This week marks the 231st anniversary of the mutiny on the Bounty in 1789. We all want to go there to see how close the actual event was to the various movies and books written about it. Of course, you will want to bring this list with you. Hopefully, it will prevent any mistakes that could put a tear in the time continuum. Hop on the time train and let’s go.
Top Ten Things Not to Do at the Mutiny on the Bounty in 1789.
10 If you are there, do not ask Lieutenant Bligh why he doesn’t have a captain’s rank. If you do, at best, he will be distracted. At worse, you will remind him that he took a significant cut in pay to take command of the Bounty. You see, Luke, Bligh was captain of the Britannia, a merchant’s vessel. He was earning £500 (about $95,000 US today) a year and was only paid £71 (about $12,000 US today) to command the Bounty. He took the assignment since it was better than being assigned to shore which would have meant a 50% pay cut. He also mentioned that you will enjoy meeting his cat with nine tails or something like that)
9 If you are there, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ if he would like to take your place in the longboat being launched with Bligh and his loyalists on board. If you do, at best, Tiny will think you are joking. At worst, Tiny, who just declared himself loyal to Fletcher Christian, will want to keep you quiet. (Tiny does not wish for his shipmates to question his loyalty, Logan. I think you are in for a brief flight that will end up with you in the water.)
8 If you are there, do not tell John Fryer, the sailing master, that he reminds you of Jack Sparrow. If you do, at best, he won’t hear you. At worst, John will want to know who Jack Sparrow is. (if you tell him Jack is a pirate in the movies, Lee you just know this won’t go well.)
7 If you are there, do not laugh out loud when you hear that the cargo is breadfruit trees. If you do, at best the crew will think you are odd. At worst, you will bring to light the folly of the original mission. (The breadfruit trees were to be transported to the West Indies from Tahiti. There they were to be planted, and their fruit used to feed slaves. Right now, a bunch of the crew seems to think you may know something, Landon. You don’t want to lead this mutiny.)
6 If you are there, do not criticize the crew for their handling of Bligh. If you do, at best they will think you a softy. At worst, they will think you are siding with Bligh. (It looks like you are going to join the other 19 in the launch, Louis. I think I would try to talk them out of putting you in there since your presence might be the one too many that will tip the boat in a rough sea. The 19 have it dangerously overloaded as it is.)
5 If you are there, do not argue with the mutineers about weather to head for Tahiti or Pitcairn island to hide out. If you do, at best they will think you are joking. At worst, you will be considered a pain and be given another choice. (You see, Leon it was decided to let those off in Tahiti who wanted to be there and the rest to proceed to try and find Pitcairn island which was discovered in 1765 but never documented as to its exact location. So each man has a choice of where to be. Looks like your third choice is to wear a sounding plummet (weight) around your neck when you take a walk on water.)
4 If you are there and decide to stay on till Pitcairn island, do not ask any of the 14 Tahitian women kidnapped by Christian can go out on a date with you. If you do, at best, they will think you are drunk. At worst, the 6 Tahitian men and eight mutineers who have a relationship with them may take offense. (Nothing like hitting on the girlfriend of Fletcher Christian Lewis. I hear he is looking for you, and he is carrying two cutlasses. I’ll bet one is for you.)
3 If you are there, do not tell the mutineers what you know about how those on Tahiti turned out. If you do, at best they won’t believe you. At worst, they will think you are an agent of the crown. (You see Leonardo, all 14 of the mutineers were captured and place on the prison ship Pandora. The ship ran aground, and four of the mutineers drowned. The remaining ten were transported bound hand and foot to England for trial. Looks like they want to see you swim to England.)
2 If you are there, also do not tell those on Pitcairn Island how they turned out. If you do, at best, they will think you are telling a fictional story. At worse, they will think you are a sorcerer. (All but two of the mutineers (including Fletcher Christian) were killed. The last two; Young and Adams, took care of the women and 19 children until Young died in 1800 and Adams in 1829. Descendants of the mutineers still live there. You think anyone will believe that, Lamar?)
1 If you are there, do not tell the mutineers how Bligh turned out. If you do, at best no one will care. At worst, they will think you are telling a cruel joke. (Bligh went on to serve as captain of more English ships, and Bligh was promoted to rear-admiral in 1811 and Vice-Admiral in 1814. The good news for the mutineers would be he was not offered further naval appointments after being appointed to Vice-Admiral. Let’s hope the good news allows you to keep your head, Lane.)