Tapping my fingers on the counter has no effect on the speed of delivery of the only elixir that can be considered by me as lifesaving. The machine must make the frothy, full-flavored coffee in its own time. That is understood but it does not make it any easier to wait or understand the wait when every nerve is screaming for caffeine. The mind is strong, but the flesh is weak. To quote the flesh, “Give me coffee or someone gets hurt.”

Finally, the machinations are over, and my cup runnith full. One sip and the insurrection going on inside the body is put down. All the minions go back to work, and the day has begun. During the second sip, a slight sound is detected by the Arlo security system. A quick phone check shows the message, Movement, at the front door. Snapping on the two-way communication system, the question of who is there is transmitted to the outside. The response is surprising. Special Delivery. A signature is required.

A huge sigh escapes just at the thought of disarming the security system. But since there doesn’t seem to be an alternative. The tower machine guns are deactivated, the moat screen rolled, the concertina wire retracted, the boiling oil set to standby, the claymore mines detached, The trebuchet reset, the iron gate opened, and the locks and bolts thrown. Easing the door open, no one seems to be on the porch. There is a buzzing like a hive of bees. In a flash, a drone drops down and meets me eye to eye, so to speak. A metallic voice asks for my signature, quickly scrawled on a glass plate. An envelope is thrust at me from somewhere inside the drone. I take it, and the drone shoots straight up and disappears.

I can see the envelope is from Linda Hill. I open it and read the message inside. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “envelope.” Use it any way you’d like. Enjoy! To see how others handle the prompt, visit Linda’s blog. Here’s the link: https://lindaghill.com/2023/08/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-12-2023/

Envelope by John W. Howell © 2023

“Well, that was easy.”

“It was like it was made for me.”

“You use  the word ‘envelope’ every week.”

“I know, right?”

“Maybe Linda decided to give you a break.”

“Yeah, maybe.”

“So now that the prompt is nailed, what do we do now?”

“We could go to the library.”

“Um, why?”

“To pick up some books.”

“Books to read, you mean?”

“Yeah, that’s what you do with books.”

“Is there a chance it is on the way to the pub?”

“If you ask if we can stop at the pub after the library, the answer is yes.”

“How about before?”

“You’re pushing the envelope.”

“Okay, after is fine. I can hold out. Got Uber ordered.”

“Great. What kind of mess did you order this time?”

“Tell me you didn’t enjoy the other rides?”

“The road grader was a challenge.”

“Only cause it rained, and there was no room in the cab.”

“There was that too.”

“So the guy is here.”

“Where?”

“Over there.”

“All I see is a Good Humor truck.”

“That’s it. I must warn you he has a couple of stops before we arrive.”

“Did I ever tell you how much I dislike bells?”

“No, never. He going to throw in a Dreamsicle, too.”

“Just can’t wait.”

 

 

Thinking of the heat possibilities for the next ten days, the slow dribble of coffee and rising steam leads me to consider ice cubes in the brew. Shaking off the thought and taking the first sip causes the concern over hot stuff in the summer to fly out the window. Yes, it has been above 100 degrees F (37 C) for the last 28 days. The projection is for records in the above 105 categories (40 C) for the next ten days.

There is no choice but to hang on and pray that the power grid holds. This means dog walks in the morning and anything that needs to be done outside in the morning as well. We are expecting another stage of water conservation which will mark the end of watering any lawns that people have.

We have zero scape, so the water restrictions will not affect our garden. If this heat keeps up, though, I can imagine the time coming that will require a sponge bath in the sink. I think Twiggy will be the only one glad for the water reforms. Her love of bath is only surpassed by her love of a vet visit.

I am surprised that while watching the Weather Channel, the announcer breaks into the broadcast. “We have a message from Linda Hill,” is his lead-in. “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “pick a number.” Choose a number—any number—and write about it any way you’d like. Have fun!”

Gotta wonder how Linda does it. Anyway, if you would like to see how others handle the prompt, visit Linda’s blog. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2023/08/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-aug-5-2023/

Pick a Number by John W. Howell © 2023

“What number did you pick?”

“One hundred is the number.”

“I guess you are all too familiar with it.”

“Yeah. It’s like an old friend.”

“Not sure I would put it that way.”

“You know we call this part of the summer Hell’s Back Porch.”

“So I’ve heard. When’s it going to break.”

“I figure a day before the freeze.”

“What freeze?”

“They are projecting a colder than normal winter for Texas.”

“Does it ever end?”

“Well, beats the alternative as they say.”

“Lucky we still have VoooDoo Ranger.”

“Speaking of that.”

“Uber is here already. He’s right over there.”

“What is that thing?”

“A road grader.”

“Why?”

“You ever ride on a road grader?”

