Tuesday Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #178 by Keith Channing

June 12, 2018June 11, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 37 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo (Below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The Photo.

“What the hell?”

“Excuse me, ma’am?”

“Why is this thing telling me to sign in again?”

“Well. you have to use the sign in procedure to use the computer.”

“Come on sonny. I’m not that stupid. I’m talking about this website.”

“Oh sorry. I thought you were having trouble signing in.”

“Yeah if only. I got bigger problems than that.”

“Can I be of assistance?”

“Do you know anything about binary physics?”

“Er..no.”

“Then thank you very much but butt out.”

“Well. I never.”

“Never what?”

“Experienced such rudeness.”

“Please. At your age, I’m sure you have.”

“I can’t remember when then.”

“So put on your big boy pants and get over it. I need to concentrate.”

“Fine. I’ll just finish my banking then.”

“Banking?”

“Yes, I do my banking online.”

“What bank do you use?”

“First National.”

“I would take my money out of there if I were you.”

“What? Why would I do that?”

“Cause in ten minutes that place will be empty.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Look sonny. I’m giving you a hint since you tried to be nice. Take it or leave it.”

“What are you doing over there?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know? Now are you going to move your money or not? I’m ready to hit the enter button.”

“I can’t believe this.”

“Believe it, sonny. Believe it.”

Top Ten Things Not To Do at an Organic Supermarket – Replay

June 11, 2018June 10, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 31 Comments

Since I’m traveling today, I decided to rerun one of my Top Ten Not to Do lists. This list originally ran on July 11th, 2016. If you haven’t read it before I hope you enjoy it.

The inspiration for this list is many visits to organic chain supermarkets. I’m usually there because I like a brand of wine that the chain carries. Of course, living on an island means when I drive the 360 miles round trip, I want to linger and observe other activities. I hope you like the list.

10 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not secretly pop samples into your mouth from the bulk food section. If you do, at best you may ingest a foreign object. At worst, you will be caught and weighed before being charged the $10.00 a pound going rate. (Had to wonder what that walk-on scale was for, huh Bo-Bo?)

9 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not block the aisles as you study each purchase looking for evidence of an ingredient to which you are allergic. If you do, At best your cart will be hit as others try to get around. At worst, you might get run over by Tiny the 300 pound WWF champ as he sprints toward the carrot juice section. (Better to joust with a train. Right?)

8 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not ask the butcher if the organic pork is grass-fed. If you do, at best he will laugh you out of the store. At worst, he will convince you to go home and read up on the dietary habits of pigs. (At least tofu is on the list of things pigs will eat. Of course, there is nothing pigs won’t eat.)

7 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not ask the clerk if the organic bottled water is gluten-free. If you do at best, the clerk will be confused. At worst, you might cause a very delicate personality to crack completely. ( Can you imagine what would have happened if you asked for help finding something.)

6 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not forget to bring your own bags. If you do, at best you will have to balance your purchases and hope to make the car before the peanut butter hits the parking lot surface. At worst, you will be charged for more bags which you’ll never need again. (Asking for a plastic bag was a big mistake)

5 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not show visible signs of your pending heart attack when you see the total bill. If you do, at best you will make the clerk’s day. At worst, those around you will want your hide for exposing the fact that to eat this way is very expensive. (Yeah they knew it, but don’t need reminders)

4 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not ask the clerk if there are cruelty-free grapes in the wine. If you do, at best the clerk will call the manager for an answer. At worst the manager has just turned in his gross receipts and is now on probation for slipping sales. (The manager’s sense of humor is at an all-time low and used to be a postal worker till released for anger management issues)

3 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not ask the beauty aids clerk which essential oil they would recommend to attract more dates. If you do, at best the clerk will think you totally perverted. At worst, the clerk will take the opportunity to test the company’s non-hostile work environment policy with a request of the boss to toss you out of the store. (Wow! Talk about overused political correctness)

2 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not buy hemp products with the belief that you can use then to get high. If you do, at best you will waste your money. At worse, you will feel pretty foolish waiting in the shower for the hemp soap to kick in. (Meanwhile, the water temperature is moving toward Antarctic)

1 If you are shopping at an organic supermarket, do not ask the carry out person any questions about attire, body art, or hairstyle. If you do, at best they will ignore you. At worst, they will start the long story about personal freedoms and what it means to be able to be who they are. (That organic ice cream dripping on the pavement cost $10.00. Might be time to move on)

Guest Post at Karen Ingalls – The Contract

June 10, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 2 Comments

Today Gwen Plano and I are being hosted by Karen Ingalls who is helping spread the word about the contract.

