Top Ten Things Not To Do Thinking Spring is Right Around the Corner

March 19, 2018March 18, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 80 Comments

The inspiration for this list came from reading all the posts where folks have anticipated the first day of spring (tomorrow) only to be faced with tons of Ice, snow, and sleet. Knowing spring is here only makes the reversal in weather more demoralizing.

10 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not clean out the garage. If you do, at best you’ll need heavy winter clothes. At worst you’ll get everything out on the driveway just as a nor’easter hits. (Maybe after the thaw you’ll be able to find that snow shovel, Dann.)

9 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not hire Tiny the WWF champ to prune your shrubs. If you do, at best he won’t show. At worst, he just graduated from landscaping school where the last course was labelled “start over.” (Amazing what a yard looks like with nubs for shrubs huh, Danyal? So there’s that set of tongs you dropped in the roses two years ago.)

8 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not go to Lowes and buy flats of annuals. If you do, at best they aren’t in stock yet. At worst, you can’t plant in twelve inches of snow so your living room floor is covered with the flats. (At least the cat is happy, Darby.)

7 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not go to the baseball season opener. If you do, at best you’ll have a seat under the overhang. At worst, you’ll sit for five innings thinking you are on an iceberg and then the game will be called on account of the blizzard. (It would have been fine except the pitcher could not see the catcher for the snow. Hows that frostbite treatment going, Dareau? Pretty embarrassing spot huh?)

6 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not hide Easter eggs. If you do, at best it will only rain. At worst, you might be able to wait out the storm and have the hunt in May. (I would not eat any of those eggs, Dariel.)

5 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not go golfing. If you do, at best there will be no lightning. At worst, you and your foresome have been listed as missing and possible victims of an avalanche. (Never thought to bring snow shoes did you, Darrence?)

4 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not invite everyone over for a spring cook out. If you do, at best your oven will put out a passable barbecue-like brisket. At worst, you will lose your grill and yourself in a snow drift and it will take eight of your guests forming a human chain just to rescue you. (What do you mean, “save the grill first,” Darroch?)

3 If you think spring is right around the corner, do not fly your new kite. If you do, at best the wind will be below 10 MPH. At worst, you will launch your kite just as the gale force winds and snow come roaring out of the North. (Hang on tightly, Darwin. This ride will be over pretty soon. Hopefully you will land where there is human habitation since I hear the bears are famished right now.)

2 If you think spring is just around the corner, do not paint that gazebo just yet. If you do, at best you’ll have water proof paint. At worst, just as you finish, the twelve inches of snow that falls will have a distinct tint like your gazabo used to have. (I hear you, Davi. They just don’t make paint like they used to.)

1 If you think spring is just around the corner, do not put out the patio furniture. If you do, at best those cushions will float. At worst, the whole set will disappear under a foot of snow and then be carried off by the spring thaw floods. (Makes you wonder about the greenhouse gas effect doesn’t it, Davion?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Spring Break II

March 18, 2018March 17, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 86 Comments

Here is a shot of a foggy Saturday morning. A few cars and campers. This is looking North.

Another Saturday morning shot looking South.

The same shot looking North in the afternoon

South. The cars are two deep as far as the eye can see.

Down at the sand level, we have the Game Warden looking for drugs

The police asking a crowd to move on.

Only in Texas would you see calf roping on the beach

The Game Warden is the highest level of Law enforcement in the state.

This shot is through the windshield of our golf cart. I just had to have a picture of that ugly truck.

I liked the shot of the dog which I thought was cute.

Now we are into the heart of darkness. Can you feel the bass?

More carrying on. Notice the person in the unicorn head. “Yes, you with the green beads. Do you have a question?”

No spring break day would be complete without an EMS run or ten.

Another familiar scene a State Trooper giving a field sobriety test. Public intoxication is a crime in Texas.

I thought I would throw in a shot of the local gentry taking in the scene.

