Tag: The Contract with Gwen Plano

Thursday – A Little Personal – Twiggy and Tempeste Do The Blues Brothers

~ John W. Howell ~ 98 Comments

 

“I think we need something to do today.”

“I have an idea. Let’s do Soul Man. We love that song.

“Coming to ya on a dusty road

Good lovin’ I gotta truckload.”

“And when you get it, you got somethin’

So don’t worry ’cause I’m coming.”

“I’m a soul man.”

“I’m a soul man.”

“I’m a soul man.”

“I’m a soul man.”

“Got what I got the hard way

And I’ll make it better each and every day.”

“So honey, don’t you fret

Cause you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”

“I was brought up on a side street

I learned how to love before I could eat.”

“I was educated from good stock

When I start lovin’, I just can’t stop.”

“Well, grab the rope, and I’ll pull you inGive you hope and be your only boyfriend.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.”

“I’m a soul man“I’m a soul man.”“You’re a soul man.”

“I’m a soul man.”

“I’m a soul man.”“I’m a soul man.”

Apologies to the Blues Brothers

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Prompt – Kreative Kue #438 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments

In Keith’s words. “Using this image (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really. Either put your offering (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before the end of the week. If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here. Thank you for taking part.”

Keith post. https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2024/07/01/kreative-kue-438/

The photo.

TSA by John W. Howell © 2024

“Sir, could you please step over her for a minute?”

“Of course, is something wrong?”

“No sir, Is this your bag?”

“Why yes. Yes it is.”

“Would you open it for me?”

“W-why?”

“We just need to check the contents, sir.”

“Am I under suspicion?”

“Sir, this is routine. You have been randomly selected. To ensure the safety of our travelers, we conduct random bag checks.”

“Is this allowed?”

“Yes, sir. Congress has authorized TSA to conduct searches of any bag that is on airport property. By the way. Are you a lawyer by chance?”

“No, I’m not. Just a concerned citizen.”

“As a concerned citizen, do you have anything in this bag that might cause harm to other passengers?”

“Not that I’m aware of.”

“Then you shouldn’t mind if we look inside your bag.”

“Okay. Please do.”

“Thank you, sir. First, I’m going to wipe your bag with a narcotic and gunpowder detection strip.”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“Now I’m going to open your bag. Oh my.”

“What?”

“You have a stuffed pumpkin in here.”

“And?”

“My daughter has wanted one of those forever. Where did you get it?”

“I have never seen that thing in my life.”

“And what’s this?”

“What?”

“Looks like you are trying to smuggle a rare species.”

“Wait a minute. That’s our family pet.”

“Sure it is, sir. You have any papers to that effect.”

“Huh?”

“Can you prove this is your dog?”

“Um, I’m not sure. Oh, wait. I have some photos on my phone. Here, look.”

“Humm. It looks like your dog. So what is it doing in your suitcase?”

“I would like to know the same thing.”

“You obviously can’t proceed with a dog in your case.”

“I think I’ll have to go back home.”

“Well, sorry, sir, but that’s the right thing to do.”

“Too bad, too.”

“Why’s that?”

“My boss is going to be furious.”

“Yeah, they do react that way. Just tell the story. You can catch a flight later.”

“But I have the cocaine.”

“What’s that, sir?”

“Oops.”

 

 

Top Ten Things Not to Do Out of Town if You Are an Author.

~ John W. Howell ~ 84 Comments

This post ran on June 4th, 2018, but I think the advice holds.

* * *

The inspiration for this list was a trip to Phoenix Arizona this weekend to attend the birthday party of my best friend.

10 If you are an author out of town, do not try to keep up with your e-mails. If you do, at best, in your haste, you’ll trash many e-mails that you want to read. At worst, you will delete your entire e-mail account, including the publishing contract and acceptance letter from Simon & Schuster. (They wanted to hear from you in a week, Eduardo. Oh well, maybe the next book.)

9 If you are an author out of town, do not think Tiny the WWF champ will excuse you for taking all the armrest space on the flight as you work on the next draft of your book on your computer. If you do, at best, you may lose the feeling in that arm. At worst, the plane will be diverted to an alternate airport as the Air Marshals attempt to subdue Tiny, who keeps yelling something about “limb from limb.” (You never knew Tiny had such an uneasy feeling about an arm in his face, did you, Ellis?)