You can visit her here. http://kareningalls.blogspot.com/2018/06/the-contract.html

About Karen

Karen Ingalls is an award-winning author, blogger, and public speaker. She is a retired RN, has a Master’s Degree in Human Development, avid reader, and author of three books. Her purpose is to raise awareness on health/wellness, promoting the benefits of reading, and being supportive of authors. She is an active member of Rave Reviews Book Club, Cheryl’s Books and Sweet Tea, and GoodReads Support for Indie Authors.

All proceeds from Outshine: An Ovarian Cancer Memoir go to ovarian/gynecologic cancer research. Karen is available at no charge to give presentations about gynecologic cancers.

A favorite quote is: “Find a seed at the bottom of your heart and bring forth a flower.” (Shigenori Kemeoka)

Thank you so much, Karen

Views of the Neighborhood – Nashville Indiana

June 10, 2018June 9, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 55 Comments

I am in Nashville Indiana to attend the High School graduation of my granddaughter. This week’s Views of the Neighborhood will give you a small taste of the town.

On the outskirts is the Bean Blossom overlook

Spectacular view.

Another View.

The reason for the trip. My Summa Cum Laude grandaughter. Pay no attention to that old guy beside her.

The state bank building which is now a shop.

A view of the main street.

The county courthouse.

A memorial to those who gave their lives in service to America.

Another view of the main street.

Peaceful.

Beautiful old building.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt -Start with a Noun

June 9, 2018June 8, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 33 Comments

It is Stream of Consciousness Saturday time again. This weeks prompt is “start with a noun.” Linda Hill describes the exercise as starting the post with a noun and then base the post on the noun. Sounds fun. If you would like to join in, go to Linda’s place and read how. Here is the link

https://lindaghill.com/2018/06/08/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-9-18/

“Diploma.”

“What did you say?”

“I said diploma.”

“Okay, and what is that supposed to mean?”

“Well this weekend is graduation time, and I was thinking of all the young people who are getting their diplomas.”

“So what deep thoughts do you have?”

“Nothing deep.”

“Not surprising.”

“Just a feeling of hope that all the dreams that go with a diploma have some chance of coming true.”

“You said nothing deep. This sounds pretty deep to me.”

“I don’t know about that. I do know that there is a sense of newness around being recognized for achieving academic goals.”

“Oh, I get it. The diploma is a symbol of a new beginning.”

“Now that you put it that way, I say yes it does.”

“I have to agree with you.”

“And maybe one other thing.”

“Okay, what’s that?”

“I would gift each and every graduate with the best wishes possible.”

“Might be nice to wish each finds themselves in this busy world.”

“Yeah, that too.”

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF

June 8, 2018June 7, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 42 Comments

Another week in the history books. I hope it was a good one for you. As you may know, Gwen Plano and I are in the process of launching our collaboration titled The Contract. There will be a lot of information about the book during the launch, so there is no need in publishing another launch announcement here.

Gwen and I are so grateful for all the volunteers who have stepped forward to offer assistance. I will be reblogging each as they occur and it is hoped you can visit them and enjoy.

Today’s JohnKu talks about the kind of support being offered by the wonderful bloggers in our universe.

A wise person said,

That none of us is alone . . .

A book launch is proof.

Thank you all.

Thursday – A Little Personal – Backyard with Twiggy, Lucy, and Bailey

June 7, 2018June 6, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 55 Comments

“Hey, Twiggy. What’s up?”

“Hi, Dad. I’m thinking of joining Lucy and Bailey in the yard.”

“Go ahead. Nothing should stop you.”

“Well, except for that scary looking bird out there.”

“Oh for heaven’s sake, Twiggy. That’s just a harmless blackbird.”

“I’ve been reading about birds of prey, and at my level, one has to be careful.”

“Go to Lucy. She’ll take care of you.”

“Don’t you worry, Twiggy. That bird can’t hurt you.”

“I feel pretty good right here.”

“Just let him try something. He’ll have to answer to me.”

“So what is Bailey doing over there?”

“She is having one of her beauty sun baths.”

“Beauty sun Baths?”

“Yup. she lays in the sun and believes it helps her skin tone.”

“You and I lay in the sun.”

“But you and I know it doesn’t do a thing.”

“I like the warm though.”

“Yeah, that is nice.”

“What’s Bailey doing now?”

