Top Ten Things Not to Do While Making a Top Ten Things Not to Do List

 

Top Ten things not to do

 

10 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not search the internet for top ten ideas. If you do, at best your creativity will be stilted. At worst you’ll start duplicating others work without knowing it. (Looks like that plagiarism charge is going to stick, Elder. There goes the old writing career.)

9 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not ask Tiny the WWF champ to preview the ridiculous stuff you wrote about him. If you do, at best Tiny left his reading glasses at home. At worst, Tiny just left his self-esteem support group and is now taking everything you wrote literally. (I wouldn’t worry about getting your shredded paper back, Elia. I think I would begin to make book for the door.)

8 If you are making a top the things not to do list, do not check with a loved one to see if it is funny. If you do, at best you’ll be disappointed with the response. At worst, you’ll get a reminder about how beautiful it would be if you had a real job. (You can’t expect everyone to like your stuff, Ellery. Keep looking maybe you’ll find one person who does.)

7 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not stare at people who will eventually end up being on the list. If you do, at best one may ask you, “Are you looking at me?” At worst, you might be taken for a stalker and have to explain yourself. (As you can see the police have no interest in your list making career, Elson.  They just want you to come quietly.)

6 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not make the subject so obscure no one will get it. If you do, at best your readership may drop. At worst, you will be explaining your meaning for the next ten years. (So why do you suppose nobody got the Top Ten things not to do in a Barnyard, Emery? I thought it was fascinating.)

5 If you are making a Top ten things not to do list, do not make a list so familiar that everyone will think you did these things. If you do, at best you’ll look like a fool. At worst, the FBI opens a file about you, and you get this strange feeling you are being followed. (Don’t look now, Emilin but there is a black SUV at the end of your block.)

4 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not think the subjects will come to you if you drink more. If you do, at best you can run one you published before. At worst, you will actually hit publish without waiting until the morning after to proofread the work. ( You know those seven words George Carlin said can’t be used on the radio? Well, Emrys you used each one in your post. They aren’t allowed there either.)

3 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not think you have to be practical. If you do, at best your work will be as dry as unbuttered rye toast. At worst, you’ll get mail from folks more practical than you telling you how your list is impractical. ( just shows to go ya, Endymion, you can’t please all the people all the time. Gotta stick with fiction.)

2 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not stop until you have ten things. If you do, at best you’ll look like you had a bad night. At worst, folks will be looking for the tenth item and will assume you are holding out on them. (Okay so it is not such a big deal, Enrico but some of your regulars are talking boycott. Who advertises ten and then publishes only nine? Crazy people that’s who.)

1 If you are making a top ten things not to do list, do not think you will be discovered some day. If you do, at best you’ll still work in the dark. At worst, you will create a false expectation that your lists are the key to fame. ( Looks like another day has passed without that million seller, Ericson. Looks like you need to make another list.)

47 comments

  1. Lol great line – do not stop until you have ten things

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Ray. I have wanted to stop at nine many times. 😀

      Liked by 1 person

      1. haha lol 😂

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Gwen Plano · ·

    I’ve wondered about that black SUV… 😀 Thanks for another morning of chuckles, John. Have a great day.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Gwen. Have a super day as well.

      Like

  3. I don’t know how you come up with these each week, John. Well done! Happy Monday!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, Jill. I sometimes wonder myself.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I think you just convinced me of one thing, John… NEVER made a top ten things list!!
    (Maybe i should list that 10 times?)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. My job is done here. Thanks, GP

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Another entertaining list, good sir. Thank you very much!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, John

      Like

  6. #8 can go for anything an indie author does. 🙂 Love the Simpsons picture.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Charles.

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  7. WordPress needs a love button. This was amazing!

    Like

    1. Thank you, Aubrey. So nice to have you visit. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. At worst, you’ll get a reminder about how beautiful it would be if you had a real job.

    Sounds familiar.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tell me. 😀

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  9. Your title drew me in. Funny and smart!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Bryan. I appreciate the comment and visit. 😀

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  10. Another dandy list, John — I’ll keep watching for that black SUV!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes do so. Those suckers can sneak up on you. Thanks, Debbie.

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  11. D.L Finn, Author · ·

    I will leave the top ten list to you experts! Another great one:)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. *looks around. Where are the experts?

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  12. Wait . . what? Tiny is in a self esteem support group? To be a fly on THAT wall . . .
    And I miss George Carlin . . .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. George was terrific for sure. Yes Tiny has several support groups. His favorite is the anger management group.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I can see that . .

        Liked by 1 person

      2. 😀 Don’t forget the psycotrophic drugs

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  13. Ah, yes. That illusive million seller! 🙂 Great list, John.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Jan

      Like

  14. Don’t stare at the people who are going to be on your list. Bravo John. lol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Andrew.

      Liked by 1 person

  15. #7, #4, #2 had me laughing pretty hard, John. Thanks!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Always a good thing unless you have a sip of coffee in your mouth at the time. Thanks, Jennie.

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      1. Haha! And that happens to me when I read your Top Ten. 😀

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      2. At lease your key board gets a cleaning every once in a while.

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      3. See, there’s a bright side to every laughing blunder. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  16. Sorry to be a day late and a dollar short, John. I need the 10 things not to do when you’re trying to make it appear you’re not as busy as you really are.

    Great list. Number 2 hits home for me. I once proposed a presentation at a conference around “10 things to create robust communication on a modest budget” I proposed in September and was accepted for the conference in March. By the end of February, when the slides were due, I still only had 9 things 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha ha ha. You felt my pain that time. Of course I face the issue each week. Thanks for the story, Dan.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. This one really made me laugh. Now I’m wondering — have you ever done a “Top Ten Things To Do” for people who are trying to get caught up online? If you have, I need to read that!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can do the opposite.” Ten Things Not to Do If You have Fallen behind on Social Media.”
      😀

      Liked by 1 person

  18. Always so entertaining and clever, John! You have a knack! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, Lauren. Quite a compliment.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Haha, John, I will try not to do any of these things.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Stay away from top ten thngs not to do lists, Robbie.

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