Top Ten Things Not to Do in Moving Louis XIV’s Court to Versailles in 1682

May 4, 2020June 7, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 64 Comments

This week marks the 338th anniversary of Louis XIV’s decision to move his court and the entire French Government to Versailles. This was a massive undertaking, and we certainly want to go and watch this happen. It nothing else; it will be a grand show of schadenfreude. If you come with us, do not forget your list of things not to do so that you can hopefully not cause a tear in the time continuum.

Top Ten Things Not to Do in Moving Louis XIV’s Court to Versailles in 1682.

10 If you go to the move, do not offer to unpack the crystal. If you do, at best, nothing will get broken. At worst, it will be your luck to pull a sizeable Venetian glass vase out of the box, and it is in two pieces. (Well, Leland. As luck would have it, you happen to have some crazy glue with you. I think you should work fast cause the last guy caught breaking a crystal piece is still back in Paris in a very dark room in the basement.)

9 If you go to the move, do not help Tiny the WWF champ unload that harpsichord. If you do, at best, Tiny will want to do it himself. At worst, Tiny, who just finished moving school, will let you have an end. (Too bad your side is the heavest, Lars. Try not to drop that silver and gold-encrusted instram—. Oops, too late, I think. Tiny is not going to get over this very soon. Let him give you an arm lock. You’ll both feel better.)

8 If you go to the move, do not tell Louis XIV that his beautiful silver chairs and throne need to be melted down to pay for the cost of the Nine Year’s War. If you do, at best, he will give you a head start. At worst, although he knows you are right, you are the messenger. (The old rule of taking it out on the messenger is once again at play here, Linus. Don’t worry. Someone will release you from the dungeon after Louis comes to his senses. Yes, you make a good point. It might take years.)

7 If you go to the move, do not think you can pick up a game of catch in the Hall of mirrors. If you do, at best you will be throwing a pillow. At worst, you are using a wooden croquet ball. (Just when you thought you had it, Lamont, the ball skips off your fingers into the seven-year bad luck zone. Don’t even try to clean up the mess. Just run.)

6 If you go to the move, do not complain about the size room you get. If you do, at best the person hearing your complaint has heard it all before. At worst, your claim is given to someone who has a smaller room than you. (That did not work well, Laurence. Yes, you have a larger room, but unfortunately, it is in the stable.)

5 If you go to the move, do not think a bottle of wine will be an adequate house warming gift. If you do, at best, it will get lost in the rush. At worst, Louis XIV will personally read your card out loud. (To add insult to injury, Leopold, your gift got the cheapskate of the day award. Don’t worry about being a laughing stock, right now, Louis is commissioning an artist to do a statue of you and your bottle of wine.)

4 If you go to the move, do not give anyone decorating advice. If you do, at best, the person you are talking to is in charge of the landscaping. At worst, you give your opinions to Charles Le Brun, the head of interior design. (That sound is Le Brun laughing at your suggestion for a more minimalist treatment of the interior design. If you are lucky, Lon Le Brun won’t have you escorted off the property. On second thought, those husky guards seem to be intent on just that.)

3. If you go to the move, do not volunteer to organize the first state dinner. If you do, at best, you’ll be turned down. At worst you will be given the job. (First off, Leander, there are over six thousand government, court, and courtier personnel that would be expecting an invitation. Second of all, if you slight one who is important, your future will look bleak indeed. Good luck with this. Have a nice day.)

2 If you go to the move, do not forget to check the wagon for anything left. If you do, at best, all the items have been unloaded. At worst, you’ll leave the symbol of le Roi Soleil (Louis XIV the Sun God) in the back of the wagon. (Nice going, Layton. That symbol is pure gold, and it would take you a lifetime to pay it back if lost. Better start hunting now before the king notices it missing. Uh oh. By the look on the face of his royalness, it is already too late.)

