with John W. Howell
Today, we should pause to remember and thank those who served in the armed forces. Because of their service, we live and enjoy our freedoms.
If you know a vet, thank them for us. If you know a vet who is no longer with us, remember them and what they did for you. If you are a vet, thank you so much for your service and dedication to this great country.
This list was first published on September 16, 2013, by Marie Ann Bailey and me. Since American football is going strong, and you might be invited to a viewing party, this list may come in handy.
Top Ten Things Not to Do When Invited to an American Football Viewing Party
10 When invited to a football party, do not show up in your favorite team’s uniform if the game that is being watched does not include your team. You will immediately let your host know that you have no interest in the game and that you only came to drink up the beer and eat as much of the food as possible.
9 When invited to a football party and asked to bring a dish, do not think you are fulfilling the host’s wish by hauling in a big bag of store-bought popcorn and a liter of diet soda. Actually, you won’t be fulfilling anyone’s wish with that contribution.
8 When invited to a football party and you are welcome to bring a guest, do not think this includes a stranger you grabbed off the street or a distant member of your family. The host probably intended you to bring a date or spouse and won’t appreciate feeding extraneous random people.
7 When invited to a football party and the host has no intention of starting a gambling pool, do not think it is your duty to correct what you think is an oversight. The host probably doesn’t want to put his guests on the spot to cough up a twenty, which they will ultimately lose.
6 When invited to a football party and none of the guests seem to understand fantasy football, allow them to remain blissfully unaware of the intricacies and complexity of the game that you and your office mates play every week.
5 When invited to a football party and you see that the host does not have a fifty-inch HDTV, do not offer to buy everyone a drink at the local sports bar just because it has four such TVs. Your tab may end up being more than you can afford, and your host may end up wrapping one of the TVs around your head.
4 When invited to a football party and the host does not have your brand of beer, do not turn up your nose and declare loudly: “Well, if you don’t have any, I’ll just have water.” Go ahead and sacrifice your delicate taste buds to the beer that resembles carbonated defrost, which your host is serving. After all, you don’t need to drink a barrel of it, although a barrel may be what you need to forget why you cared.
3 When invited to a football party and you need to describe a great play, do not pick up a curio and ask the crowd to imagine it as a football. It may be that the curio you just passed into the kitchen, which was dropped by your wide receiver, was a Fabergé egg handed down by your host’s great-great-great-grandmother.
2 When invited to a football party and you realize the game is the most boring thing you have ever watched, do not pick up the remote and change the channel to a movie. You may just offend not only your host but also the rest of the party. They may be reminded of the time the TV network cut off the last two minutes of the Super Bowl to air the movie Heidi. You take a chance on vigilante action.
1 When invited to a football party and the game is over, it should be your signal to leave. Do not wait for your host to switch off the TV and start clearing the living room of empty beer cups, pizza boxes, and paper plates of gnawed chicken wings. Your host is not making room for you and your guest to spend the night on the couch. They really want you to return to your own couch, no matter what they say.
We are returning to Lakeway City Hall to view the remainder of artist Adriana Peña’s collection, which is on display there. If you missed last week HERE is a link. We are catered by La Calamar of Austin. Our entertainment is Coldplay.
Menu
When does a coffee machine become more than just a machine? This question enters my mind while approaching the one that sits in my house. The reason for the question is that late last night, there was some faint mumbling coming from the place where the purveyor of the delicious elixir often referred to as soothing syrup rests. Notice that the word “machine” did not leave my lips. Upon investigation, a loud shushing sound was followed by a noticeable flickering of a light. There were no further sounds or light, so other than implanting in my brain the possibility that this item may be alive, the issue was tabled until today.
Moving toward selecting the two coffee buttons, which is something I enjoy, gave me a start. Before my finger could engage the button, the machine began brewing the two-cup serving. The thought occurred that maybe there was a heat sensitivity, but then last night’s experience led me to believe this thing is alive.
The first sip brought the bells of Westminster crashing down around me. The two bark machines joined the cacophony until a knuckle bone tossed into the soundproof room and the door slam brought back peace. Checking the security monitor verified the presence of a character that looked very much like Sylvester J. Pussycat Sr. “What do you want?” was the challenge. “Suffern’ succotash. A delivery,” the reply. Trying the “just leave it” ploy was answered with the usual, “need signature.” With a sigh, the security shut-down process began.