“No.”

“So, a new life experience. Will help you forget the heat.”

“It will be so cool in the pub once we get there. I’ll be grateful right?”

“Now you are getting it.”

“Notwithstanding, I’ll be soaking wet from sweat.”

“Nature’s cool down technique.”

“Fine.”

 

Serenity is having a cup of coffee and time to think of important matters. The machine has given up its addictive brew, and now, with feet up, the time seems right for those important thoughts. The first sip of nectar stimulates the brain into action. The first thought: One cannot live by bread alone. A good cup of coffee is the root of sustainable life.

Thinking that the important thought objective will be won congers the second: All things come to he who waits. A good cup of coffee is a virtue. Just as the third thought begins to bubble up from the subconscious, my ring doorbell detects a visitor. Grateful that the person heeds the “Do Not Ring the Doorbell” sign, a step over the sleeping Twiggy gets me to the security panel.

The tower machine guns are deactivated, the moat screen rolled, the concertina wire retracted, the boiling oil set to standby, the claymore mines detached, The trebuchet reset, the iron gate opened, and the locks and bolts opened. The front door is opened, and there stands someone who looks a lot like Bugs Bunny.

“Hi, Doc,” he says. “It’s my birthday, and I’ll cry if I want to.” He then hands me an envelope, which is from Linda Hill. “I was born on July 27th, 1940, and have decided you need some carrot cake.” Bugs then tosses a cake in my direction before turning and leaving.

Wiping cake from my eyes, I open the envelope. Inside is a message. It reads, Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “one/won.” Use one, use them both, use them any way you’d like. Bonus points if you use them both. Enjoy!

If you want to see how others handle the prompt, visit Linda’s blog. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2023/07/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-29-2023

One/Won by John W. Howell © 2023

“Squeeked by on that one.”

“Come on. I won it. Also, I need to thank Tom Okragly and Dan Conti for the Bugs information.”

“Yeah, but you had to take advantage of Bugs Bunny’s birthday to do it.”

“I call that fair.”

“Like a robber would say, he is ‘liberating the goods he steals.'”

“Where did that come from?”

“Deep thoughts from coffee.”

“Anyway, I did get the prompt done.”

“I suppose you can count it.”

“And I won the bonus. This calls for a drink.”

“Uber is waiting. Right over there.”

“That Bently  turbo convertible?”

“No, the one behind it.”

“The truck with the sheep?”

“Got a good deal.”

 

 

Waiting for my coffee to begin its journey from the bean hopper through the press and down the twin spouts, my thoughts turn to how nice it is to be in my own place. The aroma of the coffee filling the mug causes a reflection on how great the simple things of life are and how often they are taken for granted. Our brains don’t seem to be programmed to record the simple stuff but tend to make ample notes of the complex.

Jessica brought home that the fight or flight response is the record the brain plays repeatedly. When fighting isn’t possible, then the concentration turns to flight. That big bun and the big guy convinced me to take advantage of anything at hand for a getaway. Sipping my brew brings the total picture into focus. There has to be more time spent on the small blessings that are all around.

Feeling satisfied with my conclusion and getting to the end of my phone vibrates. Pulling the phone out of my pocket, there is a new text message from Linda Hill. It says, Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “record.” Use it as a noun, use it as a verb, use it any way you’d like. Have fun! Visit Linda’s blog to see what others have done with the prompt. Here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2023/07/14/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-15-2023/

Record by John W. Howell © 2023

“Wait a minute.”

“What?”

“No falling rocket or safe?”

“I guess not.”

“This has to be a record.”

“Well, you can’t have that kind of thing every day.”

“Yeah, but this is once a week, and I think I should.”

“Good thing this isn’t your blog.”

“Yeah, but I’m a reader and have rights.”

“What kind of right?”

“The right to be entertained.”

“And a falling safe does that?”

“You bet along with a cartoon character.”

“Anything else?”

“A description of your security system.”

“You sound like a broken record. I’ve done all those.”

“Yeah, so do more.”

“Or you find something else to read?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“I know. I did. Maybe a hint. What do you think?”

“I already ordered a Uber. He’s over there.”

“That flatbed truck?”

“No, the limo behind it.”

“The white limo with six rear wheels.”

“Yeah, it was on special. It has a pool.”

“For the record, I object.”

“The fridge is full of Voo Doo Ranger.”

“Objection overruled.”

 

My blinking SOS with my eyes had no effect on the clerk. WTF went through my brain as the clerk handed me my temporary membership card. Making faces and rolling my eyes did nothing to alert the clerk that my condition was SOL. Jessica grabs my arm and pulls me away from the desk. “Let’s get to the statue,” she says through her teeth. Seeing that the clerk will be no help, there is no choice but to enter the store.