Let’s leave the tour looking at an excellent, mild, and portable game of beer pong.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Green”

March 17, 2018March 16, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again and this week’s prompt is “green.” Linda Hill says we can use the word any way we want. It is tough not to think of green in the context of St. Patrick’s Day, but I’m certainly going to try. Not that I have anything against St. Patrick’s Day. In fact, as a graduate of Notre Dame University, I embrace the day. (Happy St. Patrick’s Day) It’s just that using green in that context is so easy I have to resist. If you would like to have conflicts with yourself like this, why not join the group? Visit Linda Hill’s blog and find out how to become insecure really fast. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2018/03/16/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-17-18/

“Green, green, it’s green they say
On the far side of the hill
Green, green, I’m going away
To where the grass is greener still.”

“Okay is this the New Christy Minstrels—dope addition?”

“Aw, come on. My singing isn’t that bad.”

“You need to step outside yourself and listen once.”

“You’re just envious.”

“Oh, yes. I’m green with envy that I can call hogs as well as you.”

“Call hogs? Where did that idea come from?”

“Look behind you.”

“What the heck is that?”

“In my view, it grunts like a hog, it smells like a hog. Probably is a hog.”

“Where do you suppose this hog came from?”

“I would guess a farm.”

“Now you’re being a smart-ass. I mean how did it get here?”

“Want to do another stanza of Green, Green and find out?”

“No thank you. You’re saying my singing called this hog over here.”

“Yup.”

“Can’t be. The nearest farm is twenty miles away.”

“I think we should enter this hog in the Olympics. Seems it can sprint pretty fast. Has great distance too.”

“Why don’t you do something to help me instead of cracking the jokes.”

“Okay tell you what. Let’s put up some signs in the neighborhood advertising this found hog. Someone is sure to claim it.”

“In the meantime, where do you propose we keep it?”

“I have a thought but you’re not going to like it.”

“Try me.”

“Your room.”

“My room?”

“I think it would be very happy there.”

“Very funny.”

“Wasn’t meant to be humorous.”

A Big Welcome to Harmony Kent Talking About Her New Book Backstage

March 16, 2018March 15, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 79 Comments

I am so delighted to have Harmony Kent visit Fiction Favorites. If you don’t know Harmony you should. She describes herself as a Multi-Genre Author. Editor. Proof Reader. Beta Reader. Reviewer. Also a rather mad amputee with a wicked sense of humour! She also recently became engaged.

Harmony is here today to give you an advance look at her new book. Without further palaver from me, here is Harmony Kent.

Hello, everyone. Harmony here. First up, huge thanks to John for hosting me today! He’s letting me visit today so that I can tell you about my latest book, Backstage. It is an erotic romance novel and deals with some of the sexual coercion scandals that have hit the acting industry in the last year.

Here’s a bit about the book for you:

SHE’S A HOPEFUL ACTRESS

Just when Emma thinks she’s found, love. Just when her big chance comes. Just as she finds a little confidence at long last. Right then, it all goes horribly wrong.

HE’S HER MENTOR

John believed he had found ‘the one.’ But the demons of his past wouldn’t allow him to break the leash, and when he gets the wrong end of the stick, it just confirms all his old prejudices and hurts.

THEN THERE’S THE BIG MAN WHO CAN MAKE OR BREAK A CAREER, AND THE DEMANDS HE MAKES

Derek Prentis is his name. Coercion is his game. He’s the man with the money. The big man who wants to keep Emma under his control and who will do anything to keep it that way.

THE PERFECT STORM OF ROMANCE, PASSION, AND GREED. AWAY FROM THE LIMELIGHT, IT’S ALL HAPPENING BACKSTAGE.

And here is a ‘sneek peek’ …

Mel called out to her, ‘Emma, could you come here for a minute?’

Though her gut instinct insisted that she walk on and ignore the woman, Emma didn’t want to antagonise her any further, so she complied. Mel stood at the mirror, touching up her lipstick. Someone shuffled behind the privacy screen; probably one of the OAP group come early.

Mel finished up and turned to face Emma. Her smiled looked forced. ‘I just wanted to say well done and all that.’ Then she walked to the open doorway. ‘Really, you deserve everything you get.’ With those ominous words, she exited the room and closed the door behind her. Emma stood for a moment, trying to work out the implications of her words. Not for a minute did she believe that Mel had referred to the gig she’d just landed.