8 If you are an author out of town, do not start reading the hijack scene from your book out loud during your flight. If you do at best, your whisper will be unheard. At worst, some well-meaning passenger will have you in a hammerlock before you can explain. ( I think the part about “This plane is under control of the Hamas empire got the guy upset, don’t you, Esteban?)

7 If you are an author out of town, do not try your latest dialog on a fellow bar patron. If you do, at best, you will be met with stony silence. At worst, the patron will think you are handing out a pick-up line, and your face might be met with the business end of a gin and tonic. (Wow, that was a surprise, huh Emilio? I think the bouncer is headed your way.)

6 If you are an author out of town, do not think you can openly try to explain your next book to a hapless passenger waiting for a flight in the terminal. If you do, at best, you might recognize the eye glaze in enough time to avert embarrassment. At worst, You will have gone one step over the line, and your victim will be anxiously trying to get the attention of the security folks. (Looks like the story might need a bit of rework, Edison.)

5 If you are an author out of town, do not try to place a few of your books on the airport newsstand in the terminal next to a famous author. If you do, at best, they won’t get tossed. At worst, the customer who picks up one of your books suddenly discovers they meant to get the famous author and now demands their money back. (It seems they are quite vocal, Eliot. The clerk cannot find the stock number in the register, and the security is headed this way.)

4 If you are an author out of town, do not try to crash another author’s signing just because you don’t think anyone will recognize you. If you do, at best, you will be asked to leave quietly. At worst, your next-door neighbor just happens to walk in and wonders loudly why you are there. (Looks like the author has noticed you there in the back of the room, Ewan. He is not pleased, and maybe you should not have picked an ex-SEAL author’s party to crash.)

3 If you are an author out of town, do not try to create a new story out of the location of your stay if it is commonplace. If you do, at best, it will be a dead-end story. At worst, once the story is finished, you will realize how boring the location really is. (It would have been nice to discover this earlier, huh, Elgin.)

2 If you are an author out of town, don’t think you must write every sight and conversation in your notebook. If you do, at best, you will miss an authentic experience. At worst, the guy you have been profiling might suddenly catch on. ((You have awakened a sleeping giant, Egan. Too bad the giant is in a witness protection program due to testifying against a mob boss and thinks you made him.)

1 If you are an author out of town, do not miss your flight while trying to get that last paragraph critical to your story written. If you do, at best, there is another flight in an hour. At worst, you just missed the last flight and now must spend the night in the terminal. (It looks like the only spot to sleep is on the floor, Errol. I don’t like the looks of that guy in the hoodie. Do you?)

Views of the Neighborhood – Potpourri and A 4th of July Search

~ John W. Howell ~ 75 Comments

Today, we are going to see numerous things, including some random, some cute, and some hard to describe. We will also look to see if there are any decorations for the Fourth of July. We are catered by Birdies of Austin. Our entertainment isSeals and Crofts

Fixed Menu

Summer spoon salad with melon, avocado + dill
Spicy watermelon + feta salad with cardamom, pepper + basil Focaccia with house labneh
Marinated chickpeas with nigella seed
Spiced eggplant with pomegranate molasses
Shrimp + shishitos with sage + rose
Sweet corn + pickled peppers
Chicken skewers with pine nut-pepper schmear + tomatoes

(Veg Option Available Upon Request)
—
Olive oil cake with roasted peaches + cold almond cream

Corn soft serve + crunchy candied buckwheat

Picture of an old time school bus

So let’s go.

This is a close-up of a Texas purple sage bush. When it blooms, they say rain is seven days away.

Mama and her two fawns.

A bright pink set of crape myrtles.

Daddy buck with his velvet antlers.

A giant white crape myrtle.

Mama looking for a handout.

Airconditioner box – First sign of summer.

Lawnmower at the curb – First sign of lawn trouble.

Dining room chairs at the curb – First sign of a redo.

Office chair and kiddie pool at the curb – First sign that working from home is over.

A chair that looks like it came from a Mustang convertible and pallets—the first sign of orders from She Who Must Be Obayed.

House with 4th decorations

Nice bunting.

Uncle Sam.

Lakeway lines all its significant roads with flags for the 4th. Here is an example.

I hope you enjoyed the tour. It is now time to relax and enjoy the food and music.

