.