Movement from the privacy screen gave her the answer. Derek Prentis stepped out from behind it, adjusting himself through his suit trousers. Emma flashed a smile and moved for the door. She didn’t get there fast enough. As before, he pinned her against it, only this time face forward. His erection dug into her buttocks.

That bitch had set her up. How long would it take for John to notice she’d gone missing?

If you enjoyed reading about Backstage, you can pre-order it now at Amazon … US LINK and UK LINK. And it goes on live sale on March 30^th. Thanks so much for sticking with me this far.

Visit Harmony on Twitter and at her author page. You will love getting to know her better.

Twitter: @harmony_kent

Harmony Kent Author Page: Amazon

Friday – JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

March 16, 2018March 15, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 55 Comments

It all begins fine,

The Gremlins put in two cents . . .

The timeline heads South.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Getting Ready for a Book Fair

March 15, 2018March 15, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 101 Comments

“This is the life, Bailey.”

“Mmmff. Huh?”

“Ah never mind. Oops, there goes the boss again.”

“You know the boss has been a little busy today. I’m going to ask what is going on.”

“Okay, Lucy. You do that. I hope you don’t mind me getting a little more shut-eye.”

“Yeah stay there. I’ll yell at him.”

“What is it, Lucy?”

“Bailey and I think you are moving way too fast for an old guy.”

“Oh is that right. Well, I’m preparing for the Galveston Book Festival On March 24th is all.”

“The what?

“Come inside, I’ll show you.”

“Whoa. What the heck is that?”

“That’s my banner. It goes behind my table, so people know who I am.”

“Thrillers by John W. Howell. Who’s that?”

“Can you help, Bailey?”

“That is Pop’s real name.”

“Jeez, Boss. I never hear anyone call you John W. Howell.”

“I know. Lucy.”

“So, I see cases of books. This one is opened.”

“Yes, I was just checking them to make sure I have some of each.”

“Oh, I get it. Those are big pictures of your books up on that banner.”

“There you go. I think you have it now.”

“What about this table, Pops.”

“That’s where mom is putting bookmarks together.”

“Bookmarks? What are those?”

“People who read books like to remember where they left off, so these little things help do that. I will be giving them away. Along with Swedish Fish and some Library cards.”

“You can’t sell these?”

“I’m selling books. These are just gifts to readers.”

“Let me look closer. Oh, I see now.”

“They are just a little gift of appreciation.”

“Hey Lucy, you see these?”

“Yeah, I saw them. I think I’ll curl up with a good book now.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

March 14, 2018March 13, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

Wednesday Story Day again and last week we saw Frank Plano visit Lucas with the thought of being able to talk to Trish, his sister. Lucas didn’t have her phone number so the best Frank could do was leave his card with Lucas and hope that she gives him a call. I see Frank left the hospital and look who is pulling into visitor parking. None other than Trish herself. She must be coming to see Lucas. Frank pulled out of the parking lot without seeing her. She didn’t see Frank either and is now going into the hostel. Let’s get to Lucas’ room to see how Trish reacts to Lucas telling her about Frank’s visit. Don’t you just love it when folks get put on the spot?