My mind is racing as the checker waves us on. The only thought that comes is to stall as much as possible. Pointing in the direction of the last row clear across the store, we start moving in that direction. Wishing the opportunity to grab someone and scream bloody murder would come up, my objective is to move as slowly as possible.

“Quit stalling.” Jessica seems to be on to me. We pass the clothing displays, and Jessica does not appreciate me pointing out the terrific saving on bib overalls. We come to a woman holding a tray of cream cheese on cracker samples, and again, Jessica takes exception to my offer of trying one. She grips my arm with enough pressure to turn my hand black. “I’m not afraid to use this gun right here. Unless you want to be DOA, my suggestion is you get to the statue proto.”

A sigh passes my lips, realizing that my goose is now in the oven. Wait, an idea pops into my head. All that needs to be done is to go to the rotisserie oven and grab a couple of hot birds. Tossing them at Jessica and the big guy might be enough of a diversion for me to start screaming like a girl and get some help. With the plan in mind, I steer them toward the hot chickens. Grabbing two birds and flinging them catches both Jessica and the big guy off guard. Jessica starts swearing. The big guy decides to start eating my contribution is a scream that could crack the crystal.

A security guy comes over, and both the big guy and Jessica book for the exit. The security guy looks at my membership card and lets me know there is a message from Linda Hill. He shows me the message on his iPad, and it reads; Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “acronym’.” Choose an acronym and use it any way you’d like. Enjoy!

If you want to see what others have done with this prompt, visit Linda’s blog. Here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2023/07/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-july-8-2023/

Acronym by John W. Howell © 2023

“SOL? Do you think anyone will know what that means?”

“Yeah. So Outta Luck.”

“That is the family blog meaning. I mean the real one.”

“We’ll just leave it at that.”

“DOA is Dead on Arrival, right?”

“You got it.”

“We all know WTF.”

“Yes, and no need to expand that one.”

“So where did this throwing chicken idea come from.”

“Where most of my hair brain ideas come from.”

“You know I feel a little cheated with that solution.”

“Come on, the whole idea of being hit with a lemon pepper chicken is pretty funny.”

“I suppose, but I expected some kind of gunfight or something.”

“Well, think of the chickens in that context.”

“That’s a stretch.”

“Think of something else then.”

“Like the Uber arrival text.”

“There you go.”

“That’s him over there.”

“In a Good Humor Ice Cream truck?”

“It’s the discount fare vehicle.”

“Can we fit?”

“Yeah, but you need to ring the bells.”

“Figures. Not a direct trip, I’ll bet.”

“Well, just a few stops.”

“OMG.”

“Nice.”

 

The new coffee machine is installed, and one button push produces a perfect cup of soothing coffee bean juice. No more begging for performance. No more waiting for relief. This machine is a new generation and seems to be built without attitude. Taking a sip of the gift of the gods sets my brain into motion. Instantaneously my phone rings, and an “unknown caller” warning flashes on the screen.

Since the kidnappers of  Roger Rabbit said they would call, against my better judgment, the call is taken. A computerized voice warned me not to call the police and to follow their instructions to the letter. They overemphasized the fact that the statue would not survive any police involvement. They finalized the call with two demands. The first is a drop off of unmarked bills totaling $100,000 to a location they will identify later.

The second is a message from Linda Hill. (I swear Linda knows everyone) The message is “Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “starts with over.” Find a word that starts with “over” and use it for your prompt. Enjoy!” After delivering the message, the phone went silent.

To join the fun, visit Linda’s blog and read how. You can also see other responses to the prompt. Here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2023/05/12/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-13-2023/

Starts with Over by John W. Howell © 2023.

“Pretty short intro.”

“Well, as they say, ‘short and sweet.'”

“I think that is an oversimplification.”

“How so?”

“Well, we had no security shutdown. There were no characters. A new box on the porch would have been good. I was thinking you could work Helen Crump into an episode.”

“Helen Crump? Who the heck is Helen Crump?”

“She was Andy Taylor’s school teacher girlfriend on the Mayberry sitcom.”

“How do you remember that stuff?”

“I have an overseer named Dan. He sends suggestions to pass to you.”

“So no, we had no Helen Crump.”

“How do you suppose the kidnappers got a message from Linda Hill?”

“Does this blog look like a place that has logical answers?”

“I guess that’s a no-comment, right?”

“You have guessed correctly. Speaking of over.”

“Who was speaking of over?”

“The prompt.”

“Yes?”

“How about we get overserved?”

“Overwhelmingly good suggestion.”

“Summon Uber.”

“In progress. Hey, there he is.”

“In that Willy’s Overlander with no top.”

“Complain, complain, complain.”