Stream of Consciousness Saturday – Prompt – Chicken or Egg

~ John W. Howell ~ 56 Comments

A picture of a string with drops of water- the logo for SoCS

 

Banging on the machine has no effect. It is clear the foamer is on the fritz. There is no reason to make a Cappuccino without milk foam. It makes one wonder which came first, the milk foam or the coffee. Clearly, a cup of coffee without milk foam is just a cup of coffee. Milk foam without coffee is just hot milk with a mustache possibility. What is a person to do? The best thing to do is reset and be grateful for a cup of coffee and then get a new machine.

With coffee in one hand and the clock in the other, it is time to head out for another adventure. The clock is set for June 29th, 1914. The location is Sarajevo, Bosnia. The duration is for an hour. When the plunger is pulled we land on the street in Sarajevo. It is 11:00 AM, and two shots have taken the life of Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir to the throne of the Austro-Hungarian Empire, and Sophie the Duchess of Hohenberg, his wife.

The shooter is a student, Gavrilo Princip, a Serb separatist who is immediately arrested along with 22 accomplices. Pandamonium breaks out, and our alarm goes off. Back on the sofa, the text from Linda Hill comes in. It reads. Your Friday prompt for Stream of Consciousness Saturday is “chicken or egg.” Use the “which came first” conundrum in your post, whether about the chicken and the egg or about a real-life situation that fits the question. Or just talk about chickens and eggs! Enjoy!

To see what others did with the prompt, visit Linda’s post. Here is the link. https://lindaghill.com/2024/06/28/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-june-29-2024/

Chicken and Egg by John W. Howell © 2024

“That was some visit. I noticed you went back to 1914. Why?”

“For one, nothing was going on in 1924 but the Democratic convention. I could not pass up the event that triggered World War I.”

“Gotta wonder how that was the trigger.”

“Well, Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia, and allies of each country declared war on each other. It was a mess.”

“What happened to the shooter?”

“He eventually was found guilty and sentenced to twenty years of hard labor in prison. He was too young for the death penalty, but his accomplices were all put to death. He died in prison in 1918.”

“Whoa, Karma at work.”

“Something like that.”

“Speaking of Karma.”

“I suppose this is a run-up to a pub visit.”

“Well with a name like VooDoo Ranger what else would Karma be?”

“Dis you call Uber.”

“Yup, he is waiting over there.”

Photo by Dan Antion

“What a sweet ride. A 1966 VW Beetle. Wait, there is already a passenger.”

“Yeah, that’s old Virginia. I’m afraid she misunderstood me when I mentioned the VooDoo Rangers.”

“What do you mean?”

“She’s into VooDoo and wanted to meet the ranger and swap methods.”

“For heaven’s sake. Couldn’t you clear it up?”

“I tried, but you know how it is.”

“No, I don’t.

“Let’s just say when Virginia gets something in her mind, it is best to go along.  Especially if she asks for a lock of your hair.”

“Your hair?”

“No, yours.”

“I see what you mean. Let’s go.”

 

Friday JohnKu – AKA – TGIF – Fri-Yay/Good News

~ John W. Howell ~ 53 Comments
The Nippon Foundation – released

Today’s good news story comes from the Good News Network.

Pioneering Zero-Emissions Hydrogen Fuel-Cell-Powered Ship Successfully Tested in Japan

By Andy Corbley –

A consortium of Japanese firms has successfully demonstrated the first-ever zero-emissions ship above 20 gross tons.

Sailing 30 kilometers between the Port of Kokura and the Shirashima Offshore Wind Farm, the HANARIA was powered entirely by hydrogen fuel cells.

An island nation, 10.25 million tons of carbon emissions from Japan’s transportation sector came from coastal shipping and transport. In 2015, former Prime Minister Yoshihide Suga outlined carbon neutrality by 2050 as a major component of Japan’s development strategy, in line with the Paris Climate Agreement, and significant steps must be taken to achieve that.

The Nippon Foundation, a research and development fund dedicated to passing the riches of the sea intact to future generations, worked in tandem with manufacturers and shipping operators to develop a suite of hydrogen-powered, zero-emission vessels for use in shipping and coastal transport.

Hydrogen is manufactured by using an electrical current to split water molecules into hydrogen and oxygen. The pure hydrogen can then be used as a substitute for heavy engine fuels like diesel and kerosene in a fuel-cell vehicle. If the hydrogen is manufactured with green energy, it’s known as ‘green hydrogen.’