“She is rolling around getting a back itch.”

“Oh, That sounds good.”

“Go over and try it.”

“Hey, Bailey. Am I doing it right?”

“You certainly have good form. Give a little wiggle there.”

“Where you going, Bailey.”

“Ouch. Ear cramp. Gotta find Pops.”

“That does look like it hurts. What does Pops do?”

“He gives it a straighten out. Feels better then.”

“Ahhhh. So much better. Thanks, Pops.”

“No problem Bailey. Come on Twiggy. Time for a nap.”

“Can’t I just stay and have a sun bath?”

“Maybe next time. Right now you need your beauty sleep.”

Wednesday Story Day – AKA – Hump Day

June 6, 2018June 5, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 34 Comments

It is Wednesday Story Day time again. Last week we were blessed with a visit from Gloria, Larry’s departed spouse. She advised Larry to take a re-look at the Sandusky case and to start living his life without her. Larry asked Micki if the visit of Gloria was real. Although Micki did not give Larry an answer, I think we all believe it was real. I see that Larry has left the fortune-telling shop and is going back to work. Let’s join him as he arrives in the detective bullpen.

“Hey, Schmidt. Can I talk to you in private?”

“Sure, Larry.”

“Let’s go in my office where we and have a conversation.”

“Lead the way, boss.”

“Close the door will you please.’

“This sounds serious, Boss. Am I in trouble?”

“No nothing like that. I need to bring you into a case I’ve been working on.”

“Whew. You had me going for a minute.”

“Schmidt you are the best I have. Your only problem is you don’t see yourself the same way.”

“Yeah, well maybe it was getting the crap beat out of me by my old man that made me a little insecure.”

“Well, whatever it is, you can dump it cause I think you’re the best.”

“Man. You’re going to make me tear up. So, what’s this case anyway?”

“It’s a cold case, and I’ve been struggling with it for about the last couple of months.”

“I don’t recall a cold case we’ve been working on.”

“That’s just it. I stumbled across this case while I was working the Sherman homicide.”

“Boy, you nailed that one.”

“Got lucky. Anyway, for some reason, a file got attached to the Sherman fille. I thought it was more information on Sherman until I looked at it.”

“File? What file?”

“The case is labeled Sandusky, and it goes back ten years.”

“Ten years. Holy shit. You mean this is a very cold case.”

“At first I just left it on my desk while I was getting the goods on that slimeball Sherman. Then a funny thing. Every morning I came into the office that damn file was sitting on top of anything I left the night before.”

“On top? Like someone put it there.”

“Exactly. At first, I thought I had left it like that but then came to realize I never opened the file since when I first found it. I made a concerted effort at night to put the file under the stack. Well, guess what?”

“Don’t tell me the file was on top the next morning?”

“Yup. Made the hair on my neck stand up.”

“I would have thrown it away.”

“That’s just it. I didn’t want to get rid of it. It was like it became a part of me.”

“So, what did you do?”

“I sat down and gave the file a detailed read.”

“And?”

“Spooky shit I’ll tell you.”

“What kind of spooky shit?”

“Well I can give you all the details later but as a condensed version, think of a guy being murdered without a trace of any wound.”

“Aw come on. He had a heart attack or stroke.”

“Not according to the ME report.”

“So, what killed him?”

“His heart was missing.”

“What? Now, wait a minute. He had no heart and no wound where the heart should be.”

“See you are brilliant.”

“That’s impossible.”

“So, you would believe.”

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #177

June 5, 2018June 4, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 40 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this photo as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really; even just a caption for the photograph. Either put it (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before 6pm next Sunday (if you aren’t sure what the time is where I live, this link will tell you). If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here – pingbacks don’t often work.

Go on. You know you want to. Let your creativity and imagination soar. I shall display the entries, with links to your own blog or web site, next Monday.”

The Photo.

“Okay, guys listen up. We have good intel that the enemy has begun moving supplies and personnel into our sector. Yes, what is it, Ames?”

“What kind of intel?”

“Our spotters have confirmed. Okay?”

“Yeah, okay. It’s just those damn spotters have misled us before.”

“That was only because of that corn that was dropped on the highway. May I continue?”

“You’re the boss.”

“So we need to make sure our troops know to enact Plan Red on my command. You all know about Plan Red, right?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Right so commander.”

“Great then. By the way Ames.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Why are continuing to scratch your ear.”

“I’m not sure sir. It sure itches.”

“Let me have a look at that.”

