Top Ten Things Not to Do While Holiday Shopping

December 5, 2016December 4, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 44 Comments

Holiday shopping

The inspiration for this list came from many visits to the retail world. Not that I have done all these things, but have seen them in real life.

Ten Things Not to Do While Holiday Shopping

10 If you are shopping for the holidays, do not even think of stealing a parking place. If you do, at best you might beat out an old lady. At worst, you may come back to a car that is only six inches tall. (Tiny the WWF champ took exception to you cutting him off to get his space)

9 If you are shopping for the holidays, do not help yourself from the Salvation Army pot. If you do, at best you’ll get a lump of coal as a present. At worse, you might be face to face with a furious Santa. (That gun was a surprise huh Ferd? Why do you think they use the term, “Army?”)

8 If you are shopping for the holidays, do not hog the gift wrap counter. If you do, at best the line behind you is short and filled with pacifists. At worst, you might be facing an unruly mob being lead by some jerk who keeps yelling, “Get a rope.”(Trading your gifts for freedom was an excellent idea, Rube)

7 If you are shopping for the holidays, do not ask passers-by their opinion on how something would look on your spouse. If you do, at best their answers will be suspect. At worse, you might encounter a fragile soul who just left a personnel review at work and the biggest criticism was their inability to make a decision. (You sure got to witness what the term “Going Postal” means didn’t you Buford?)

6 If you are shopping for the holidays, do not wait until the last-minute. If you do, at best you will have to settle for less than what you wanted to give. At worst, your state f panic will escalate to the point that you are throwing money at anything that looks or smells expensive. (The Bengal tiger seemed like the perfect gift yesterday. Has anyone seen grandma?)

5 If you are shopping for the holidays, do not ask a stranger to take your family holiday card photo in front of the gigantic mall tree. If you do, at best you might have a close up of the stranger’s finger. At worst, the stranger might decide to give a camera just like yours as a gift. (Funny how that person disappeared into the crowd hey Bunkie?)

4 If you are holiday shopping, do not wear a Santa hat and that ugly holiday sweater. If you do, at best most will think you’ve escaped from the home. At worst, the local news affiliate will feature you on the nightly news during their “Hard Luck Holiday Stories” segment. (Although all the packages and free food that showed up at your door is a bonus)

3 If you are holiday shopping, do not think a long stop at the local bar is the place to start. If you do, at best you’ll skip the shopping till tomorrow. At worse, you will buy almost everything you see. (The only thing that stopped you was your credit card company insisting that the BMW dealer confiscate and cut up your card)

2 If you are holiday shopping, do not hire a personal shopper to do the work for you. If you do, at best your instructions will be followed. At worst, your personal shopper disagrees with your choices and take matters into their own hands. (Just how is little Jimmy going to be able to play that video game when he is only six months old?)

1 If you are holiday shopping, do not try to accompany your spouse on the same trip. If you do, at best they will always know where you’ve been. At worst, they know where you’ve been and do not approve, and you will be back to square one. (You did save two dollars on gas though tight wad)

Views of the Neighborhood

December 4, 2016December 3, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 41 Comments

Last week I was able to cover one of the parks in Port Aransas. This week continues the park introduction with a view of I.B. Magee Beach Park.

I.B.Magee Park

I. B. Magee Beach Park is a 167-acre park offering camping, a bathhouse, observation deck, convenience store, electrical and sanitary hook-ups. There is also a primitive camping site. The park is named for I.B.Magee Jr. a Port Aransas resident who was known for his community support.

Let’s take a look at the central headquarters of the park.

I.B. Magee

This is a three-story structure located right on the beach. The two structures in the foreground are cold water showers and used to rinse off sand and salt water once coming off the beach. The warm water showers which are for campers are located in the structure. There are other shower locations in the park where four quarters will get you four minutes of hot water.

This next photo is of the rear of the structure. I want you to see the stairs up to the observation deck where we will be going next.