“Hey, big brother. How you feeling today?”
“Hi, sis. I feel great. Looks like I’m going to be released soon.”
“Oh, that’s great. I want you to know you live like an animal.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Your place looks like a bear cave that’s had too many bears living in it.”
“Yeah, I’m not the neatest.”
“Neatest? You make neat sound like a swear word.”
“Ha ha ha. You sure know how to make me laugh.”
“Well anyway. I cleaned up the mess and moved my stuff into your spare bedroom. Too bad you only have one bathroom though.”
“I’m sorry. I guess that’s why the rent is so low.”
“Nice one, Lucas.”
“I couldn’t help myself, sis. Now I feel like shit for bringing the subject up.”
“Naw, forget it. It was a good joke and true. I really should give you money, but I don’t have any.”
“I know that. You’ve got a few million coming. You can pay rent then.”
“Live with you when I have millions? That is a laugh and certainly shows your arrogance.”
“I suppose it does. I am the best roommate after all.”
“You are still my brother, and I don’t fancy having you around every night.”
“I could say the same. And that reminds me. Frank Plano asked that you give him a call.”
“Frank Plano? He’s that PI right?”
“That’s the one.”
“What the hell does he want?”
“He asked me when you and Jason McDonnell met.”
“When we met? What did you tell him?”
“That I introduced you here in the hospital.”
“Okay. That is the truth.”
“So why are you upset?”
“I’m not upset I just don’t like people asking questions about me to someone other than me.”
“So you’ll call him? He wanted to get the information directly rather than through me.”
“Damn.”
“What?”
“I’m telling you. I hate it when others get up into my business.”
“Come on Trish. It’s no big deal.”
“I have to go, Lucas. I’ll check with you later.”

The Gemini Connection by Teri Polen – Cover and Advance Order

March 13, 2018March 12, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 38 Comments

The Gemini Connection
by Teri Polen
Paperback Release Date: May 31, 2018
E-book Release Date: June 7, 2018
Young Adult > Sci-Fi/Fantasy > Thriller

Teen twin brothers Evan and Simon Resnik are fiercely loyal to each other and share an unusual bond-they experience each other’s emotions as their own and can sense where the other is.

On their dying planet of Tage, scientists work tirelessly on its survival. Like the twins’ parents, Simon is a science prodigy, recruited at a young age to work with the brilliant creator of Scientific Innovations. To the bitter disappointment of their parents, Evan shows no aptitude or interest in science. As a Mindbender, he travels into the minds of scientists to locate buried memories, connect ideas and concepts, and battle recurring nightmares.

When Simon mysteriously disappears, Evan is plunged into a world of loss and unbearable guilt. For the first time, he can’t ‘feel’ Simon-it’s like he no longer exists. Evan blames himself. No one knows that he ignored his brother’s pleas for help on the night he went missing.

A year later, Simon is still gone. Evan lost his twin, but Tage might have lost its last hope of survival when it’s discovered that Simon’s unfinished project could be its salvation. Evan is determined to find him-somewhere-and bring Simon home. Their unusual connection might be more extraordinary than they know, and the key to locating Simon.

The Gemini Connection paperback is available for preorder at the following locations:

Amazon
Barnes & Noble
And for a discount at Black Rose Writing

You can find Teri at the following locations:

Website / Twitter / Facebook / Instagram / Pinterest / Goodreads / Amazon

Tuesday – Anything Possible -Kreative Kue #165 by Keith Channing

March 13, 2018March 12, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

Using this photo (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.

The photo.

“So before our next record by the New Dellys, I want to introduce you to a person I have in the studio with me today. Welcome, Aakanksha.”

“Why thank you, Aditya. It is a pleasure to be with you today.”

“I know our listening audience needs no introduction to you. I don’t think there is a person on Earth who does not know of you.”

“My goodness, you certainly are making me blush.”

“You deserve every accolade. Do you mind if I ask a few questions?”

“No, of course not. I’m so excited to be on your show. Ask anything you want.”

“I see by my notes you were born and raised in New Delhi.”

“Yes. I am one of the fortunate ones in that I had the opportunity to attend school and go on to university.”

“Was it in the university that you learned your craft.”

“Oh yes. I took extensive training and worked hard to be the best. We formed a group in my freshman year and have been together since.”

“Well, that certainly paid off. I think you are recognized as the foremost expert in your field.”

“You favor me with such nice words, Aditya. I have to believe there are others who are just as talented as I.”

“Yes, but none have achieved your notoriety.”

“I attribute that to being in the right place at the right time.”

“You certainly have starred in a lot of videos, Aakanksha.”

“I have had a lot of help along the way.”

“Now turning to the future. What can you tell us about your future projects?”

“Aw, Aditya you know my projects are surrounded by super secret security. I ‘ll give you a hint though.”