1 If you go to the move, do not offer to clean the bedrooms. If you do, at best someone will tell you there is a staff for that. At worst, you’ll get that assignment. (Since there are 700 bedrooms in the palace, Lyndon, you might consider the fact that you now have a guaranteed job for life. Here tale this Swiffer. You might need it.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Pots and Plants Flash Plant Sale

May 3, 2020May 2, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 103 Comments

This week’s view is of a special place. Since I am a member of the household that needs to stay home, The Producer bravely went to the event. She is the creative genius behind the photos.

Views of the neighborhood

Pots and Plants had a plant sale on Flamingo Drive in Lakeway, TX. They have a plant sale every March. This year it was extended into April. The flamingos have a storied past that included standing up to the city council when ordered to be removed. They were declared pieces of art and still remain. If you would like to read the whole story HERE is a link.

A signpost up ahead indicating the plant sale.

A far away shot of the pop-up (Flash) plant sale being held in the parking lot of an office building.

A little closer view of the rules. I think we all know the COVID-19 rules.

A shot of succulents.

A type of marigold.

Terrific looking annuals.

A collection of hanging baskets.

A closer look at a hanging basket.

Another hanging basket.

Collection of Bougainvilla.

How to take care of them.

Veggy plants.

A view of the selling space.

The home away from home Airstream where the proprietor’s stay.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Directions”

May 2, 2020May 1, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

Any questions call 1-800-555-2000 for Linda Hill has to explain week’s prompt. Better yet, we have her in person. Here’s Linda. 🎶 Ta-da dee da da. Ta ta ta daaaaa.🎶

Thank ya, thank ya, thank ya very much. Here is the prompt.

“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “directions.” Find a household cleaner/bottle of shampoo/something in the freezer/anything you can find with instructions on it, then copy down a single direction (just one) on how to use/cook/etc. your chosen thing, and make it the first line or word of your post. Then keep writing whatever comes out. Have fun!”

Hoo Wee, this will be fun. Thanks, Linda. Let’s give her a round of applause in appreciation, folks. *Cheer, clap, clap, clap, whistle, stomp, clap.*

“Why are you in the shower with your clothes on?”

“Oh, you startled me.”

“I was going to use this, so you startled me first.”

“I’m looking for some directions.”

“Like walk out of there, pass through the door, and go to the bedroom kind of directions?”

“No. LIke lather, rinse, and repeat kind of directions.”

“This has got to be another Stream of Consciousness Saturday kind of thing, right?”

“That sounds like a great song lyric, but yes.”

“Okay, so you have your directions. How about giving someone else a chance to contemplate life in a stream of hot water.”

“I’m not sure I want to use that one.”

“I’m praying this explanation isn’t one of those all morning kind of things that makes me want to shoot myself.”

“No. You see, I get a choice of which line to use in the directions.”

“Okay, so take the bottle with you and figure it out.”

“Do I use the ‘small dab’ line?”

“You never use a small dab of anything, so I would skip that one.”

“How about, ‘Lather briskly?”‘

“‘Briskly’ is not in your wheelhouse although ‘lather’ is one of your consistent traits.”

“Rince well?”

“Has possibilities.”

“Repeat”

“Which you usually have to do.”

“I got it.”

“Be still my heart. what is it?”

“Any questions call 1-800-555-2000.”

“I think you have it. Now if you will excuse me.”

“Want company?”

“George Clooney maybe?”

“See you later.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

May 1, 2020April 30, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 93 Comments

“I think you are right Little One. It is Friday.”
“Oh, Goodie.”

Another Friday has arrived, and we are not too sure what that means anymore. Well, for one thing, it means that whatever annoyance we had to go through with our work at home situation will be over in about eight hours. It also means that this is the first day of a new month. That always gives us hope for a new beginning.

Here in Texas, the governor has opened up individual businesses. He has set a limit of 25% occupancy, which means most restaurants will not open due to the high cost of start-up versus the return. Most will still offer carry out and delivery.

Also, the governor indicated that the take out and mixed drink accommodation may become permanent. Once that cat is out of the bag, it is tough to get it back in. On a survey here (very unofficial) by the local TV station, 75% of those polled responded that they had taken advantage of the take-home or delivery of mixed drinks. I guess this could cut down on the drinking and driving at least.