“My God man you have been infected by the invaders.”

“What does that mean sir.”

“It means the enemy is now upon you. We need to hit you with Plan Red immediately or who knows what will happen.”

“Aren’t there side effects to Plan Red?”

“Oh, a few minor ones.”

“Like what?”

“Palm hair is handled. Tooth growth if ingested. Withered extremities if inhaled.”

“What about if sprayed?”

“No side effects.”

“Why not spray me then.”

“That is probably the safest way.”

“Do it.”

“We can’t.”

“What why not?”

“None of us have been trained.”

“Who is trained then.”

“Only the spotters as far as I know.”

“Tell them to get here quick.”

“Now that’s a problem.”

“Why is that a problem.”

“They are on a corn break right now.”

“Tell them the break is over.”

“Can’t do that.”

“Why not.”

“They are union.”

“So that means?”

“You might want to join the union, fast.”

Top Ten Things Not To Do Out of Town if You Are An Author

June 4, 2018June 4, 2018 ~ John W. Howell ~ 54 Comments

The inspiration for this list was a trip to Phoenix Arizona this weekend to attend the birthday party of my best friend.

10 If you are an author out-of-town, do not try to keep up with your e-mails. If you do, at best in your haste you’ll trash many e-mails that you want to read. At worst, you will delete your entire e-mail account including the copy of the publishing contract and acceptance letter from Simon & Schuster. (They wanted to hear from you in a week, Eduardo. Oh well, maybe the next book.)

9 If you are an author out-of-town, do not think Tiny the WWF champ is going to excuse you taking all the armrest space on the flight as you work on the next draft of your book on your computer. If you do, at best you may lose the feeling in that arm. At worst, the plane will be diverted to an alternate airport as the Air Marshals attempt to subdue Tiny who keeps yelling something about “limb from limb.” (You never knew Tiny had such an uneasy feeling about an arm in his face did you, Ellis?)

8 If you are an author out-of-town, do not start reading the hijack scene from your book during your flight. If you do at best, your whisper will be unheard. At worst, some well-meaning passenger will have you in a hammerlock before you can explain. ( I think it was the part about “this plane is under control of the Taliban empire that got the guy upset don’t you, Esteban?)

7 If you are an author out-of-town, do not try your latest dialog on a fellow bar patron. If you do, at best you will be met with stony silence. At worst, the patron will think you are handing out a pick-up line and your face might be met with the business end of a gin and tonic. (Wow that was a surprise, huh Emilio? I think the bouncer is headed your way.)

6 If you are an author out-of-town, do not think you can openly try to explain your next book to a hapless passenger waiting for a flight in the terminal. If you do, at best you might recognize the eye glaze in enough time to avert embarrassment. At worst, You will have gone one step over the line and your victim will be anxiously trying to get the attention of the security folks. (Looks like the story might need a bit of rework, Edison.)

5 If you are an author out-of-town, do not try to place a few of your books on the airport newsstand in the terminal next to a famous author. If you do, at best they won’t get tossed. At worst, the customer who picks up one of your books suddenly discovers they meant to get the famous author and now demands their money back. (It seems they are quite vocal, Eliot. The clerk cannot find the stock number in the register and the security is headed this way.)

4 If you are an author out-of-town, do not try to crash another author’s signing just because you don’t think anyone will recognize you. If you do, at best you will be asked to leave quietly. At worst, your next door neighbor just happens to walk in and wonders loudly why you are there. (Looks like the author has noticed you there in the back of the room, Ewan. Looks like he is not pleased and maybe you should have not picked an ex SEAL’s party to crash.)

3 If you are an author out-of-town, do not try to create a new story out of the location of your stay if it is a commonplace. If you do, at best it will be a dead-end story. At worst, once the story is finished you will realize how boring the location really is. (Would have been nice to discover this earlier huh, Elgin.)

2 If you are an author out-of-town, don’t think you have to write every sight and conversation in your notebook. If you do, at best you will miss a real experience. At worst, the guy you have been profiling might suddenly catch on. ( You have awakened a sleeping giant, Egan. Too bad the giant is in a witness protection program due to testifying against a mob boss and thinks you made him.)

1 If you are an author out-of-town, do not miss your flight while trying to get that last paragraph critical to your story written. If you do, at best there is another flight in an hour. At worst, you just missed the last flight and now must spent the night in the terminal. (Looks like the only spot to sleep is the floor, Errol. I don’t like the looks of that guy in the hoodie. Do you?)