The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the shutdown process of the security system. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots were chained in the basement. The Klingons are called back, and the Targ is caged. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.
Sylvester hands me an envelope and a clipboard. I sign by the X. He, of course, has his paw out looking for a tip. My gift, “As Albert Schweitzer said. There are two means of refuge from the misery of life – music and cats.” Sylvester is stunned as I slam the door. I open the envelope, and it is a message from (who else) Linda Hill. It reads:
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “something you enjoyed.” Write about something you thoroughly enjoyed. Use it any way you’d like. Have fun!
If you want to see what others have done with the prompt, Visit Linda’s post. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2025/11/07/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-8-2025/
Something You Enjoyed by John W. Howell. © 2025
“So the coffee is something you enjoy, or is it pushing buttons?”
“Yeah, it’s the coffee. That sentence was a bit clumsy.”
“Just a bit. What is with that machine, anyway?”
“I wish I knew. After it is finished brewing, I turn it off.”
“So what is the problem?”
“It comes back on again.”
“By itself?”
“Yes. Don’t you think that’s odd?”
“Odd? I think it is possessed.”
“Well, let’s not go that far.”
“Okay, I don’t have to live with it.”
“Like other problems in life, I’m going to let this one ride.”
“Speaking of ride, the Uber’s over there.”
“Okay then. Looks like it will get us there.”
“I think so too. One problem, though.”
“Of course there is. What’s the problem?”
“Something the driver enjoyed was drag racing.”
“Yeah, so?”
“He lost his license, so we have to drive.”
“That defeats the whole purpose of having a driver.”
“Well, I’ll be the designated driver.”
“Voodoo Rangers are something you enjoyed. Tell you what. We will take the bus.”
“Bus?”
“Yeah. Right over there.”
“Cowabunga. Let’s go.”
Today’s good news story comes from the Good News Network.
It’s not every day that Henry the polar bear sees something that weighs more than he does.
At 1,200 pounds, the polar bear is the world’s largest land predator, but here was something substantially heavier, and it was just sitting there in his enclosure.
Defensive at first, Henry eventually dug into the sweet, crunchy flesh of a giant, 1,400 lbs. pumpkin that was donated to the nonprofit that looks after him. The photos will steal a chuckle out of anyone.
Reported first by CTV News, the Cochrane Polar Bear Habitat received the pumpkin as a total coincidence, and the organization’s manager, Amy Baxendell-Young, told the outlet how it happened.
“One of my staff was driving up from down south and ended up directly behind this pumpkin as it was on the highway,” she said.
Her staff member gave her a call and said that the truck carrying the massive gourd had a logo on the side: Aidie Creek Gardens. Baxendell-Young decided to call them up.
“And pretty quickly they got back to me and said, if we don’t take it, it’s just going in the compost. Henry actually came out and didn’t know what it was—and got actually quite defensive … because I think he was just quite shocked at this new thing in his enclosure.”
Evolved to eat mostly baby seals, which are all fat, a polar bear can zoom through a pumpkin without putting on any weight at all. Unlike for humans, for whom a pumpkin or squash is a complex carb with polyphenols and fiber, for a bear, it’s all empty calories.
The Cochrane Habitat in Ontario is the world’s only nonprofit organization that provides sanctuary to polar bears in need of human care and who can’t live in the wild anymore. They often receive presents for their bears around Polar Bear Awareness Week.
Photos released by the habitat show Henry in something of a food coma after smashing around a third of the pumpkin in one sitting.
The good news in this story is reading about a very happy Polar Bear. Today’s JohnKu talks about happiness. I hope you have a lovely weekend.
A small Measure by John W. Howell © 2025
It doesn’t take much.
Happiness is a matter . . .
Of joy in small chunks
“Wow, Twiggy. This sun feels good.”
“Um hum.”
“You taking a nap?”
“I would like to, but there is a magpie in my ear.”
“Ah, okay. I’ll let you nap in peace.”
“Really, I don’t need a nap. Where are you going?”
“I thought I heard one of those pesky jackals in the brush.”
“We haven’t seen a jackal in these parts for some time.”
“Well, it could be a cougar as well. Pesky cats anyway.”
“Coming from the mouth of a Panther.”
“That’s different. When those suckers are stalking us, it is a different matter. What are you doing there?”
“I’m finishing my yoga. This is called Up Dog.”