I have to share an agent rejection that I had this week. I submitted my material last Sunday evening at about 5:30 PM. This was done on the agency form and included a query letter, a bio, and the first five pages of the manuscript. I got an answer back at 8:30 PM. So on a Sunday, the agent was standing by the computer to “carefully evaluate” my submission. You gotta say that is one dedicated agent. Hahaha.

Today’s John Ku talks about continuing with your goals, no matter the obstacles like automated submission forms with automated responses. I hope you have a great weekend.

It’s your goal after all,

No matter the obstacle. . .

Your own choice to quit.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Lucy and Twiggy at Play

April 30, 2020April 29, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 78 Comments

“How about a game of Whale?”

“We played that already today.”

A Little Personal

“Aw, gee. I thought you liked whale.”

“I do it’s just we should play something else.”

A little Personal

“Dad. Lucy won’t play whale with me.”

“Go get another toy, then.”

A Little Personal

“Okay then, I’ll get popcorn.”

“Gad. We played with popcorn yesterday for like twelve hours.”

A Little Personal

“Okay, here’s a popcorn ball. I’ll throw it, and you go get it.”

“How about I throw it, and you go get it?”

A Little Personal

“Now, wait a minute. I’m the one inventing this game.”

“Yeah, and I’m the one who keeps getting worn out.”

A little personal

“Okay. Last chance. Fetch the popcorn ball or suffer the consequences.”

“I’ll take the consequences for a thousand, Alex.”

A Little personal

“Okay, the first is a straddle.”

“Still not going to chase the popcorn ball.”

“Next is a layover Dutch rub.”

“Nope.”

“The final is the super insulting head sit.”

“Now, you’ve done it.”

“Oh, I like it. The water buffalo tries to gore the puma.”

“Or the lion is about to consume the lamb for lunch.”

“But the puma strikes back, and the buffalo goes down.”

“Where she stays for the afternoon.”

A Little personal

“Okay. You throw the popcorn ball and I’ll fetch it.”

“The buffalo licks her wounds, and then tells the puma, ‘Give me five.”‘

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

April 29, 2020April 28, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

“Not Friday Right?”
“Right Little One. A couple of more days.”
“I can wait.”

It is Wednesday Story Day again, and last week. It was clear that the Reno SWAT team had information that Larry and Andrew were holding hostages. In discussion with the SWAT team leader, Larry convinced him to give a call to his boss to confirm the fact that Andrew had placed the 911 call and that it is not a hostage situation. Larry also offered to give himself up if the press was a witness. The SWAT leader told Larry the media was not in the area. We better get back since I see the SWAT team leader walking back to his position outside the Starbucks. He gives Larry’s phone a call.

“Yes, Lieutenant.”

“I made the call and talked to the operator who took the 911 call.”

“Yes?”

“She confirmed that an individual made the call and pretty much described what you told me.”

“She didn’t get a name, did she?”

“No. But she gave me the phone number of the caller.”

“Well, that’s something.”

“Is there another phone in there?”

“Yes, it’s the one belonging to Andrew Cummings, my associate. He’s the one who placed the call.”

“What’s the number?”

“Hold on, let me ask. Andrew, what’s your phone number? The SWAT guy wants to verify you made the call.”

“It’s a 617-555-4000.”

“Lieutenant it’s—”

“Never mind, I already heard it. Okay, it checks out. Who else is in there?”

“The barista who calls himself Bob.”

“Let me speak to him.”

“Hey, Bob. The lieutenant wants to talk to you.”

“M-me? What for?”

“Why don’t you ask him. Here’s the phone.”

“Er… hello?”

“Yes, hello. This is lieutenant Mayfield of the Reno Swat Rescue team. Do not say anything. Just respond to my questions with yes or no. Understood?”

“Y-yes.”

“Are you in any danger?”

“No.”

“Is anyone listening to this call?”

“No.”

“Do you believe you are there against your will?”

“No. These guys saved my life.”