I.B. Magee

So here we are on the observation deck, and as you can see, there is a lot of Gulf out there. Yesterday was a bit stormy and overcast. This first view is of the beach area where the primitive camping takes place.(Off to the left)

I.B.Magee

Those covered structures are tables. The next shot shows a couple of kiteboarders at play.

I.B.Magee

I managed to catch a freighter moving toward the jetty. You can see the waves hitting the jetty.

I.B.Magee

One of the kiteboarders moved into the shot of the freighter, and I thought it was interesting.

I.B. Magee

Here is a shot down the beach toward the Horace Caldwell Pier. The close in tiles are part of the roof of the headquarters building. The pier is off int the distance. That little blue building is one of the coin-op showers I mentioned. We’ll go to the pier next.

I.B.Magee

Here is the pier.

I.B.Magee

From this pier, you can fish, grab a meal, rent equipment. and drink beer. This is the kind of place you would expect to see a number of old timers sharing stories. Of course, the weather has to be good. I mean temperatures in the low 70’s can get to your bones.

Well, that is the I.B.Magee Beach Park. Next week we will wrap up the park views.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “sh”

December 3, 2016December 2, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

SOCS

Shazam, it is time for Stream of Consciousness Saturday again and this week’s prompt is “sh.” We are to find a word that begins with “sh” and then use it as the basis for the post. Also, there is extra credit for starting the post with a “sh” word. ( Ahem please notice the first word on this page) If you would like to join the ~~torture~~ fun visit Linda Hill’s blog and find out how easy it is. Here’s the link https://lindaghill.com/2016/12/02/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-316/

“Shit.”

“What’s shaking?”

“I just hit my thumb with this shaky hammer.”

“Oh, you poor shattered thing. Did it hurt?”

“Now that you mention it. OUCH like a shark bite.”

“I’m sorry. At least you didn’t sheer your thumb off.”

“I shouldn’t be using this hammer anyway.”

“Well, I appreciate your effort. I just can’s stand this shabby place any longer. Here let me put your thumb in this icy water. You’ll be shipshape in no time.”

Ow. That hurts. By the way, what are you going to put in the shadowbox assuming I get it done?”

“Hold still. I was thinking of showing off some of my jewelry.”

“Aren’t you afraid some sharp thief might make off with it?”

“You have a point. Okay, maybe some shatterproof glass would keep them safe.”

“Provided you have the shadowbox attached securely to the shutters.”

“Can you do that? Attach the shutters and the shadowbox to the shed?”

“I think a strong sheet of metal underneath will hold it all.”

“You are so shocking at times.”

“Shocking? That doesn’t sound right. It’s almost shameful.”

“No, not at all. You are ingenious. Shaman like.”

“Now you are shoveling the bull big time.”

“Shame on you. I’m telling the truth.”

“Shyness prevents me from believing that you’re sincere.”

“Okay then. Maybe a shovel to the head would work.”

“Or a truce. Shall we?”

“Okay. Shake on it.”

“Shit, watch my thumb.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

December 2, 2016December 1, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 48 Comments

Friday

Another week is about to go into history. Friday is the measure of our lives it seems. We all look forward to it even if we are not chained to a full-time job. Friday has a sense of accomplishment attached to it that no other day can share. I think if Friday were an animal it would be a trumpeting elephant announcing its presence to the world. Friday crashes through trees and lets nothing get in the way. In short, Friday is awesome. Today’s JohnKu does not try to hide the idea of a boisterous Friday. I hope you like it and congratulations on making it this far. Oh, and by the way, His Revenge will be on sale for $0.99 starting December 8th through Sunday, December 11th in the US and the UK. (£0.99). I will say more as we get closer.

Friday by John W. Howell

No way to silence,

The obvious arrival. . .

Of our revered pal.

Thursday – A Little Personal – The #RRBC Writer’s Conference and Book Expo

December 1, 2016December 1, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 19 Comments

Beginning today (at 7:00 am Central Time) through Saturday Rave Reviews Book Club is hosting it’s annual Writer’s Conference and Book Expo. Please use this link to check it out. There are events for the public as well as members of the club. This link will take you to the Welcome Page where you can get an overview of what is included.