“Well, it looks like you are up for sure now. You feel like helping me save our lives.”
“This sounds like a segment of Naked and Afraid.”
“Hear that? Sounds like an elephant.”
“Better hope it’s not a Rhino.”
“A Rhino? I never thought of that. I think it’s time to go in.”
“Well, I’m just sayin’ I don’t know for sure.”
“I know when I’m outgunned, so slinking away is the better part of valor.”
“I don’t even know if it is a Rhino.”
“Well, even if the Rhino is imaginary, it still is scary to think about.”
“Okay, but we have to face those fears.”
“There is always tomorrow to face fears.”
“That’s fine as long as you don’t avoid them totally.”
“I think it is normal to be afraid of a Rhino.”
“That’s true, but if it is only a figment, then it must be challenged.”
“Figment?”
“In the mind.”
“The worse kind.”
Today, I opened Detour on the Eternal Road to page 247. With eyes closed, I pointed to the page. My finger was closest to the word”vehicle.” This is our prompt today.
Vehicle by John W. Howell © 2025
“Which vehicle are we taking today?”
“That’s a hard decision.”
“Why’s that?”
“You know we have to make a good impression in town.”
“What does the choice of vehicle have to do with a good impression?”
“Oh, come on. You know how people are impressed by upscale transportation.”
“Well, I never gave it much thought. I’ll take your word for it.”
“Trust me. You show up in some dirty, low-priced item, and people will talk.”
“Okay. If that is the case, what are we going to take?”
“You know we need some assistance from the guy in black.”
“Yeah, and what happens if he chooses the wrong vehicle?”
“We resist.”
“Resist?”
“Yup. Stand up for our rights not to be laughed at.”
“You mean rear back.”
“Yeah, and whinny for all you are worth.”
“I’ll bet a kick would work too.”
“Careful with that.”
“Why?”
“That kind of behavior gets you a one-way trip to the glue factory.”
“Here he comes.”
“Looks like it’s going to be the new wagon.”
“We are okay with that?”
“Yup. Go with the man, son. He’ll be back for me.”
This list, authored by Marie Ann Bailey and me, was first published on October 14, 2013. Since authors are still trying to get published traditionally, it might be helpful.
Top Ten Things Not To Do When Trying to Get Published
10. When trying to get published, do not send a query letter to a publisher with the opening phrase “You probably have never heard of me, but that will change.” The publisher will no doubt get a big laugh, and your query will get a direct pitch into the trash can with the words, “Want to bet,” on the publisher’s lips.
9. When trying to get published, do not use cute gimmicks in your query letter to get the publisher’s attention. They will not appreciate whatever you send along with the letter and may charge you for the cleanup later. This includes: glitter hearts, artificial snow, two tickets to the Bruins hockey game, a six-pack of beer, sand from your beach story, or anything else not on paper.
8. When trying to get published, do not think a personal phone call to the publisher will make a difference. You will only risk sounding like an idiot, even though you have thoroughly rehearsed your pitch. If you happen to find someone to talk to, being able to locate your query letter to receive the feedback you need may put you on hold permanently.
7. When trying to get published, do not, under any circumstances, show up at the publisher’s place of business in person. The publisher will be extremely embarrassed since they will have no idea what to do with you. Your query might just be placed in your back pocket as you are shown the exit into the alley.
6. When trying to get published, do not tell the publisher in your query letter that this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity for them. The only thing that may be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity is the one second it takes for the publisher to pitch your query into the wastebasket with the words, “I’ll take that chance.”
5. When trying to get published, do not try to build rapport with the publisher with words like, “If I were in your shoes, I would be looking for a talented writer and by golly, I just happen to know one.” The publisher will have a nice laugh at your expense and will probably use your query in the next seminar on How Not to Query. Of course, he will be paid an enormous fee, and you will get…well…nothing.
4. When trying to get published, do not send a query letter before you have your fiction manuscript finished. Unless you are Stephen King, there is not a publisher in business today who will jump at the chance to publish your story if it is in the concept stage. Describing in detail what might be will probably get you a response of what actually is happening, a flat “no.”
3. When trying to get published, do not assume you have only writing in mind. The publisher will want you to carry most of the marketing work on your shoulders. Your query letter should avoid self-descriptive words and phrases like: artist, literary principles, clean hands, introvert, higher calling, too good for others, filthy capitalism, save-the-trees activist, reclusive researcher, and only want to write.