“Give me back to Detective Dunfee.”

“Yes, sir. Here he is.”

“Detective?”

“Yes, lieutenant?”

“We are coming in.”

“That’s fine, but how do I know you won’t shoot us.”

“You have my word. There is something funny going on and intend to find out what it is.”

“So, you believe what I said.”

“Yeah, no reason not to at this point. Put your gun away and stand back away from the door. We are coming in.”

“I hope I don’t regret this.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #260 by Keith Channing

April 28, 2020April 27, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries next Monday.”

The Photo.

Kreative Kue #260

“Hey, Roy. How do you do that?”

“What?”

“Move on the water.”

“Oh, that. I got this new thingy.”

“New thingy? What’s it called?”

“Moo Mover Handbasket.”

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Nah. it’s the latest thing.”

“How does it work?”

“You stand on a board and aim it with your feet.”

“Wow. Who would have thought?”

“Guy Dinkus.”

“Who?”

“The human who invented it. He got tired of slow-moving Moos, so he made this.”

“Does it work on land?”

“That’s what it was developed to do. I’m just using it for fun here in the lake.”

“Where’s the rest of your Moo members.”

“They went off with Guy.”

“Where’d they go?”

“Not sure.”

“How long ago?”

“Ten days.”

“Roy?”

“What?”

“You think Guy did something bad with them?”

“Like what?”

“I heard tell of a place called the abattoir.”

“Abattoir? What the heck is that?”

“It is the Moo equivalent of hell.”

“What goes on there.”

“Moos come in and then come out in little white packages.”

“Goodness, I hope not, but I have an uneasy feeling.”

“Why’s that?”

“The last thing I heard Guy say as we hit the road.”

“By the way. Why aren’t you with the Moo Members?”

“I was but took a wrong turn. Guy never missed me.”

“Okay, so what did he say as you hit the road?”

“Saddle up, ladies. We’re going to hell in a handbasket.”

“You dog.”

“Make that you, Moo. Hahahaha.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Mutiny on the Bounty in 1789

April 27, 2020April 26, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 71 Comments

This week marks the 231st anniversary of the mutiny on the Bounty in 1789. We all want to go there to see how close the actual event was to the various movies and books written about it. Of course, you will want to bring this list with you. Hopefully, it will prevent any mistakes that could put a tear in the time continuum. Hop on the time train and let’s go.

Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Mutiny on the Bounty in 1789.

10 If you are there, do not ask Lieutenant Bligh why he doesn’t have a captain’s rank. If you do, at best, he will be distracted. At worse, you will remind him that he took a significant cut in pay to take command of the Bounty. You see, Luke, Bligh was captain of the Britannia, a merchant’s vessel. He was earning £500 (about $95,000 US today) a year and was only paid £71 (about $12,000 US today) to command the Bounty. He took the assignment since it was better than being assigned to shore which would have meant a 50% pay cut. He also mentioned that you will enjoy meeting his cat with nine tails or something like that)

9 If you are there, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ if he would like to take your place in the longboat being launched with Bligh and his loyalists on board. If you do, at best, Tiny will think you are joking. At worst, Tiny, who just declared himself loyal to Fletcher Christian, will want to keep you quiet. (Tiny does not wish for his shipmates to question his loyalty, Logan. I think you are in for a brief flight that will end up with you in the water.)

8 If you are there, do not tell John Fryer, the sailing master, that he reminds you of Jack Sparrow. If you do, at best, he won’t hear you. At worst, John will want to know who Jack Sparrow is. (if you tell him Jack is a pirate in the movies, Lee you just know this won’t go well.)

7 If you are there, do not laugh out loud when you hear that the cargo is breadfruit trees. If you do, at best the crew will think you are odd. At worst, you will bring to light the folly of the original mission. (The breadfruit trees were to be transported to the West Indies from Tahiti. There they were to be planted, and their fruit used to feed slaves. Right now, a bunch of the crew seems to think you may know something, Landon. You don’t want to lead this mutiny.)