A passenger ship, HANARIA spans 108 feet (33 meters), weighs 248 gross tons, and is equipped with a hydrogen fuel system. She is expected to transport personnel to the offshore wind farm and conduct site tours.

During the demonstration, she registered zero CO2 emissions using hydrogen fuel from her departure to her arrival and return.

A zero-emissions research or yachting ship to be tested in 2026 – The Nippon Foundation, released.

“The realization of a hydrogen society requires not only technological development but also city and social design, and we look forward to moving ahead with all parties involved,” said the project’s chief leader, Yoshihiko Hamamura, who also holds a post at the Toyota Motor Corporation’s Hydrogen Factory which supplied the hydrogen tanks for HANARIA.

The Nippon Foundation has been carrying out the Zero Emission Ships Project since January 2022. The project plans to test two other vessels by the end of fiscal year 2026, including a yacht and a hydrogen-powered tanker.

The executive director of the Nippon Foundation, Mitsuyuki Unno, said that they hope to help Japan lead the world to zero-emissions shipping.

The good news in this story is that real advancements are being made with hydrogen-fueled vehicles. Today’s JohnKu talks about technology advances. I hope you have a great weekend.

Technology by John W. Howell © 2024

Every day, there’s more,

Great minds working to advance . . .

Stewardship of Earth.

 

 

Thursday – A Little Personal – Puma and Panther Showdown

~ John W. Howell ~ 85 Comments

” The puma wanders into the territory of the panther.”

“The panther strikes the famous poisonous black frog pose.”

“The puma is not fooled. She calls out the panther for a winner-take-all cage match.”

“The panther gets low to the road in preparation for the fatal strike.”

“The puma matches the move and keeps the panther at bay.”

“The panther slowly prepares for a counter move that will surprise the puma.”

“The puma is caught off guard by the swift maneuver of the panther. It’s too bad there is an audience to see this.”

“The panther stikes while the iron is hot and adds the famous stink-eye insult for good measure.”

“The puma can’t help but laugh at the stink-eye comment.”

“The panther keeps the puma pinned using its rear legs.”

“The puma is up and ready to rumble. Throws the your mother wears combat boots insult at the panther.”

“The panther laughs off the insult and calls the puma Porkey.”

“The puma warns the panther that body shaming is not how to survive.”

“The panther picks up the pace and asks how many Frenchies does it take to screw in a light bulb?”

“None, the puma answers. We get the uprights to do it.” Now you die.”

“The panther struggles to free herself from the jaws of the warthog.”

“The puma doubles down on the pressure and orders the panther to take back the hog insults.”

“The panther declares she would rather die than take back her comments.”

“Hey, you two. You are getting too rough.”

“The puma tells the panther that they were saved by Dad.”

“The panther looks at Dad as if to say,’ I had her. Why did you interrupt?'”

“You two need a nap.”

“The puma agrees and invites the panther for 40 winks.”

“The panther gladly accepts and reminds the puma that there will be another day.”

“The puma chuckles.”

 

Tuesday – Anything Possible – Kreative Kue #437 by Keith Channing

~ John W. Howell ~ 65 Comments

In Keith’s words.

“Using this image (below) as inspiration, write a short story, flash fiction, scene, poem; anything, really. Either put your offering (or a link to it) in a comment or email it to me at keithchanning@gmail.com before the end of the week. If you post it on your own blog or site, a link to this page would be appreciated, but please do also mention it in a comment here. Thank you for taking part.

Link to Keith’s post. https://keithchanning.wordpress.com/2024/06/24/kreative-kue-437/

The photo.

Happy Day by John W. Howell © 2024

“So Monica, I hear you have a job offer already.”

“I do. I’m so excited.”

“Who is the company.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Leslie, but I can’t identify them yet. I have an NDA until my first day. Once I start, I can tell you everything.”

“At least you can tell me where you will be located.”

“Humm. Yes, I guess I can tell you that. It’s in Singapore.”

“Singapore? You never told me that.”

“We have been so busy, darling, I haven’t had a chance.”

“But Singapore. That is so far away.”

“I know it, sweet one. Don’t worry; you can join me there.”

“I have a job here.”

“But you can get another.”

“We need to talk about this.”

“Do you two need some time alone?”

“Thanks, Leslie, but I don’t think so. You are a close friend, and we can talk freely in front of you.”