2. When trying to get published, do not admit you are only in it for the money, even if you are. There may be a time when the publisher contacts you in response to your query. This is not the time to start pressuring the publisher for a tight timetable, as you need the money. Like banks do not lend money to people who need it, publishers know there is little money for authors and will pass on you for another more motivated by non-monetary reasons.
1. When trying to get published, do not give up. There are a million potential reasons to keep sending queries, and who knows, your manuscript just might be the next million-copy seller.
Today, we are visiting the Lakeway City Hall Art Gallery to view the fine art of artist Adriana Peña. We are catered by Siti of Austin, and our entertainment is The Foundations
The bus is ready.
An overall look at the gallery.
To Joy – Acrylic on Canvas
Zinnias – Acrylic on Canvas
Springtime – Mixed Media
Spring Flowers – Acrylic on Canvas
Warm Reflections – Acrylic on Canvas Board
Winter Thaw – Pastel on Pastel Paper
Forever Green – Pastel
Early Spring – Pastel
Stevie R. Vaughn – Charcoal
Tuxedo – Mixed Media.
Here is information about the artist. Sorry for the crumpled paper, but Tempeste took it off my desk, and I was lucky to get there quick.
Today, we have seen about half of the collection, so we’ll be back next week. Time to enjoy the food and music. I hope you have a super week.
A coffee machine is not such good company until it spills forth that heavenly elixir that could be called the natural healer. When one’s brain is thumping on the innermost top of the skull, one sip can quell the monster trying to get out. As the machine delivers the goods, my mind wanders to a place where I wonder what it would be like without coffee. A shudder brings me back in time for that first sip. As the cup leaves my lips, the unmistakable cacophony of the combination of Westminster chimes and baying of the Baskerville hounds demands action before every window in the place is broken. A knucklebone thrown into the soundproof room, followed by the slamming of the door, brings back peace to the valley.
So another idiot could not read the DO NOT RING THE DOORBELL sign. Checking the security monitor, it is plain to see that the idiot is a large dog looking very much like Goofy. The usual conversation takes place over the intercom, and the predictable conclusion is that if I want my envelope delivered, I have to sign for it. I make preparations to turn off the security system.
The SWAT team needs to be put on standby. A quick text to the leader confirms that status. Also, the flight of A-10 Warthogs must be diverted. Another call to the commander puts that worry to rest. The SEAL team needs to be called off, and a call to the leader makes that possible. A call to the tow truck driver stops the deployment of an M1A1 Abrams Tank. The control panel simplifies the shutdown process of the security system. The boiling oil vats are put on standby, the turret mortars disengaged, the Trebuchet on safety, the concertina wire rolled, the Claymore mines reset, the tower Gatling guns on safety, the moat net dropped, the alligators fed, and the IEDs and shoulder-held rockets put away. The Proton torpedoes switched off. The gamma ray beams covered. The high-powered maser guns switched to standby, and the nanorobots chained in the basement. The locks on the door are thrown. And the door opened.
I’m handed a clipboard and asked to sign on line twelve. In exchange, I get my envelope. The goofy-looking character holds out his paw in the classic tip-request mode. “Doubt kills more dreams than failure ever will,” I say as a tip before I slam the door. The envelope has a message from Linda Hill. It reads:
Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “company.” Use it as you see fit. Have fun!
To see what others have done with the prompt, visit Linda’s post. Here is the link https://lindaghill.com/2025/10/31/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-1-2025/©
Company by John W. Howell © 2025
“I thought you were going to talk about a business.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because the prompt word is company.”
“I just thought I would go in a different direction.”
“I saw that. A real quick use in the opening.”
“Yup.”
“How about you and I spend some time in the. Company of VooDooRangers?”
“Sounds good to me. Uber?”
“Right over there.”
“Now we’re talking. A nice Corvette.”
“Just one thing, though.”
“Of course there is. What is it?”
“We have to pay for the gas.”
“I thought that was included in the trip price.”
“Normally, yes. When I ordered the car, I said I wanted something fast.”
“Okay.”
“That puppy burns 110 octane fuel.”
“Oh. So a surcharge?”
“Yup. $10 a gallon.”
“Not bad. How many gallons could that monster possibly burn between here and the pub?”
“How far’s the pub?”
“Ten miles.”
“Yeah, that will be about five gallons.”
“Idiot.”