6 If you are there, do not criticize the crew for their handling of Bligh. If you do, at best they will think you a softy. At worst, they will think you are siding with Bligh. (It looks like you are going to join the other 19 in the launch, Louis. I think I would try to talk them out of putting you in there since your presence might be the one too many that will tip the boat in a rough sea. The 19 have it dangerously overloaded as it is.)

5 If you are there, do not argue with the mutineers about weather to head for Tahiti or Pitcairn island to hide out. If you do, at best they will think you are joking. At worst, you will be considered a pain and be given another choice. (You see, Leon it was decided to let those off in Tahiti who wanted to be there and the rest to proceed to try and find Pitcairn island which was discovered in 1765 but never documented as to its exact location. So each man has a choice of where to be. Looks like your third choice is to wear a sounding plummet (weight) around your neck when you take a walk on water.)

4 If you are there and decide to stay on till Pitcairn island, do not ask any of the 14 Tahitian women kidnapped by Christian can go out on a date with you. If you do, at best, they will think you are drunk. At worst, the 6 Tahitian men and eight mutineers who have a relationship with them may take offense. (Nothing like hitting on the girlfriend of Fletcher Christian Lewis. I hear he is looking for you, and he is carrying two cutlasses. I’ll bet one is for you.)

3 If you are there, do not tell the mutineers what you know about how those on Tahiti turned out. If you do, at best they won’t believe you. At worst, they will think you are an agent of the crown. (You see Leonardo, all 14 of the mutineers were captured and place on the prison ship Pandora. The ship ran aground, and four of the mutineers drowned. The remaining ten were transported bound hand and foot to England for trial. Looks like they want to see you swim to England.)

2 If you are there, also do not tell those on Pitcairn Island how they turned out. If you do, at best, they will think you are telling a fictional story. At worse, they will think you are a sorcerer. (All but two of the mutineers (including Fletcher Christian) were killed. The last two; Young and Adams, took care of the women and 19 children until Young died in 1800 and Adams in 1829. Descendants of the mutineers still live there. You think anyone will believe that, Lamar?)

1 If you are there, do not tell the mutineers how Bligh turned out. If you do, at best no one will care. At worst, they will think you are telling a cruel joke. (Bligh went on to serve as captain of more English ships, and Bligh was promoted to rear-admiral in 1811 and Vice-Admiral in 1814. The good news for the mutineers would be he was not offered further naval appointments after being appointed to Vice-Admiral. Let’s hope the good news allows you to keep your head, Lane.)

Views of the Neighborhood – Humanity Part Two

April 26, 2020April 25, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 79 Comments

Our walk in the neighborhood turned up evidence that we humans have a sense of caring for one another. An anonymous person or persons left messages of hope throughout the Hamilton Greenbelt. This is the second of two parts since there were too many photos for one post. If you missed last week’s post, HERE is a link.

Views of the Neighborhood

The entrance to the Greenbelt.

Views of the Neighborhood

Our next sign. Yes, we are in this together.

An excellent place to dump your worries.

The answer just might be, “Yes.”

I just had to take a shot of the Lillie pads.

Hello and good-bye.

Waterfall.

Spillway. The sound here is fantastic.

Something we all need more of these days.

A hug and a kiss would be welcome too.

I like the little “Connect,” pointing to “Grateful.” Let’s hope when we can connect, we will be grateful.

Views of the Neighborhood

Here it is the end of our walk. I hope you all have a super week. Thanks for coming with me today.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Val”

April 25, 2020April 27, 2020 ~ John W. Howell ~ 76 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again, and here is Linda Hill to explain the prompt for this week.

“Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “val.” Find a word that starts with “val” or if you’re not doing the A to Z Challenge, find a word that just has “val” in it, and use that word any way you’d like. Enjoy!” Thank you, Linda. I always like the wish of “enjoy” at the end. Since I’m not doing the A to Z challenge, I need to find a word with “val” in it. So, there we have it. If you would like to have some fun, go, visit Linda’s blog and read up on how easy it is. Here is the link.