“Speak for yourself, Monika.”

“What’s wrong?”

“I just learned two minutes ago that you are going to Singapore, and you expect me to drop everything and follow you there.”

“Yeah, so?”

“I think we need some private time to discuss this.”

“I don’t see what there is to discuss.”

“Our future together. My job. Who should give up what? I think there is a whole host of things to discuss.”

“Alright. Let’s start with the paycheck.”

“Huh?”

“How much does your job pay?”

“That doesn’t mean anything. It’s the opportunity, the future, the goals, the rise in the corporate structure, the long game.”

“I start at $500,000.”

“When do we move?”

 

Top Ten Things Not to Put Off When You Have a Lot to Do

~ John W. Howell ~ 88 Comments

This Post was published on May 17, 2018. I think it is still relevant.

Top Ten Things Not to Put Off When You Have a Lot to Do

Living long enough to experience what happens when things are put off inspires this list. Not all of these things have occurred, but enough to give me the title of Consultant on What Not to Put Off.

10 If you have a number of things going on, do not put off buying an anniversary present. If you do, at best, you’ll have to spend more to find a gift. At worst, what you want to give is no longer available, and your second choice falls way short. (That pair of rubber dish gloves just didn’t have the same panache did it, Emanuele?)

9 If you have a number of things going on, do not put off paying Tiny, the WWF champ, the ten bucks you borrowed. If you do, at best, you won’t run into Tiny. At worst, you’ll meet Tiny just after he leaves his financial planner with the news that he is broke. (Right now would be a good time to have that ten spot out where Tiny can see it, Emesto. There won’t be time once he grabs you by the throat.)

8 If you have a number of things going on, do not put off responding to that traffic ticket. If you do, at best, you can cover the late fee. At worst, a rookie police officer will see you drive by and will have memorized the license plates of all the outstanding warrants for this week. (Yes, those lights and sirens mean to pull over, Emo. You better hope someone can come and bail you out. Oh, and don’t worry about your new car. The wrecker folks got that name for a reason.)

7 If you have a number of things going on, do not put off paying that final notice on the water and electric bill. If you do, at best, you might get a grace period. At worse, you planned on filling the bathtub and buying some candles but were caught by surprise. (How do those shins feel after hitting that coffee table five times, Enceladus?)

6 If you have a number of things going on, do not put off filing your taxes. If you do, at best, you will remind the IRS agent of his father. At worst, you will remind the IRS agent of her ex-husband. (Why do the terms ‘delinquent, fine, and jail term’ keep coming up in the discussion, Eoin?)

5 If you have a number of things going on, do not put off renewing your auto or driver’s license. If you do at best, a wait at the DMV is the only penalty. At worst, just when some eyewitness of a bank robbery described a car like yours, a state police officer pulled in behind you. (Don’t think these guys aren’t going to have guns drawn, Eren. The bank robber will probably get a lighter sentence than driving with expired plates and license.)

4 If you have a number of things going on, do not put off sending your house insurance premium. If you do, at best, your banker will remind you. At worst, the rare piece of space junk entering the atmosphere and landing on your house will remind you of the forgotten check. (Don’t worry, Erin. Insurance companies have huge hearts and will likely forgive your oversight. Believe that, and I have an underwater lot I think you would like.)

3 If you have a number of things going on, do not put off making those airline reservations to attend the mandatory company seminar. If you do, at best, you’ll have a center seat on a packed plane. At worst, you’ll be on standby, and as luck would have it, there are no seats available. (Who would have thought that Dubuque, Iowa, was such a popular destination, Erskine? You can tell by the tension in the voice that the boss is not going to forgive and forget.)

2 If you have a number of things going on, do not put off paying that credit card bill. If you do, at best, you’ll rack up a big late fee. At worse, just when you are trying to impress someone by grabbing the dinner check, the waiter comes back and tells you in a loud voice that your card has been denied. (You can try all you want to explain a bank error, Eske. Your soon-to-be ex-client isn’t believing your story.)

1 If you have a number of things going on, do not put off double checking your parachute before your skydive this weekend. If you do, at best, it was done right. At worst, you will find yourself in a position of having to hope the spare will do the job. (After all, Estanislao, you have gained a few pounds. Oh, and that go-cam recording should be hilarious, so let’s hope you are there to enjoy it.)