See this star?

That means that I will be there hosting an Author booth with my books and also along with John Fioravanti and Gwen Plano have a session you might like titled “Writing in the Senior Season.”

So don’t delay. Go see what’s going on.

Wednesday Story Day – AKA Hump Day

November 30, 2016November 28, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 59 Comments

Hump Day

Today is Wednesday Story Day and the start of a whole new story. For the regulars, you know that my stories are written entirely in dialog and without tags. The reason I do this is to continue to practice my dialog so that I can make it stronger. For any newcomers, I hope it won’t be too confusing and that you will enjoy the ride. So here we go.
“Hi, young man can I help you?”
“Yes, sir. I just got a job painting the widow Murphy’s house and I need some paint.”
“That is a mighty big house, son. You sure you can handle it.”
“Oh yes, sir. I have ladders and my own spray equipment. I will do a good job.”
“I’m sure you will. Now how much of what color do you want?”
“Well, I think I will need twenty gallons of this here ‘Autumn Harvest,’ and six gallons of the ‘Phantom White’ trim paint.”
“Yeah, that should do it. That is a lovely color for the widow’s house. I’m surprised she picked that one.”
“She told me to select the color and I think it will look good.”
“Wait a minute. Didn’t she pick the color? Has she seen it?”
“Nope. She said she didn’t care what color. I think this one will cover that gray just fine, though.”
“You know what son. I’ve been in the hardware business almost thirty years. If I were you, I would take a sample of this paint and show it to the widow. Otherwise, I think you might be in for a disappointment.”
“I’m pretty sure she meant what she said. No offense but I think I know what I’m doing.”
“Okay son. Just trying to help. You know there is no returns on a custom color.”
“Yes, I know that. Now please mix it up.”
“Coming right up. You want five gallon or one-gallon cans?”
“Let’s do the five-gallon buckets for the body color and one gallon for the trim.”
“You’re the boss. I’ve known the widow for a number of years and never thought of her as the kind to let someone else pick her colors.”

“I get that. It will be my worry though.”

“Yes sir.”

Tuesday – Anything’s possible – Kreative Kue #102

November 29, 2016November 28, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 24 Comments

As you know, I like prompts, and Keith Channing has one I enjoy. Here’s the deal in his own words. “Using this photo (Below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; and either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithkreates@channing.fr before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The picture

Kreative Kue 102

“I know you’re in there Pradeep.”

“Mmmumble.”

“I can’t understand you.”

“Quambackltr.”

“What are you saying. It is time to go to work.”

“Why can’t I catch a break?”

“I heard that. It’s almost nine o’clock. You need to get going. I’m paying for this cab, and it is not for sleeping but for earning money.”

“All right, all right. You don’t have to yell. I’m getting up.”

“Why do you sleep in this cab anyway? Isn’t it uncomfortable?”

“Better than on the park bench. Did you bring coffee?”

“Coffee? Do I look like I’m running room service? I’m your boss for heaven’s sake.”

“Doesn’t hurt to ask.”

“It does show a lack of respect.”

“Oh I’m sorry. I’ll bet that means no donut either.”

“That’s it. You’re fired.”

“Oh dear me. Whatever will I do? Here take the keys. You going to drive the cab now?”

“I’m the boss. Bosses don’t drive the cabs. Bosses own the cabs.”

“Okay boss. Good luck.”

“Where’er you going?”

“I don’t know.”

“Need a job?”

“Why yes. Yes, I do.”

“Want to drive a cab?”

“Sounds fun.”

“You’re hired.”

“Do I get coffee?”

Top Ten Things Not to do At The Dining Room Table

November 28, 2016November 27, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 55 Comments

Dining room table

The inspiration for this list came from the just completed Thanksgiving feast. I was very observant and did not see any of these things at our dining room table. I hope you enjoy the list.