“That would be swell. Listen up folks you are going to get a hint about the next Aakanksha project. Okay, what is the hint?”

“I’ll give you one word, Brinks.”

“OMG, you talking about hitting the Brinks organization.”

“That’s all I can say for now. Your fans will be reading about a spectacular bank job shortly.”

“Wow. That’s all the time we have today. I want to thank Aakanksha the most notorious Robin Hood hold up artist in all the country.”

“Thank you, Aditya. It was a pleasure to be with you. Goodbye folks.”

Top Ten Things Not to Do If You Are Called for Jury Duty

March 12, 2018March 11, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 89 Comments

The inspiration for this list was reading about Dan Antion’s experience with being called for jury duty. I asked Dan if he wouldn’t mind sharing what it was like. He graciously sent the rules of jury duty for my review. I have to tell you, Dan is the kind of guy who would never do any of these.

10 If you are called for jury duty, do not ignore the summons. If you do, at best the sheriff will greet you before you go to work. At worst, your co-workers will be entertained by the process known as the “perp walk.” (Who takes official papers seriously, Dubhgan? looks like the courts do.)

9 If you are called for jury duty, do not forget to wear your “jurist badge.” If you do, at best someone may confuse you with a lawyer. At worst, Tiny the WWF champ and newest member of the sheriff’s department will have you on the floor with your hand’s zip-tied behind you. (You do look good in that jumpsuit, Dughall. I know, it would have been kind of Tiny to ask who you were but he had a job to do.)

8 If you are called for jury duty, do not forget to check in with the clerk when you go on breaks or leave for the day. If you do, at best you’ll be marked absent and will have to serve again. At worst, an overzealous judge will think you are ignoring your duty and issue a summons for your arrest for contempt of court. (Now that past due parking ticket takes on a new meaning right, Duran? BTW what is a SWAT team doing at the front door with that battering ram?)

7 If you are called for jury duty, do not park anywhere but in the designated juror parking lot. If you do, at best you might get a ticket or be towed. At worst, you’ll return to your car and find it up on cement blocks. (Why are courthouses in the worst neighborhoods, Dusty? Oh look your engine is gone too.)

6 If you are called for jury duty, do not think being excused early means you don’t have to return to work. If you do, at best your boss will get a report of the hours. At worst, while you are celebrating the half day off in your favorite place, your boss and the boss’ boss all come in for lunch.(Kinda hard to explain why you are not at the courthouse, Devyn. Especially since it is after 1:00 and ten miles away from here.)

5 If you are called for jury duty, do not turn on the news in the juror’s lounge. If you do, at best the burley bailiff will turn it off. At worst, you will be singled out as the person responsible for the motion by the defense for a new trial. (Of course, the trial has been going on for four weeks, and now all your fellow jurors have you to thank for the huge waste of time, Dixon.)

4 If you are called for jury duty, do not forget to turn off your cell phone. If you do, at best you’ll get no calls. At worst, just as the defense has concluded an emotional final argument, your phone goes off blaring your custom ringtone by the Who. (That long serious silence the defense was counting on just evaporated in laughter, Daegan. I’m not sure how they will feel about that move. I do know the judge just pounded the gavel head into sawdust.)

3 If you are called for jury duty, do not forget to bring your lunch. If you do, at best there will be a vending machine. At worst, there will be a vending machine but no way to make change. (You can still use that fiver, Dallen but I agree, five bucks seems like a lot for a Snickers bar.)

2 If you are called for jury duty, do not ignore the rules for walking around the courthouse. If you do, at best you may wander into the wrong court. At worst, you may go through a door that closes and locks behind you. (This is great, Damak. You have entered the private chambers of the judge and are being asked your name and what you are doing there. I think the next step is forced removal by that burley bailiff. Yup here he comes.)

1 If you are called for jury duty, do not think you can leave without filling out the attendance report. If you do, at best you’ll have to serve again. At worse, you won’t have proof you spent the last three weeks as a juror to give to your employer. (You thought the bureaucracy was terrible during jury duty. How about the red tape at the unemployment office, Danhy?)