10 At the dining room table, do not burp out loud. If you do at best, you can recover with an “excuse me.” At worst, all the relatives will now have verified evidence that you are an animal. (They long suspected it was true and you just gave them confirmation, Ferd)

9 At the dining room table, do not help yourself to food from someone else’s plate. If you do, at best you’ll be told to stop. At worst, your cousin Tiny, the WWF champ, will demonstrate a new hold. (Quit whining. That hand will be okay once you get a cast, Bunky)

8 At the dining room table, do not chew your food with your mouth open. If you do, at best you will gross out your family. At worst, grandma will take the opportunity to lecture everyone on proper manners. (Nothing like a two-hour tutorial on chewing with your mouth closed to put everyone on edge)

7 At the dining room table, do not assume your hostess meant for you to eat the fruit and nasturtiums out of the centerpiece. If you do, at best you will be thought of as odd. At worst, your hostess will calmly advise everyone that the centerpiece is to be donated to the local old folks home and she would appreciate it if there was something left to give. (Your face and the red table runner are the same color, huh Wheezer)

6 At the dining room table, do not talk about sex, politics, or religion. If you do, at best no one will follow suit. At worst, you will be the root cause of a donnybrook that does not have a good ending. (Those police officers are here to escort you to the station, Bud. It seems your brother-in-law didn’t take kindly to the wine bottle bonk.)

5 At the dining room table, do not insist on rolling in the TV to watch football. If you do, at best this will be your last invitation to dinner. At worst, your table mates will shout to each other above the noise of the game, and it won’t be worth the hassle. (Did you ever think you should be on a deserted island, Buster?)

4 At the dining room table, do not text or otherwise use your phone. If you do, at best your family’s looks should make you stop. At worst, someone will finally pluck the phone from your hand. (If you’re lucky they won’t dump it in the gravy bowl)

3 At the dining room table, do not make any Earth-shattering announcements. If you do, at best the long silence will be a killer. At worst, everyone will be thrown into disarray and will surely be sorry for whatever they said in reaction later. (Surely you could have waited to announce you were running away to join the circus, Chum)

2 At the dining room table, do not do your best imitation of a strong silent type. If you do, at best the conversation will be on everything but your interests. At worst, your table mates will believe something is bothering you and won’t let it rest until you come clean. (They were sure surprised to learn that what they see is what they get )

1 At the dining room table, do not think you need to race everyone to the finish. If you do, at best you’ll be waiting a long time for others to finish. At worst, the general impression will be that you haven’t had a good meal for a while. (That sure flies in te face of all that success bragging you were doing before dinner, huh Bruce?)

Views of the Neighborhood

November 27, 2016November 26, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 45 Comments

This week I went out yesterday to get some shots of the various parks in Port Aransas. I have to admit I have too many photos for one post. I will continue next week. Today I’m going to concentrate on one of the main parks in the city. The Community Park

Port Aransas Parks

This photo is of a softball field.

Port A parks

And a basketball court.

Port A parks

Now to step it up a notch it is the baseball field house

Port A pParks

And the field. Yes, that little yellow sign says 352 feet.

Port A Parks

There is also a skate park. (It is the mother of skate parks)

Port A parks

Here is the favorite of Lucy And Bailey.

Port A Parks

Here are Lucy and Bailey doing their cow imitation

Lucy and Bailey

Now to action

Bailey and Lucy

Back to rest

Bailey and Lucy

There is a pool. (Water is a little chilly)

Port A Parks

Photo of the pool was difficult since it doesn’t open until noon. I managed one before the police arrived..

Port A Parks

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt “Pretty”

November 26, 2016November 25, 2016 ~ John W. Howell ~ 20 Comments

SOCS

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday again. This week’s prompt is “pretty.” Linda Hill says we can use it any way we want. That’s pretty clear I guess. If you want to engage in this effort, please visit Linda’s blog and read up on the rules. (Not very many) Here is a link to her site.